


Crash and Burn (you're not alone)

by LaserFocus



Series: Crash and Burn (you're not alone) [1]
Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-12 18:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 72
Words: 172,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaserFocus/pseuds/LaserFocus
Summary: Clay returned from J-Bad only to discover that Davis didn’t tell him the truth and now his world has been turned upside down. But Bravo is family and family catches you when you fall, dusts you off and helps you find your footing again. And that might just be the start of a totally different story...





	1. She wasn't telling the truth

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, this story picks up in 1x22 when Bravo returns from J-Bad and Clay goes to see Stella. A change that you need to know going into this fic is that Jason was relatively fine after the crash (mild concussion) and he went to the house to see his kids instead of going out to eat with Mandy as they got back. Let’s get to it!

>

* * *

Walking slowly down each step, Clay couldn’t take his eyes of the beautiful brunette standing to the side of a group of students, who were sitting in a semi-circle. Stella hadn’t noticed him, but he had his eyes fixed on her, and with every step he took that got him closer to her the feeling he had in his gut got worse. Why? Because Stella hadn’t once taken her eyes off the man standing up front and center, talking to the students about something Clay really didn’t care about.

‘Davis so wasn’t telling the truth’ flashed through his head as he took a closer look at the professor – _Gordon_ – who was finishing up his lecture. As the students started to pack up and leave, Clay took the finale step down the stone steps and then watched as Gordon made his way over to Stella.

He stood frozen, watching as the other man bent down and hugged _his_ girlfriend. As they separated slightly Stella in turn went up on her toes and kissed the sweater vest wearing man. Standing there watching it happen, in what felt like slow motion, Clay felt the world spin of its axis. It felt like someone had just sat fire to his life and he couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch as it burned to the ground.

* * *

Jason smiled to himself as he watched Mikey shoot puck after puck at the empty goal in the backyard. He had missed this. Just watching his kids doing things they enjoyed. Being in a warzone, hunting down the bastards that had killed Steve and the rest of Echo, made him forget most of what was going on at home but he never could put away the feeling of missing his children. Or Alana, but things on that front was way more complicated and truthfully? He loved her and would always love her but after spending time with Amy in J-Bad he was starting to wonder if he was still _in love_ with Alana. He hadn’t missed her like he used to. But his kids… Emma and Mikey was his world, and watching Mikey practice his skills for the game they both loved, while knowing that Emma was safe inside watching TV and chatting with her friends, made him feel like all would be all right in the end. As long as the kids were alright…

“DAD! Your phone is ringing!” Emma’s voice penetrated his lost in thoughts mind and he looked over his shoulder to see his almost grown up daughter waving his phone at him.

“Well answer it before it stops ringing then!” Jason started to walk back towards the house as Emma answered the phone.

“Hello?... Hi Uncle Sonny!... No he’s here, watching Mikey shoot some pucks… What?!... Yeah… Ok, hold on.” Emma pulled the phone away from her ear at the same time that Jason reached her.

“What’s happening Em?” Jason asked.  
  
“Sonny got a text from Clay and he’s worried but he can’t leave Aunt Lisa and…” Before the blond haired girl had finished her sentence her dad had taken the phone from her hand and put it up to his own ear.

“What the hell is going on Sonny?!... Uhu…and why can’t… WHAT?!... Alright, stay with Davis and I’ll deal with the kid. Do you know where he is?... Ok. I’ll get back to you later brother. Bye.” Jason ended the call and closed his eyes with a huge sigh. After rubbing his closed eyes with his left hand and tucking his phone into his pocket Jason opened his eyes again and focused back in on his daughter.

“How much of that did you get?” He asked while trying to work out what to do about his youngest team member.

“Something happened to Lisa and Sonny doesn’t want to leave her but he’s also really worried about Clay but I don’t know why. What’s happening dad?” Jason sighed again.

“Aunt Lisa’s boyfriend Danny OD’d and it looks like he won’t wake up again, that’s why Uncle Sonny doesn’t want to leave her. However he got a text from Spenser that has him worried and he really wants to find him…”

“Why is Sonny worried about him?” Emma asked while biting her bottom lip, with worry filling her eyes.

Another sigh escaped from her dad. “Stella cheated and…”

“SHE WHAT?!!” His usually (relatively) mild mannered daughter exploded. “How could she do that?! And how did he find out?! Please don’t tell me he walked in on them…” Jason saw tears rising in her beautiful blue eyes.

He pulled her into a hug. “I don’t know princess. I have no more answers that you do. But I’m gonna call him and then I’m gonna go get him, ok?” Emma nodded her head and took a deep breath.

After releasing her he pulled his phone back up from his jeans pocket and pulled up Clay’s contact on his phone. Pushing call he put the phone to his ear and waited while it rang. One time… two times… three times… four… and voice mail. “Damn it kid!” Jason said frustrated while ending the call without leaving a message.

“Now what, dad?”

“I’m gonna have to try and find him. He shouldn’t be alone right now. Question is where he’s disappeared to…” Jason wrinkled his eyebrows, trying to think of the different places Clay could’ve gone.

“Well, not to state the obvious but, have you thought about the simplest answer?” Emma asked with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, you guys just got home, isn’t it possible he’s at his apartment?”

“I have no idea. If that’s where he found Stella I doubt he’d stay there. But it’s one of the places I need to check. And then there’s the bar. And the base. And…” Emma put her hands up.

“I get it dad, he could be in a lot of places and it could be over an hour before you find him if you do this alone. Are you gonna call Uncle Ray?” Jason shook his head vehemently.

“Uncle Ray needs to spend time with Aunt Naima and the kids. He has enough on his plate and if I don’t have to I don’t want to involve him in this.”

“Okay…” Emma wanted to ask what was going on with her favorite Uncle but decided to put that aside. For now. “What about Uncle Trent and Uncle Brock then?”

Jason shook his head again. “No. At least not now. As you just stated, we just got home and they deserve to catch up with their wife and girlfriend respectively… however…” Looking at his daughter with a thoughtful look on his face Jason got an idea.

“Do you want to help me out Em? You take your mom’s car and check his apartment while I check the bar?”

Emma nodded. “Yes, I can do that. Let’s get going now dad, the sooner we find Clay the sooner I can get rid of this lump in my stomach. I can’t believe that evil woman…”

Jason drew his daughter into a side hug while they moved into the house. “Don’t think about her. We find Spenser and then we worry about the damage, ok?” She nodded her agreement and both of them walked towards the garage.

Alana entered the kitchen just as Jason handed Emma the car keys. “And where are you two going?... and with my car keys?” she asked, looking from her daughter to her husband.

Jason locked eyes with the woman who might not be his wife for that much longer, but who would always be his best friend. “We’re going on a search and retrieve mission. I’ll explain later but right now, we need to get going.” he answered while guiding his daughter out to the cars with a hand on her back and as they entered the garage the door shut firmly behind them.

“Okayyyy…” Alana said into the empty kitchen. Guess it was just gonna be her and Mikey for dinner then.


	2. Breaking the unbreakable

Opening the door with a whoosh, Jason quickly scanned the some-what crowded area for Bravo 6. His youngest teammate however was nowhere to be seen in the dimly lit bar that the team frequented when they were home. With a sigh he ran a hand through his hair, turned around and headed back outside. After taking a look around the parking lot, trying to force the kid and/or his car to appear by sheer willpower, he then pulled his phone out and tried calling. Again. And for the 7th time the phone rang 4 times before going to voice mail.

"God damn it Spenser! You're going to be running hills for the next 5 weeks for not answering the freaking phone!" Jason muttered to himself before pulling up Emma's contact and dialing her. She answer on the first ring.

"Hey dad." Jason could hear that he was on the car speaker.

"You almost at his place? He wasn't at the bar."

"Yeah, I'll be there in another minute or so. I'll call you when I know if he's home. Where are you heading now?"

"Not sure. I'll start heading toward the base and I'll check Bayville Coffee on my way there. I don't know why he would go there but… yeah. Call me back as soon as you know if he's there Em, ok?"

"Yep. I'm actually pulling in right now so talk to you soon. Bye." Before he could reply the line went dead and with yet another sigh Jason pocketed his phone and turned towards his car. Hill running. For weeks.

* * *

As she turned off the ignition and exited the car Emma took a second to look at the other cars in the lot. A black sedan, a white hatchback, a blue truck, another black sedan, a black SUV… and there it was. She'd recognize that car anywhere. The Chevrolet Nova in that unmistakable blue green color with its flames couldn't be anyone others than Clay's.

'Hopefully that mean he's here too because if he's not…' Emma shook her head before her thoughts went wild. Nope, not going there. Clay was going to be in his apartment, and he was going to be fine.

With that mindset Emma closed the door to her mom's car, locked it and started towards the apartment complex in front of her. As she entered the building she bypassed the elevator, knowing it would take longer that the stairs. Taking the steps two-at-a-time she arrived at the third floor and pushed the door open, only to stop in her step when she heard the noise of things clattering against a wall somewhere on the floor and raised voices.

'Well, that's not good.' flashed through her head as she left the stairway completely and let the door close behind her. Cautiously she approached the apartment door with the number 324 on it but before she made it all the way there the door flew open and a bag was tossed outside.

"Get out and never come back here!" Emma took a step back at the fury and resentment in Clay's voice.

"Clay please, just…" a small voice, that Emma knew belonged to Stella, said back.

"Leave or I'll make you."

Before Emma could decide what to do, how to help the situation, a desperately crying Stella came out and bent down to pick up the bag from the hallway floor. As she did that the apartment door was slammed shut behind her and suddenly it was just Emma, Stella and the bag in the otherwise empty hall. Taking a deep breath Emma pondered if, or how, to approach the woman who sat hunched down, crying, in front of her. Before she could reach an answer however, Stella got up from her hunched position, holding onto her bag, and without acknowledging Emma, she left with tears still streaming down her face.

'Well that solved that I guess…' Emma thought before reaching into her back pocket to pick up her phone. She pulled up her recent calls and called her dad back.

"Em's, you find him?"

"Yeah. He's home, but I have no clue as to what's on the other side of the door in front of me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I just watched him kick Stella out and she was a crying mess as she left. And there were sounds of things breaking before that."

"Okay, I'll be there in half an hour or so. Try and get him to let you inside if nothing else."

Emma nodded her head. "Yeah, I'm gonna try knocking as soon as we hang up. See you in a little bit."

"Yes you will. Bye Emma."

"Bye dad."

After hanging up the phone and tucking it back into her back pocket, Emma squared her shoulders and walked all the way up to the door. A calming breath later she raised her arm and knocked on the closed door. She listened closely for a moment but didn't hear anyone approaching on the other side so she knocked again. And again. When no one called out or answered Emma decided to try the door knob. She hadn't heard it lock before and as she turned it now, the door opened.

Pushing it open slowly Emma peeked in. When she didn't see Clay in the kitchen or living room she opened the door up enough so that she could step in and then she softly closed it behind her. A quick look around the open space showed a few broken picture frames, what probably once was a beer bottle and what looked like a bottle of wine.

"Clay?" she asked into the empty space. "I know you're in here so you can't hide if that's your plan."

No reply. Emma sighed and then decided that she would give him a few more moments before venturing further into his space. Looking around again she knew there was something she could do while she waited so after tying her hair back in a ponytail she grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen and started to clean up the broken glass and frames.

* * *

It didn't take Emma long to clean up the living room and kitchen and as she put the trash bag down by the door she came to the conclusion that enough was enough. Her dad was still about 20 minutes away by her account and there was no way she would just stand her and wait when Clay was in the next room, probably hurting.

"Clay? If you don't come out here, I'm gonna come in there." Emma called out and again, she got no answer.

A few quick steps brought her to the bedroom doorway and seeing that that was as empty as the kitchen and living room there was only one place left where Clay could be – the bathroom. As she didn't hear any water running she approached the door and knocked softly.

"Clay? Can you come out? Or at least open up the door?"

"It's not locked." a broken voice answered from behind the door and Emma felt her tears raising in her eyes.

Turning the knob and opening up the door, the sight that greeted her broke her heart.

"Oh, Clay." she whispered before falling down to her knees next to the man who was sitting on the bathroom floor. The man who usually looked and behaved as if he was unbreakable looked broken and as the younger girl placed her arms around the tough Navy Seal both had tears falling down their faces.


	3. Like her life depended on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you guys enough for all the likes and follows and reviews so far! I'm so happy you're enjoying what I'm writing and while I might not be able to update every day like I am right now (3 days in a row -woop, woop-), I plan on updating at least 3 or 4 times a week for the rest of September. Now, on to chapter 3!

Sitting on his bathroom floor, wrapped up in Emma Hayes, Clay shut his eyes again and let the tears run freely. He was tired, exhausted really, confused, jetlagged and, on top of that, heartbroken. He’d gotten off the plane and into his car with the expectation of ending this day in bed with a beautiful brunette, that he had missed more than he thought was possible in the last three months, but instead here he was - on the floor of his bathroom - with a blond beauty 10 years his junior, trying her best to hold him together.

He drew in a shaky breath and tried to regulate his breathing by listening to Emma’s. In and out, in and out. As his breathing calmed down and became less ragged he felt Emma loosen her hold on him. He opened his eyes and saw her lean her head back to get a better look at him.

“This is gonna sound like a stupid question, but I’m gonna ask it anyway; are you okay Clay?”

He shook his head. No, he wasn’t okay. He was as far from okay as he had been since Brian’s accident.

Emma nodded her head, put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed firmly. “I know you’re not okay emotionally but I’m asking about physically. What happened to your hands?”

Clay wrinkled his eyebrows in confusion and then looked down at his hands, surprised to find them covered in blood. “I don’t know… must’ve cut them on something…” he answered in a rough voice.

“Like on the picture frames or the bottles?”

“Yeah, that.” Clay winced as he thought about the mess in his living room.

Emma, figuring out what he probably was thinking off, put her right hand under his chin and forced him to meet her eyes. “Hey, don’t worry about it; I picked everything up before I came in here.”

“Thank you.”

A big sigh wracked his body and he leaned into the touch that the blond girl on her knees next to him was offering him. It felt nice to… wait. Clay pulled back and looked at Emma like he was seeing her for the first time.

“Not to sound rude but, why are you here Em?”

“You texted Sonny, right?”

“Yeah, just after… yeah.”

Emma squeezed his left shoulder that she was still holding. “Well he got worried, but with everything happening with Aunt Lisa and Danny he didn’t want to leave so, he called dad. Dad then drafted me into his _search and retrieve missio_n and here I am.”

“I… didn’t understand most of that, but thank you for coming here.”

“You’re welcome. Dad will be here any minute too, we split up to cover as many places as possible.”

Clay nodded and when Emma winced from standing on her knees, trying to move without letting go of him, he pulled her onto his lap and then dropped his head down to rest on her shoulder. Emma placed her hands around his neck and just held on, trying to give him all the strength that he needed to pull himself together.

* * *

When Jason arrived in front of Clay’s door he didn’t even knock before entering the apartment. It had taken him 37 minutes to get here – yes, he had been looking at the clock constantly – and he had spent every single one of them worried about how the kid was doing and how his daughter was handling it, him, the situation.

As he opened the door he was greeted by silence and what looked like an empty apartment. Nothing seemed to be out of place, except the trash bag by the door, and there was no sound or movement coming from anywhere in the open space.

“Emma? Spenser?” he called out, feeling unnerved by the silence. Silence was never good, that was something he had learned both from having, and raising, two kids and being in the military for as long as he had.

“Bathroom!” came the answer, from the distinctive voice of his oldest child.

Jason quickly moved towards the sound and as he approached the bathroom he stilled as he really took in the sight he was seeing. There, on the tiled bathroom floor, sat his usually cocky rookie, looking a lot worse for wear than he had when they went their separate ways a couple of hours ago, with his teenage daughter draped across his lap, holding on to him as if her life depended on it.

Turning her head, Emma locked eyes with her father. They had a silent exchange that told Jason that Clay was probably feeling way worse than he looked – and that said a lot.

“Hey daddy.”

“Hi baby girl.” he had so many questions but he found himself unsure as to how to approach this situation, and that was something he wasn’t used to. Emma, seeing her father’s unsureness, decided to take charge.

“Clay, I’m gonna get up now and you are gonna do the same and then you are gonna get yourself into the shower. Dad and I are gonna wait in the living room and when you’re finished in here, I want to check your hands, ok?”

Clay nodded his head against her shoulder and as she slid out of his lap and stood up, she held her hands out to help him up as well.

With both of them standing up, Jason had the chance to really look over the younger man and if he discounted the exhaustion and heartbreak that was written all over Clay’s face, the only thing that raised any extra questions was the dried blood on his hands. Before he could ask about that though, Emma turned him around and started to steer him out of the bathroom.

“You. Shower. Now.” She called over her shoulder, pointing at the grey and white shower curtain, before closing the bathroom door and taking her dad with her into the living room, where she collapsed into a heap on the couch. Jason sat down next to her and put his hands behind his neck as he let his body settle into the comfortable furniture.

“Want to tell me what’s up with Spenser?”

“Well, he just got his heart broken after spending 3 months in a desert warzone…”

“Not what I meant Em. The blood on his hands?” Jason asked, letting some of his worry for the kid shine through in his words.

“Oh, that.” Emma bit down on her lower lip and looked over at the trash bag before turning back to answer her dad.

“When I came in here after calling you I found some broken bottles and picture frames. I’m guessing he cut himself on one of them. I don’t know how bad or deep the wound or wounds are but as I told him, I want to check them when he comes out of the shower.”

Jason nodded and then let his head fall back to rest against the wall. Next to him, Emma curled her legs up under her and leaned against him, the same way she used to do when she was younger. Putting his left arm around her and pulling her in closer, Jason let his body relax for the first time since he had ended his call with Sonny. He was still worried about the kid in the bathroom but as of right now he could only wait here, on the couch with his daughter, until Clay was dry, dressed and ready to face them.

* * *

Letting the warm water run over his head and down his body, Clay tried to put himself back together. Yes he was hurting and yes, he wanted nothing more than to smash everything in this apartment that _she_ had ever touched, but there was what you wanted to do, what you should do and what you needed to do and trashing the apartment? Not on the agenda. No, what he needed to do was get his head on straight before he got out of this shower, because on the other side his boss and his boss’s daughter was waiting and they, or at least Jason, would want some questions answered.

After another five-or-so minutes under the spray, Clay turned the water off, grabbed his towel and got out of the shower. He dried himself off before getting dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a black tee and just as he was about to leave the bathroom, he stopped and looked in the mirror.

The face looking back at him had dark circles under the eyes, complimented by a cut under the left eye and a larger one on the right cheek. He was also in huge need of both a hair and beard trim. He ran his fingers through his long hair and then over his beard. Not doing anything about either for 3 months made him look like a mountain man. In an effort to keep his hair out of his eyes he grabbed the cap he had tossed next to the sink when he first entered earlier.

After brushing his hair back and placing the cap on, he rolled his tight shoulders and left the room, turning the lights off as he did. Wearily he approached the living room and as he entered the living area two pair of eyes instantly fell on him.

Emma sat up from her position next to her dad and held out a hand towards Clay. “Come sit. And bring your first aid kit, please.”

Clay detoured in to the kitchen, bending down to fetch the kit from under his sink, before joining the other two on the couch. He handed Emma the first aid kit and let her take his hands into her. As she started to examine the damage he had done to his hands, Jason leaned forward and fixed his eyes on him again.

“Want to tell me what happened kid?”


	4. My paranoid fantasies

_He just stood there. Watching. Feeling like someone – Her! They! – had ripped his heart straight out of his chest. He didn't know how to move. How to breathe! So he stood there, watching them kiss. He didn't know how long the kiss lasted. It could've been seconds, it could've been hours, Clay didn't have a clue._

_When they finally separated Clay came out of his stupor. He shook his head as to clear his mind from the daze._

_"Paranoid fantasies, right?!"_

_Stella jumped away from the professor as Clay repeated her words back to her._

_"Clay?!... What…What are you doing here?" she asked with a shaky voice._

_"I thought I was here to surprise my girlfriend but apparently I don't have one. What are YOU doing here?" Clay's voice was deceptively calm, but the tone was ice cold._

_"I… I…" she stammered, no explanation coming forward, or even real words for that matter._

_Clay shook his head, feeling revolted with the moment, with the situation, with HER! He turned around and jogged up the stairs, heading towards his car without looking back or acknowledging the shouting of his name coming from behind him._

_As he sat down in his car he slammed the door shut and when he saw Stella approaching he locked the doors before putting the key in the ignition._

_"Clay please wait" he heard Stella shouting outside of the car but he didn't bother to look at her. Instead he started the car, put it in drive and drove away, leaving the school, the girl and a jagged piece of his heart behind him._

_He made it about halfway home before the anger and disappointment was replaced with hurt and sadness. He felt like he had been sucker punched, and come to think of it, hadn't he in a way?_

_Feeling the tears raising in his eyes he tried desperately to blink them away but when they just kept coming, and it was getting hard to see, he pulled over at a gas station and leaned his head back against the headrest._

_He spent a few minutes collecting himself before he pulled his phone out and without thinking he shot Sonny a text._

_'She fucking cheated on me!"_

_The reply came almost instantly._

_'Say what now?!'_

_'Yeah. Tried surprising her at the school. Guess the surprise is on me.'_

_After pressing send he tossed the phone into the glovebox, dried his eyes with the backside of his hands and then turned the car back on to drive the rest of the way home._

* * *

"And now we're here."

Emma, who had finished looking over his hands and now had her head resting on his right shoulder, pulled his hands back into her lap to give them a squeeze.

"That's not the whole story and you know it. What did I walk in on when I got here?"

Clay clamped his eyes shut, a lonely tear escaping down his cheek. Jason, who hadn't said a word or moved an inch since the kid started to tell his story, got up from the couch and crouched down in front of his rookie. He placed his hand on top of that of his daughter and the younger mans.

"Come on Spense, just get all of it out."

* * *

_As he parked his car in his reserved lot he realized he couldn't remember a second of the second part of his drive home. It was like he had done it on autopilot while his head was busy going over the past 3 months and the conversations he'd had with Stella._

_While he was making his way up to the apartment his thoughts where erratic, jumping from one point to another. He wanted a shower, something to eat and then to sleep uninterrupted for 8 hours in his own bed. He also wanted to eradicate anything and everything in his place that belonged to or was in some way connected to Stella. He wanted to kick, and scream and PUNCH something, or someone. He wanted to…_

_His thoughts came to a brutal stop as he opened the door to his apartment. He hadn't been there for 3 months but it looked well lived in. There was even a bottle of wine, a wine glass and a beer bottle on the living room table. And Stella didn't drink beer…_

* * *

"Hold up!" Emma burst out. "Are you telling me she brought him HERE?! To YOUR apartment? When you were in Afghanistan fighting a freaking WAR?"

Clay slowly nodded his head and if he didn't know it was impossible he could've swear he saw steam coming out of the younger girls ears.

"If I ever see her again I'm gonna kill her. Straight up just kill her and…"

"Emma." Jason's voice stopped her from ranting on and the look he gave her told her to shut up. He then turned his eyes back to the man on the couch. "Continue on brother, tie it up."

* * *

_Before he had a chance to look around the rest of his place to see if there were other traces, the door behind him, the door he had locked, was unlocked and opened._

_'I gave her a key." was the only thing he had time to think of before he was face to face with the brunette that had broken his heart not even an hour ago. 'The best defense is a good offense.' flew through his head as he looked her over and before she could utter a word he was on her._

_"Why? For how long? And why the hell in MY apartment?"_

_Stella had tears running down her face and her shoulders were shaking but he couldn't find it in himself to give a damn. He was the one wronged here, not her._

_"I think I deserve some answers since you came all this way." he threw at her when she didn't say anything._

_"I… for about…two months." she said so quietly it was almost a whisper._

_"Two MONTHS?! Are you kidding me?!"_

_Stella shook her head and refused to meet his eyes._

_"No… I…"_

_"Come on Stella, two months?! That means I was out of the country for all of four weeks before you jumped you advisor? Seriously?"_

_He looked at her for a moment, waiting for her to say something, anything, but she just stood there._

_"You've got nothing to say huh? Well answer me this; why bring him here?"_

_"Because I have a roommate at my place…" she said without looking up._

_Not knowing what to do with the rage he felt bubbling up inside him he turned around and started to pace around the living room. Next thing he knew he had the beer bottle in his hand and tossed it at the wall. It felt good to get some of the anger out and suddenly the wine bottle, the wine glass and all of the picture frames that held pictures of the two of them had joined the beer bottle._

_Turning around he saw Stella standing there with her hands covering her face. Stalking over to the bedroom he grabbed the overnight bag she used to bring back and forth and tossed everything he could see that belonged to her into it. He then stalked back out to the living room to face her._

_"I want you out of here! NOW!" he shouted, before opening the door and tossing the bag into the hall._

_"Get out and never come back here!" he pointed at the door and Stella finally looked up at him, meeting his eyes._

_"Clay, please, just…" she pleaded with him._

_"Leave, or I'll make you." His voice was void of emotions. He just wanted her out of here. He would never harm her but if necessary he would lift her up and place her on the other side of the door._

_Apparently Stella could see that on his face and with tears still streaming she turned around and walked out of the apartment. And hopefully his life._


	5. Burn it down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update for the fifth day in a row? Who even am I? All kidding aside; I hope you're enjoing this story :)

Jason wanted to throttle someone. No, scratch that, he wanted to throttle Stella. Or Gordon. Or better yet, both of them. And judging by the look on his daughters face she was feeling the same way.

Having been with Alana since before he even went through BUD/S, he had a hard time putting himself fully in the kid’s shoes but even though he hadn’t been cheated on he did know what it felt like to have a relationship crash. He however, had had Ray to lean on and he also had his kids. Clay’s best friend was killed not even 6 months ago, his father was a dick and he really didn’t have anyone outside of the team. But that was something he did have. The team. Bravo would always be there for their own and in this moment that meant him and his daughter.

“Ok kid, pack a bag and put some shoes on. You’re coming with us.”

“Huh?” Clay looked up from the floor with a confused look on his face.

“Just what I said, you’re not staying here so come on, let’s go.” Jason clapped his hands. “Let’s go!”

Clay shook his head. “What… why? All I want is to eat and sleep…”

“And do you really want to do that here Bear? Because if she had him over here there’s no telling…” Emma trailed off, her meaning clear.

For a moment it looked like Clay would throw up. Then he looked at Emma, a puzzled look on his face.

“What did you just call me?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Emma blushed slightly. “Bear. As in you’re big, broad and cuddly. Like a teddy bear.”

Jason burst out laughing. “And don’t forget hairy Em!”

The all laughed for a moment, all three of them forgetting the reason they were all in this apartment right now. As they calmed back down Clay took a deep breath and looked up at his boss who was now standing up, leaning against the wall. Meeting his eyes for a moment, Clay nodded.

“Ok, I’ll get some things and then we can go.” he said, taking his hands back from Emma, standing up and walking over to his bedroom.

He stopped in the doorway, surveying the room for the first time since he got home. As his eyes narrowed in on the unmade bed, with rumpled sheets and clear indents in both pillows, he took a step back, followed by another.

Jason, having followed the rookie’s movements, stepped forward and put his hand on the younger mans shoulder and squeezed it. He then turned him around, away from the bedroom.

“Get your shoes on Spenser.” he said, steering the younger man towards a pair of Nikes lying on the floor next to the closet.

Clay didn’t protest, he just walked over the shoes and put them on, his face wiped of all emotions. Jason once again placed his hand on his shoulder, opened the front door and steered him out.

As they exited Jason turned his head back to look at his daughter who just nodded her head.

“Go, get him out of here. I’ll do what needs to be done and meet you back home.”

“Thank you sweetheart. We’ll see you at the house.”

As the door closed behind the oldest and youngest member of Bravo, Emma surveyed the now empty apartment with a critical eye. She didn’t know what belonged to Clay and what belonged to _her_ but before he returned to live here there was going to be a major makeover. The bed obviously needed to go and by the look of things, so did the couch. God knows what had been happening on it while Clay was gone. Emma shuddered.

‘No, nope, not going there.’ she thought, before moving towards the bedroom.

She wanted to rip the bedding of the bed and burn it, along with the mattress and bed. She also wanted to get rid of everything that screamed Stella so that Clay never had to see it again but for tonight, for now, she was going to have to settle with getting some clothes and toiletries for Clay and getting the hell out of this place.

* * *

Hearing the front door open, Alana looked up from her computer and was slightly startled to find that instead of her soon-to-be ex. husband and their daughter, previously mentioned ex. and his youngest teammate was entering her home. Closing the computer she got up to her feet and walked out of the office to greet them.

“Hi Clay. Jason. What’s going on?” she asked the two large men, curiosity written all over her face.

Jason looked over at the blond man beside him and placed his hand yet again on Clay’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, making Clay look up from the floor and over at him.

“Head on into the kitchen and I’ll be right there.” Jason said and nodded towards the opening between the living and dining room. Clay gave him a short nod in response and walked away; almost dragging his feet’s after him and with his shoulders slumped.

Jason kept his eye on Clay until he disappeared from view, before turning back to Alana.

“What is going on Jace?” she asked, the time with worry in her voice.

“Kid came back only to find out that the girl he was planning a future with hooked up with her _adviser_ just weeks after we left.”

Alana drew a sharp breath. “She didn’t?!”

Jason just nodded his head.

“Who does that? Well she does obviously, but still?!” Alana said, sounding shocked, irritated and angry.

“I know. He’s a mess.”

“I’m not surprised. That’s one hell of a welcome home present! Wait… where’s Emma?”

“Emma is still at the kid’s apartment. I had to get him out of there because guess where she carried out her little affair.”

“Oh god.” Alana said softly. “But that doesn’t really explain why Emma stayed behind?”

“He was gonna pack a bag but one look at the bed and he was ready to bolt so our daughter said she would do what needed to be done and then meet us back here.” Jason explained with a wry smile.

“Our daughter is very protective when she wants to be.” he continued, sharing a smile with her.

“That she is. I think she get’s that from both of us which means she’s double protective.” Alana said with a smirk.

“Yeah…” the silence settled between them and Jason turned to look at the opening to the dining room and kitchen. “I should join the kid. He needs to eat and sleep.”

“Ok, yeah. There’s lasagna in the fridge and it should be enough left for the both of you and Emma when she gets home.”

“Thank you Alana. I know me being here is kind of… weird, and now I’m adding Clay and…”

Alana put her hand on his arm. “Hey, don’t worry about it. No matter what, you and I? We’re friends, and “the kid”? The kid is Bravo and Bravo is family.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Jason covered the hand on his arm with his own for a moment and then walked towards the kitchen to join the broken man in it.

* * *

When Emma returned home she was surprised at how quiet it was. She had expected to at the very least find the TV on or to hear voices from the kitchen but silence surrounded her.

Dropping the bag containing Clay’s things at the end of the stairs she made her way into the kitchen, where she found her mom, sitting at the dining table with a bunch of magazines in different stacks on the table.

“Hey mom.” Emma said as she entered the room.

Alana jerked up from the magazine she was reading and smiled when she realized that it was Emma talking.

“Hi baby girl. I heard you had a… eventful evening.”

Emma pulled out the chair across from her mother and sat down, placing her arms in front of her on the table, resting her chin on them.

“Yeah. Eventful. I’m just so… angry! And sad. Who does that? And to him? It’s just… why?”

Alana shook her head and reached over, placing her hand on her daughters arm, next to her head.

“I don’t know girlie. Sometimes you just don’t understand people and their actions. At all.”

Emma tilted her head so that it rested against her mother’s hand and sighed deeply, letting go of some of the tension she had been holding since she exited the stairwell at Clay’s building.

“Where’s daddy? And Clay?” she asked, glancing around the room.

Alana smiled at her beautiful girl. She hadn’t called Jason ‘daddy’ in years, unless she was after something, and that more than anything told her that her girl was feeling very emotional from the days events.

“Your dad is in the garage, fiddling with the car together with your brother. As for Clay, hopefully he’s sleeping.”

“Sleeping? Where? He wasn’t on the couch?” Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well… dad and I agreed that he deserved to sleep in a bed, not a couch, so…” Alana answered sheepishly.

“You put him in my room, right?”

“You’re not mad? That’s your space and I know we should’ve asked but…”

Emma shook her head. “No it’s ok,” she replied, “but where does that put everyone tonight? Am I taking the couch?”

“We thought that you could bunk with Mikey for the night and your dad said he would take the couch.” Alana said, smiling softly at the girl.

“Dad should sleep in a bed too. I can take the couch for tonight and then we can figure out the arrangements going forward tomorrow.”

Alana squeezed the arm she was holding. “That’s sweet baby, I know your dad will appreciate it. Now, why don’t you get something to eat, you have to be hungry. There should still be some leftover lasagna in the fridge.”

Emma nodded and got up from the chair. “I’ll do that in a minute, I’m just gonna take Clay’s bag upstairs and get some pajamas out of my dresser. Be right back.”

Alana nodded and then returned to her magazines, while Emma walked out of the room and over to the stairs, where she picked up the bag she had left there.

As she reached the second floor landing she heard the noise of someone tossing and turning coming from her room and just as she opened the door Clay screamed “JACE!!” before falling out of the bed, landing on the floor with a thud.


	6. Safe and sound

_They were spinning. Round and around. Like an amusement ride. But this wasn’t funny, because they weren’t just spinning, they were falling. Fast. _

_There were lights flashing, alarms going off and people shouting. _

_They were closing in on the ground, fast, so Clay shut his eyes and tried to brace for impact. _

_Then – silence. _

_As he opened his eyes up again he was lying flat on the ground. Where was he? Why was he lying down out in the open? Where was his team?!_

_As he crawled up in to a kneeling position it all came back to him. Nouri, the firefight, the helos, the missile, the explosion, the crash. Where were Bravo 1 and 4?!_

_He staggered to his feet and saw that he somehow had ended up a good 20-25 yards away from the broken helo. He grabbed a rifle a few feet away from him – was it his? He had no idea. – and hurried back towards the wreck._

_He saw dead bodies and prayed it wasn’t one of his teammates. Then he heard Trent shouting for him. ‘Oh thank god!’ flew through Clay’s head, before he realized what Trent was shouting at him._

_Clay rushed over to the opening and lifted up Jason’s head. He felt for a pulse and almost shed a tear when he felt it, strong and steady. In that moment Jason’s eye opened and Clay helped him out of the helo’s cabin. _

_Knowing Jason was ok, at least for the time being, Clay took stock of the situation and then he did what came natural to him – he took charge. A plan came together and then suddenly bullets where flying._

_Rushing back Clay saw Trent firing back but were where Jason? _

_Just as he located him, an RPG blew up and Clay felt his heart stop. _

_“JACE!!”_

* * *

Hitting the floor with a thud, as he fell out of bed, woke Clay up from his dream. He flailed around for a few seconds before he realized where he was. Safe. Back home. Or at least in his boss’s home.

“Oh my god, Clay! Are you ok?” a concerned voice said from the doorway. Huh, he hadn’t even noticed the door opening.

Still trying to catch his breath, Clay didn’t answer with words, just with a slight nod of his head.

Emma crouched down next to him, placing a hand under his chin, lifting it up so that he would meet her eyes.

“Hey, you’re ok, you’re safe. You are all safe.” she said, having an inkling about what the dream had been about, knowing that Clay was one of the guys with her dad during the helo crash.

He knew that. Deep down he knew that all of Bravo had made it back in one piece, but still, he couldn’t stop shaking.

Emma, feeling the tremors going through the larger man’s body and seeing the wild, wide eyed look in his eyes, placed her arms around him and held him close while gently rocking back and forth. Unconsciously she started humming one of her favorite songs into his hair and soon she felt the tremors lessen and the tension bleed out him.

“Come on, let’s get up from the floor.” She said, stopping the humming and pulling back so that both of them could get up to their feet’s.

As they got up Emma place a hand on Clay’s back and pushed him back towards the bed. “Go back to bed, you need to sleep.”

Clay sat down on the bed, exhaling a deep breath. He knew he needed sleep but the prospect of reliving the crash again made him cringe. No matter the outcome it had been a horrible experience and he didn’t want to go through it again. Not even in his sleep. Especially not in his sleep.

He watched as Emma walked over to her dresser where she opened various drawers, pulling things out and then closing the drawers again. As she closed the last drawer she looked over at him.

“So, now that I have everything I’m gonna get out of here and let you get back to sleep.” she said before moving towards the door.

“Hey Em?”

She halted. “Yeah?”

“Could you…stay for a second? The silence…” Clay trailed off.

Dropping her clothes on the pink chair next to her dresser, Emma quickly moved back to her bed and the despondent man on it. Clay moved over, making room for her next to him and then leaned back against the headboard. Emma sat down and did the same.

“So…anything you want to talk about? I mean you have had a lot going on in the last day or two…”

Clay shook his head. “No, don’t really feel like talking. Just don’t want to be surrounded by silence. I have spent the past 3 months bunking with Sonny, Trent, Brock and Cerb…”

“Gotcha, not a lot of silence for anyone then. And Uncle Sonny snore like a freight train.”

“That he does. I swear he had the bunk shaking at a point or two.”

Emma laughed, clearly able to picture it for herself. The conversation trickled down and Emma leaned her head back, humming slightly again. Clay turned his head so that he could see her, listening with a concentrated look on his face.

“What song is that? I swear I recognize it but I can’t place it.”

Emma stopped humming, not even aware that she had been doing it.

“Uhm, it’s called Safe & Sound. It was on the Hunger Games soundtrack…”

“Taylor Swift right?” Clay asked.

Emma nodded. “Yeah. I sung it awhile ago and it kind stuck in my mind I guess.”

“Can I hear it?” he wondered softly, while trying to stifle a yawn.

She looked at him for a moment, seeing the tiredness all over his face but also the weariness in his eyes.

“If you agree to lie down and close your eyes, sure.”

Clay didn’t reply, he just scooted down and settled in with his head on the pillow, eyes focused on Emma.

Emma looked back down at him, raising an eyebrow when he didn’t immediately close his eyes. When he finally did close them, Emma took a deep breath, closed her own eyes and started to sing.

“_I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go.” _  
_ When all those shadows almost killed your light._  
_ I remember you said don't leave me here alone._  
_ But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight._”

Opening her eyes and looking down she saw that Clay still had his shut, listening intently. Not being able to help herself she let her right hand wander over to his head, running it through his hair that was a mess of long curls at this point.

“_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down._  
_ You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now._  
_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound._”

Lying there, listening to Emma sing while her fingers combed through his hair, Clay felt the tension in his body bleed out of him. She had an amazing voice and the song, we’ll the song hit him down deep.

“_Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire._  
_ The war outside our door keeps raging on._  
_ Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone, gone._”

Emma noticed that he relaxed more and more, feeling soothed from both the song and the motions of her hand in his hair. She got a feeling of accomplishment at being able to make this big, proud, cocky and badass man feel safe enough to relax and, hopefully fall asleep.

“_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down._  
_ You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now._  
_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound._  
_ oooh oooh oooh…_  
_ Just close your eyes, you'll be alright._  
_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…_”

As she wrapped up the song, Emma looked back at Clay again and found that he had indeed fallen asleep. She continued to run her fingers through his hair for a few minutes before removing her hand.

As she did, Clay almost instantly got restless. His head started to move around on the pillow and his hands formed into fists. Not wanting him to wake back up Emma returned her hand to his hair and restarted her movements.

It took a few seconds before he calmed but when Emma started humming and then softly singing he settled back into sleep.

“_When life has cut too deep and left you hurting._  
_ The future you had hoped for is now burning._  
_ And the dreams you held so tight lost their meaning._  
_ And you don't know if you'll ever find the healing._

_You're gonna make it._  
_ You're gonna make it._  
_ And the night can only last for so long._

_Whatever you're facing._  
_ If your heart is breaking._  
_ There's a promise for the ones who just hold on._  
_ Lift up your eyes and see - the sun is rising._”

* * *

Jason laughed as he opened the garage door up, letting Mikey in before him.

“I know bud, but it’s getting late so why don’t you head on up and get ready for bed. Mom and I’ll be up in a bit.” he said, ruffling his head.

Mikey ducked, trying to get away. “Ok dad.” he answered before leaving to do as Jason had suggested.

Jason watched his youngest child leave with a fond smile on his face before focusing in on the sole occupant of the kitchen; Alana. He walked over to the table and folded his arms, leaning on the dining chairs back.

“Hey you, did Emma return? Because it’s been way too long otherwise and…”

Alana held up her hands. “Woho, yes, Emma’s home. She just went upstairs to get something from her room. She’s taking the couch by the way, said you should sleep in a bed.”

“Alright, I’ll thank her for that when she gets down… how long has she been up there?” he asked, glancing over at the opening between the kitchen/dining and the living room.

“Um…” Alana said, looking at the clock on the wall. “WHAT?” She’s been up there for 45 minutes!”

They looked at each other for a split second and then both of them rushed in the direction of the stairs. Jason reached it first and was the first one to reach the second floor but Alana was right on his heels.

Side-by-side they approached their daughters room and seeing that the door was slightly ajar, Jason held his hand out to stop Alana. They stood still, listening for any sound coming from the room, but the only thing that could be heard in the house was the sound of water from Mikey’s shower.

They shared a glace and then Alana pushed lightly at the door, making it open up wider and giving them a direct view of the bed. Both of them froze at what they saw. Emma was sitting up, back against the headboard, head tilting sideways, one hand in Clay’s hair and she was fast asleep. Clay on the other hand was lying down on his side, facing Emma, with one hand fisted in her shirt and he was also sleeping.

Jason couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His rookie looked more like a puppy with abandonment issues that the cocky young man he usually was and his heart broke a little for the kid. As he turned his gaze from Clay to his daughter he felt so much pride.

His beautiful, wonderful, emotional girl had made his heartbroken rookie feel safe enough to fully relax and get some much needed sleep. Yes, he wasn’t sure how he felt about them sharing a bed but there was nothing illicit going on here, what so ever, so he settled on the feeling of pride and a soft smile spread on his lips.

Alana wasn’t sure of what she was seeing here, but seeing as Jason was smiling fondly at the scene she decided not to comment. She didn’t know Clay well enough to form an opinion on what was going on and knowing what he had been and was still going through she reached out for the doorknob and tugged the door back from mostly open to slightly ajar. She then patted Jason on the chest.

“We’ll deal with all of this tomorrow. I’m gonna check up on Mikey and you should probably take a shower Jace, you have grease in your hair.” she said and turned around, heading into the room on the other side of the second floor.

‘Yeah,’ Jason though ‘tomorrow we’ll deal. With this and a boatload of other shit.’

Shaking his head, at the situation and the moment and everything else that had happened in the last week, he turned towards the stairs and headed down. He really did need a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs used in this chapter is, as it says in the story, Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift (and The Civil Wars) and also The Sun Is Rising by Britt Nicole.


	7. Tinkerbell, Peter Pan, Princess Peach and Johnny Bravo

Knocking on the front door interrupted Jason’s breakfast early the next morning. Alana had already left, despite it being a Saturday, since she had an important showing so she had been out the door at 06.30, leaving Jason to have his coffee in tranquility. Until the incessant knocking begun.

‘Oh for crying out loud!’ Jason though, putting his mug down on the kitchen island with more force than strictly necessary, making some of the content splash out. He then walked out to the foyer and opened the door with a scowl on his face.

“What?!” he said, not even checking who was on the other side of the door. Before Jason could react further he was pushed to the side and an irate Sonny Quinn stormed in.

“Do none of you remember how to work the fucking phone?!” he ranted. “Let me remind you; when someone calls, YOU ANSWER! When someone text, YOU REPLY!” Sonny stalked around the living room with hands and arms going everywhere, looking like a mad man.

“Never be unreachable. It’s a rule right? Because if it’s not, it freaking should be!” he continued. “Talk later you said. Well later came and passed and still no word and you people need to fucking ANSWER THE PHONE!” with that final outburst Sonny collapsed on the couch, head in his hands.

For a moment Jason just stood there, door still open, gaping at his Texan friend. He then closed the door and approached the couch with his irate friend on it.

“Sorry brother, our evening spun out of control last night and I think my phone is on silent… Did you think of calling the house?” he asked.

That made Sonny lift his head from his hands, a sheepish look on his face. “Uh, no… I just called your cell. Repeatedly.”

“Oh buddy, you also could’ve tried Alana’s cell… or hell, even Emma or Mikey’s.” Jason said, placing a hand on Sonny’s shoulder. “…but on the other hand it’s a good thing you didn’t try Emma.” he continued, glancing up at the ceiling.

That caught the shorter mans attention. “Why is that a good thing? And did you find Tinkerbell yesterday? Because I swear that blond fairy doesn’t know how to work a phone either!”

“Yeah, found him and retrieved him. Also got the whole sordid story out of him.”

“He tell you everything?” Sonny asked with a raised eyebrow, knowing very well that the kid liked to keep his hurt close to the vest and not share it if he could help it.

“Emma made him. Everything from finding her kissing the professor to the fact that she used his apartment to… do it.” Jason answer, shuddering at the mention of Stella’s betrayal.

“That evil harpy! If I ever…”

“You’ll have to get in line for that Sonny. You’ll get the leftovers, if there are any, when Emma is done.”

Another raised eyebrow. “Emma?” he asked.

“Mhm. My girl has her mother’s looks but my temper and determination. She might let you help with the disposal though.” Jason added, shoving his friend lightly.

“Ok time out. I think I’m missing something here. What does Em have to do with this? And where is our oversized Peter Pan?”

Jason pointed at the stairs. “The kid is upstairs still sleeping. And Emma is the one who found him yesterday. I had her check his apartment while I checked every other place I could come up with and since then they’ve been like magnets.”

“Say what now?” Sonny asked with a stunned look on his face.

Jason nodded. “I don’t know what happened during the half hour it took me to get there but Emma is protective as hell over our rookie. They’re both in her room right now.”

Sonny looked at him as if he had just told him that there was a unicorn in the kitchen.

“Run that by me again? Because I swear it sounded like…”

“Yup.”

Sonny continued to look at Jason like he was nuts. “Have you lost your mind Jace? Did that helo crash scramble you brain more than you let on?”

Jason scowled at him again. “No and no! She managed to get the kid to relax and the kid needed sleep…”

“So you let them sleep in the same bed?” Sonny asked with incredulity.

“Stop. Just stop. Do not make it weird.”

“Oh, it’s already weird…” he muttered but didn’t make any further comments.

Jason made a face and then punched the Texan in the shoulder before standing up.

“Come on, let’s have some coffee and see if the kids will join us. Otherwise you can have the pleasure of waking blondie up from his beauty sleep.”

“Well, let’s hope they stay asleep then.” Sonny said under his breath, before joining his boss in the kitchen. He did need more coffee because right now shit didn’t make any sense.

* * *

When Jason and Sonny where halfway through their second cup of coffee a bleary eyed Mikey joined the two SEAL’s in the kitchen.

“Hey bud.” Jason said, putting an arm around his son’s neck. “Have a good sleep?”

Mikey nodded. “But I did wake up twice to screams from Emma’s room. I think Clay was having nightmares but when I went in there Emma said to go back to bed. Did they have a sleepover?”

The men looked at each other, frowns of concern appearing on each of their faces. “Yeah Mikey, something like that…” Jason trailed off. “Why don’t you make yourself some cereal and I’ll go up and check in on your sister and Clay ok?”

Mikey nodded again and walked over to the pantry as Jason started to walk out of the room.

“If you think you’re going upstairs alone you have screw loose.” Sonny said, getting to his feet to follow his leader. Jason simply shrugged and continued to make his way to his daughter’s room.

Once again standing outside of Emma’s room, this time side-by-side with Sonny, Jason did as Alana had the night before and pushed the door open but he kept his eyes on the man next to him. Sonny’s jaw literally dropped open at what he saw.

“Oh this is GOLD!” he said, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Before he could pull it out though, Jason stopped him.

“The kid is heartbroken, you’re not gonna use this for blackmail. Especially not since that is MY daughter, you with me?”

“Fine…” Sonny muttered, leaving his phone in his pocket. “Can we wake Princess Peach up now?”

“No need, I’m awake. You suck at being quiet Sonny.” Clay said in a drowsy voice while moving into a sitting position on the bed and also detaching his hand from Emma’s that he had found himself clutching.

“Well Johnny Bravo, I’ve spent the night wondering if your ass were ok since you don’t know how to ANSWER YOUR PHONE so you don’t get to squabble, ok?”

“Aw, you care, you really do.” Clay answered, amusement shining through.

“Now you listen to me you…” Sonny started, only to be interrupted by a pillow that came flying at him.

“Would all of you please shut up or GET OUT of my room, please and thank you” a sleepy Emma burst out, now hiding her head against Clay’s side.

Jason smiled wryly. “How about you and Clay get out of bed and come join us in the kitchen? There’s some things we need to discuss, ok?”

Emma mumbled her reply while Clay nodded. “Yeah, give us a moment and we’ll be right down.”

“You have five minutes Tinkerbell.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.”

As Jason and Sonny returned downstairs Clay looked down at his bedmate who didn’t look like she was anywhere close to being ready to face the day.

“You awake Em or did you fall back asleep?”

“I’m awake. I think. I’m not a morning person.” she answered.

“So I’m noticing.” he said with a smirk. Then he turned serious. “Hey,” he said, making her face him. “Thank you for last night. You took my mind of everything and then during the night…”

“No problem Bear. Remember; you are not alone. You have so many people that care – let us help you, let us be there.” Emma said, reaching her hand out, capturing his and interlacing their fingers.

“Is that gonna be a thing now?” he asked.

“What? Bear? I think it might.” She answered, a big grin spreading across her face.

“I’m gonna start calling you Birdie if you do, just letting you know.”

“Birdie?” she asked, looking confused.

“Short for songbird. You do have a beautiful voice, sweets.”

Emma blushed and squeezed his hand. “Thank you. But now we really have to get a move on or dad and Sonny might just come back up, armed with cold water. And don’t look so doubtful – dad’s done it before.”

Clay laughed at the picture she painted and once again let go of her hand. “Well up and at them then Birdie. We have coffee to drink, breakfast to eat and probably questions to answer.”


	8. Emotional overload

When Emma descended from the second floor the three members of Bravo currently in the house were seated around the dining table, each with a cup of coffee and some toast. Looking out of the windows she could see Mikey out in the backyard, once again practicing his shot, and she was certain that he was out there because her dad didn't want him to be a part of the conversation that was about to take place. Grabbing herself some coffee and a piece of toast she joined the rest of them, sitting down next to Sonny.

"Ok Emma, tell me how you ended up where you did." Jason said, deliberately keeping it vague.

"You mean sleeping in my bed instead of on the couch?"

"Yes, that. Your mom said you went up to get some clothes and 45 minutes later we found you asleep next to Spenser here."

Emma looked across the table at Clay who was looking down into his cup of coffee.

"I did go up to get some clothes but as I was opening the door…"

"I had a dream." Clay cut in.

"A dream? As in a nightmare?" Jason asked, looking sideways at his rookie.

Clay shook his head. "No, not really a nightmare… more of a reliving."

"He woke up after falling out of the bed while screaming your name dad." Emma cut in, wanting to move this along.

Both Sonny and Jason focused in on their teammate.

"You reliving the crash Blondie?" Sonny asked.

Clay nodded reluctantly.

"All of it?" Jason wondered.

"It starts with us in spinning free fall and ends with the first RPG… the one that…" Clay said, trailing off with a look in Emma's direction.

"Almost hit me." Jason finished, knowing why the kid stopped but also knowing that Emma could handle it. She'd grown up knowing his job was dangerous and he had come back injured more times that he liked to acknowledged.

"Yeah." Clay said softly.

"How often have you had that dream and does it always end the same? With me almost hit?"

Again Clay nodded his head. "I always wake up before I see that you weren't hit."

"Don't avoid the first part of his question Tinkerbell. How many times?" Sonny cut in.

Clay finally looked up from his cup and over at Sonny, then at Jason next to him and finally stopped at Emma.

"Last night was the first time. I didn't have it over in J-bad, guess we had too much going on and didn't really sleep either."

"But you had it three times last night, Bear." Emma cut in this time.

"Yeah…" Clay confirmed.

Jason put his hand on Clay's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

"I don't know how to make this better kid. We're all fine, I'M fine, and you'll probably have to work through this."

"I know you guys aren't big on this whole "talking thing," Emma said, "but talking about what happened and everything around it might help."

All three men looked over at her, and Jason couldn't stop wondering when his baby girl had grown up. Sure, he knew she was 18 but yesterday and now again today she was acting like such an adult. He was proud but also scared shitless about that.

"And I also know that you can't talk about everything with me here, so I'm gonna grab Mikey and we're gonna head over to Cathy's." she continued, getting to her feet and taking her now empty mug over to the sink.

After rinsing it out and putting it in the dishwasher Emma walked to the patio door, called for Mikey and then moved back to the table where she gave her dad a kiss on the cheek. She then rounded the table, gave Sonny a short hug and turned to Clay. She put her hand under his chin like she had last night and lifted it so that he looking her in the eyes. She then put her forehead against his.

"You are not alone. You have all of us and we are here for you Bear." she said softly before leaning back and giving him a soft peck on the forehead she had leaned against.

Just then Mikey entered the room from the backyard so Emma walked over to him and steered him towards the front door. Before walking out she stuck her head back in through the opening of the room.

"And when you're done talking about war, you might want to touch on yesterday as well." she uttered, before giving a finale wave and left the three SEAL's at the dining table, looking at each other in stunned silence.

* * *

When Alana returned home after a successful showing she suppose that she should've been surprised at the number of cars in her driveway but she had known Jason since she was 9, so she wasn't. She had actually been expecting it to happen sooner rather than later and what do you know, here it was.

As she pulled in she did a quick headcount. There where Sonny's bike, Brock's truck, Trent's Honda, Ray's Jeep and Lisa's SUV. If Clay was still here that meant all of Bravo was accounted for. Stepping out of the car and walking in to the house she was greeted by Mikey on the couch, watching a movie.

"Hey Bug." She said, giving him a kiss on his brown hair. "What did you do today?"

"Hi mom." He answered, glancing away from the screen. "I played hockey over at Roberts, we had so much fun!"

Alana smiled at her youngest, loving that he loved the same sports as his dad. "That's great Mikey. Did Emma go with you to the Porters?" she asked, wanting to know if her daughter had spent her whole day dealing with her dad and his team or if she'd spent time with her friends.

"Yeah, her, Cathy and Hannah talked about decorating something. Girls are weird mom."

"I know baby. You either get them or you don't and I think most men don't so you're not alone Bug." Alana answered with a grin and then ruffled his hair as she walked towards the kitchen and dining room.

In the kitchen Alana found enough takeout boxes to supply half the neighborhood and a look outside told her that she had been right, all of Bravo, including their canine member, was sitting out by the fire pit together with her daughter. As she watched them together she felt something release inside her, something that had been knotted together since she got word of the helo crash. Seeing them all together, safe and sound in her backyard – it was a sight for sore eyes.

After a few moments she saw Emma getting up from her place between Clay and Trent, with Lisa doing the same from her spot between Sonny and Brock. After gathering the discarded plates, chopsticks and forks they returned to the kitchen.

"Hi mom!" Emma said when she saw her mom standing by the kitchen island. "When did you get home?"

"I just got home a few minutes ago." Alana answered while taking the dishes from her daughter and placing them in the sink. Turning back to the two other women she pointed out the patio door.

"What's going on out there?"

"It turned into shop talk." Emma replied with a shrug. "I'm not allowed to hear some of it and don't want to hear most of it either so I decided to bring in the dishes. They've had a rough day so I thought I'd give them some time as a team."

Lisa nodded along. "I spend so much time with them and know what they're talking about and needed to get away from the testosterone for a moment so I joined Emma. She also said she wanted to talk to me about something…?" she said, turning her head towards the youngest female in the room.

"Woho, wait, before you get into that Bunny, want to clue in your mom here as to why they've had a rough day?"

"Oh, yeah. Well Clay's nightmares had to be dealt with so I suggested talking it through. That turned into a team thing – hence why everyone is here. They then moved onto yesterdays mess and that is what I walked in to when Mikey and I came back from Cathy's. Clay was a mess and Sonny was livid and…"

Alana held up her hand. "I get it. Emotional overload for those stoic men then, huh?"

"Pretty much." Lisa concluded before refocusing on Emma. "Ok girlie, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Actually, it's good that you're here too mom because I need both of your help. I talked to Cathy and Hannah earlier about what happened with Clay and _her_, and how I wanted to burn the apartment to the ground…"

"Yeah let's not do that." Alana added.

"That's what they said as well. Anyway, we then came up with another idea but I can't make it happen by myself or with just their help…"

"What's the idea and how can I help?" Lisa asked with a wry smile.

"Well… We, or rather I, want to redecorate his apartment before he goes back there…"


	9. Working the problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters IN THE SAME DAY? Who am I right now??  
Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, followed and favorited my little story - you don't know how much that means to me. If I could I would hug you all <3

Clay sat quietly between Jason and Trent, taking slow sips from his beer while watching the three women talk through the kitchen windows. He was surrounded by his brothers but he felt numb and cold. Having heard Ray tell a story about his family had added emptiness to his list of feelings and all he really wanted was to go to bed and pull the covers over his head and forget. Forget the deployment, forget yesterday, forget…

“…right blondie?” Sonny said from across the fire pit.

“Huh?” Clay answered, jerked out of his thoughts.

“I said, from now on you are going to answer the phone when I call or text.”

Clay gave him a small smirk. “Now why would I do that? Hearing your voice is like nails to a chalkboard Sonny.”

“You will answer because if you don’t I’ll tie you up like a rotisserie chicken next time I get my hands on you little buddy.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. But as of right now I don’t have my phone.”

Jason turned his head to face Clay. “Where’s your phone?”

“Still in my glovebox, unless someone has broken in to my car and stolen it.” he answered with a shrug.

Jason held out a hand. “Car keys please.”

Clay gave him a weird face. “I don’t know where those are either. I’m guessing Emma have them though since she hopefully locked up my place when she left... and why do you need my keys?”

Jason didn’t answer; instead he pulled his own phone out of his pocket and sent of a quick text. As he pressed send he looked towards the house and the window that showed the women inside. Clay followed his line of sight and watched as Emma pulled her phone out. As she finished reading the text, which he assumed was from the man next to him, she gave her dad thumbs up and shortly after all three women left the room.

“Ok, what the hell?”

Jason lifted one of his shoulders. “You need to have your phone, I can’t drive and you can’t drive so I asked Emma, who likely already has your keys, to go and get it. It’s called working the problem rookie.”

“I think you have it wrong Jace, it’s called being a hard ass.” Ray butted in, making all of them grin. Ray was one of few people who called Jason out and, when needed, questioned him to his face.

“I do what needs to be done Ray, always.” Jason said, looking at him with a pointed glare.

Brock, who was sitting next to Ray, saw the glare and looked back and forth between them for a moment.

“You guys want to fill the rest of us in on what that was about?” he questioned when neither of them said anything else.

Jason raised a questioning eyebrow at his 2ic. “Wanna tell them what’s been going on Ray?”

Ray shot him a glare before looking at each of his teammates. “Ok, here’s the thing. As you know I hurt my shoulder in Yemen and had to sit out when we were spun up for Moldova.”

Everyone nodded so Ray took a deep breath before continuing. “I was told to go see a doc but I didn’t because I felt better. But I didn’t tell anyone that, I said I had seen the doc. And then we deployed. And then my shoulder acted up again, which led to the death of that kid.”

The looks on his brothers’ faces varied from pissed, to worried, to understanding, to disbelief and to anger. He understood all of them.

“So what’s gonna happen now. You gonna get surgery?” Trent asked, being the one who looked at him with understanding.

Ray nodded. “Yes, I saw a doc this morning and I’m scheduled for surgery on Monday.”

There were silence for a long moment, everyone mulling over the news they had just been told.

“And where does that leave Bravo? Off rotation for months while you recover? Because if so I’m gonna go nuts.” Sonny questioned.

Ray shrugged. “I don’t know brother… Jace said that…”

“Ray will be teaching Green Team while rehabbing. I’m gonna sit down with Blackburn and Harrington this coming week and talk about what that means for Bravo.” Jason cut in.

The all nodded. “What are you gonna push for boss?” Brock asked.

“Please don’t say stand down, please don’t say stand down.” Sonny muttered.

“Don’t worry Sonny, I’m gonna suggest we do a training op with just the five of us to evaluate the team and if they’re satisfied I’m hoping they’ll let us stay on rotation. In the meantime we are, as you all know, off rotation for at least 2 weeks since we just got back from J-Bad”

Another round of nods came as a response to Jason’s statement and after a few moments of silence the usual conversations started up again. Clay looked at his teammates, friends, brothers, family and tried to make his feelings of worry settle but it just didn’t. He didn’t like the situation they were in. He didn’t like the situation HE was in. No, he didn’t have a good feeling about it. About any of it.

* * *

Lisa was driving her car on the way over to Clay’s with Alana sitting in the seat next to her and Emma in the back. All three of them had big grins on their faces, looking forward to what they were about to do.

“Your dad really does have great timing sometimes Emma.” she said with a quick glance at the younger woman through the rear-view mirror.

“He does! Talk about a perfect moment for him to have us go over there. Now we can have a look and even measure some things!” Emma said with glee in her voice while clapping her hands.

Lisa shared a smile with Alana. They had both agreed that Emma’s idea of redecorating was a good one and they were more than happy to help. Alana was also incredibly proud of her daughter, both for coming up with the idea but also for knowing that she would need the help and asking for it. That showed maturity and Emma didn’t show that side to her mom all that often. Her dad? Often. Other people? More often than not. Her mom? Not so much. So having Emma ask for help with this was a big deal for Alana.

As Lisa parked her car next to Clay’s outside of his apartment complex Emma almost leaped out and stood pretty much bouncing up and down while the two older women exited the car.

“You’re not excited about this at all, right Bunny?” Alana asked with a wry grin.

Emma stuck her tongue out at her mother and then took off toward the buildings, Lisa and Alana following after the cheerful blond at a more leisure pace.

They caught up with Emma by the elevator and as they stepped of it on the third floor Emma guided them towards the right apartment, the one with 324 on it. As she opened the door she paused on the threshold, feeling in her bones that something wasn’t the way she had left it the night before.

“What is it Emma?” Lisa asked, being the closest to her and thus seeing the look on her face.

“Someone been here.” she answered, taking a couple of steps into the apartment, letting the other two enter as well.

Emma looked around the open room and nodded to herself. ‘Yep, someone has definitely been here and I would bet my future car on it being _Stella_.’ she thought, a scowl appearing on her face.

“Someone’s been here? Since you left last night?” Alana wondered.

Emma nodded her head slowly. “Yeah. Someone has cleaned up, put fresh flowers in that vase, fixed the blanket on the couch…” she said, pointing first at a bouquet of flower and then at the couch before moving over to the open bedroom door, “and yep, someone has changed the sheets and covers.” she finished, seeing a freshly made bed.

Alana and Lisa looked at each other and then at Emma.

“Stella” they said simultaneously and the young blond nodded.

“She’s the only one other than Clay with a key as far as I know.”

Going back to the kitchen area Emma looked around for any other signs of the cheater. On the counter, next to the blender, she found what she was looking for – a note. She wanted desperately to read it but a part of her knew that something’s just wasn’t for her to decide so she folded it up without reading more than the first two words (‘Dear Clay, how pathetic’ ran through her head) and slipped it into her back pocket.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about little miss grad student right now so let’s focus on why we came. What did you have in mind for redecoration Emma?” Lisa asked, gesturing around the room.

Letting go of all thoughts of _her_, Emma pulled he phone out of her pocked, opening the notes she had made when she had brainstormed with her friends.

“Ok, so, first of all I want to paint the walls. White in the kitchen and living area and light grey with a darker feature wall in the bed room.” pausing she looked at her mom and aunt for their reactions. When both nodded their heads in agreement she continued on.

“Ideally I would love new kitchen cabinets but before you say it, I know that’s not happening, but maybe we could paint them? I’m thinking white again and then add a black or maybe dark grey backsplash since there isn’t one at all right now.”

“Yeah, new cabinets aren’t gonna happen on whatever budget we can come up with but painting them is a good idea Em.” Alana said, liking her daughter’s ideas so far. “What do you want to do about his “island” cart? It’s not gonna fit in with the new color scheme.”

“I didn’t actually think of that one… what do you guys think?”

Lisa looked at it for a moment. “Well, I’d say paint it to match the backsplash. I don’t know if there’s such a thing as too much white but since the countertop is also light… Alana?” she questioned.

The realtor nodded. “I agree. I like what you’ve thought of so far Bunny. But that’s the coloring, redecorating means furniture to, what do you have in mind?”

Emma walked out of the kitchen area and pointed at the object she found the most offending in the living room. “That couch has to go. I don’t even want to think about the ‘what or if’ but I saw Clay’s face when he thought of it so that has to go. I thought maybe we could sell it and put the money towards the new one?”

“That’s a good idea Emma.” Lisa said. “Is there any other furniture that has to go?”

Emma pointed towards the bedroom. “The bed. Even more so than the couch the bed has to go. I wanted to burn it and the sheets yesterday so, yeah. New bed is a must.”

The older women nodded their heads again. “Yeah. New bed goes on top of the list,” Alana agreed, “I think we’ll do the same as you suggested with the couch, sell it and put the money towards the new one.”

Having agreed on that they did some measuring before leaving the apartment with a clearer idea of what they had to do before Clay moved back. When they reached Lisa’s car Emma remembered why they had come here in the first place so while Lisa and Alana got situated in the blue-ish SUV Emma walked over to the passenger side of the Chevy Nova parked next to them and opened the door before retrieving Clay’s phone from the glovebox.

After locking the door again Emma walked back to Lisa’s car and as she sat down in the back she pushed the home button on Clay’s phone and felt her eyebrows go into her hairline in surprise. He had 53 missed calls, 14 voicemails and 31 texts.


	10. A regular thing

When Emma, Alana and Lisa returned to the Hayes house the driveway had gotten less crowded. Trent’s Honda along with Ray’s Jeep and Brock’s truck were gone which meant that the boys had broken up for the night and as they all entered the house it was deadly silent.

“Um… where is everyone? There should still be 3 grown men and a boy in this house.” Emma questioned, looking around the living room.

Alana shrugged and walked towards the kitchen, joined by the other two women. As they looked around another empty space Lisa pointed outside.

“Looks like Jace and Sonny is still out by the fire pit.” she said, “I say we join them.”

Emma and Alana nodded along and together they approached the two men holding beer bottles by the fire. Lisa sat own next to Sonny, stealing the bottle out of his hands while Alana sat down next to Jason. Emma stayed standing.

“Where’s Clay? I have his phone.” she asked, holding out said object so that all of them could see it.

“He claimed to be tired and headed up to your room.” Jason said, doubt filling his voice.

Emma fiddled with the phone in her hands before looking over her shoulder at the house.

“I’m gonna go inside and give him his phone. And tell him about the apartment visitor.”

“I think that’s a good idea Bunny. You, me and Lisa will talk more about our plans tomorrow.” Alana said, giving her daughter a wink.¨

“What visitor? What plans?” Jason asked, looking perplexed.

“Will you fill him in mom? I need to talk to Clay.”

Alana nodded. “Go ahead inside, I’ll tell you dad what he needs to know.”

Emma bent down and gave her mom a kiss on the cheek, before turning around and heading back into the house. Jason meanwhile looked over at the woman who had been his friend since they where children and waited, eyebrow raised.

“Ok so, Emma noticed, before even really entering the apartment by the way, that _someone_ had been there between her visits. I also noticed her pocketing a note so I think it’s safe to say that _someone_ was Stella.” Alana told him.

“The nerve of that woman!” Sonny burst out, clearly having listened in.

“What had she done in there?” Jason asked, ever the focused leader.

“Emma said she had cleaned up, brought fresh flowers, folded some blankets on the couch and changed the sheets and covers on the bed.”

“Ok. Well, that settles it; I’m going over there to changes the locks in the morning.”

Alana looked stunned. “You’re… what?”

“Can’t have her coming and going as she pleases. New lock stops that from happening. Problem sloved.” Jason said, and then turned back to Sonny, finished with the subject.

* * *

The door to her room was ajar but Emma still knocked softly, knowing better than to surprise a highly trained operator.

“Yeah.” a tired voice answered on the other side.

Pushing the door open she found Clay lying on her bed, leaning against a bunch of pillows and reading… was that Vampire Academy?

“Nice reading?” she asked, stepping into the room and pushing the door back to its original position.

“Actually, yes. Rose is a badass and this Dimitri guy? Reminds me of a few operators I’ve met.” he answered, grinning at her.

“Oh really. Anyone of your teammates perhaps?”

“A few similarities here and there maybe…”

“You’re such a goof. The first book was actually turned into a weird movie a few years back. It’s funny as all get out.”

“There’s more than one book?” he asked, sounding more interested than she would’ve thought possible.

“Yeah, there are six of them. And then there’s another six of the spinoff series Bloodlines. I have all twelve books here somewhere.” Emma answered, pointing at various piles of books.

“Huh.” Clay said, looking back down at the book he had been reading while trying to get his mind of… well, everything.

“Yeah…” Emma trailed off. She then held up his phone. “I’ve got something for you.” she said, tossing it at him and watched as he caught it with one hand.

“Thanks.” he said, putting it on the nightstand next to him.

“You might want to check it. You have a crazy number of missed calls. And texts. And voicemails.”

Clay shook his head. “I know who their all from. It’s gonna be your dad, Sonny and…”

“Stella.” Emma finished off. “I know you don’t want to talk about her, especially not after having talked it all out with dad and the rest of Bravo, but I checked on your apartment while we were over there and… well…”

“Just tell me Birdie, it can’t be worse than yesterday.”

“She’d been there. She’d cleaned, fixed the couch, made the bed and, which didn’t make any sense to me, left flowers in the empty vase.”

“Sunflowers?” he questioned, looking sick at the mention of it.

“Yeah actually they were… how did you know that?”

“Because when we first met I acted like an ass and when I apologized for my behavior I gave her, among other things, a bouquet of sunflowers.”

“Oh that’s just sick.” Emma said, appalled by the other woman’s attempt to soften him up.

Clay didn’t answer and Emma saw that the knuckles of his hand that was holding the book was turning white. She walked over to him and sat down on the edge of the mattress before putting her own hand on top of his.

“Hey, not alone remember?”

He nodded, slowly loosening his grip on the book. Emma took it away from him and placed it next to the phone on the nightstand.

“Dad said you told him you where tired. That true or did you just want to escape?”

“I just didn’t want to deal with anymore questions and I didn’t want to think anymore.”

She was the one nodding this time. “I get that. So do you want me to leave or do you want to watch a movie or something?” she asked.

A hand shot out, gripping her wrist. “Don’t leave. A movie would be nice.”

Emma smiled at him before shaking her wrist loose from his hold so that she could reach over to her desk and pick up her computer. After grabbing it she brought it with her as she moved onto the bed next to him, leaning back against the pillows in the same way he did.

As she opened the computer up and logged into Netflix she looked over at him. “So, what are you in the mood for? Action, drama, musical, documentary…?”

“Don’t really care actually, as long as it gets me out of my head. Didn’t you say that the book was made into a movie?”

“It was, but you need to finish the book before watching the movie because it just makes more sense then.”

She thought for a second and then a smile spread over her face. “How do you feel about Russell Crowe?”

“Don’t mind him, why? Wait, you’re not thinking about Les Misérables are you because that is one movie I do care if we watch. It takes way to much concentration and it’s almost three hours long,”

“No, not Les Mis. I saw a movie with Hannah a while back that I thought was really good for an action thriller. Have you seen Next Three Days before?”

“No, but if you think it’s good let’s give it a shot.”

Emma clapped her hands. “It is good. I’ve wanted to watch it again but I don’t like watching these sorts of movies alone.”

She pulled up the movie and curled herself into his side while turning the screen so that it was clearly visible for both of them before pressing play. As the Lionsgate logo appeared on the screen Clay relaxed into the pillows and he then let himself be immersed into the complicated life of John Brennan.

* * *

As both Sonny and Lisa left Jason shut the door behind them and locked it for the night. As he turned around he found Alana standing next to the stairs, looking up. Jason sighed.

“Again?”

Alana nodded. “I think so. She hasn’t come back down. I guess she could’ve gone into Mikey’s room and fallen asleep with him but…”

“But you doubt it.” Jason finished. Alana nodded again.

Putting a hand on her back he guided her up the stairs and they found themselves in the same position as they had last night; standing outside of Emma’s door, that was slightly ajar, listening for sounds. Once again they heard nothing coming from the room so, just like last night, Alana pushed the door opened.

This time they found the two asleep curled up together, obviously having fallen asleep while watching something on Emma’s computer. Jason silently walked over to Emma’s side, picked up the laptop and put it on the nightstand next to her. For a moment he stood there, watching them both sleep peacefully and his thoughts were running haywire. He shook his head, determined to not acknowledge any of them, and then leaned down, placing a soft kiss on his baby girls head. He then walked back over to Alana.

“You’re not gonna wake one of them up? Make one of them sleep on the couch?” she asked softly, confused with her soon-to-be ex. husbands actions.

“No. I haven’t seen the kid this relaxed since before we left for J-Bad. And Emma looks so peaceful. So I say we let it go. Again.”

“This can’t become a regular thing Jace. Our teenage daughter sleeping in the same bed as one of your guys? Does that sound right to you?”

Jason shook his head. “No it doesn’t but there is one thing you haven’t accounted for ‘Lana.”

“What?” she asked, even more confused with where he was going with this.

“Emma is legally an adult. And Clay? Well the kid might be one of my guys but he’s the youngest by quite a few years. If I remember right he’s only 10 years older than Emma.”

“You are not suggesting…?!” Alana burst out.

“NO! No, I’m not suggesting anything! It’s not even on my radar! Please don’t even mention it to me. The kid was just cheated on for crying out loud. I’m just saying, don’t… just don’t label it as something it’s not, ok?” 

Alana sighed, but nodded her head. “Ok. Let’s just leave them for tonight – again.”

After sticking their heads into Mikey’s room to check that he was sleeping as well, Alana and Jason walked side-by-side down to the main floor, where they each took a beer out of the fridge and sat down next to each other on the couch. Another weird day coming to an end.


	11. Shades of white

Clay woke up with hair in his eyes. And his mouth. And as he pushed it away and spit it out, he realized two things. First of all, none of that hair was his and second of all, he was wrapped around Emma Hayes like a snake craving heat.

He tensed up, taking in how this must look and worried that his boss would burst through the door at any minute and kill him on the spot. A gentle touch on his arm, an arm that was curled around the woman in front of him, made him relax a little.

“Stop thinking so hard. Or worrying. It’s too early for that.” Emma said with a sleepy voice.

“Sorry Birdie.” he whispered, and started to untangle them from each other.

“Nooo.” she complained, clinging to his left arm.

“Yes,” he said, “I do not want your dad, my boss, a tier one operator, to walk in and find me, his rookie teammate, wrapped around his precious baby girl.”

“Ugh, you think too much.”

He smiled at her. “You so aren’t a morning person are you?”

She shook her head emphatically, before putting her head back down on the pillow and before long she was dead to the world again. Clay chuckled, rolled over and got out of the bed, destination; Emma’s bathroom.

After a quick shower and a fresh set of clothes Clay shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen where he found both Alana and Jason drinking coffee.

“Morning.” he said, taking a mug out of the cabinet and filling it to the brim with the liquid source of energy.

“Good morning Clay.” Alana said with a small smile before returning to make notes on a notepad.

Jason just nodded, not lifting his head from the paper he was reading. Clay joined them at the table and looked from one to the other for a few moments.

“We need to talk about last night or…?” he asked, trying to play it down but he really needed to know where they stood.

Jason shook his head again. “You fell asleep watching a movie right?”

It was Clay’s turn to nod.

“And you slept the whole night, no nightmares?”

“None.”

“Then no, we don’t need to dissect Emma falling asleep in her bed, with you, for the second night in a row.”

Clay watched Jason, feeling skeptical and waited for the other shoe to drop. There was no way he was this casual about his daughter sleeping with – in the same bed as – one of his guys.

“But that said,” Alana started, “this can’t keep happening. I know you guys are getting close, and Emma is feeling incredibly protective of you, but we wouldn’t allow a guy the same age as her to share her bed so we’re not gonna allow a guy 10 years older than her to do it either.”

Clay nodded his head again. He understood her point and he respected it. “That’s fair. And it’s not like it was a planned thing.”

Both Jason and Alana nodded their heads in agreement.

“We know and that is why we didn’t wake one of you up yesterday. And I also know how little sleep you’ve had for the last 3 months so that’s why I allowed it two nights ago. But that is where it ends, ok?” Jason said, folding his paper up and lifting up his cup.

“Yes boss.”

Jason smiled at his rookie before grabbing an iPad that was lying next to him on the table. Clay took a sip of coffee before looking over at Alana who was back to scribbling on a notepad while also checking her phone constantly. He tilted his head to see what she was writing but as she noticed him doing that she turned it over.

“Not for your eyes bud. You need to be kept out of the loop for a while longer.” she said with a wide grin.

“What… what loop?” he asked, more than confused.

“You’ll see…” she answer vaguely, turning the notepad over again but putting it further way and making it impossible for Clay to see what was written on it.

Clay looked at Jason for any clarification but his boss just shrugged and continued swiping on his iPad.

* * *

Jason disappeared after breakfast, saying that he had something he had to fix, so Clay found himself alone with Alana who seemed immersed in whatever project she was working on. A little after 10 Mikey joined them in the kitchen, ready for the day and he was followed by his sister a couple of minutes later. Emma however was fresh out of the shower, towel still around her head while wearing a huge t-shirt, that he assumed once belonged to her dad, and some yoga pants.

“You’re gonna have to get ready directly after breakfast Emma, you and I are picking up aunt Naima and Lisa before we head over to the store.” Alana said as she saw her daughter.

“Aunt Naima wanted to help as well?” Emma asked with a smile.

“Yes she did and since uncle Ray is getting surgery tomorrow she’s leaving him with the kids while he’s still able to take care of RJ by himself.”

“Yay, girls day!” Emma said, clapping her hands together, grinning wildly and making her mom smile too.

“Yes indeed.” Alana said, before turning to Clay. “If Jason doesn’t get back in time, will you stay with Mikey?”

“Sure, it’s not like I can go anywhere anyway. Besides I’m sure Mikey can teach me a thing or two about hockey, right buddy?”

“Yeah!” Mikey answered, bumping his fist with Clays.

Alana ruffled her son’s hair and then left the room to get ready for her day with her friends and her daughter.

* * *

Emma, Alana, Naima and Lisa entered the hardware store laughing at a story that Lisa had just told them about the boys from their latest deployment. All of them liked hearing about some of the fun the boys did have, even in the middle of a warzone.

Naima grabbed a cart and they started moving down one of the aisles.

“Ok, what do we need to get this redecorating on its way?” she asked, looking at Emma and Alana.

Alana pulled her notepad out of her handbag and Emma got her phone out.

“I think we’re gonna need about 3 gallons of white to cover the kitchen and living area, and then we’ll take one gallon of both the light and dark grey.” Alana said, looking at her notes.

“We’re actually gonna need 4 gallons of white, mom.” Emma said, “the cabinets are going white as well remember?”

Alana nodded. “Yes, but I think we should look at a different finish for that one. We’ll check a few paint charts before deciding.”

“We are also gonna need brushes, rollers, painter’s tape, cover for the floor and things like that.” Lisa added while reaching out and putting said tape in the cart.

“You also mentioned a backsplash, right Alana?” Naima asked her friend.

“Yes, but we don’t have the money for a tiled backsplash so we are gonna have to figure out another idea.” she answered.

“I actually had one, I was watching some shows on the DIY network the other day and on one of the renovation shows they painted some cheap acrylic sheets and used that as backsplash. It looked cool. And if we don’t want to use paint we might be able to use like… wallpaper or something.” Naima explained.

“That sounds like a great idea actually! What if we use the same color for the backsplash as we do for the feature wall? The dark grey one?” Emma said, looking at the three older women questionably.

“I like that idea Bunny. That’s a good way to save some money too, not having to buy a fourth color.” Alana answered, the other two nodding along.

With the basics settled the women started their mission on finding the paints and supplies they needed to get the project started.

* * *

Almost three hours later, after a quick stop at home to pick up the new keys to Clay’s apartment from Jason, the four women stood in the middle of the living area surrounded up paint and supplies.

“The first thing we need to do is to pack up the things on the counters, move the furniture away from the walls and take down what’s on the walls. Then we can start taping what needs to be taped and cover what needs to be covered.” Alana said, taking charge.

The others agreed and after a quick deliberation they decided that Emma would start in the bedroom and Alana in the living area while Lisa and Naima took care of the kitchen. As they got to moving the furniture away from the walls, towards the middle of the rooms, Emma came out of the bedroom with a disgusted look on her face.

“I want that bed out of here.” she proclaimed. “I’m gonna call uncle Sonny and see if he can come over and remove it… and the couch.”

“You can tell him to leave them at our house while we look for buyers. We have room in the garage.” Naima said, before returning to her taping of the kitchen window.

Emma nodded and returned to the bedroom, phone pressed to her ear. “Hey uncle Sonny…”

Naima looked up from her taping again and looked at Alana who was looking after Emma.

“Since when is she so close with Clay? She acted as if the bed and couch actually offended her.”

“I don’t really understand it if I’m honest with you Naima. It’s like they formed this forceful bond when she came over here the night they returned, when he found out about Stella. They’ve barely been apart since then. Jason called them magnets.” Alana answered a hint of confusion in her expression.

“Clay has had some issues with trust but when he does trust he’s incredibly attached. And Emma has always been able to wrap the Bravo guys around her fingers. Clay is just younger so I guess it’s a different kind of attachment here.” Lisa spoke up from where she was covering the kitchen floor.

The wives of Bravo 1 and 2 nodded their heads simultaneously.

“It’s different alright. Did you know they’ve slept in the same bed these past two nights?” Alana asked, looking from Naima to Lisa.

“I heard yesterday that they’d both slept in Emma’s room the first night, didn’t know they repeated it last night.” Lisa said and Naima agreed.

“Ray told me the same thing. But I guess safety plays a big part here. Clay felt safe the first night, despite nightmares, so I understand why he had no trouble falling asleep with her next to him last night too.”

Before they could continue the conversation any further Emma joined them again, carrying a trash bag filled to the brim.

“What do you have there, Emma? Lisa asked, pointing at the bad.

“Trash. And by trash I mean the sheets that was in the hamper – the ones that were on the bed when Clay returned home. I’m gonna throw them out and wait for uncle Sonny. Be right back.” the younger girl answered while walking out the front door, not waiting for a reply.

Alana looked at her friends. “As I said, a forceful bond.”

They all looked at each other for a moment and then returned to what they had been doing, they had a lot more they wanted to get done today.

* * *

Sonny arrived at Clay’s apartment building with a small trailer attached to his truck and as he exited his car he was greeted by Emma who was waiting for him, leaning against Clay’s Nova.

“Hey Moonbeam, you want to tell me what’s going on here?” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug.

“Mom, aunt Naima, aunt Lisa and I are redecorating Clay’s place, getting rid of everything Stella. Which is why I needed you to bring the trailer. I needed that bed and couch out of here yesterday.” she answered, hugging him back.

“I see. Well let’s get to it then, the sooner she’s been eradicated from this place the better.”

Emma smiled at her uncle, knowing he understood her feelings better than most. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You know I’d do anything for you Em. And Tinkerbell has a way of getting under your skin hasn’t he?” Sonny said, guiding her back towards the building.

“He does.” Emma agreed with a grin.

They entered the apartment a minute or two later to find that most of the prep work was finished in the kitchen and that the three women were now taping the baseboards in the living area. Not wanting to stand around and chit-chat Emma put Sonny to work, disassembling the bed and before long both the bed and couch was carried out of Clay’s home.

Emma stood in the middle of the now pretty empty living room and surveyed the rooms, turning her head from one place to the next. She then looked at the four adults standing by the half wall that divided the kitchen and living areas.

“Well that’s that. Now we have find the time to actually paint and I don’t know how we’re going to make that work since I have school and you guys have work and kids and…” Emma said, wondering for the first time how they were going to pull this off because Clay couldn’t stay at their house for weeks while they tried to redecorate his place - without him noticing.

“Relax Moonbeam,” Sonny cut it, “Bravo have at least two weeks off so I’ll have Brock and Trent meet me here tomorrow and we’ll have this place painted in no time.”

“Thank you so much!” she burst out, running over to him and throwing her arms around him, hugging him again.

Sonny just nodded and the older women grinned at how the usually badass Texan softened when spending time with kids.

“So if we can do some furniture shopping tomorrow night or on Tuesday we can probably give Clay his keys back on Thursday night.” Alana said, looking at the others in the room to see what they thought.

“If we just get everything tomorrow I can ask Hannah and Cathy to come over here after school on Tuesday to assemble things and start putting everything back where it belongs.” Emma answered.

All of the adults nodded and after some clean up they all went out the door and locked it behind them, satisfied with what they had managed to get done. Before Sonny and Naima took off, him giving her a ride back since the furniture was going to her house, Emma stopped him, holding her hand out.

“I’ll stop by after school and see how it turned out. Thank you again uncle Sonny, and tell Brock and Trent I said thank you too.” she said, as she handed him the key she was holding out.

“It’s nothing Em. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

They all said goodbye and then they drove off, Sonny and Naima headed for the Perry house and Alana, Emma and Lisa to drop of the later. As they drove down the street Emma couldn’t stop herself from smiling. This was so much fun and she couldn’t wait to see Clay’s face when he got to go home!


	12. Follow your orders

The next morning it was back to normal in the Hayes household. It was Monday and that meant that both Emma and Mikey had to go to school, Jason had a meeting on base and Alana had some paperwork to attend to. The good thing about her job though, was that she could do most of her paperwork from home if she wanted to and since she wanted to take Emma to IKEA for some furniture shopping when she got home from school, working from home worked perfect for the day.

Clay, having spent the night sharing Mikey’s bunk bed, got up at the same time as Mikey did and was still sitting at the dining table as Emma pushed her younger brother out the door, having been told to drop him off on her way to school. Seeing them leave made Clay feel even more restless then he already was.

“You know what you’re doing today?” Jason asked, knowing the restlessness in his rookie.

“No. I’m gonna have to go home at some point, put I’m not ready to do that yet. It would be nice to have my car but…” he trailed off.

“Ok, you’re coming with me to the base Spenser. If nothing else you can work out and get some energy out in the gym. I also have something to talk to you about and we can do that in the car. Come on, let’s go.”

Clay, recognizing the tone of voice Jason was using – his Bravo 1, do as I say NOW, voice – got up without commenting and followed his boss out the door and into his truck.

No one said anything for a while, with Clay looking out the passenger door window and Jason focused on the morning traffic. When they were about halfway there Jason glanced over at the man beside him before looking back out the windshield.

“So. You know how I said that I was gonna push for us to stay on as a 5 man team?” he asked, stealing another glance at the younger man.

“Yeah. You think they’re gonna agree? I mean yeah, if it where me or Brock, maybe even Trent, but Ray? He’s 2IC.”

“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. But first of all, Whisky Tango Foxtrot?! None of you are less disposable to me or this team than anyone else! We operated fine in Moldova didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but that was one op, not several months.” Clay said, still keeping his eyes firmly out the window.

“Stop. Just stop. Bravo doesn’t stop working because one of us is out. We keep going. And as I said, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Clay finally looked over at Jason. “What about it?”

“You know how Sonny hated being 2IC?” Jason asked.

“Yeah…” Clay said, wondering where his boss was going with this.

“Well, he told me in no uncertain words that he did not want to step up for an extended period of time.”

“Ok…”

“So what I’m asking is, think you can handle it?”

Clay blanched. ‘Say what? He can’t be serious?’ ran through his head.

Having stopped at a traffic light Jason looked at his rookie again, seeing the stunned look on his face.

“What...” Clay croaked out before clearing his voice. “What about Trent? And Brock? They’ve both been on Bravo longer and…”

“I want you as 2IC. You are a natural leader Clay and the way you took charge when the helo went down proved it. Trent followed your orders then and he’ll follow them if we get to stay on rotation. He told me so himself.”

Clay just stared at his boss and mentor as the light changed to green and they continued their drive to base. Neither one said anything as they arrived and parked the car in the parking lot but as they stepped out of the car Clay turned to Jason.

“If you want me as 2 and none of the others have a problem with it then yeah, I’ll take 2. Until Ray comes back.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear kid!” Jason answered, putting his arm around the blonde’s shoulders as they approached the building that housed DEVGRU.

* * *

Two hours later Clay left his cage after a hard, but nice, workout followed by an even nicer shower. He felt like he got rid of so many heavy thoughts while punching the bag and lifting weights and right now he felt pretty damn good for a guy who’d been sucker punched as he returned from a 3 month deployment.

Shaking that thought off Clay went over to the mess hall, needing to fill his body up on fuel. The mess what damn near empty so he took a seat at the table that Bravo usually occupied when on base and pulled his phone out.

He hadn’t checked any of the calls, texts or voicemails and he didn’t feel like doing it now either but he hated the red numbers on the apps so he opened the call log and quickly scanned it. Just like he had thought the calls were from Jason, Sonny and Stella. Mostly from the last one but Sonny had called an impressive amount too. As for the voicemails, Clay decided to delete them instead of listening to them.

Having gotten rid of the number on that app he moved on the texts. The number that Emma had claimed ridiculous two nights ago was now at 58, and all but 3 where from Stella. Clay didn’t care what she had to say so instead of opening their thread he swiped left and deleted all of them and then he opened his contacts and blocked her number.

As he was about to set his phone down it started to vibrate in his hand and as he looked down he saw Emma’s smiling face looking back at him. When had he added her number? HAD he added her number? He knew for sure he hadn’t taken her profile picture. He swiped to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi Bear! What are you doing? Bored at the house?” she asked in a chipper voice.

“I actually escaped the house.” he said, his day a little bit brighter just from hearing her voice.

“You did? Where are you?”

“Your dad made me come with him to the base. I got a 90 minutes workout in so I’ve had a decent start to the day.”

“…Nothing about that sounded enjoyable Clay.”

“Not a fan of working out either Em?” he asked with a laugh.

“I work out to stay in decent shape, not for fun.” she answered, sounding like it was a crazy thing to do.

“I’m gonna make you go for a run with me one of these days.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” she laughed, making his smile widen.

“So, why did you call me Birdie?” he asked as her laughed died down.

“Oh, I didn’t have a reason. I’m just waiting for Hannah to get here to have lunch so I thought I would check in on you, I thought you were bored at home remember?”

“Well thanks for thinking of me Em. I’ll see you at home for dinner.”

“Uhm…” she said, “no you probably won’t. Mom and I are driving to Norfolk when I get home. We’ll get something to eat there and won’t be back until late.”

“Norfolk? What’s in Norfolk?” he wondered.

“IKEA! Swedish furniture at its finest. Oh, and meatballs.” she replied, sounding happier than he ever would be at the thought of shopping.

“Well have fun with that. See you later Birdie.”

“Bye Bear!” she said, before both of them hung up.

* * *

Pulling up to Clay’s apartment complex Emma was giddy. She couldn’t wait to see how far her uncles had managed to get and she was also excited for her trip to IKEA with her mom. She almost bounced up the stairs, once again forgoing the elevator, and only knocked once before opening the door to the apartment.

“Hello, how’s it going?” she called out while still opening the door but as she pushed it all the way open her mouth dropped.

The living room and kitchen area both had white walls now and the first round of paint had been added to the cabinets.

“What do you think Moonbeam?” Sonny said, sticking his head out of the bedroom.

“Wow! You guys work quick! And it looks awesome! It’s better than I imagine.” she told him, twirling around the room, taking it all in. She then paused and looked over at him.

“How’s it going in there?”

“Come see for yourself.” Sonny answered, opening the door up wider so that she could enter.

As she stepped through she saw Trent putting the finishing touches to the dark grey of the feature wall and Brock was just starting on the last wall of light grey.

“Holy crap! You guys are almost finished with the first coat in here!”

They all nodded. “We are, and there are already two coats on the walls of the living and kitchen area. Hopefully it won’t need a third one.” Trent explained, before going back to adding dark grey to the wall.

“You guys are good. I can’t believe how different it looks with just some paint! Thank you for doing this!” she said, smiling at all three of them.

“You’re welcome Emmy.” Brock said, smiling back at the blond ball of sunshine that he had watched grow from a toothy child in to a beautiful young woman, but still calling her by the nickname he used for her when she was younger.

Emma giggled before running over and giving them each a hug. “I wish I could stay and help paint but mom and I are about to head to IKEA to pick up a new couch and bed. We’ll probably drop them off here later if you guys are still around.” She said, turning towards the door and giving them a wave before leaving.

* * *

Standing surrounded by beds and mattresses Alana shook her head at her daughter who were bouncing from one mattress to another, “testing” them out.

“Emma? Bouncing from one to the other isn’t helpful. We have the headboard and the base, so if you could just settle for a mattress we could move on to the couches…” she said, smiling fondly at the bouncing blond.

“I’m just trying to decide the firmness. This mattress will work perfectly but do we go with a firm or a medium firm? I don’t know...” the younger girl said, looking to her mother for help.

“Clay would probably be fine with either; I know your dad never noticed a difference. I say go with the medium firm one.”

Emma nodded her head in acquiescence and looked to the saleswoman who stood back, waiting for their decision.

“Well take the medium firm one.” she told the woman with a smile.

The saleswoman nodded and smiled back before walking over to the computer station to put the order in.

“So, the order is in the system and you’ll be able to pick it up on your way out.” she told them as she finished printing out the papers and handed them over.

“Thank you so much for your help.” Alana said, grabbing the papers before turning towards Emma. “On to the next big item then. Let’s find the right couch.”

Emma smiled at her mom, turned around and led the way over to the sofas and armchairs. Glancing around, she then popped herself down in a dark grey sectional with a chaise.

“This is the one. I looked it up online earlier today and I think it would be perfect.”

Alana looked it over for a moment and then back at her daughter. “I agree, it would look great, the color is perfect too. Is this the color you wanted or one of the others?” she said, holding up the fabric swatches that were attached to the armrest.

Emma shook her head. “This is the right color. With the white walls he needs a darker couch.”

“I agree.” Alana said, looking at the rest of the information on the tag, writing down the aisle and bin locations for the covers and frames.

Emma clapped her hands, like she usually did when overly excited, and bounced a little in her seat.

“I can’t wait to put it all together tomorrow!”

“And I can’t wait to come over and see it all finished.” Alana told her with a laugh.

Emma stuck her tongue out at her mother, before getting up. “Can we head over to the restaurant and eat before we pick up whatever else we can find?”

“Yes we can.” Alana said, pointing at the sign that told them the way to the restaurant.

“Great! I’m hungry for some Swedish meatballs!” the younger girl said, once again taking the lead, making her way towards the food.

* * *

Clay was sitting on the couch in the Hayes’ living room, lazily watching TV. Mikey was sleeping and Jason had disappeared into the garage so he was alone as the female members of his boss’s family had yet to come home. When he heard car doors slamming he glance over at the clock and saw that it had just passed 10pm. As the front door opened and both women entered the house, Emma walked over to the couch and collapsed down next to him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

“Well hello to you to Emma Hayes.” he said, looking fondly at the mess of blond hair that blocked his view of her face.

“So. Tired. Longest day ever!” she mumbled, curling herself into his side.

He looked up at Alana who stood watching them with a small smile.

“Is IKEA even still standing?” he asked her with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes it is. And she loves to exaggerate.” she answered, looking around. “Where’s Jason?”

“Garage.” Clay said, pointing his finger at the wall to his left.

“Ok. I’m gonna go talk to him.” she said, before looking at the girl next to him. “Emma? I think you’d be more comfortable in your bed honey.”

Emma mumbled an answer but didn’t move from where she was, cuddled up to Clay. Alana shrugged and gave him a wry smile before leaving the room.

Looking back down at Emma, Clay found that she had fallen asleep. A part of him thought he should wake her up and make her go upstairs but the part of him that felt safe with her next to him ignored that though. Making himself more comfortable, he then turned his attention back to the TV, his head coming to rest on top of Emma’s. He’d just enjoy this for a while and then they could both go to sleep in their designated beds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've lost controll of this story. I know some of the things I want to happen but the getting there? Mostly the characters just take over and I'm just along for the ride. I hope you enjoy it though!


	13. A law against it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so many wonderful comments from you after my last chapter so here you go, have another one! <3

“Whose place did you say this was?” Cathy asked Emma, looking around the newly painted apartment.

“Clay Spenser’s. Right Em?” Hannah cut in before Emma could answer.

“Yeah. He got this apartment just before he got drafted to Bravo and his cheating ex pretty much moved in here with him. And that’s the reason for this makeover.” Emma said, gesturing at the now white walls.

“Did she seriously cheat on him here, in HIS apartment, while he was looking for the guys who killed my dad and the other’s on Echo?” Cathy asked with disbelief.

Emma nodded her head. “She did. Confessed and everything.”

Both Hannah and Cathy wrinkled their noses in disgust. Emma shook her head as if to get rid of any thoughts of Stella and then turned towards the pile of boxes that was sitting on the floor.

“If you guys want to start unboxing the couch I’m gonna go into the bedroom and start assembling the bed.” Emma said to her friends, pointing at the boxes and then towards the bedroom.

The two dark haired girls agreed and started sorting through the boxes while Emma walked into the bedroom which already had the new bed, ready for assembly, in it. Looking around the grey room she couldn’t help but smile. It looked nothing like the room that Clay hadn’t been able to enter and when she was finished it would seem like a totally new room.

That brought her thoughts to her own room, which she had somehow woken up in that morning. She had no idea how and when she had ended up there because the last thing she remembered was falling asleep on the couch with Clay.

She had planned on asking him how that happened but he was out running when she rushed out the door this morning and both her parents were already out of the house so she still had no idea how she got from the couch to her bed.

With a sigh Emma returned her attention to the here and now to get started on the bed. It took her a few minutes to remove all the plastic and cardboard but then she got to work, putting the base together, attaching the headboard and adding the mattress.

As Emma was putting on the fitted sheet on to the mattress topper, Hannah stuck her head in.

“We just finished putting the couch together. We ended up putting the chaise to the right, that way the armchair can be by the window on the opposite side…” she said, looking at Emma for her reaction.

“Sounds great.” Emma answered while pulling the last corner around the mattress topper. “I’m just gonna finish making the bed and then we can all put the rest of the living room together.”

Hannah nodded. “The bed looks great by the way, awesome choice!”

“Thanks, I just hope he likes it too.”

“He’d be crazy not to!” she said and then left the room, leaving Emma to the bedding.

* * *

“Ok, I have to ask; what the hell have you three been up to? You all have paint stains on one spot or another.” Clay asked, looking around the bar table that he was occupying together with Brock, Trent and Sonny.

Brock glanced over at Sonny who in turn looked at Trent before he faced the shaggy blond.

“Well if you can’t tell SpongeBob, we’ve been painting.”

“Yeah I kinda figured that out by myself wise-guy. What have you been painting?” Clay said, tossing some popcorn at Sonny.

“A flat surface.” Brock chimed in, looking at Clay with a blank face.

“You guys are whack. Fine, don’t tell me.” Clay said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“You’ll know in due time Chewbacca. What I want to know is when you’re gonna do something about *that*” Sonny said, waving his hand at Clay’s face before taking a swig from his beer bottle.

Clay ran his hand over his beard. “I was going to trim it as soon as we got back but then shit happened and…”

The other three nodded their heads, knowing the story and why getting his growth under control hadn’t been a priority.

“You need a hair cut too buddy.” Trent said at the same time as he reach his hand out and tugged at one of Clays curls that was hanging down almost to his shoulders under his cap.

Clay bat his hand away and then tossed another few popcorn at Trent.

“We can’t all have our shit together now can we?” he said with a grin at the older man, “what did you do, head straight for a barbershop?”

Trent didn’t bother to answer; he just took a gulp out of his bottle, happy to see the kid in a good mood.

“I’ll take care of it when I get back to Jace’s.” Clay said, not wanting to discuss his hair and beard any more.

“Yeah, how’s that working out for you? Bunking with the boss?” Sonny asked, grinning like a mad man.

“I’m actually bunking with Mikey, thank you very much.” Clay told him while giving him the finger. “And actually, it’s pretty great. It’s nice to see a somewhat functional family unit up close.”

They all nodded again, knowing that even though Jason and Alana was getting divorced, they we’re friends first and that wouldn’t change.

“You thinking about going back to you place?” Brock asked him, resulting in dirty looks getting thrown his way from both Trent and Sonny. Thankfully Clay didn’t notice.

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. It’s not like I can stay at Jason’s forever. Hell, Jason’s not staying there forever. I just… don’t want to see her every where I look you know?” Clay said, fiddling with the label of his bottle.

Sonny put his hand on Clay’s neck and squeezed gently, offering support without saying anything. He really hoped that Emma’s redecoration/makeover made some of Clay’s trouble disappear.

* * *

It was late by the time that Emma returned home. Together with her two best friends she had managed to assemble everything that needed to be assembled and then they had spent the rest of the evening putting all of Clay’s things either back where they once where or in their new positions.

“I’m home.” she shouted as she closed the door behind her, tossing her backpack next to the stairs so that she could bring it up with her later.

“Kitchen!” her dad called out so she walked over there and found the other members of her family playing Monopoly at the dining room table.

“Hey baby girl.” her dad said, before rolling the dice and moving his piece the responding squares.

“Hi dad.” she replied, giving him a hug from behind before walking over to her mom, ruffling her little brother’s hair as she passed him.

“So, Cathy, Hannah and I finished everything.” Emma told her mom while giving her a kiss on her cheek.

“Really? That was fast.” Alana said, lifting an eyebrow in surprise.

“I’m as surprised as you are. Can you believe that there wasn’t one problem with the assembly of 5 things from IKEA?!”

“Eh, no. I thought there was a law against that.” her mom chuckled.

“Me too! But it’s all done so I think we should reveal it to him tomorrow after dinner. That way the rest of them can meet us there and see his reaction?”

“Ok, time out. What are the two of you talking about?” Jason asked, looking from Emma to Alana and back again. “What have you done? And who is *he*”

Emma looked at her mom and then both of them burst out laughing.

“Sorry daddy, but I think you can be in the dark until tomorrow too, right mom?”

Alana nodded her head emphatically. “He sure can.”

They grinned at each other before Alana took the dices and rolled them. Looking around Emma realized that Clay wasn’t there.

“Hey, where’s Clay?” she asked, looking at the adults around the table.

“Your bathroom. He said something about being called Chewbacca.” Her dad answered as he held his hand out, waiting for her mom to give him some of her money.

“Ok… I’m gonna go change and then I want to join this game.” Emma said before leaving the room, again tossing her brother’s hair.

“Would you stop that?!” he burst out but the only answer was her laugh as she walked up the stairs.

As she entered her room Emma tossed her backpack into her corner chair and shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it on top of her bag.

“Clay?” she called out, looking at the closed door to her bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m in here.” he replied.

“I knew that, but I’m about to change so if you could please stay there until I’m done that would be greatly appreciated.” she told him and started to kick her shoes off as well.

“Will do. I’m about finished in here so just call out when you’re done, yeah?”

Emma nodded her head before realizing that he couldn’t see her. She slapped her hand over her eyes. ‘Duh.’

“I will. Won’t take long.” she said, and started to change into the black sweatpants and tank that she had lying on “the chair”. The chair was where all her clothes that was too clean for the laundry basket but couldn’t be put back in her closet ended up.

After pulling the pants up she quickly tossed her hair up in a ponytail and placed her feet in a pair of slippers. “Finished!” she called out, turning towards her vanity mirror to check how the ponytail turned out.

When she heard her bathroom door open she turned around to face it and her smile widen when Clay became visible.

“Well look at you! I can see most of your face again!” she told him, grinning like a fool.

“Yeah, the guys told me I looked like Chewie so I thought I’d better trim it.” he said with shrug.

“You did have that mountain man thing going on there for a while.” Emma agreed.

“Apparently. But now I only have to get my hair cut and then I’m back to my usual look.”

Emma looked him over for a moment. “I could help you if you just want a trim. But you know who you should ask?”

Clay shook his head.

“My mom. Her aunt had a hair salon when mom was in her teens and mom worked there during the summers. She still cuts my hair.”

That was news to Clay. “Maybe I’ll do that.” he answered, looking thoughtful.

“…ok. Well now it’s time for me to kick my brother’s ass in Monopoly. Come one.” she said, grabbing his hand and tugging him with her down the stairs. Game night was waiting.


	14. All I see is you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait this time around; I've had a lot going on and wasn't able to sit down with my computer and write as much as I wanted to.

They had just finished dinner when Emma looked over at her mom who winked at her.

“Hey mom, can we go for ice cream for dessert?” she asked, looking at her with twinkle in her eyes.

“Oh yeah mom, can we?” Mikey added, looking at her with wide eyes, making him look like a puppy.

Emma’s smile widen into a big grin as Mikey added to her game without even knowing it.

Alana looked from one of her kids from the other, pretending to mull it over before shrugging.

“Sure, why not.” she answered, making Mikey cheer before he grabbed his dads hand and dragged him towards the door. Jason pretended to protest but still followed his son out to the red Buick with a smile.

Alana followed after them and Emma looked over at Clay who was still standing by the kitchen island.

“And what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?” she asked, bumping her hip against his.

“Not sure I should go, I mean, it’s a family outing…” he said, not looking at her.

Emma slapped him on the back of his head, making his cap fall down in his eyes.

“Stop being an idiot and come on, you’re coming with us.” she told him, not taking no for an answer, and then lightly shoving him to make him move in the direction of the car.

With Alana behind the wheel, Jason beside her and with Emma sitting between Clay and Mikey in the back, they left the house and headed off. As Alana turned right when she should’ve turned left to get to their usual ice cream place, Jason raised an eyebrow at her. Alana winked at him and continued on.

“Mom, you’re going the wrong way!” Mikey burst out from his seat behind her, looking at her in the mirror as if she’d lost it.

“We’re not going to get ice cream baby. It was an excuse to get all of you in the car.” she explained, looking back at her son in the rearview mirror before returning her attention to the road.

“WHAT?!” the young boy burst out, looking from his mother to his father with a big pout.

“Want to explain to the male contingent of this vehicle what we’re doing and where we’re going?” Jason asked, looking from Alana to Emma and back again, knowing that they we’re both behind this.

“As for what we’re doing? We’re giving you some answers. And as for where we’re going? Emma?” Alana said, looking quickly over her shoulder at the girl in question.

“You’ll see when we get there. I’m not telling since two of you are trained elite operators who could take over this car and stop it.” Emma said with a smirk, looking at first her dad and then at Clay.

Jason mumbled a little but Clay didn’t say anything because he was looking out of the window, recognizing the direction in which they were driving and something told him he knew exactly where they were headed. As he looked at the blond beside him she gave him a small smile before taking hold of his hand and giving it a small squeeze.

Emma could see the question in his eyes and inclined her head a little. She knew he had figured out where they were going but he didn’t know what was waiting once they got there.

* * *

As Alana parked her car next to Clay’s Nova, the man himself curled his hands into fists. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to go inside. He didn’t want anything to do with anything that could be connected to Stella Baxter.

Emma watched as Clay turned in on himself, erecting walls and putting together his defenses. She hated it and most of all she hated the woman who made him feel this way. She took a steadying breathe and waited for him to do as the other occupants of the car had done, open the door and exit. When he didn’t she put her hand in his again and gave it another squeeze.

“You have to open the door Bear. There is something I want to show you and I really hope you’ll like it.” she said, making Clay look away from the window, back at her.

“You’ve been back here since getting my phone?” he asked.

Emma nodded. “I have. Now open the door Clay and get out of this car.”

He hesitated for a moment but then did as she asked, keeping a firm hold of her hand and making her scramble out after him. 

When all five was standing in the parking lot Emma reached into her pocket and pulled out a key, holding it out to Clay.

“You’re gonna need this.”

Clay took the key from her, glancing at it before focusing back on her.

“Where does this go?” he asked, confused about this whole thing.

“Your apartment.” Jason cut in. “I changed the locks since you had an unwanted visitor with a key”

Clay whipped his head around to look at his boss with surprise. “You did? Thanks boss.”

Jason just nodded his head before turning towards his daughter.

“Now, you want to tell us what this is all about? It can’t be about the new lock on Spenser’s door.”

“It’s not. I think we should go up to Clay’s place, it’ll be easier to explain it when we’re in there.” Emma answered her dad, tilting her head at the building across the lot.

Not being one for dillydallying Jason put his hands on Clay’s shoulders, turned him around and made him start walking in the direction of the apartment complex.

When they got inside the building all five of them piled into the elevator and in no time they Hayes’ and Clay was standing outside of door 324. They all looked expectantly at Clay, who didn’t make a move to open the door. Emma sighed.

“You’re gonna have to actually unlock the door and open it. The longer you wait the longer you’ll feel bad. Just get it over with.” she said, grabbing his hand and making him put the key in the lock.

Clay took a deep breath, followed by another but when Jason put his hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze, he turned the key and pulled it out at the sound of it unlocking. As he put his hand back on the knob, he froze when he heard a noise coming from inside.

Emma put a hand on her forehead. She should’ve known that the 10 people (and one K9) on the other side of this door couldn’t keep it silent until she had managed to get Clay to open the door. With another sigh, this one bigger than before, she put a calming hand on his elbow.

“It’s ok. Just open the door and everything will be explained.” she told him, before taking her hand away and taking a step back. He needed to do this himself, if for no other reason than to prove to himself that there was nothing to fear on the other side.

* * *

Clay couldn’t believe what greeted him as he opened the door to apartment 324. ‘This is not my place.’ was the first thought that passed through his head as he pushed the door open. ‘Why is everyone here?’ was the second one.

Feeling Emma step up next to him again he glanced down at her and then back at the (his?) apartment he had just entered.

“Did… did you do this?” he asked her, looking at the white walls, the new dark grey couch, the rearranged furniture and framed pictures. As his eyes focused in on the kitchen his eyes felt like they would fall out of his head. It looked like a totally different kitchen then the one he’d seen just 5 days ago!

“With a lot of help from a lot of people, yes.” Emma answered before moving further in to the apartment, giving the other members of her family a chance to enter as well.

Clay shook his head in disbelief. No one had ever done anything even in the vicinity of this magnitude for him before and here this wonderful, amazing and beautiful girl – woman - gave him something he didn’t even know he wanted, or even more so; needed.

He kept looking around at the open areas and kept finding new things. The curtains. The backsplash. The blankets and pillows on the couch. The vase with blue roses. The last one made him smile. Gone where the sunflowers Emma had told him about, replaced by flowers he knew Emma had picked because she knew what the sunflowers had meant.

“Well, what do you think Bam-Bam? Did Pebbles do a good job?” Sonny asked, siding up to him and slapping him on the shoulder.

Clay nodded his head, feeling overwhelmed with all the emotions coming over him at once. Sonny nudged him in the side before walking over to stand next to Lisa again. Brock and Trent quickly took his place, standing on each side of him and with Cerberus sitting down in front of them, putting his head against Clay’s knee.

“This is why we couldn’t tell you what we had painted. Emma would’ve locked us away and thrown away the key.” Trent said, smiling at his youngest teammate.

“Yeah, though she be but little, she is fierce.” Brock chimed in, making everyone raise their eyebrows.

“Dude, did you just quote Shakespeare on us?” Clay asked, giving him a look of both confusion and concealed humor.

Brock nodded his head. “I did. I’m more than just a pretty face you know.”

All the members of Bravo burst out in laughter, knowing that their teammate had many hidden talents, but literature? Not one of them. 

“No one ever accused you of being pretty dog-boy.” Sonny said with a grin.

Brock pouted, before smiling at his team, loving the feeling of normal banter that had been missing during the later stages of their latest deployment.

As Bravo calmed down, Emma walked over to them again and took Clay’s hand, tugging him over to the two girls standing in the kitchen. He recognized them both, but had never actually met either of them.

“Clay,” Emma begun, “this is my two best friends who helped put everything back together yesterday. This one,” she continued, pointing at the girl to her right, “is Cathy Porter.”

Clay nodded at the girl. “I think we met briefly at your house but never got introduced.” he said. “Thank you for doing this.”

“I think we did,” Cathy confirmed. “but everything from that day is… hazy.” Clay smiled softly at her with understanding.

“Anyway, I loved helping out. We had so much fun so really we should be thanking you.” Cathy continued, smiling widely at him.

Emma giggled, and then pointed at the curly haired brunette to her left. “And this is Hannah Seaver.”

“Adam’s daughter right?” Clay said, looking at the girl who had some resemblance with his favorite Green Team instructor.

Hannah nodded. “I am. And as Cath said, we had fun helping out. We wanted to be here for the reveal but now we have to leave, we hope you like it.”

Both girls smiled at him and gave Emma a hug before leaving. As they walked out of the apartment Ray and Naima walked over to them. Ray had his left arm in a sling and Naima was carrying RJ.

“Well brother, this place looks great. Naima told me what was going on over here so I had to come check it out too.” Ray said, looking at his wife and then around the kitchen.

“Well thanks for showing up Ray, especially since you just had surgery. How’s the shoulder?” Clay asked, looking at the shoulder that was held in place with the sling.

“It’s ok. Some pain since they just moved things around in there but hopefully I’ll be as good as new in a few weeks.”

“That’s great man. It’ll be great to have you back when you’re all healed up.”

“Yeah…” Ray said, looking over his shoulder at Jason. “We’ll see how that goes. You know Jace…”

Clay nodded his head, having gotten an ear full from Jason about how pissed he was at Ray for not telling him about the shoulder.

“Anyway, I hear you’re going to be stepping up while I’m out?”

“Apparently.” Clay said with a shrug. “I don’t understand why he wants me as 2IC but I’ll try and fill your shoes as best as I can.”

“Don’t do that Clay, just do what you do and be who you are. I’m sure Jason’s already told you this but you are a natural born leader Spenser and you will do a good job as 2IC.”

Clay smiled at his teammate. Ray almost always knew what his friends; brothers, needed to hear and he always told them, good or bad.

Naima, who had been talking softly to Emma, turned to face them. RJ was now in Emma’s arms which made it possible for Naima to do what she wanted to do, which was hug Clay. Standing up on her toes she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in, giving him a hard squeeze before letting go.

“I helped out with some of this remodel but you should know what Emma was the one behind the idea and she’s the one who made it all come together.” she whispered in his ear, wanting to make sure he knew how this all came to fruition.

Clay smiled gently at her and inclined his head. “Yeah, I kinda had that suspicion. Thank you for helping out though, it means a lot that everyone chipped in.”

They shared a smile before Naima took the tired child that Emma was holding back and looked at her husband. “We need to go home and put this one to bed. Do you think you can convince your daughter to move away from the dog and go home?”

Ray shrugged. “I’ll give it a try at least.” he said, bumping fists with Clay as he guided his wife towards the couch where Jameelah and Mikey was hanging out with Cerb.

Alone in the kitchen again, Clay faced the one who had made this happen; his personal ray of sunshine.

“Seriously Emma, I can’t believe you did this.”

“Do you hate it?” Emma said, worrying her lip between her teeth and not meeting his eyes.

Clay’s eyes widen. “Hate it? Birdie I love it. I’ve been staying at your house the past 5 days, not even wanting to think about going back here, because there wasn’t a thing in this place that didn’t remind me of her. You’ve fixed that. Wherever I look in here now? All I see is you.”

Tears begun to rise in Emma’s eyes, but she blinked them away, knowing that there was still one more room she needed to show him.

“Thank you Bear. I was worried you would be mad at me for doing this.” she said.

Clay pulled her into him, holding her close and kissing her hair.

“I could never be mad at you for doing something out of the good of your heart sweets. Never.”

Emma pulled back and smiled watery at him. “There is still one more thing you need to see.” she told him, pulling fully out of his hold and grabbing his hand, walking him over to his bedroom door. As she turned the knob she looked up at him again.

“I hope you like this as much as the rest of the apartment.” she said, before pushing the door open.


	15. Without even noticing

Clay stepped into the room that had once had the same beige color as the rest of the apartment had had and looked around, amazed at the change. Three of the walls where light grey and the last one, the one behind his bed, was in a darker shade, giving the room a more centered feeling. And his bed… no, not his old one, this one was brand new and looked nothing like his old one. His old one had been nothing but a mattress on legs – this was the adult version with a padded headboard and, by the looks of things, new sheets and bedding making it look homey and inviting. On either side of the bed was a wall mounted shelf, acting like a nightstand.

Above the bed his flag was no longer held up by pins, instead someone, he suspected Emma, had framed it. Glancing around the room he saw that there were other frames placed on his dresser and mounted on the wall above it, and all of them were filled with picture. Pictures of him with his team: his friends, his family; and also of him with his teammates families. He felt warmth spread in his body, knowing that even when he was alone he would be surrounded by his chosen family.

A few more things stuck out at him as he looked around the room, like the new heavy curtains, the new mat covering a big part of the floor and the new lamps, but most of all it was the feeling of the room that hit him the most. It felt warm, cozy and like… home.

As he looked over his shoulder, searching for Emma, he found her leaning against the door frame.

“Well… do you like it?” she asked gently, looking from him to the room and back again.

“Like it?” he said, turning on his heel and walking towards her. “I love it! I don’t know how I’m ever gonna thank you for this.” he continued, wrapping her up in a hug again.

Emma leaned her head against his shoulder, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck.

“You don’t have to thank me. I did it because I wanted to. And honestly, my mom, Lisa, Naima, Sonny, Brock and Trent did most of the work, Hannah, Cathy and I just put it all back together.” she said, not letting go or backing out of his hold.

“I’ll have to thank them with some wine and beers then. But you do deserve my gratitude Birdie, because all of this happened because of you.”

Clay pulled back and gave her a lingering peck on her forehead before he looked out of the room, towards the rest of the apartment that still housed most of his team.

“Come on, let’s go back out and see what they all have to say.” Emma said, pulling out of his hold.

Clay instantly felt a bit cold, missing the warmth of her close to him, but he shook it off and followed her back into the living area.

* * *

Sitting at the edge of the chaise of Clay’s new couch, Jason could hear the buzz that the people talking around him was making but he couldn’t make out what anyone of them was talking about. Instead his sole focus was on the two people walking over to the closed bedroom door. He watched as his daughter opened the door and how his rookie walked in. He saw the younger man look around the room with wide eyes and he saw how his daughter followed every move the man made.

He continued to watch and saw how Clay’s shoulders dropped down, how he relaxed and then; how he turned to face Emma and walked over to her only to wrap her up in a hug.

Jason wasn’t sure what he thought about what he was seeing here. He loved his daughter and he cared a whole lot for Clay. He also felt with the kid after everything that had happened in the last week. But this? The hugging and the falling asleep next to each other and… did the kid just kiss her forehead?

Shaking his head, as if to clear his vision, Jason realized that yes, he had. Tearing his eyes away from the duo, his eyes traveled around the room, searching for Alana. He found her standing next to Lisa, keeping up the conversation they obviously was having but her gaze where fixed where his had been just seconds ago; on their daughter and the kid.

As if she could feel him looking at her Alana turned her eyes towards him and, as she always had, she knew exactly what he was thinking. She inclined her head, telling him with just a nod of her head that yes, she had seen the same thing and yes, they would talk about it when they were alone later. As for now, they were among friends – family – and that came first.

* * *

As the night moved on, people begun to leave. Brock was the first one out the door along with Cerberus since the dog needed a walk and Trent decided to join them in leaving not long after. That left Sonny, Lisa, Clay and the Hayes family.

Mikey was sitting on the floor, leaning against the armchair that Jason was sitting in with Alana sat next to them on the couch, next to Lisa who was sitting next to Sonny. In the corner of the couch Clay sat with his legs resting over Emma’s knees since she was sitting on the chaise.

Jason looked at the clock and then got up from the armchair, letting out a groan as he stretched out his back. “Ok, if you have the last name Hayes, please move towards the door. It’s time to head on back home.” he said, looking from Mikey, to Alana and then over at Emma.

They all got up and so did Clay, walking them over to his door. After opening it up he hugged Alana, bumped fists with Mikey and shook hands with Jason before turning towards Emma.

“Thank you again Birdie.” he said, hugging her for the third time that evening.

“You are welcome. I’ll talk to you later ok?” she asked, looking up at him

He nodded his head and let go of her.

“I’ll stop by sometime this week and get my stuff, that ok?” he then asked Jason as he watch them walk over to the elevator.

“Yeah, and we’ll talk more about 2IC and getting the team approved for operating.” Jason said, before they all disappeared behind the now closing elevator doors. Clay stood there looking at the empty hallway for a minute before he walked back inside and sat down next to the two people still in his apartment.

“Ok goldilocks, now that they’ve gone, want to tell me what the hell you think you’re doin’?” Sonny asked, facing the blond man next to him on the couch.

“Uhm… what is it that I’m apparently doing?” Clay asked, confused as to what his friend was getting at.

“I’m talking about Emma you moron. What are you doing with Emma?”

“…nothing?” Clay said, making it sound more like a question than an answer because he had no clue as to what Sonny was getting at.

“_Nothing_.” Sonny said, imitating Clay. “You sure as hell are doing SOMETHING buddy, and you better not pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Lisa put her hand on Sonny’s arm, making him sit back against the couch again, and then looked at Clay.

“What Sonny means is; what’s with all the hugging and the touching?” she explained, wanting to actually get somewhere without Sonny blowing a gasket or Clay getting angry.

Clay sat quiet for a moment, mulling it over before shrugging his shoulders.

“I don’t know guys. She just… she calms me ok? Get’s me out of my head.”

Sonny and Lisa looked at each other, surprised at that statement.

“Oh buddy, you’re gonna be in sooo much trouble if you go down that road.” Sonny said after a while, keeping one eye on Clay while drinking from the bottle in his hand.

“What road?” Clay asked, again not understanding what Sonny was getting at.

Sonny looked at his friend for a moment, wondering how blind he could be. But then again, it was Clay so, pretty damn blind.

“What I mean young Jedi is that if you get involved with miss Hayes, our boss will make you walk through hell, walk back and then rake you over hot coal.”

Clay stared at his guest, eyes wide and mouth open.

“In…involved? As in… relationship?”

Both Sonny and Lisa nodded their heads.

“Yes, that’s exactly what we’re getting at.” Lisa answered.

Clay shook his head. “It isn’t like that.”

The other two looked at each other again and then back at Clay.

“Mhm.” “Yeah right.” They said, at the same time.

“But,” Lisa continued, before Clay could argue, “if you’re sure it’s not heading in that direction, Clay? You’re gonna have to back off, because that girl? That girl could fall hard and fast for you without even noticing it herself.”

Clay didn’t know what to say to that. He’d come to lean on Emma since they got back and spending time with her was the one time he felt like his world wasn’t on fire. But falling? He just got his heart broken and he wasn’t looking for a repeat anytime soon. And with a girl that much younger? And whose father was his boss? A clear recipe for disaster, on so many fronts.

“I hear what you’re saying Davis, I do but… I don’t know. She’s been there and she did this and… I don’t know.”

“Just promise me that you’ll think twice before doing anything, ok? Because once Emma goes for something? She’s all in.” Lisa answered before leaning back into the couch and starting up the TV, conversation closed.

As they started watching a movie Clay got lost in his thoughts. Stella, the apartment, Emma, the team, 2IC, Emma, the crash, Stella cheating, Emma… oh god, he needed something much harder than this beer.


	16. Need you now

It was Saturday night and Emma hadn’t heard from Clay since they left him at his apartment on Wednesday night. Three days of radio silence. Well no, that wasn’t really true. She’d send him a text and get a one worded answer back, but that was it.

Emma had no clue as to what had changed between Wednesday night and Thursday morning but it was like a switch had been flipped and now he was distant. She hadn’t tried to call or visit but if he didn’t get back to her during the weekend? She was gonna storm the apartment by Monday.

Scowling at the phone next to her on her bed she flopped back and stared at the ceiling. Why was the male part of the population so freaking… ugh, she didn’t even know what to call them. Suddenly her phone buzzed and she sat up in the blink of an eye to grab it. Seeing that the message wasn’t from Clay though, her frown reappeared.

**Hannah Seaver**  
Saturday, 18.03  
_Just got word that there’s a party at Lilly’s tonight, you in?_

**Emma Hayes**  
Saturday, 18.05  
_I’d love to but I do not want a repeat of what happened earlier this year._

**Hannah Seaver**  
Saturday, 18.08  
_Dad’s taken mom out of town for the weekend so just tell your mom you’re staying with me._

**Emma Hayes**  
Saturday, 18.09  
_I’ll be over in 20._

Getting up from her bed, Emma grabbed a bag from her closet and tossed some clothes and other necessities into it before grabbing her charger. After making sure she had everything she would need she slung the bag over her shoulder and headed downstairs. She found both of her parents sitting on the couch.

“I’m going over to Hannah’s. Mr. and Mrs. Seaver’s are out of town so Cath and I are gonna stay with her.” she told them while pulling her jacket on.

“Sounds good, have a good time sweetheart.” Alana said, looking up from the book she was reading.

“Call us if you need us.” Jason answered, not even looking away from the TV.

“Dad, I’m going to Hannah’s for a sleepover. The odds of me needing you? Not very high.”

Jason didn’t answer, just waved his hand at her. Emma smiled at her parents and then walked out of the house, ready for a fun night with her best friends and for something to make her forget about… everything.

* * *

“…and then he ran, screaming like a little girl, right into the pole!” Sonny said, making everyone at the table laugh.

Brock and Trent had showed up at Clay’s apartment and pretty much dragged him to the bar but sitting here, listening to his brother’s tales from ops before he joined Bravo, made him glad he had joined them. He hadn’t wanted to since he was busy wallowing, but apparently you don’t turn down Brock Reynolds because here they were. And Clay was happy with that.

They had been here for a couple of hours now, shooting some pool, playing darts, telling stories and have a beer or two. Clay hadn’t felt like drinking but he’d nursed a beer for a while before switching to a can of ice cold coke. The fact that he could hang out with these people and have fun without drinking? That said a lot.

As the clock passed one in the morning Clay started to think about going home but before he could get up from his chair his phone buzzed in his pocket. As he took it out he frowned at the screen.

“What got you looking like someone stole your last frag?” Sonny asked, seeing the look on his face.

Clay didn’t answer; instead he focused on his phone, trying to decipher his text.

“Yo, Bam-Bam I’m talking to you.”

“I got a text from Emma but I have no clue as to what she’s saying.” He finally answered, holding out his phone so that his friends could read what was written on it.

“Oh boy, I do think Pebbles been having a drink or five.” Sonny said with a laugh, making both Trent and Brock chuckle.

Clay’s frown deepened. He didn’t like the thought of Emma drunk because if she was drinking it meant that she wasn’t at home and if she wasn’t at home and she was drunk there was a big possibility that she wasn’t safe.

Pushing his chair away from the table he stood up and walked towards the door, dialing as he went and ignoring the boys calling his name after him.

“’elloo?” a voice answered after 3 rings.

“Emma?”

“That me! Who is this?” she asked with a noticeable slur to her voice.

“It’s Clay. You just texted me Birdie.”

“I did? What I say?”

Clay sat down on a low brick wall, resting his head against the hand that wasn’t holding the phone.

“I don’t know Emma. I couldn’t decipher it. How much have you had to drink sweets? Are you drunk?” he asked, worry marring his voice.

Emma giggled at his question, which in itself answered it and then, before he could say anything else she started singing.

“_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, and I need you now._  
_ Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.  
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now._”

Clay didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. He loved hearing her sing and apparently she was a happy-go-lucky drunk but having not talked to her since Wednesday and then hearing her sing a song that hit a little too close to home didn’t sit right with him.

“_Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all._  
  
_ It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now._  
_ And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.  
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.”_

Having heard enough Clay stood up from his resting place on the wall.

“Emma. EMMA!” he shouted, making the girl on the other side of the phone stop her singing.

“Who am I talking to again?” she asked, obviously confused.

“It’s Clay sweets.” He answered, keeping his voice soothing.

“Oh. Right. I think I’m mad at you.” she said, pausing for a moment. “Why am I mad at you?” she asked, this time sounding like she was pouting.

Clay shook his head to himself. “I don’t know Em. I haven’t talked to you since Wednesday.”

“THAT’S WHY!” she burst out before laughing like she had just been told the funniest story.

“Ok…” Clay said, feeling confused as all get out but he decided to put that aside for now.

“Where are you Birdie? I’m gonna come and pick you up.” he said, reaching into his pocket to collect the key to his car.

“I’m sleeping at Hannah’s.”

“Seaver? So you’re at Hannah’s house?” he asked while opening the car door and getting inside. He knew where Adam lived so if she was there he knew where he was heading.

“Nope.” she said happily, while the sound of the party in the background made him feel like crawling out of his skin.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to tell me where you are.”

“Why?” she asked, sounding occupied with something on her side.

“Because I need to know that you’re safe. Where are you?” he said anxiously.

“At Lilly’s.” she told him, finally giving him the answer he wanted. Except he had no idea who Lilly was or where she lived.

“And where does she live Emma?”

He didn’t get an answer this time. The only thing he heard was the noises that were synonym with teenagers partying.

“Emma. EMMA! Stay with me here, where does Lilly live?” he asked again.

“…next to the park.” she finally said, but she sounded far away.

Clay thought for a moment.

“Do you mean the park just a few blocks away from your house?” he asked, hoping that was the one.

“Uh hu.” she answered, and then the call died.

“Damn it.” he muttered, throwing his phone down on the passenger seat and starting the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed off in the direction of the park Emma had mentioned. If the party was anything like it sounded like on the phone he would know which house it was as soon as he got close.

* * *

As Clay neared the park he knew without a doubt which house Emma was at. There were cars lining the street outside a big grey house with a huge porch and there were teenagers everywhere. How the neighbors hadn’t called the cops yet he didn’t know. What he did know was that he was getting Emma out of here before that did happen. 

Parking his car as close as he could, he got out in a hurry and walked quickly up to the house. The door was wide open so there was no point in knocking – not that anyone would’ve heard him do it anyway. As he stepped into the foyer he did a quick sweep of the area and discovered no Emma. He did however see both Hannah and Cathy standing next to the patio door so he headed over in their direction.

When he was just a few feet away Hannah looked his way and Clay actually saw the moment she realized who was approaching them. She gulped and the color drained from her face, and Clay knew that she probably thought he would rat her out to her parents. He didn’t know what he would do but for now, he needed to find Emma. As he stepped up to them he looked from one to the other and saw that while they probably had had a drink or two, neither of them were drunk.

“Where’s Emma?” he asked, not bothering with niceties.

Neither answered with words but both of them pointed at the stairs leading to the second floor. Clay felt dread creeping over him and the tingles down his spine told him that he needed to get up there as soon as possible.

“You two are going to go outside and wait for me by my car. I’m getting all of you out of here.” he called out to the two girls as he turned around and sprinted over to the stairs, taking the steps three at a time.

Reaching the upper floor he stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes immediately landed on Emma. She was sitting on the lap of a guy who looked to be around her age and the guy kept trying to push his hand up her skirt. Emma batted it away every time but he wouldn’t let go of her and that made Clay see red.

Walking over to them he grabbed the guy’s hand and twisted it around, making him squeak in both surprise and pain. Clay didn’t even look at the guy, instead he pulled Emma up and into him, pushed the guy away by his twisted hand and then walked back down, holding on tight to Emma.

“What… what are you doing here?” she asked as they reached the foyer, confusion obvious in both her voice and her eyes.

“Getting you the hell out of here. How much have you had to drink Em?”

She didn’t answer, but seeing as she swayed when he let go of her, he knew it must’ve been a lot. He placed his arm around her again and begun walking them out of the house.

When they got to his car both Hannah and Cathy was waiting next to it. After he had helped Emma into the passenger seat he turned to face the two.

“How are you getting home?” he asked, wanting to make sure he didn’t leave Emma’s friends, his Green Team instructor and Echo One’s daughters, without knowing they would be safe.

“We’re going to my house,” Hannah told him, “and it’s just half a block so we’re gonna walk.”

Clay nodded. He wasn’t going to insist they call someone for a ride when it was just half a block.

“Ok good. And you’re heading there now, right?” he asked, but they all know it wasn’t really a question but a demand.

They both nodded their head.

“Emma is supposed to sleepover too.” Cathy said, glancing at the girl in his car.

Clay shook his head. “She’s coming with me. I’ll make sure she calls you in the morning.”

Another nod came from both brunettes and then they said goodbye and started their short walk to Hannah’s house. Clay took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to straighten out his own thoughts before he got into the car with Emma. How the hell had he ended up here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used is Need You Now by Lady Antebellum


	17. This is not happening

Clay pulled into his reserved parking spot and turned off the car after the 10 minute drive from the party to his place. Looking at the woman asleep in his passenger seat he sighed. She'd fallen asleep while he'd been talking to her friends and she hadn't stirred once on the way over here.

He wasn't sure what his plan was from here on out. He hadn't actually thought things through before he went to pick her up. If he was smart he should turn the car around and drive her home to Jason and Alana. But he didn't want to do that. For one he didn't want to rat her out and second, he didn't want to let her out of his sight before he knew that she was fine and had gotten some answers – like how she ended up in this position in the first place. Emma wasn't the kind of girl who drank until she couldn't defend herself. Something must've happened, and he would figure out what.

He sighed again and then he got out of his seat, rounded the car and opened the passenger seat door. Putting one arm under Emma's knees and the other behind her back he carefully lifted her out of the seat and held her close. He managed to shut the car door with his hip and after some twisting and turning, that would've made a contortionist proud, he also managed to lock it.

"Thank god you're tiny Birdie because otherwise this would majorly suck." he muttered as he crossed the parking lot and headed for his building.

After some minor problems with getting through the building door and again with opening the elevator Clay let out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors opened on his floor. Which he immediately regretted doing when he stepped out into the hallway, because the first thing he saw was a figure sitting next to his apartment door.

'This is not happening!' ran through his head but no matter how many times he shut his eyes, each time he opened them the figure still sat there.

He approached his door slowly, keeping one eye on the girl in his arms and one on the figure sitting next to his door. As he got closer the figure looked up at him and his fears were confirmed. Sitting outside of his door, holding a bottle of whiskey, was Stella Baxter.

A part of him wanted to turn around and head back out, drive over to Jace's and just let shit turn out the way they would. But deep down he knew that that wasn't the way to do this and also; he wasn't about to let Emma down. Not after everything she had done for him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his unwanted visitor.

Stella stood up from her sitting position and had to put her hand against the wall to steady herself as she started swaying.

"I needed to see you. I love you and I'm sorry and…"

"Stop. Just stop. You don't love me. If you loved me you wouldn't have jumped Mr. sweater west just weeks after I was deployed. It doesn't work that way."

Stella looked away for a second and then focused her hazy eyes back on his. "My key didn't work."

"Jace changed the locks."

"How dare he! I have things in there and you're mine!"

Clay took a step back as Stella took one towards him and then he shook his head.

"You know what Stella? I'm not doing this with you, especially not at 2am in the hallway. I'm not gonna deal with two drunk females at the same time so I need you to leave. Now." he said, stepping around his ex. to get to his door.

As Stella registered his words, it was as if she realized for the first time that he was holding someone in his arms and she was not pleased.

"Who's the slut? And really Clay; you had to drink her unconscious to get her to come home with you?" she asked with badly disguised anger.

Clay counted to ten in his head to stop himself from exploding, knowing that getting into an argument with a drunken woman, especially a drunken ex., was a no win situation. Instead he managed to unlock his door and before Stella could react he had stepped inside, closed the door and locked it.

Leaning back against the locked door, Clay held Emma as close as he could and dropped his head into her hair. This night had gone from good to bad to miserable in just over an hour and he was just… done.

Gathering himself together he got his equilibrium back and walked straight into his bedroom where he gently lied Emma down on his new bed. Stepping back he took off her shoes and pulled the covers over her before he turned around and locked himself in the bathroom.

He quickly got out of his clothes and turned the shower on. He didn't bother to even wait for it to heat up; he just stepped in to the flow of water and let it wash away everything from this night.

* * *

Her head was pounding, her mouth felt like the desert and she was pretty sure the room was spinning but she didn't want to open her eyes to find out if that was the case.

Wait… where was she? The last thing she remembered she had been sitting with Julian on the couch at Lilly's…

Emma's eyes flew open and just as she realized where she was, at Clay's, in his bedroom, in his bed, her head reminded her that she'd had way too much to drink. The pain that shot through her almost made her cry out but instead of doing that she fell back against the soft pillows and squeezed here eye's shut. She was never drinking again.

The pounding was incessant but the pain lessened after a little while and when she heard a door open she opened one eye slightly.

"You awake?" Clay asked, coming out of the bathroom.

Emma moaned in response, which made Clay smile slightly. Sitting down next to her he ran a hand down her cheek and the moved some hair out of her face.

"What time is it?" she croaked out.

"3am. You've just napped for about… 90 minutes. And by the looks of you I'm guessing that you already have one hell of a hangover."

She tried to nod but the pain that seared her brain at the slight movement stopped her cold and another loud moan escaped her.

"I'll take that as a yes. Do you think you're gonna throw up?" he asked gently, putting his hand against her face.

"No. Not feeling sick, just hurting."

Clay nodded and started to get up, intent on getting some water and painkillers in her before she went back to sleep. Before he could get up though, Emma grabbed his arm and held it in a death grip.

"Don't go!" she wined out, a look of loneliness and sadness crossing her face.

"I'm just gonna get some painkillers for you. I'll be right back." he said, removing her hand from his arm and stepping out of the room.

When he returned a few minutes later Emma had managed to sit herself up against the headboard but she looked like she was in a world of pain.

Clay wordlessly handed her the pills and a bottle of water before standing back, watching her down first the pills and then most of the liquid in the bottle.

When she was done she handed him the bottle and leaned her head back against the headboard. Clay put the bottle down on his dresser before looking at the girl in his bed again.

"Do you want to change out of your clothes before going back to sleep?"

Emma hesitated for a moment but then nodded gently, this time only grimacing at the pain that followed the movement.

Clay turned back to his dresser, pulled one of his t-shirts out and then tossed it at Emma.

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth while you change." he told her and then left her alone to let her get out of her party clothes and into his shirt.

* * *

When Clay opened his bathroom door for the second time that night Emma was lying down, covers pulled up to her shin and her clothes tossed across the room. He walked over to the bed and sat down.

"How do you want do this Birdie? Should I take the couch?" he asked her when she looked up at him.

"Stay." was all she said before closing her eyes again.

Clay couldn't help the soft smile that spread across his face and after removing his shirt he pulled the covers back and crawled in next to Emma. With a sigh of relief at finally laying down and having hours of wonderful sleep in front of him Clay relaxed into his pillow.

Turning to her side, Emma looked at Clay from beneath hooded eyes and before she could talk herself out of it she moved closer to him and put her head on his chest with her left arm naturally falling around his waist.

Clay tensed up for a second but then relaxed back into the bed again and put his right arm around her, pulling her even closer to his side. His other arm somehow found its way to hers and within moments they were both asleep, holding on to each other as if they were scared someone would tear them apart.


	18. Down a certain road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than I would've liked but I also wanted to keep this moment as a separate chapter and not continue with what's up next so... this is what it is I guess. I hope you enjoy it anyway - this is the morning after ;)

What do you do when you wake up wrapped in the arms of a hot man who's ten years older than you and works for your dad? Emma sure as hell didn't know! She'd been awake for half an hour now and still here she was; her back against Clay's chest and one of his legs wedged between hers.

It's not exactly that she WANTED to move, but she was also not looking forward to his reaction when he woke up and found them like this. His reaction when they'd fallen asleep watching The Next Three Days – his worry about her dad – gave her a pretty solid idea of where his head would be when he woke up and she didn't want that feeling of reaction when he pushed away from her.

So why was she still laying here, being the little spoon to his big spoon? Two reasons really. First of all he was holding her so close that she didn't know how she would move away without waking him up and second, she felt safe here, behind held close by him. She didn't often feel safe to this degree so instead of trying to figure out how to get out of this, she stayed where she was and waited.

It was another 20 minutes or so, as the clock passed quarter to ten, before she noticed the man behind her wake up. First his arm around her pulled her even closer, then she heared a low groan and then – tension. He tensed up like he suddenly was made of steel instead of flesh and bone; the arm around her stiffening and the breathing she had felt down her neck disappearing.

Emma stayed still and tried to keep her own breathe even while she waited to see what Clay would do next. After a minute or two she felt the tension in him slowly release and she let out a breath she hadn't even realize she was holding.

That caught Clay's attention.

"You awake?" he whispered, moving up to his elbow so that he could peek at her over her shoulder.

"Yeah. I've been awake for almost an hour." she replied and then she rolled over onto her back so that she could see him as well.

Clay rested his head against the palm of his raised arm and just looked at her for a moment. Her hair was a mess, his shirt was hanging off one of her shoulders and she had mascara marks under her eyes.

"How are you feeling this morning? How's the hangover?"

"Not that bad actually. I think the painkillers you gave me last night helped a lot. My head don't hurt, it's just… heavy." Emma said with a shrug. "I'm not nauseous either so except for the heavy head and the feeling of the Sahara desert in my mouth I'm ok. Definitely better than I deserve to be after all that I had to drink. "

"Good, that's good…" he trailed off as he studied her expression.

"Wait, what happened to Hannah and Cathy? I was at the party with them!" she burst out as she remembered her friends.

"I found them before I found you and I made them leave when we did. You're supposed to call them this morning."

Emma nodded her head, thankful that he had made sure her girls made it out and knew where she had gone.

"So…" he said after a moment's silence, "you want to tell me what lead to you drinking more alcohol than you probably weight last night?"

* * *

Emma's eyes wandered from the ceiling to the far wall and to the window before focusing back on Clay.

"Nothing…" she finally answered, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Want to try that again?" Clay asked with one eyebrow raised, obviously not buying it for even a second.

Emma shook her head and closed her eyes so that she didn't have to meet his gaze.

"Emma come on, this is me you're talking too. I know something's up because you wouldn't just drink yourself stupid for no reason. You're smarter than that and most importantly, I know you wouldn't put yourself at risk like that."

Her eyes snapped back open at that. "Am I?" she asked, a small frown making an appearance on her face.

Clay placed a hand against her face and gently ran his thumb back and forth over her cheek. "Yes, you are. So tell me. Please."

Emma took a deep breath and slowly blew it out, steadying herself.

"I was mad at you ok?"

Clay flinched back at that, his hand falling away from her cheek.

"You where…I didn't… why?"

"Because you totally disappeared on me! One second you're all hugging and sending texts and thanking me and then the next thing I know – nothing. You said goodbye when we left on Wednesday, said you'd call and then all I got was one worded answers to the four texts I sent you during the rest of the week. It hurt."

Clay flopped back down on his back next to her with a groan and tossed his arm across his face. Why was it that no matter what he did it always came back to haunt him? After his conversation with Davis and Sonny on Wednesday night he'd decided to put some space between himself and Emma, even though it felt wrong on so many levels to do that. He hadn't really known what was going on but it felt like the safest move to make. And that had somehow ended up with his Birdie drunk off her ass and felt up by some teenage miscreant on a couch at a party.

A soft hand on his arm stopped his inner musings and as it lifted the arm away from his face his eyes locked back on Emma's.

"I'm sorry Em." he said softly, the fingers of his left hand tangling with her right.

"Don't be sorry, explain." she said with a low voice, almost like a whisper.

Clay pulled her closer and Emma leaned her head against his shoulder while looking at him expectantly.

Letting out a big sigh he let his eyes travel from her to the ceiling, trying to figure out what he wanted to say and how.

"Ok. So when you guy's left on Wednesday, Sonny and Davis were the only ones still here and they had a lot of questions for me. About you."

"Me?" Emma asked, obviously confused.

Clay nodded his head. "Yeah. Apparently I was "doing something" with you, according to Sonny, and then Davis said that…" he stopped himself, unsure of how put what Lisa had said into words that didn't make her mad.

"Lisa said… what? And "doing something"? What is that even supposed to mean?"

"All the touching and hugging I suppose. At least that is how Davis explained it to men when Sonny was about to freak out. And then they warned me. Which lead to my radio silence."

"…yeah, you're gonna have to explain that one to me Bear. Warned you from… what? Me?" she asked, feeling even more confused.

Clay shook his head. "Not in the way you're probably thinking sweets. It's just… They think we're heading down a certain road and things could get messy and with…"

Emma held up her hand that wasn't intertwined with his. "Wow, stop. "Certain road"? As in… getting together? Or what?"

Clay nodded his head slowly and finally let his eyes wander back down from the ceiling, back to Emma. Emma however wasn't looking at him any longer, her eyes were firmly fixed on his bedside shelf and her cheeks were noticeably flushed.

"Em?" he said, trying to catch her gaze but instead of doing that she hid her face against his shoulder, turning it away so that he couldn't see anything but her golden locks.

"That's ridiculous," she murmured into his skin, "you just got cheated on and besides that; you're… you, while I'm… me."

Clay opened his mouth to reply but the loud banging on his front door made them both freeze and stare at each other.


	19. Not what it looks like

Alana didn’t know what to think, feel or expect as she took the elevator up to the third floor of Clay’s apartment building.

She’d called Emma’s cell four times without her answering before she’d called Hannah instead, hoping to catcher her daughter at her friend’s house. Hannah had answered but when Alana had asked for Emma the girl had made excuse after excuse as to why her daughter couldn’t make it to the phone and after hanging up Alana had simply gotten in her car and driven over there – only to find out that her daughter was nowhere to be found.

It took all of 33 seconds before Emma’s best friends told her about the party at their classmate Lilly’s house, about the drinking and then about Clay. Alana was stunned as they told her that he had stormed in, made them go outside and then order them home while taking Emma with him.

As she left the Seaver’s house she’d had a few choices in what to do next but Alana had never been one to just wait it out so she’d driven over to Clay’s apartment complex and now here she was, in the elevator heading to the floor that housed his apartment.

Did she know what she was going to find? No. Did she know what she was going to say? No. Did she know how she felt about this? No. Truthfully, Alana didn’t have a clue about anything when it came to this. And she wasn’t even sure what this was!

Stepping out of the elevator and into the hallway she hesitated. Was she ready to knock on that door and find the answers to the questions bouncing around her head? She could just turn around, go home and wait for Emma to get there too…

Shaking her head at herself Alana made her decision and approached the door. After taking a deep breath she banged her fist against the door 4 times and then waited for a few seconds before doing it again. When no one came to the door after her third round of knocking she reached into her purse and pulled out her keys.

Jason had made them each a copy of Clay’s key after he’d changed the lock and while she hadn’t understood the reason then, she was extremely grateful to be in possession of it now.

Putting the key in the lock she turned it, heard the lock click and then she pushed the door open. As she entered she was greeted by a bare-chested Clay coming out of the bedroom with a serious case of bed head.

As he looked up at her she saw how pretty much all color left his face and he froze in his step. If she wasn’t so discombobulated she would’ve laughed but now she just stared at him.

“Clay? Who is it?” a voice asked from the bedroom and if Clay had been ashen faced before he turned white as a sheet at that.

Alana didn’t move, didn’t speak and didn’t blink as the door behind Clay opened wider and her daughter stepped out from the same room he had.

“M-m-mom!” Emma said, looking as ashen as Clay had just moments before.

Alana nodded her head and took in what she was seeing. Clay in just a pair of sleep pants and unruly hair. Emma in a t-shirt that obviously belonged to Clay, no pants, smudged makeup and messy hair. She didn’t like the conclusion she came to when she put it together.

Emma watched as her mother scanned them both from head to toe and quickly realized what it must look like.

“It’s not what it looks like!” she burst out, knowing that her protest probably made no difference but she had to say it anyway.

Alana focused in on her daughter. “I… it… no. I’m not doing this conversation like this. You two are going to get dressed and then we are going to sit down and you’re going to tell me everything. And I do mean everything. From the moment you came here 9 days ago Emma until the moment I stepped through that door. Is that understood?”

They both quickly nodded their heads in agreement and when Alana turned towards the kitchen they both escaped back into the bedroom. Of all the people who could’ve been on the other side of that door? Alana was in the bottom three.

* * *

As the bedroom door shut behind them Emma twirled around and looked at Clay with wide eyes and a trembling lip.

“I don’t… what do we… how…?” she trailed off as she started to shake uncontrollably.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Clay said, reaching his arms out and pulling her into him. “Slow your breathing down sweets or you’re going to start hyperventilating. Listen to me and do it with me.” he told her, holding her close and taking deep, slow breathes.

“Inhale… exhale… inhale…exhale. Just like that Em. Good girl.”

As Emma’s breathing evened out, her body relaxed into Clay’s and she let herself enjoy the feeling she always got when he held her like this. Calm. Safe. Home.

A few seconds later Clay pulled back slightly and looked down at the girl in his arms, finding her gaze and locking their eyes together.

“It’s going to be alright Birdie. Yes you mom is probably pissed right now, and she have every right to be. Will she be angry that you were drinking? Probably. Will she question as to why you’re here? Most definitely. Will things be awkward? Hell yeah. But even saying that, there’s nothing she can be angry about that’s been going on here.” he said, gesturing between the two of them.

When she looked doubtful he put his hand against her cheek again, a gesture that was quickly becoming a thing, and stroked it.

“There’s a conversation we need to finish and probably one or two others on the horizon but right now? I came to the party last night because I was worried. I got you out of there because I was worried and you are here, in my apartment, because I was worried. It’s that simple.”

Emma slowly nodded her head, knowing that he was right and also, the longer time they took in here, the more ideas her mom would get and the harder the coming conversation with her was going to be.

“Ok. Ok.” she said, stepping out of his hold and turning towards the pile her clothes made against the wall opposite the bed. “Get dressed and let’s get this over with.” she told him and then they both focused on just that; getting dressed.

* * *

Alana was sitting in the armchair, holding on to a cup of coffee as she studied the pair in front of her on the couch. They had just finished telling her what she had wanted to know and now she was trying to put it all together into some semblance that could give her a picture of what they meant to each other and in what direction this was headed.

The more they had told her about the events of the past 9 days, the more obvious it became to her that they were moving quickly into something that looked a whole lot like a romantic entanglement from where she was sitting. Did she think that they knew it? Judging from the glances they where sharing she would say it was likely that they knew that there was something stirring but at the same time she knew that it was way too soon for anything to really happen since Clay had just been cheated on and the last thing anyone would want was for Emma to end up being his rebound.

“Ok.” Alana said as she finished her coffee and put the cup down on the table. “Things make more sense now so thank you both for that. But that said, Emma? I’m very disappointed about the drinking. I know you’re legally an adult but you are not at the legal drinking age. You’re dad and I will discuss it and figure out some kind of punishment.”

Emma inclined her head, knowing that there was no excuse to her actions and that her parents would make it a fair punishment.

“Moving on, Alana said, “I don’t like that you spent the night here when you said you were going to sleep at Hannah’s. I know that you didn’t exactly make that decision but that goes back to the drinking and I will weigh that into you punishment.”

Emma hastily looked at Clay. “Are you gonna tell dad?” she then asked her mom.

“About you sleeping at Clay’s?” Alana asked.

Emma nodded her head. “I will accept whatever punishment but I don’t want this to cause problems with Bravo.” she said in a low voice. 

Alana smiled softly at them both. “I’m not going to tell your dad about this impromptu sleepover for exactly that reason. However,” she continued when she saw how they both relaxed at that. “I do think that there’s going to have to be some sort of conversations between the two of you and then between the two of you and your dad. Because whatever is happening here,” Alana pointed from Clay to Emma, “is going to appear on Jason’s radar sooner rather than later and if you two don’t precede that I can almost guarantee that there will be problems within the team.”

Emma glanced at Clay and Clay glanced back before he looked at Alana again.

“I know. About both parts. There’s a lot to talk about with a lot of people but I think my first conversation will have to be with Stella.” he said, looking back at Emma as he said the last part.

“Stella?” both women said at once.

Clay nodded his head. “Yes. She turned up here last night, she was actually waiting outside my door as we got back here, but she was drunk, it was late and I already had one drunk woman in my arms so I made her leave.” he told them, giving Emma a slight nudge at the drunk woman part.

“However, I’m old enough to know that we have to talk and get some closure or it will just continue to hover around us.”

Alana nodded her head, understanding where he was coming from and respecting him even more for knowing why the conversation was needed. Emma wasn’t thrilled with the idea but she too knew that if that relationship didn’t get some real closure nothing else would mean much.

As the conversation came to an end, Alana rose from the chair and looked at the two of them.

“I think it would be best if you came with me now Emma. Let’s go get some breakfast and then we can collect your bag from Hannah’s house.”

Emma looked like she was going to protest for a second but then she changed her mind and got to her feet.

“Ok mom, that sounds like a good idea.” she said before turning around to look at Clay who stood up to face her.

Emma walked up to him and put one arm around his waist, pulling him into a hug. “You’re going to answer if I call or text now right?” she whispered so that only he could hear her.

Clay nodded and then kissed her head gently. “I will, and I’ll probably stop by your house tonight. I just have to deal with Stella first.”

“Ok.” Emma whispered against his chest before pulling away and walking over to the door where Alana was waiting on her, watching the two of them.

“See you later then.” Emma said before opening the door and walking out without a second glance. Alana smiled at her retreating daughter before waving at Clay and following after Emma. She had a few more things she wanted to discuss with her oldest child over breakfast.


	20. She gets it

Walking from his car to Bayville Coffee, Clay mentally went over what he wanted to get out of this meet up. Shortly after the Hayes women had left his place he'd texted Stella and they had agreed to meet here, mostly because Clay didn't want her in his "new" apartment. Emma's redecorating had removed any and all traces of Stella and he wanted to keep it that way.

As he opened the door to the café he looked around and saw that he had arrived first so after ordering his coffee he took a seat in the back of the place, wanting as much privacy as he could get when he finally faced his ex.

He'd only just taken a sip when the brunette who'd duped him walked in. He watched her as she walked up to the counter and when she looked around and located him he just inclined his head, showing her that he had seen her too. As she got her order she walked over to him.

"Hi…" she said, placing her drink and scone on the table before sitting down, facing him.

Clay nodded his head and took another sip of his coffee.

"So…" she continued, "you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. I figured we needed to put this to bed to avoid a repeat of last night." he answered, looking pointedly at her.

Stella flushed and broke eye contact, looking out of the large window facing the street for a few moments before turning her gaze back to him.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Hm. What part are you sorry about? The showing up part, the drunken part or the rude part?" Clay asked with a grim smile, not pulling any punches.

"All of them. I showed up to talk but you weren't home and I couldn't get in. I'd brought a bottle of whisky with me and I started drinking from it while I was waiting."

"And the part where you pretty much accused me of planning to date rape? After calling her a slut of course."

Some color drained from Stella's face but she didn't look away this time, she just kept twisting her hands around her cup.

"I didn't… I mean, I know you'd never do that! It's not who you are – at all. I was just chocked to see you with someone. I mean it'd just been little over a week…"

Clay clenched his hands into fists, his knuckles going white. Yeah, it hadn't been that long since he found what she'd been up to while he was away but she had been sleeping around with _Gordon_ behind his back for months!

"You do not want to go there with me Stella, trust me. And for your information she wasn't a date, she wasn't a hook up and she will never be a one night stand."

"So who was she?" she snarled out, looking like she had just swallowed a lemon.

"Does it matter? She has nothing to do with you." Clay answered with a shrug.

The bitter look on the brunettes face didn't go away. "So what, you've moved on just like that? 5 months just… gone?" she tossed out accusingly, making Clay's eyebrows shoot into his hairline.

"Excuse me?!" he said, raising his voice enough to make it clear to her what he thought about her statement but not loud enough to draw any attention to them. "Who's been hooking up with someone else for the past 2+ months? It sure as hell wasn't me!"

Stella didn't even flinch.

"It. Was. A. Mistake! I missed you and he was there." she said, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

Clay snorted at that and rolled his eyes.

"To quote Sonny; don't pee on me and tell me it's raining! I wasn't even gone for a full month before you crawled into bed with professor sweater west so yeah, I'm not buying it Stella. And a mistake is something you do once, not continuously for months."

Stella let the tears fall but as Clay watched them trickle down her face he was surprised to find that he didn't care. He didn't feel even a little bit sorry for her. She'd made her bed, quite literally, and she was going to have to live with it.

"So you wanted to meet me here to…what? Tell me there's no way we can work this out?" Stella asked after she'd dried the tears from her cheeks.

"Pretty much, yeah. There's been some things going on in the past week and a half that have opened up some possibilities for me and if I want to explore that I can't have you popping up in my life when you feel like you miss me. I need this to end today. No calls, no texts, no visits. Let's just be done."

"What "possibilities"? You've found a girl who you think will handle you up and leaving at a moment's notice better than I did? Who won't look elsewhere for affection and time when you're god knows where and she needs you more?" she said, the bitterness and snarl back in her voice.

Clay just stared at the woman he had been so sure he'd fallen in love with a while back. Looking at her now he didn't see any resemblance between her and the woman he'd kissed goodbye in the parking lot of the airfield.

"I don't know if we're ever going to get anywhere close to a relationship but even so, I know she could handle it like nobody's business, because she already does."

It was Stella's turn to snort.

"So what, she's military? Is that even allowed?"

"No, she's not. But she knows what a tier one operator goes through and she gets it, she gets it better than anyone I've ever met outside the forces." he told her with a small shake of his head.

Stella didn't have an answer or a comeback to that so instead they lapsed into silence, both of them unsure what to say next, or if there even was anything more to say.

* * *

Breakfast with her mom had been awkward for Emma and when they returned home she had to sit through a discussion between her parents about her drinking and what her punishment would be.

She'd tuned them out as best she could as they discussed her in front of her and in the end the punishment they had settled on was one she could live with; no parentless sleepovers until further notice and she was grounded for a week.

When dinner finally rolled around Emma felt as if the day would never end. She hadn't had a moment to herself since they got home and she was in desperate need of some time to reflect, get her thoughts together and work out what the hell she was feeling. But so far she hadn't been able to get away from her parents and now she had at least another half hour of family dinner to get through.

Putting the fourth and final plate down on the table Emma looked up when her dad walked into the kitchen from the garage and she stopped cold when she saw that he wasn't alone.

"Em, set out another plane would you? Clay's staying for dinner." her dad said without even looking at her before leaving the room to wash up.

Emma glanced over at her mom by the stove and she just shrugged in response to her daughter's silent question.

When Emma looked over at Clay he was already grinning at her, amused by her confusion and totally content to lean against the counter and watch her mill around the kitchen while getting the table ready for dinner.

When everything was set out and the only thing missing was the food Emma stalked over to Clay, grabbed his hand and dragged him with her out into the backyard. She walked all the way over to the unlit fire pit and pushed Clay down on the bench next to it.

"When you said you'd come over later, this wasn't what I had I mind. You couldn't call first?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"I did. I called your dad." Clay said with a wide grin and winked up at her, before pulling her down to sit next to him on the bench.

"So," he continued, "what's got you all like… *this*?" he questioned while gesturing at her.

"You mean besides the fact that my parents haven't given me a moment to myself since I got home, that you didn't answer back when I texted and that I'm grounded for a week?" she said without pause.

Clay nodded his head and smiled at her. "Yes, besides that. Also, I'm sorry for not texting back. I got it while I was meeting with Stella and when I left I knew I was headed over here so I figured it didn't matter."

"It mattered." Emma muttered, but also gave him a small smile, letting him know she accepted his excuse.

They just sat there for a moment before Emma turned her face to look at him.

"So… what happened with Stella?"

Clay gave a huge sigh. "The better question is; how did I not see her for who she was before all this?"

Emma hooked her arm around his and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Was it that bad?"

"Apparently it was my fault because I wasn't there?" Clay said with a shrug before tilting his own head to rest against hers. "How did I not see it before? I thought she was the one you know, that she was everything I wanted and everything I didn't know I needed…"

"How could you have? I mean there was so much going on even before you guys deployed and if you zoom out a little and look at the bigger picture you didn't really know her that long before you guys got extremely serious." Emma said while giving his arm a squeeze.

"I asked her to marry me once. Did you know that?"

Emma's head flew up from his shoulder, knocking his head off of hers.

"You did?! You where ENGAGED?" she burst out, looking more confused than ever.

"No, not really. It was after our last mission before deployment, I got into a situation and got hurt and when she visited me at the infirmary I just thought that I didn't want her to not be able to see me if anything ever happened so I asked her to marry me with a ring made out of a shoelace."

Emma snorted which then turned in to a laugh.

"Smooth. How did you get out of that one?"

"We agreed that it was too big of a step and that we would just go back to how we were." Clay answered with yet another shrug.

"When was that?" she asked, trying to put the timeline together.

"The day before we left for J-bad. When we were at the Porter's."

"And then she cheated pretty much as soon as you were out of the country. Not to sound mean or anything, but I think you dodged a bullet there Bear."

"Yeah, it seems that way. I just… I don't see the point in doing these non-committed relationships and hook ups. When I find someone who fits and I like, or even love, I just want it to be us, to get serious and work towards something you know?" he told her, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye but not really looking at her.

"I actually do. That's why I never say yes to the guys who ask me out. I want real, not just a date or you know…" Emma trailed off, waving her arm around.

Clay turned his face to face her at that and suddenly they where jus starring at each other. There was so much to say but neither knew how to say it.

* * *

Alana stood by the sink, watching the two people outside through the kitchen window, when Jason stepped up next to her.

He watched with her for a minute before he turned around to lean against the counter.

"Do you want to fill me in on what's going on out there between them or should I just make him tell me?" he asked her, trying to look relaxed but she knew him better than that and saw the tension around his eyes and the stiffness in his shoulders.

"I don't really know to be honest with you Jason and I also don't think they do either. There's something but what it is?" she said with a small shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine."

Jason huffed and turned back towards the window, watching every move the two outside made very closely. He was going to have a chat with Bravo 6 before this night was over, that was for sure.


	21. It'll only bring us closer

Clay could feel Jason watching him from the moment he stepped back inside the house together with Emma and all the way through dinner. Clay had looked over at his boss a few times as they ate but every time Jason would be looking everywhere but at him as Clay tried to meet his gaze.

As Emma and Mikey began clearing the table Jason turned to face Clay and gave a small nod towards the garage. Clay inclined his head in agreement and after thanking Alana for the food, Clay joined his team leader in his garage.

As he took the two steps down from the main level to the garage he kept his eyes focused on his boss who was leaning back against his old car with his arms folded across his chest and his legs crossed.

They stood there for a moment, taking each other in, before Jason uncrossed his legs and stood up straighter, enhancing his 2 inch height advantage.

“Out with it Spenser. What the hell is going on?”

Clay shifted from one foot to the other, and for a second he considered deflecting the question. However, he knew his boss well enough to know that he was like a dog with a bone – he wouldn’t let go until he wanted to – and when it came to his family he definitely wouldn’t back down. So Clay put his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath.

“I’m not sure.” he answered, meeting Jason’s gaze and holding it without flinching. 

“Alana said the same thing but I’m calling bullshit. What is going on with you and my daughter? And don’t lie to me Bravo 6.”

Clay cringed at the use of his work call sign. That was not good progress considering he had been Clay when he arrived earlier and now he had gone from that to Spenser and Bravo 6.

“Not lying boss. Is there “something” going on? I think so. Do I know what it actually is and what it’ll end up as? No.” Clay said, still keeping his eyes locked with Jason’s.

Jason regarded the younger man for a while, trying to find any sign that he wasn’t being truthful but he didn’t find any. That made him sigh heavily and fall back against the car again.

“I don’t know what to do with that information kid.” he said, running a hand through his hair.

Clay shrugged and leaned against the shelving unit, a bit more relaxed after being called kid instead of Bravo 6.

“Neither do I Jace. Em and I need to have a conversation about this but we always seem to skirt around it.”

“I’m gonna be real honest with you Spenser, I’m not sure I like this. I like you, you know that or you wouldn’t have made it on to our team, and I think you are a great person with a huge heart but you just had that heart fractured, if not a bit broken, and I don’t want my daughter involved in that mess.”

Clay opened his mouth to tell him about this afternoons meet up but Jason held his hand up, putting a stop to it.

“And on top of that we have the age thing which doesn’t thrill me AT ALL, and also your job. I know what that means because it’s my job too.” Jason continued, pointing at Clay and then himself as he said the last part.

“You have a lot of qualities that I want any guy in Emma’s life to have Clay, but I never wanted her to fall for a team guy. I want something else for her than what I gave her mother.” he finished with a self depressing shrug.

Clay, who had turned his face down, mulled it all over in his head as Jason finished but just as he was about to reply he was interrupted by a voice from the doorway to the garage.

“Don’t you think that’s Emma’s decision Jace? And also, how dare you imply that I didn’t get everything I needed from you during our relationship?” Alana said, while closing the door behind her, stepping down to the garage and marching over to Jason, pressing a finger into his chest.

Jason looked down at the beautiful woman who had been his everything since he was just a child and who had given him the world in the form of their amazing children.

“If you did, we wouldn’t be getting a divorce ‘Lana.” he said, gently removing her finger from his chest. “And yes, it might be her decision but…”

Alana pulled he hand away from Jason’s and put it back against his chest, holding him in place against the car.

“But nothing Jason Hayes. You don’t get to decide who, when or where Emma finds… whatever it is she’s looking for. And you know why we’re getting divorced and it isn’t because you didn’t give me enough, it’s because you stopped returning from your job. The mental distance got between us, and while that could possibly be seen as you not giving me enough to some, it doesn’t to me. And it’s not up to you to decide how I see things.”

Clay listened as his boss got read the riot act and tried to blend into the wall behind him. He wasn’t sure he should be a witness to this conversation but at the same time, he knew that Alana pulled a lot of weight when it came to Jason and having her approval for whatever this “thing” was? It would mean a lot.

* * *

Emma lay on her bed; ear buds plugged in and tried hard not to think about whatever was happening downstairs in the garage. She had tried to follow her dad and Clay out there but her mom had stopped her and then she’d sent her upstairs to finish her weekend homework. That was half an hour ago and she had long since finished her homework. So here she was, flat on her back, music on and singing to the ceiling.

“_…We don't need to rush this.  
Let's just take it slow._

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight._  
J_ust a touch of the fire burning so bright._  
_ And I don't want to mess this thing up._  
_ I don't want to push too far._  
_ Just a shot in the dark that you just might,_  
_ Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life._  
_ So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight._

_I know that if we give this a little time._  
_It'll only bring us closer,_  
_ To the love we wanna find._  
_ It's never felt so real._  
_ No it's never felt so right._

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight._  
_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright._  
_ And I don't want to mess this thing up._  
_ I don't want to push too far._  
_ Just a shot in the dark that you just might,_  
_ Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life._  
_ So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight…_”

Suddenly she got the feeling that she was no longer alone, that she was being watched and her eyes immediately flew to her open door where she found Clay leaning against the door frame, hands in his pockets, head resting against the frame and eyes locked on her.

“Hi,” she said as she shot up into a sitting position, “how’d your conversation with dad go?”

Clay shrugged. “Not sure actually. Your mom came out and read him the riot act and things sort of took a turn and ended up being about them.”

“Yikes. That’s not a conversation I’d want to be in the middle of.”

“Me either.” Clay agreed as he fully entered her room and closed the door behind him, leaning back against it. “What was that song you where singing?” he then asked, eyes back on hers.

“Just a kiss.”

“Hm…” he said softly, “is it a song you relate to?”

Emma didn’t know how to answer that or where he was going with this but she nodded her head slowly anyway. Clay did the same before walking over and sitting down in front of her on her bed.

He took both her hands in his but didn’t once look away from her eyes.

“So, your dad had a lot to say about what he though and what he wanted for you.” he told her, stroking her wrists with his thumbs.

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say he wants me as far away from any guy in the military as I can get. Am I close?”

Clay smiled at how well she knew her dad.

“Pretty spot on. But your mom told him that it’s you decision either way and that he doesn’t really get a vote.”

“Ok… but where does that… I mean how do we… what am I… do you…?” Emma stuttered, not really knowing what it really was that she wanted to say or how to even start a conversation that lead anywhere close to what it should.

Clay released her right hand and but his left on her face, against her cheek, with his thumb caressing her softly.

“I don’t know Birdie. I have no freaking clue about anything right now.” he said so low it was almost a whisper. “But maybe the song you sang had it right.” he continued.

Emma raised here eyebrows, confused as to what he meant by that.

“I mean that we should just take it slow. There’s no rush, there’s no timeline, let’s just be us and see where we end up.”

“Ok, we can do that.” she said in an actually whisper, feeling weak in the knees and extremely happy to be sitting down.

Clay continued to caress her cheek and his eyes traveled from her eyes to her mouth and back up again.

“Can we try something?” he asked, releasing her other hand as well.

Emma nodded her head, hazy as it was from information overload.

Clay placed his right hand on the other side of her face and tilted it gently a little back and to the side. Then he leaned in and kissed her.


	22. The answer he wanted

3 weeks later…

Jumping out of a plane never got old. The minute of free fall before the chutes where deployed was one of the biggest adrenaline rushes Clay had ever experienced. The water landing that followed and the swim to the shore wasn't as exciting but it felt nice to use some of the muscles required for it.

As they rose from the ocean, in formation and with their rifles raised, Clay felt the surge of adrenaline he always got when on a mission with his brothers. They stopped partway up the shore to put their headgear on and regroup.

"Bravo 2, you'll be taking us to target." Jason said, eyes still focused straight ahead, looking out for any and all surprises.

"Roger that." Clay responded while sorting out the straps of his headgear.

"Don't get us lost Blondie." Sonny chimed in, glancing at Clay behind Jason's back.

It didn't take them long to get on target and shortly after they where blinded by the lights at the finish line.

"Alright, endex!" Blackburn called out officially ending the exercise and stopping the clock.

Clay folded his night vision up and looked over at Jason who did the same.

"Every one of you pencil pushers better be checking off that "perfect" box" Jason called out towards the group in front of them and Clay couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face. Jason was not a humble person.

"We'll debrief when we get back to the base." Blackburn answered, making all 5 members of Bravo shake their heads.

"Come on Blackburn. Come on, at least tell us how we did, let's go." Clay called out, stepping up as was his role as Bravo 2.

Blackburn observed them for a second and nodded his head slightly.

"You crushed it." he answered before turning away to look at the group assembled to witness the exercise.

Bravo team grinned at each other, holding out their fists and bumping them.

"We're back. We're so back." Jason said with a huge smile and clapped Clay on his back before they bumped their fists in triumph. Bravo was back on rotation!

* * *

Emma couldn't sleep. She really should be because it was 2am and she had school in the morning but here she was, tossing and turning and checking her phone every other minute. Her dad had left the house to drive to the base right after dinner and then she'd gotten a text from Clay that they were about to leave their phones in their cages at around 9pm and since then – total silence.

She knew how much this exercise meant, both to her dad and especially for Clay. Her dad wanted to get back in to the swing of things, because he was pretty much climbing the walls at this point. Clay on the other hand needed to get this over with and get to actually act as Bravo 2 in a more official capacity.

The team had been on base every day, running drills and getting their shit together, for the past 2 weeks and tonight they were being evaluated, but drills and team stuff wasn't "real", even Emma knew that, and this exercise would prove to everyone, and the team itself, if Bravo could function with Clay as 2IC.

Turning to her right Emma reached out for her phone again, checking if she'd missed a call or text (she hadn't) and what the time was. 2.08am glowed back at her. She groaned, tossed the phone back on her nightstand and flopped onto her back. Her alarm was set to go off in less than 4 hours. Her Friday would suck!

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

The sound coming from her phone made her fly up, scrambling over to the nightstand. As she got hold of the buzzing object she saw Clay's face and name flash up at her.

"Hey." she said as soon as she'd pushed answer and held it against her ear.

"Hi Birdie. Did I wake you?"

Emma shook her head, before realizing that he couldn't actually see her.

"No, I can't sleep. How'd you do?"

"We passed so as of this morning we are back on rotation and could be spun up at anytime." he said, sounding as tired as she felt.

"That's great! How did it feel to you? Being 2IC I mean?"

"It works I guess… it's just not the same without Ray though. We can work as a 5 man team and get it done but…"

"You're missing something." Emma concluded, nodding her head.

"Yeah… but until he's healed up and you're dad is ready to forgive him this will work."

"You do know that the second part could take way longer than uncle Ray's rehab does, right? Dad can be a hard ass…"

"Tell me about it sweets. But anyway, you should really go to sleep now or you'll be a zombie at school." Clay said with a smile in his voice.

"Ugh, don't remind me. Thankfully Friday's are short days and my main class is music."

"Guess you won't fall asleep in class then." he replied, pausing before continuing. "Before we say goodnight I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out tomorrow? Unless we get spun up we'll have the day off."

"Sounds great to me. You have any plans or…?" she trailed off.

"How about I pick you up from school and we go for a hike?

Silence greeted him at that.

"Emma…?" he called out as her reply was nonexistent.

"I'm here. I just… you want to go hiking? Is this your way of making me exercise? Because I told you I only do it to stay in shape, not for fun."

Clay burst out laughing at that.

"No baby, It's not. I just found this trail before we got deployed and wanted to check it out with you. What do you say?"

"Fine. Fine, we'll go hiking after school. You can pick me up at half past 1." Emma said, giving in and blowing out a breath of defeat.

"Great. I'll see you in the afternoon. Sweet dreams Birdie."

"You too, good night Bear." she told him before ending the call and putting in back where it belong on her nightstand.

* * *

About 5 hours later Emma was walking towards the kitchen when she heard her mom ask her dad about the exercise the night before. Instead of entering the room Emma stopped and waited for her dad's response, curious if it matched Clays.

"Great! Team is clicking." she heard him say, accompanied by clicking that probably came from him snapping his fingers.

"That's good. How'd Clay do?" her mom asked, which was something Emma herself very much wanted to know but wouldn't ever ask her dad about.

"Kid was solid. Took charge when he needed to and the boys followed his orders. A good night by all accounts."

Emma smiled at that, very happy to hear that her dad was happy with his new number 2. Not wanting to eavesdrop anymore than she already had, she walked in to the kitchen.

"I need a ride to school." she told the two adults as she approached them.

"You've been driving yourself in my car all week, you can't do that today?" Alana asked her, one eyebrow flying up in question.

"Not unless you want your car left in the school parking lot this afternoon."

"Huh?" her mom said at that, looking at her questioningly.

Emma sighed.

"Clay is picking me up after school. We're going to hang out."

Jason and Alana looked at each other for a moment before both turned back to look at Emma.

"You're hanging out with Spenser tonight?" Jason asked.

"This afternoon at least. Why do both of you look so weird? We've been hanging out like every other day or so for 3 weeks now…"

"It's just that it's Friday sweetheart and we usually spend Friday evenings together as a family." Alana cut in.

"And I'll be back either before or just after dinner..

"What, what are you guys gonna do?" Jason asked, trying to sound as if he wasn't extremely curious.

Emma looked knowingly back at her dad and tried to decide if she should tell him or let him suffer. She did however still need a ride so she decided to go with the truth.

"He's taking me hiking. Hench why I'm dressed like this." she said, gesturing at her ¾ length athletic leggings, long tank top and the sweater she was holding.

Her parents looked at each other again before they burst out laughing. Emma looked at them with a frown until they stopped.

"What's so funny?"

"Hiking? The kid is taking you hiking? Does he know you at all? You hate workouts." Jason asked with laughter still in his voice.

Emma tossed her hands up.

"I don't even know why he thinks this is a good idea but he said he wanted to take me to this trail he found before you guys deployed so I said yes."

"Ok," Jason said with a wide grin, "come on, I'll take you to school so that you can go hiking with Spenser later."

Emma shook her head at the glee with which her dad said that and then turned towards her mom to give her a hug.

"Bye mom, love you. I'll call if I won't make it back for dinner." she said, and then followed her dad out to the car.

* * *

Pulling in to the high school's parking lot Clay looked at the surroundings. He'd finished high school almost a decade ago and while college had followed that was also a long time ago. Hell, it felt like it was a lifetime ago since he had left school and joined the Navy.

Lost in thoughts Clay didn't realize that Emma had walked out of the building until she pulled the passenger door open and jumped into the seat next to him. She tossed her bag into the back and then turned to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Clay returned her hug, wrapping his own arms around her waist, almost pulling her off her seat and on to his lap. They held on for a while and then gently let each other go, returning Emma to a seated position on the passenger seat.

"It's good to see you Birdie." he said as she pulled her seat belt on and he started the car. "I missed you yesterday."

"Missed you too. If you hadn't called when you did I probably would've still been up when dad got home." she told him as she focused back on him now that her belt was buckled.

"Yeah… I knocked out real hard when I got home. Was Jace still sleeping when you left for school?"

"Nope, he was up before I left. He actually drove me here."

"Huh. Guess he really don't require much sleep even when we're home". Clay said with a small grin.

"Let me guess, you slept until noon?" Emma teased.

"No, I was up before noon! I got up at 11.30…"

A giggle escaped Emma and soon both of them were laughing.

"So, how long will it take us to get to this hiking trail?" she asked him when the laughing died down.

"About 10 minutes I'd think. The trail is about 6.3miles so I hope you brought some other types of shoes with you." he told her, glancing at her low top converse.

"I'm not stupid. I have my sneakers in my bag." she replied with an eye roll.

"Hey I'm just asking" he said with a smile, before reaching over to grab hold of her hand and interlocking their fingers.

Emma smiled at him and leaned back against the headrest, enjoying this small moment of peace in the car.

* * *

The hike wasn't as bad as Emma had imagined. It was actually a quite nice stroll since they weren't in any hurry to finish and just enjoyed walking and talking. As the two of them reached the trails highest point, which offered a beautiful view, they decided to sit down for a while.

A large boulder was sitting near the edge so Emma decided to sit down on it and then she reached into her bag to retrieve her water bottle. As she unscrewed the lid on the bottle Clay joined her on the boulder but instead of sitting down next to her as she expected, he situated himself behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him.

"What are you doing?" she asked over her shoulder before taking a drink out of her bottle.

"Holding you." he simply answered before stealing the water bottle out of her hands.

"Hey! That's mine." she said with a pout, even though she didn't actually mind sharing.

Clay didn't answer, instead he took a few mouths of water and then handed the bottle back to her, his arms returning to their position around her waist.

Emma screwed the lid back on and returned the bottle to her bag before leaning back against the man behind her, her head coming to rest against his right shoulder.

"This right here," she told him, pointing out at the view, "makes up for you making me hike all the way up here."

"Is that so? I didn't hear you complain on the way up so don't pretend you had an awful time Birdie. You liked it." he said, smiling down at her as she tilted her head back enough to see his face.

"Maybe."

"Maybe huh?"

She nodded her head emphatically.

"Is there anything I can do to turn that maybe into a yes?" he asked, his smile turning into a smirk and the glint in his eyes told her that he had a list of things he could do to make that maybe a yes.

As their eyes met and Clays head started too descended towards hers, Emma knew exactly what he could – and most likely would – do to make her give him the answer he wanted and she tilted her head to make the process easier.

Just as their lips were about to touch, a shrill ring was heard and Clay pulled his head back up again, closing his eyes with a groan before taking his phone out of his pocket. As he scanned the text he sighed loudly.

"Work?" she asked, knowing that they were back on rotation.

"Yeah. I have to be on base in 20 for a briefing and..." he stopped and frowned down at her. "There's no way I can drive you home and make it there in that time. You're gonna have to go with me and then drive yourself home in my car."

"Won't you need to go home and pack if you're catching a spin?"

"No, I have all I could possibly need on base, just in case. And when we get back I can either catch a ride to your house with your dad or have Sonny drop me off at home. No big deal." he said with a shrug.

"Ok, well we need to make it back down this hill quickly or you will be late either way. Let's get a move on." Emma told him before jumping off the boulder and pulling her backpack back on.

"Come one slow poke, you have work to do." she said when she realized he was still sitting on the boulder. He slowly rose and jumped down as well, disappointed that his day with Emma was ending so soon but excited to get back out there with the team.


	23. Locker room talk

Clay had just changed out of his civvies and into more work appropriate clothes in his cage when Sonny blew into the room all hustle and bustle.

"Yo, Fabio, I saw some woman drive away in your car as I got here. Did you forget to tell your boy Sonny you've got a new girl warming your bed? Saw she was a blond, is it true they're more fun?" he called out at Clay has he moved toward his own cage.

Clay glanced at the cage that housed their boss and saw his back grew stiffer at every word spilling from the Texan's mouth. Clay cursed inwards. Jace knew who he'd spent his afternoon with and even the slightest connection to Emma and locker room talk was gonna end in bloodshed. He didn't know whose blood exactly but nothing good could come of it.

"Eh, no I don't have a new girl Sonny and I don't think we should talk about it." Clay said, still looking at Jason instead of at Sonny.

"Oh come on pretty boy, tell your brothers who the new chick is. She got to drive your beloved Nova so she's not a one nighter. Spill!"

Clay actually cringed at Sonny's words. How did he get out of this? How did he stop Jason from murdering both him and Sonny and how in the world could he stop Sonny's trash-talk?

When Clay didn't answer Sonny got Brock to join in.

"What do you think Tinkerbell is trying to hide from us Brock?" the burly man asked the man in the cage to his right.

"Don't know Sonny. Maybe he's afraid one of us will try to steal her. I mean we're more distinguished and skilled than he is."

"Oh, you got that right. That the case Blondie?"

Clay opened his mouth but before he could answer Jason closed the door to his cage with a loud bang.

"All of you shut it. If you're not changed and in the team room in 2, I'm making you stay behind and run drills with Green Team. Understood?!" Jason said, his voice filled with badly disguised anger and his eyes where shooting daggers at them.

Even Sonny, not one who usually backed down, seemed to realize that Jason had had enough so he nodded along with his brothers and turned around towards his gear when Jason stormed out.

Clay was about to follow his leader when the door swung open again and Ray strolled in.

"Who peed in his cornflakes?" he asked, looking from Clay to Sonny, knowing they where the most likely to have gotten to Jason.

Brock, Trent and Clay all pointed at Sonny.

"Hey now, that's not fair!" the Texans said. "I just wanted to know who the girl was. Peter Pan shouldn't be keeping secrets from his brothers." he continued, pointing at Clay with a wagging finger.

Ray focused in on the newest member of the team, his (hopefully temporary) replacement at 2IC.

"Girl?" he asked Clay, one eyebrow raised.

Clay breathed out heavily and shook his head.

"You guys need to stop this. Jason would kill you all if he was still in here."

"And why is that?" Ray asked. "Because he's never been one to discourage locker room talk before."

Sweeping his gaze over Ray, Trent, Sonny and Brock before landing on the first again, Clay squeezed his eyes shut. Damn them for being so freaking persistent.

"Because you, " he finally said, pointing a finger at Sonny, "pretty much called his daughter a bed warmer."

The silence that followed his statement was tangible and the looks on his teammates faces – priceless. Ray looked as if his eyes were going to fall out, Trent had his mouth wide open, Brock was just staring at him and Sonny, well Sonny had fallen back on his ass; mouth open, eyes wide.

Before they all could gather themselves together Clay saw his chance to escape and took it, following after Jason towards the team room, ready to hear the briefing and get away from the questions Bravo 2 through 5 would have.

* * *

All the way through the briefing about a GOPLAT that had been overtaken by militants, Clay could feel the looks he was getting from Sonny. Trent and Brock also glanced at him more than usual but Sonny was looking more at Clay then he was at Blackburn, the monitors and Jason.

After getting a plan together and being introduced to their new EOD guy, Blackburn told them they had two hours until wheels up and to get everything squared away. As they started to file out of the room, Clay hung back, hoping to avoid the ambush Sonny was probably arranging. Jason did the same, keeping his eyes fixed on Clay.

Sonny stopped at the door and waited for them but Jason waved him away and reluctantly Sonny followed the silent command. Jason didn't give an inch, his gazed zeroed in on his 2IC.

"I don't want to ever hear a conversation like that again. You understand?" he gritted out, pointing at Clay.

"I know boss. It's just Sonny…" Clay began, only to be interrupted.

"I don't care about Sonny's part. If you had told them a couple of weeks ago that you were spending time with Emma, that wouldn't have happened. This team works because we tell the truth, we have each other's backs and we act like the family we are. You keeping this from them? That led to this. That's on you."

Clay inclined his head because, yeah, Jason was partly right, but still what was he supposed to have told them? Just "Hey guys, I'm hanging out with Emma every other day and we've kissed a few time." wouldn't have gone over well. At all.

Jason observed the blond for a moment, before slapping him on his back, showing him he wasn't really mad but he didn't want his daughter to be locker room talk.

"I have to head back to the house and find my passport before we leave, you want to join me and collect your car?" he asked, smirking at the younger man.

Clay shook his head. "Nah, I'm gonna do some last minute checks of my gear and get my shit together."

"You gonna face the inquisition?" Jason asked, eyebrows flying up. "I didn't think that on your list of things you wanted to do today?"

"It's not, but I'm gonna have to deal with it sooner or later and I'd rather do it now before we are wheels up. Everything needs to be squared away before we get on the C-17."

"And that's why your 2IC kid." Jason finished off, giving Clay's shoulder a firm squeeze before leaving the room.

Clay stood there for a moment, looking at the now closed door, wondering how he had ended up in this position.

* * *

"Sit your ass down Bam-Bam and explain to us what the hell you have going on with baby Hayes." Sonny said the moment that Clay stepped into the cage room, pushing him towards a crate that was situated in the middle of the floor.

Looking around Clay saw that Sonny had rallied the troops because not only was Trent, Brock and Cerberus present, so was Ray, Davis and Blackburn. The last one surprised him because while Blackburn was a part of their group, he usually put some distance between himself and the guys below Bravo 1.

With a sigh Clay ran his fingers through his hair and took the seat Sonny had appointed him.

"Let's just get this over with them, huh. What's on your mind Sonny?" he asked, locking eyes with man obviously in charge of this "mission".

"I just said what it was, didn't I? What. Are. You. Doing?"

"Spending time with Emma?" Clay said, making to sound like a question, a statement and a normal thing all at the same time.

Sonny threw his arms up in the air.

"No shit Captain Obvious. Explain that!"

"What do you want me to say? We're hanging out. We like spending time together, we have a connection, we're taking our time."

"And what the hell does that mean?" Sonny asked with a frown.

"It means that we're going slow. I like her, she likes me, we're seeing what happens."

"…and Jay is ok with this?" Ray spoke up from where he was leaning against Jason's cage.

Clay shrugged. "Ok? Who knows? Alana pretty much told him to back off and let Emma make her own decisions. His biggest problems are the age difference and *this*" he answered, waving his hands around at their surroundings.

"How long has this been going on?" Trent asked from behind Clay.

Clay looked at him over his shoulder. "In this capacity? Since that night she texted me drunk of her ass."

That made all of the other men in the room stand up straight.

"So help me Cinderella if you took advantage of her when she was drunk I'm gonna…" Sonny burst out.

"No! What the hell dude?!" Clay shouted back at him. "I would never and I thought you knew me better than that! Screw you!"

"Ok, ok, everyone calm down!" Blackburn stepped in, holding his hands out and calming the room down. He then turned to Clay.

"Is this gonna effect the team? You and Jason…?"

"We're golden. I don't know about these guys." Clay answered, pointing at Sonny, Trent and Brock.

Brock held his hands up in a defensive motion. "Bro we're solid. If you're good and she's good I have no problems with anything that's been said here."

"What he said." Trent said with a nod, agreeing with Bravo 5.

Clay nodded his head back at the two of them and then looked over at his best friend on the team, the guy who'd been a pain in his ass since day one but always had his back.

"Sonny?" he asked, trying to keep his worry out of his demeanor. Sonny's opinion mattered. Not that he would give up Emma if Sonny had a problem with it but he wanted Sonny on his side.

Sonny looked at him for a few seconds and then glanced over at Davis who hadn't said a word. She tilted her head to the side and all of the tension bled out of the proud Texan. Turning back to Clay he held his fist out.

"Love you like a brother, brother. It's just that Pebbles is special to me and I don't, I can't…"

Clay bumped his own fist against Sonny's and nodded along.

"I know. I'll tell you right now, all of you actually, that I will never do anything to intentionally hurt her. Ok?"

The all nodded along and Clay smiled wearily at them, glad that this ordeal was over and they could turn their focus on to what actually mattered; saving the hostages and preventing an environmental disaster.

* * *

Emma woke up with a start and as she gathered herself together, she had no idea what had woken her up in the middle of the night. Glancing at the clock she saw that it was a few minutes after 3. What woke her up? Right then her phone lit up, making it clear why she was awake; she'd gotten a message.

Grabbing her phone from the nightstand she saw she'd actually gotten 2 texts, one from her dad and one from Clay. She opened her dad's first.

**Dad**  
Sunday, 03.08  
_Can you call him please?_

Emma frowned at that. Call him? Clay? In the middle of the night? She pulled up Clay's message next, and that didn't give her any more information.

**Bear**  
Sunday, 03.03  
_You awake Birdie? Need to hear your voice._

Ok, that did it. Without thinking further Emma pulled up Clay's contact and pressed call.

"Birdie?" he answered, sounding tired but wound up at the same time.

"Yeah. Are you ok? Are my dad?" she asked, worried by the messages and his tiredness.

"…mostly. I'm gonna ache for days but we're all alive and we're going to take off in 30." he told her, making her sigh in relief.

"So what's got you wound up Bear?" she asked, keeping her voice sweet and low.

"I had to dive in to the ocean… from 70 feet high."

"70?!" Emma burst out, eyes widening at the thought.

"Yeah. It was a long fall… took forever."

"I believe that. That why you're gonna be sore for a while?"

"Hm. Didn't feel a thing on our why back to the plane but now I feel like a walking bruise." he said, groaning as he sat down on the wall seat.

"I don't even want to imagine. What time are you guys gonna be back?" she wondered.

"Around 5pm. I can't wait to see you." he said, lowering his voice to keep his teammates from listening in.

"Miss you too." she replied. "I'm gonna be there when you guys land. I do have your car remember?"

"You don't have to do that, I can just catch a ride with your dad." he said, not wanting to be an inconvenience to her.

"I'm still gonna be there." she said, not up for even discussing it.

He blew out a breath but smiled at her reply. "Thanks sweets."

"Don't thank me. I want to see you too."

"Hm.." he said again, while yawning and rubbing his eyes with the hand not holding his phone.

Hearing his yawn Emma smiled a little and then settled herself back against her pillows.

"Will you do something for me?" she asked when he didn't continue their conversation but also didn't seem to want to hang up.

"Always." he answered.

"Lie back, close your eyes and relax."

She waited for a moment, hearing him groan and shift on the other side of the line. When he let out another tired sigh she was certain that he had followed her instructions which made her smile fondly.

Drawing in a deep breath she then started to sing.

"_Late at night when all the world is sleeping,_  
_I stay up and think of you._  
_ And I wish on a star,_  
_ That somewhere you are thinking of me too._

_'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight._  
_'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight._  
_ And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be,_  
_ Than here in my room dreaming about you and me._

_Wonder if you ever see me, and I,_  
_Wonder if you know I'm there._  
_ If you looked in my eyes,_  
_ Would you see what's inside?_  
_ Would you even care?_

_I just want to hold you close,_  
_But so far, all I have are dreams of you._  
_ So I wait for the day, and the courage to say,_  
_ How much I love you…_"

Before she'd reached the refrain for the second time she heard rustling on the other side so she stopped singing and waiting.

"Ems?" she smiled as she heard her dad's voice.

"Yeah it's me."

"He's asleep. Thanks for that. He was walking around like a trapped animal."

"Good. I'm going to go back to sleep now too. I'll see you when you get back." she said before saying goodbye.

After ending the call Emma put her phone back and cuddled up under her comforter again. She'd see them in the afternoon but first she had another 6 or so hours of sleep to catch!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is Dreaming of you by Selena


	24. He's lost it

Pulling in to the parking space at the Naval Air Station Emma couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. She’d been anxious all day and for the last 2 hours she’d been counting down the minutes until she could leave the house for the 20 minute drive to the air station. Now she was finally here but there was still another 10 or so minutes until the plane touched down and then they had to disembark. However, just being there, next to the tarmac, made her relax a little. She would see her dad and Clay as soon as they excited the gate and that was as good as she was going to get.

After situating herself on the hood of Clay’s car, smirking to herself as she did so because he would probably freak out if he saw her sitting on his pride and joy, Emma kept her eyes on the sky, trying to catch the earliest glint of the plane as possible.

7 minutes later she saw the tell tale dot coming closer and closer and within a minute or two the C-17 sat down on US soil again, coming to a stop at a distance but close enough that she could make out who where exciting the plane when they started to disembark.

First one off the aircraft was Sonny, followed closely by Brock. Looking past them Emma furrowed her brow as her dad, Clay and Trent didn’t immediately appear after them.

When the first two members of Bravo reached the gate separating the tarmac from the parking, Bravo 1, 2 and 4 was still not showing any signs of disembarking, making the knot in Emma’s stomach twist.

She jumped off the hood and walked over to her uncles with hurried steps.

“What’s going on?” she asked, not even bothering to greet her uncles, worry making her a bit rude.

“Breathe Emmy.” Brock said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a side hug.

“Don’t worry Pebbles, Pin-up girl just had some problems moving around after his swan dive so Trent was gonna give him some injection of fast working pain meds.” Sonny continued, slinging his own arm around her from the other side, dragging her away from Brock, towards himself.

“Don’t worry?” Emma asked incredulously, looking from Sonny to Brock and back again.

“He’s going to be just fine Em. It’s normal to be hurting after that jump he made.” Brock said, placing a fond kiss on her head.

“Normal?!” she burst out, now looking at the both of them as if they were nuts.

“Yes baby Hayes, normal. You don’t dive of a GOPLAT and not hurt.” Sonny said, squeezing her one more time before letting go of her. “And if you look over there,” he continued, pointing at the aircrafts opening, “you’ll find that the rest of the team is about to join the party.”

Turning her head back towards the plane she saw that her uncle was right, Trent and her dad was walking towards them with a slow moving Clay between them.

As they got close enough the gate rolled to the side again and Emma took off towards them at a jog. When she reached them she stopped cold, not sure how to approach Clay without hurting him. Clay, seeing her indecision, spread his arms out.

“Come here Birdie.” he said, drawing her in close as she put her arms around him and buried her face in his neck.

The rest of Bravo watched with fascination as their youngest teammate, who had been in so much pain he could hardly walk as the C-17 touched down, totally relaxed into the embrace from the younger girl. Gone where any traces of pain and tiredness and left was a man who looked like he was holding the world in his arms.

Jason shook his head. He had a feeling he was gonna have to get used to this no matter what he thought of his baby with one of his men. Alana had made it perfectly clear to him that she would support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do about this and while she wasn’t ecstatic about the age difference either, she’d asked him if he could really see Emma with a guy her own age and that – that had made him think.

He’d mulled it over for a while actually but he always reached the same conclusion; Emma didn’t seem to have a lot in common with guys her own age and she’d turned down everyone who’d asked her out as far as he knew. Her and the kid though? They’d connected down deep and Jason knew better than most how a friendship could develop into a strong relationship. It was what he and Alana had once had, and they still had the strongest of friendships.

Shaking his head again, this time to clear away his thoughts, Jason put his hands on the couple’s shoulders, making them break their embrace.

“Hi daddy.” Emma said when she finally looked at him and reached over to hug him as well. It was a short hug though and soon enough she was firmly planted by the kid’s side again.

“Hey baby girl.” he replied, ruffling her hair.

“Ok, enough with the mushy stuff.” Sonny cut in. “What’s the game plan here? Someone is gonna have to take wonder boy home and stay with him right? I’d volunteer for the job, except I don’t want to. So, game plan?”

Jason ran a hand through his hair, knowing they were all tired and wanted to go home, have a shower and go to bed. He also knew that he needed to finish the AAR, Brock was itching to pick up Cerberus and Trent had earned the right to not have to spend the night with the kid. Again. Because Trent had done it the last two times it was needed. That left Sonny, who obviously was itching to do something different. Or…

“Will you do it?” he asked, looking at his daughter. It was against his better judgment really, but he had a feeling Emma wouldn’t relax at home anyway and it wasn’t like they could get up to much when the kid was hurting so much he had had to have an injection of a pain reliever to even get off the plane.

Emma’s eyes grew wide. Was he really suggesting what she thought he was suggesting? Looking around at the other members of Bravo told her that yes; she’d heard him correctly because they were all looking at her dad as if he’d lost all of his marbles.

Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth she quickly nodded in reply, gave her dad a quick kiss on his cheek before helping Clay walk over to his car and sit down in the passenger seat.

As Emma sat down in the driver seat the last thing she heard before closing the door was Sonny asking her dad if he’d actually lost his mind. That made her smile as she started the car and backed away because she was wondering the same thing.

* * *

Clay regretted ever jumping off the GOPLAT. He was hurting everywhere and so far he hadn’t found a position that made it possible to relax enough for sleep to take him away from the aches. If he moved his shoulders his side would ache, if he twisted to the side his neck would protest and if he sat up and leaned against his headboard his back wanted to kill him. Twisting yet again, to see if he could escape the pain coming from his left knee without disturbing anything else, he groaned as the knee found relief but instead his elbow hurt.

Emma, who had been watching him for a few moments without him noticing, giggled from the doorway. Clay’s head snapped up and he glared at her but there was no actual heat in his glare.

“No comfortable position to be found?” she asked, feeling sorry for him but also not able to not smile at his constant movement and the positions he tried out – without much luck it seemed.

“No.” he said with a sigh. “Looks like I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.” he continued, glaring at the ceiling as if it was its fault.

Glancing at the clock Emma saw that it was almost 9pm which meant that she needed to get ready for bed as well because she still had school in the morning. She stole a shirt out of his dresser before disappearing into the bathroom, returning just a little while later to find him where she left him; miserable in his bed.

“Have you had any painkillers since we got home?” she asked, once again looking at the clock, this time counting back the hours to see if he could have anything to help take the edge off.

Clay shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“I think you can have some Advil and that will hopefully help some. I’m gonna text Trent just to be safe though.” she told him while taking her phone up from where she had left it on the dresser.

**Emma Hayes**  
Sunday, 20.57  
_Hi it’s Emma. Can Clay take some Advil to take the edge of the pain and be able to sleep? Wanted to check since I didn’t know what you injected._

**Uncle Trent**  
Sunday, 20.59  
_Advil is fine. I’ll come by in the morning and check up on him._

Putting her phone back down Emma went into the kitchen and located the box of Advil she’d found when they were putting everything back together after the redecoration. Bringing two gel caps and a bottle of water with her back into the bedroom she offered them both to him without preamble.

Clay swallowed the offered caps and emptied the bottle without blinking.

“Thanks sweets. Are you joining me now?” he asked as he was finished, tossing the bottle onto the wall shelf and focusing in on her.

“If you think you can share a bed with it causing you pain, yeah. If not I’m gonna take the couch and…”

“Like hell you will!” he burst out before she could finish. “You’re staying here. With me.”

Emma shook her head at the man in front of her. “Not if it’s gonna hurt you more Bear. Think it will?”

Clay actually took a second to consider it before he shook his head.

“Truthfully? I think I’d sleep better with you in here than out there.”

Emma gave him a soft smile before walking over to turn off the lights and pick up her phone. After plugging in a charger and placing her phone to charge on the wall shelf on “her” side of the bed, she pulled the covers back and slipped in beside him.

It took them a few tries to find the position that brought him the least pain but in the end they were back to where they’d been the last time Emma had been here; with her as the little spoon to his big one.

Turning her head to look over her shoulder at him she gave him another soft smile.

“You’re sure this isn’t hurting you?”

“I’m sure baby.” he said, taking the opportunity to place a kiss on her mouth.

It was a soft meeting of lips at first, but when he nibbled gently on her bottom lip she opened for him and he returned the favor, deepening the kiss. Seconds turned to minutes as they kissed but when Clay groaned in pain Emma pulled back, creating some distance between their faces.

“What’s wrong?” she panted out, out of breath from their kissing.

“My neck muscles did not appreciate that.” he answered with a grin, before placing his head back against the pillow beneath him.

Emma muffled a laugh and turned her head back around, knowing that she needed to sleep – worked up or not. It took her a while to wind down but she felt him place a soft kiss in her hair which made her relax and when he started to puff out even breathes on her neck, her eyelids grew heavy and she too fell asleep.


	25. You know we're gonna talk about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be up yesterday but my tired ass fell asleep 600 words in. But here it finally is.

Clay woke up to banging on his front door. He groaned as he rolled out of the bed and moved his sore body out of the bedroom, towards the door. Throwing it open he was face with not one, but two, of his teammates.

“Well good morning sunshine!” Sonny said as he pushed his way past Clay into the apartment, followed by Trent.

“What… what are you guys doing here?” he asked, looking from one to the other as he closed the door. They were already inside so there wasn’t much else he could do really.

“I told Em I would check up on you today and Sonny over here,” Trent said, “had nothing better to do so he came along.”

“What he said.” Sonny agreed. “Where’s Pebbles hiding Bam-Bam?” he then asked, looking around the open area before glancing at the bedroom door.

“I’m guessing school but I don’t know since I was apparently sleeping when she left. I slept like the dead once I actually managed to relax.” Clay answered, gingerly sitting down on the chaise.

That made Trent take a closer look at his teammate.

“Did you have much trouble falling asleep?”

“Not after Emma gave me Advil. Fell asleep and didn’t wake up until you two numbnuts started banging on my door.” he answered, giving them an evil glare.

“Hey blame Sonny, not me. I wanted to knock like a normal person.” Trent said, pointing at the burly Texan.

“It’s like I’ve told you boys before, if you want to get shit done, you have to be loud about it!” Sonny told them.

Trent and Clay looked at each other and couldn’t help smiling at the goof that where their brother.

“Whatever you say Sonny. Whatever you say.” Clay said patronizingly. “So… you’ve seen that I’m alive, anything else I can help you out with?” he asked, turning to Trent.

“You can tell me how you’re actually feeling. Pain level?”

“To be honest I expected to feel worse. Last night sucked but today feels more like the day after a badass workout. I’m sore and most movements have that sting of pain but it’s not bad.”

Trent nodded his head, happy to hear that Clay wasn’t going to give him another mystical injury, pain or illness to deal with just yet.

“Good. We’re supposed to be on base in an hour – that’s another reason why we’re here. AAR time.”

Clay sighed. “Guess a day off was too much to ask for. I need to shower and get dressed. One of you better have made coffee when I’m finished.” he said, pointing from one to the other before leaving the room.

* * *

**Bear**  
Monday, 12.24  
_So, funny thing. I was about to drive to work but had to catch a ride with Trent. Do you have any idea of where I’ve misplaced my car? ;)_

**Birdie**  
Monday, 12.25  
_Who, me__? Nope _¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Bear**  
Monday, 12.27  
_Funny girl. I’ll catch a ride to your house with your dad when we’re done here so I can get my hands on my keys again. (And you. But mostly my keys ;)_

**Birdie**  
Monday, 12.30  
_That hurt! You prefer your car to me? :( __;)   
But yes, see you at my house when you get there _( ˘ ³˘)♥

**Bear**  
Monday, 12.31  
_I’d choose you any time, any day _♥♥♥  
_See you there!_

Putting his phone back in his pocket, Clay looked up to find that all of the other members of Bravo, including Ray who had joined them for lunch, were staring at him.

“What?” he asked, looking at each of them in turn.

“What got you grinning like a fool? No, wait, don’t tell me! Let me guess…” Sonny said.

“Careful…” Jason cut in, narrowing his eyes at Sonny.

“Pebbles!” Sonny quickly finished, not going with any of the other things he’d had floating around in his head.

“I was texting Emma, yes. What’s the big deal?” Clay asked.

“It’s still new to us brother so you are going to get some slack for…” Ray said, stopping for a second to glance at Jason, “going after the boss’s daughter.” he finished.

“Wow, wow, wow. Hold it!” Jason burst out. “There was –is - no “going after” business going on. And I thought I told you I didn’t want any talk about my daughter?”

The all looked at Jason with skeptical looks.

“Come on Jay. You know we’re gonna talk about it. We’ll never insult Emma but the kid,” Ray said, pointing at Clay, “is gonna take some shit for getting himself “involved”, ok?”

Jason muttered but didn’t comment further, instead he focused back on his food. Clay shook his head at his brothers.

“You guys are way too interested for your own good. Em and I, we’re just... going slow. I haven’t asked her out, I haven’t…”

“Bullshit.” Jason cut in, looking up from his plate again.

“What?” Clay asked, not getting what part of what he’d said was inaccurate.

“Not asked her out my ass. The two of you go out every other day. You we’re out freaking _HIKING_ when we got called in last time.” Jason explained with a pointed look.

“Those aren’t dates boss. Those are us hanging out.”

“Hmhm. Yeah, I don’t buy it kid.” Jason replied with a small shake of his head, making Clay shrug his shoulders in response. It’s not like he would be able to actually convince Jason otherwise.

“Hold on. Stop for just one minute.” Sonny said, looking at Clay. “You took her _HIKING_?”

Clay nodded his head, and Sonny burst out laughing. When he stopped he turned to face his boss.

“I’m gonna have to side with Peter Pan boss. Because hiking is not a date activity when the girl in question is Emma. The girl hates workouts.”

Jason didn’t bother with an answer and slowly the group returned to what they had been doing before they all got nosy about Clay’s life – eating.

As they finished up lunch and cleared of the table Clay made sure he ended up walking next to Jason as they left the mess hall.

“What’s on your mind Spenser?” Jason asked, knowing the kid had something on his mind.

“Just wanted to check if I could catch a ride with you to your place when we’ve finished up here.” Clay said, before adding; “Em is still in possession of my car.”

“Sure. I really do have to think about finding another place to live. The divorce is proceeding and though we might be best friends still, it’s weird living with your ex.” he said, turning to look at Clay. “Right?” he then added.

Clay nodded his head slowly. “It’s not not weird. But if it works…” he trailed off.

“It does and it doesn’t. I love being close to the kids but sleeping in a bunk bed with you 10 year old son? Not something a grown ass man should do for an extended period of time.” Jason said with a snort.

Clay laughed at the image he’d painted. “Yeah, I can see that. You gonna ask Alana for help to find a new place?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Every time I bring it up she gets weird and defensive.”

“…Isn’t she the one who initiated the divorce? But she still wants you to stay in the house? Except not in the same bed? That’s weird man.”

“You can say that again.” Jason said, effectually ending the conversation as they reached the team room, put their phones in their designated places and then entered the room.

* * *

Alana looked up from her screen when the front door opened and smiled as she saw her daughter enter the house.

“Well hi there stranger.” she said, closing her computer and standing up from her desk chair.

“Hi mom. Work going good?” Emma asked, coming over and giving her a hug.

“It is. I missed you last night by the way. Your dad said he sent you to stay with Clay?” Alana asked, eyebrow raised.

“Mooom.” Emma responded while rolling her eyes.

“What? A mother can’t ask about her daughter staying with… actually, what are we calling him at his point? Boyfriend? _Friend_? Future lover?...” Alana questioned with a tilt to her head and a smirk on her lips.

“I don’t even know mom. Can we just not talk about this now?”

Alana looked her daughter over, as if trying to figure out what was going on inside that head of hers, and then inclined her head.

“Ok, fine. But I need you to do something for me Bunny.”

“What?”

“I want you to tell me if things progresses with the two of you. I told you that you have my support, and you know that I like Clay, but I’m still your mom, he’s still 10 years older than you and there are things…”

“No. Stop. Ahhhh.” Emma burst out, putting her hands over her ears and shaking her head. “I love you mom and will tell you as much as I can but we are not having another conversation about safe sex. Don’t you remember the last time?!” she continued, staring at her mother with wide eyes.

Alana laughed. “I do remember Bunny and I have no desire to go there. I just want you to know that I’m here and I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me, ok? And I won’t tell your dad any of it if I don’t have to.” Alana said, shivering at the thought of having to talk to Jason about the ins and outs of their daughter’s relationship with one of his men.

“Ok. I’m good with that. And on that note I will tell you that except for a couple of kisses we haven’t done anything.”

“You kissed?!” Alana screeched out while clapping her hands like Emma usually did when excited.

“…yes. A couple of times now.”

“When? Where? How? Who initiated? What happened…” Alana babbled out, giving Emma no chance to answer any of the questions.

“Wow there. I can’t answer anything is you ask 100 questions in a row mom.” Emma said, holding her hands up to stop her mom from babbling on.

Alana took a deep breath and then regained her composure.

“Ok. Let’s go into the kitchen and have some coffee and you can tell me more.” she finally said, putting a hand on her daughters back and steering her towards the kitchen.

“So, who kissed who first…?”

* * *

Clay followed after Jason into the Hayes’ residence later that afternoon and was met by a delicious smell coming from the direction of the kitchen. 

“Smells like we made it just in time for dinner.” Jason said, looking over his shoulder at younger man.

“It does.” Clay replied and as they entered the kitchen they found Alana by the stove, stirring in a pan.

As if feeling them enter her domain, Alana looked up from what she was doing and smiled at them.

“Well hello you two. You came at the prefect time. Jason, will you please set the table? And Clay, can you go upstairs and tell Mikey and Emma that dinner is ready?”

Knowing better than to argue with the woman who was about to feed them, both Clay and Jason nodded their head and while Jason walked over to the cabinets Clay approached the staircase.

As he reached the landing he went left and knocked on the partly closed door to Mikey’s room before pushing it all the way open.

“Hey bud, dinner is ready so your mom wants you downstairs asap.” he told the boy who was sitting in front of his TV, the game console controller in his hand.

A nod in response was all he got, but seeing as the boy started to close down the game Clay smiled at him and turned around to walk across the landing to Emma’s door.

Emma’s door was all the way closed but he decided to forgo the knocking. Turning the knob he opened the door and found Emma with her back towards him, sitting by her desk with her headphones on.

Instead of going up to her Clay leaned against the door frame, watching her type away at her computer and listened to her sing parts of the song she was listening to. When he heard Mikey walk down the stairs a few minutes later he righted himself again and walked up behind her, placing a kiss on top of her head, which made her flinch and remove her headphones while turning around in her chair.

“Hi! You scared me. When did you get here?” she asked, looking a bit frazzled at being surprised.

“Not long at all. Your mom sent me up here to get you and Mikey because dinner is ready. And I didn’t exactly protest because it gives me a chance to do this.” Clay said before lifting her up from the chair, into his arms. His right arm wrapped around her waist while his left hand closed around her cheek and then they were kissing.

This time it didn’t start with a soft meeting of their lips, no this was Clay taking charge, making her very aware of every inch of him and the rest of the world dissipating into nothing. Emma tried briefly to battle for dominance but capitulated as his left hand traveled from her cheek to the back of her neck, bending her head slightly back to give him a better angle. 

They both lost track of time and space as they stood there, kissing like the world would end if they stopped and they would’ve continued if they hadn’t been interrupted.

“Well, that explains that I guess…”


	26. What are we doing?

Dinner was awkward. Having your little brother walk in on you making out with one of your dad's men after you've had a weird discussion with your mother about said man tends to make it that way.

Emma and Clay had jumped apart when Mikey interrupted them but before they could say anything to the young boy he'd smirked at them and then disappeared back down the stairs, shouting over his shoulder that if they didn't come down dad and him would eat all the food and leave nothing for them.

And that's why dinner was awkward. It really couldn't finish soon enough and as it did Clay made his excuses and left after retrieving his keys from Emma and whispering in her ear that he would call her later.

After watching him leave, Emma followed her brother upstairs, determined to talk to him about what he'd walked in on. She still hadn't really had a real conversation with her dad about her and Clay, hell, her and Clay hadn't really had a conversation about the two of them yet, but for now she needed her brother to not tell their dad about what he had seen in her room before dinner.

Seeing Mikey's door ajar she knocked on it before sticking her head in, finding her brother playing one of his many videogames.

"Hi. Can we talk?"

"About how you where kissing Clay?" Mikey asked, the smirk once again appearing on his face as he paused his game.

"Yes, and would you stop with all the smirking? It's freaking me out." she said as she stepped into the room and then shut the door firmly behind her, just to be safe.

"Why do you think I keep doing it?"

"Ugh. Why did I have to get a brother." Emma moaned out as she threw herself down on the bottom bunk.

"Because they're awesome!" Mikey snarked back as he twirled around in his chair, sticking his tongue out at his sister.

Emma stuck her own out too, before sitting up on the bed, to face her brother head on.

"Ok, seriously though Mikey. We need to talk about it."

"You don't want me to tell mom and dad?" he guessed, tilting his head.

Emma sighed. "Ideally? No. But if you want to tell mom she already knows Clay and I are…"

"Kissing?" Mikey cut in with that smirk he'd made way to many times tonight for Emma's sanity.

"Yes. But dad…"

"Would freak out and kill Clay?"

"No… at least I don't think so. Dad knows we're close but… I'm gonna talk to him soon but if you could just not mention it to him? Please."

"I wasn't going too anyway." Mikey answered with a shrug. "It's not like it's gonna come up in a conversation with dad." he continued with a laugh.

"Eh, no, definitely not." Emma said before standing up and ruffling his hair. "Thank you squirt. I needed to hear you say it."

"No problem." Mikey said before picking up his controller again as Emma moved towards the door.

"Emma? Can I ask you something?" Mikey asked just as Emma was about to leave.

"Sure, anything." she said, turning to face her brother.

"Why Clay? I mean… he's not like the others on dad's team, he's younger but… I thought of him more as a big brother – not someone you would date."

"I… I think it's fine that you see him as a big brother. And as for why I like Clay? I like that he sees me for me and that he knows you guys and loves you. He's protective and if I need him he will be there and I know I can always trust him. Does that answer any of your question?"

Mikey shrugged. "Don't know. But I do like him way better than that Julian guy."

Emma laughed at that, thinking of the guy she'd hung out with a few times a year ago but turned down when he'd asked her out for real.

"I think we all agree on that baby brother. Anything else you want to ask?" she wondered, tilting her head.

Mikey shook his head, turned back towards his TV and un-paused his game. Emma smiled at her brother softly and then left his room to return to her own.

* * *

**Birdie**  
Monday, 20.22  
_So, I talked to Mikey and he's not going to tell dad about what he saw… I guess that's a good thing?_

**Bear**  
Monday, 20.23  
_About us kissing? Yeah… I don't feel like getting maimed at our next exercise. ;)_

**Birdie**  
Monday, 20.25  
_Seriously though, what are we doing? I think we need to talk about it and figure out what to tell people. And by people I mostly mean my dad. Who just happens to be your boss. What are we doing Clay? :/_

**Bear**  
Monday, 20.26  
_Birdie, are you ok?_

**Birdie**  
Monday, 20.27  
_Yeah… it's just. I don't know. Mom asked me what we were calling you now earlier and then Mikey caught us and then we have this thing with my dad and I just… it's a lot._

A minute after Emma pressed send her phone began to vibrate with an incoming call. Looking at the screen she saw that Clay had decided to call her instead of reply to her text.

"Hi?" Emma said as she picked up, unsure of why he'd decided to call.

"Hey sweets. I wanted to actually hear your voice if we're going to talk about this now and not face to face." Clay answered her unspoken question.

"Ok. So…"

"Yeah…."

"What are we doing Clay? Is this going somewhere or is this just… it?" Emma finally asked, not sure she wanted an answer but she knew she needed one. She was starting to fall for him, hard, and while she didn't think he was stringing her along she also didn't know where his head was at after everything that had happen.

"I sure hope so!" Clay burst out. "I like you Em. I love spending time with you and I like holding you, touching you, kissing you."

"I like that too…" Emma trailed off, her cheeks heating up.

"Well I should hope so." he answered with a teasing tone.

"Oh, don't even pretend to be offended."

He laughed at that. "I'm not. But seriously Emma, I want this. I want you. Do you?" he asked, sounding more serious than Emma had ever heard him.

"Yeah…" she answered in a soft voice. "I do. I want you and I want us. But…"

"No! Nope. No buts! This is about us – not anyone else. Your dad, my job and whatever else you can think of does not get to factor in to this right now. I want you. You want me. We want us. That's it."

"Ok." she whispered out as he finished.

"Good. I'm glad we could settle that at least."

"Me two." Emma replied, a huge smile appearing on her face. "So, does that mean you're my boyfriend now?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"If you want me to be, sure." he answered with a laugh. "But before you tell your dad that I think we should a) at least go on a real date first and b) figure out how to put it to him so that he doesn't kill me. What do you think about that?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"So, Emma Marie Hayes, do you want to go out on a date with me? Not just "hang out" as friends or whatever we were calling it?" he asked.

"I'd love to! I totally forgot to ask though, what's your schedule like in this week?"

"Well you never know if we're gonna catch a spin but otherwise we're on base 9 to 5 this week for various things."

"So… the military have you working office hours?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Apparently." Clay answered. "But that does open up opportunities. Think we can go on a date during this week or are we looking at a weekend thing?"

"I think a week day would be hard to swing. I'm still not in the clear after my little drunken escapade so I don't think I would work."

"So, weekend it is. Would Friday night work?"

"Eh… about Friday…" she trailed off.

"Yeees…" he replied, wondering what now.

"How would you feel about joining the rest of my family for an evening of music?" she asked hesitantly.

"…What do you mean?"

"Well, Friday is our Spring Concert at school and I'm performing both with the choir and on my own. I was going to ask you to come anyway so… do you want to go?"

"I'd love to Birdie. Any chance I have to hear you sing? I'm gonna take it."

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me for being honest baby. Hearing you sing is one of the best things I know. But that narrow our date possibilities down to Saturday. Think you can swing that?" he asked teasingly.

"I might." she said with a small laugh. "As long as you guys don't get spun up I think Saturday will work fine."

"It's a date then." he said, his smile obvious in his voice.

"It is. Will I get to see you before Friday's concert?"

"I'm sure you will. Odds are I might be over at yours tomorrow morning anyway."

"…why?" she asked, confused at his answer.

"Because your dad told me he wanted to find a place to live because apparently sharing a bed with your brother sucks? And on our way home today I told him about a place not far from yours that a friend of mine I renting out so we're gonna go look at it tomorrow before work."

"He's complained a lot about sharing Mikey's bunk bed yeah… And I have told him before that he should look for a place to live because what they have going on is weird. But why not ask mom?"

"…apparently your mom gets weird when he brings it up? I don't know, I don't think it's something we should get in the middle of sweets." he told her.

"No, I guess not. Parents are weird." she answered, shaking her head.

"My dad's an ass and my mom left when I was young so… I think you lucked out Em."

"…We're gonna talk about that another time because there's so much in there that I want to talk about. But not tonight because I think I've talked about all I can right now. And yeah, my parents are usually pretty great. But weird."

"I think all kids think their parents are weird. But weird is not the same as bad." he said, trying not to think of his own parental unit.

"Yeah…" Emma trailed off. "I'm gonna go and get ready for bed now. Thank you for calling me. _Boyfriend_." she said teasingly.

"You do that. I should probably do the same. Goodnight girlfriend of mine."

"Goodnight."


	27. Take my breath away

Looking at the clothes in his closet, Clay let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. It was Friday and in 62 minutes he was supposed to meet up with Jason, Alana and Mikey outside of Emma's school for her spring concert. Well, her schools spring concert but the sentiment was the same. Anyway, he had to be out the door in 40 minutes and he was nowhere near ready. He still had to shower, try to get his hair into some kind of order and then he had to get dressed.

The last part was why he was standing in front of his closet, running his fingers thought his hair. What the hell did one wear to a spring concert? After another minute or two he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts.

Normally he would've just asked Emma but Emma was already at school for last minute prep which meant she wouldn't have her phone. So who could he ask? He considered texting one of his brothers for a second but then brushed that idea aside. That was just asking for more ribbing and evil questions. So who then?

He scrolled up and down for a while, considering his options. He ended up choosing between three he thought would 1: be helpful and 2: not hold it against him. So, who was he gonna text, his boss's soon to be ex. wife/his girls mom, his usual 2IC's wife or the team's logistics specialist?

Making his decision he pulled up his messages and started a new one.

**Clay Spenser**  
Friday, 17.52  
_I need help. What does one wear to a high school spring concert?_

**Lisa Davis**  
Friday, 17.53  
_Emma's high school spring concert?_

**Clay Spenser**  
Friday, 17.53  
_Does it make a difference?_

**Lisa Davis**  
Friday, 17.54  
_No, I was just curious ;)  
And don't over think it. A pair of jeans and a shirt works just fine. Dress like you would if you were going to the bar._

**Clay Spenser**  
Friday, 17.55  
_Thanks Davis, I owe you one._

**Lisa Davis**  
Friday, 17.55  
_Hey, I'm happy to help. And also; I want details next time I see you ;)_

Clay didn't respond to the last text, knowing she wouldn't expect him to. If she didn't get the details from him she'd surely get them from either Emma or Alana. Hell, maybe even Jace if she asked him for them.

Tossing his phone on the bed Clay returned to his closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans before walking over to the dresser to pull out his favorite grey Henley. It would serve a dual purpose tonight; he would be comfortable and still look more presentable than he would in his usual black tee.

After grabbing a new pair of underwear he then headed into the bathroom for a quick shower because he now had just less than 30 minute until he had to leave.

26 minutes later Clay looked his door behind him, fresh out of the shower and dressed in the clothes he had picked out. He'd however ended up surrendering to his hair. He'd spent 10 minutes trying to make it behave but seeing the time run away from him he'd given up and put his favorite black hat on, brim facing back as it most often did.

As he pulled his Nova in to the car parking lot he glanced over at the time and saw that he'd made it with just two minutes to spare. When he got out of the car he looked around, trying to find the 3 members of the Hayes family that he was supposed to meet up with. Not seeing them in the parking lot he started to walk towards the school and that's where he found them, standing next to the entrance.

Alana was wearing a dress but both Mikey and Jason was wearing jeans which made him feel better about his own appearance. Walking closer his steps slowed the closer he got to them. How did he approach this situation? Emma and him had yet to sit down with her parents, more importantly her dad, to talk about their new status but when he'd mentioned to Jason that Emma had wanted him to come to this concert Jason had been the one to suggest they'd meet up outside before going inside.

At the time that had made him relax and feel grateful but right now? He felt like he was 15 again and meeting a girl's parents for the first time. Which was incredibly weird because 1; that was his boss, 2; he'd spent more time with these people (outside of work) than anyone else since he was a child and 3; even if none of them knew him and Em had made a decision on what they were, they'd been close for over a month now.

So after taking a deep breath Clay closed the last of the distance between them and said hello to them by giving his boss and Mikey each a fist bump and then he quickly gave Alana a hug which she warmly returned.

"Glad you could make it Clay. I know Emma wanted you here very much." she told him as he stepped back, giving him a wink and a sly smile.

Clay smiled back at her but didn't know what to say because he was unsure what she meant by that. Had Emma told her about their updated relationship status?

"Yeah, it's good you could come, kid. But what's with you and that cap? Couldn't even leave it at home for this?" Jason asked him teasingly.

"I would've boss if my hair hadn't decided it wanted to look like it belonged in the movie Trolls." Clay answered, making Mikey giggle.

Finished with their greetings they all moved into the building and towards the auditorium which already housed a good amount of people. Finding four seats in a row looked like it was going to be a mission in its self to Clay but Alana walked straight up to the fourth row and, after having 3 people stand up, gestured to the rest of them to take the seats she'd obviously, somehow, reserved for them.

They ended up with Clay sitting between Jason and Mikey which, if Clay had to choose, was one of the more favorable formations. Best case scenario had been with him at the end with Mikey next to him but hey, it could've been worse. He could've ended up sandwiched between Jason and Alana.

Turning the program that had been on the seat over he began to leaf through it and quickly realized that Emma would be singing multiple times. The choir was performing 3 songs and then Emma had a solo number towards the end of the concert.

"So, you up for helping me move in 2 weeks?" Jason suddenly asked from his place on Clay's right.

Clay whipped his head up to look at his boss.

"You decided to rent Leo's place?" he asked, a little surprised but then again not because the 2 bedroom apartment just a few blocks away from the Hayes house had seemed like an ideal place for Jason.

"Yeah. We're gonna sign the agreement on Tuesday and he said he needed another week to get his things out." Jason replied, nodding his head.

"That's great. And yeah, of course I'll help…" Clay said, pausing before continuing. "We are getting the boys involved too right? It's not just gonna be the two of us?"

"Oh hell no. Both Sonny and Brock owes me from when they moved into their places and Ray have to help – it's in the best friend manual."

"What about Trent?" Clay asked.

"You think he's gonna sit out if the rest of us is doing it?" Jason said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Clay shook his head. No. If everyone else was there then Trent would be there too. Before he could say as much though the lights in the auditorium dimmed and the spotlights focused in on the stage, making the audience quiet down.

* * *

"…and next up we have one of our juniors, singing a song called Take My Breath Away, please welcome Emma Hayes." the music director said, before leaving the stage as the audience applauded.

Clay felt his breath catch is his throat as Emma appeared on stage again, this time alone. He'd been waiting for this since he first sat down and now he sat forward in his seat, eager to hear what his beautiful Birdie was about to sing.

Stepping up to the microphone just as the music began playing Emma shut her eyes and let it wash over her before she opened her mouth to sing.

"_If I told you how I feel about you,_  
_Would you say the same?_  
_ And if I wrote it in a letter,_  
_ Would you keep it or throw it away?_

_I never thought I'd feel the way I'm feeling lately,  
When everything you seem to do just drives me crazy."_

Just before the chorus started Emma opened her eyes and looked out over the audience. Sweeping her gaze around the crowded place she quickly found the one person she wanted to look at for the next part of the song.

"_Every waking day you take my breath away._  
_With every word you say you take my breath away._  
_ You look at me that way, baby come what may._  
_ I hope that you'll always know how to take my breath away._  
_ How to take my breath away._"

The moment their eyes locked Clay knew Emma wasn't singing this for an audience, she was singing this for him and just him. He could feel Jason's eyes on him but truthfully he couldn't care less.

"_If you told me how you feel about me,_  
_Things I did not know._  
_ If you said you'd fill my heart with all your loving,_  
_ 'Til it overflowed._

_I don't know the way you feel but boy I'm hoping.  
I always used to hide a way, but now I'm open._"

Alana shook her head as she watched her daughter sing her heart out on the stage, telling everyone in the room exactly how she felt about the man she hadn't looked away from since she opened her eyes.

Emma had told her parts of the conversation the two of them had had on Monday night and about the upcoming date but she'd also said that they still hadn't told Jason. This song though? It was a clear message, not only to Clay but to her dad.

"_Every waking day you take my breath away._  
_With every word you say you take my breath away_  
_ You look at me that way, baby come what may._  
_ I hope that you'll always know how to take my breath away._  
_ How to take my breath away._"

Looking from his daughter, to the man beside him and back again, Jason felt every emotion he'd tried to forget in connection to them rise to the surface. Why did his smart, wonderful, precious and beautiful girl have to fall for one of his men? He wanted so much more for her. He knew what a life with a tier one operator was all about and it was not the life he'd ever wanted for Emma. It was his life, Alana's life and now, it looked like it could very much become Emma's too.

Jason like Clay. Hell, he'd come to see the kid as just that; his kid. If Jason could make Clay a few years younger and not a SEAL? He'd be happy that they'd found something in each other. Well, no, that's not true. No one was ever gonna be good enough for his baby girl but a guy like Clay? Pretty damn close. If only he wasn't who he was…

Shaking his head Jason stopped his wild thoughts. If Clay wasn't who he was, didn't have the job he had, he wouldn't be the person he knew, that Emma obviously had fallen for, and honestly? That wasn't a road Jason was interested in walking down.

No. He was just going to have to find a way to deal with this because he was not losing either one of them. He'd come to depend on Clay in the field and off it and his precious daughter? If this, Clay, was what made her happy? Jason would find a way to be more than ok with it.

"_Take my breath away._  
_Take my breath away._  
_ Take my breath away,_

_Every waking day you take my breath away._  
_With every word you say you take my breath away._  
_ You look at me that way, baby come what may._  
_ I hope that you'll always know how to take my breath away._  
_ How to take my breath away._

_(How to take my breath away)_  
_Take my breath away._  
_ Take my breath away._  
_ (How to take my breath away)_  
_ Take my breath away._  
_ Take my breath away._  
_ Take my breath away._  
_ Take my breath away._"

As the song faded to an end the audience erupted in to applause and Emma had to finally break the eye contact she'd kept with Clay for most of the song. She bowed to the crowd and then disappeared behind the curtain.

* * *

Half an hour later the concert came to an end and people started to file out of the auditorium. Clay and the Hayes' however had been instructed to stay after the concert so they, together with a few other parents and relatives stayed put, waiting for Emma to join them.

"So… that was interesting." Jason said, turning once again to his left to look at Clay.

Clay looked back at his boss, waiting for the next part he knew had to be coming.

"…Something you want to tell me Spenser?" he added, eyebrow once again rising up.

"Is this a conversation we really should have here, boss? And without Em?" Clay asked since he really didn't want to discuss his relationship status with Jason in the high school's auditorium with 20 or so people in close vicinity.

"Yes. Just tell me straight up Clay. Are you dating my daughter?"

Clay was stunned by the straight up question and by how calm Jason seemed. He'd counted on the man blowing a gasket so this calm Jace actually scared him.

"Not yet." he finally answered, keeping his gaze steady and facing Jason head on.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I asked her to go out with me but it hasn't happened yet."

Jason seemed surprised at that. "Why not? The two of you have been hanging out all the time but a date hasn't yet happened?"

"I asked her on a date on Monday night, wanted it to happen today but Em invited me to this instead. The plan is for us to go out tomorrow." Clay replied with a sigh.

"Ok." Jason said and Clay held his breath, waiting for shoe to drop. But it didn't. Jason didn't say anything else, just nodded and turned to look around the room, making both of Clay's eyebrows raise up.

"That's it?!" he couldn't help himself from bursting out.

"That's it." Jason nodded, still looking around.

"…You're just… cool with it?"

"What do you want me to say Spenser? I already told you why I don't like it but at the end of the day Alana is right," Jason said.

"About what?" Alana interrupted before Jason could continue.

"You're right that it's up to Emma to decide who, when, where and how she finds the person she wants to date. She's legally an adult and I'll have to accept that."

Alana and Clay looked at each other, eyes wide. Did Jason really just say that? Apparently he did.

"Would the two of you stop that?!" Jason hissed out looking for Clay to Alana. "I didn't tell you something you didn't already know."

"No boss. I just didn't think you would ever see it that way." Clay replied, caution in his voice.

"Yeah well, if it makes Emma happy then I'm happy and the team wouldn't work right without you now would it?" Jason said, elbowing his rookie in the side with a small grin on his face.

Before anyone could say or do anything else Emma appeared and ran straight up to Clay, wrapping both arms and legs around him as she jumped into his arms.

"Hi Birdie." Clay said with a laugh, holding her close for a few moments before setting her down on her feet.

"Hi!" she said with a stunning smile on her face. "What did you think?" she asked, still focused solely on Clay.

"You where amazing Emma." Clay said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He wanted to kiss her for real but this was not the time or place for that, not with all of these strangers as well as her parents – his boss – present.

Giving him a shy smile and a wink she then turned to face the rest of her family.

"Hi mom, dad, Mikey." she said, giving each one of them a hug, ending with her dad who held her closer longer than the others.

"You where astonishing princess." Jason whispered in her ear before he let her go.

Emma smiled brightly at her dad. "Thank you daddy. I'm glad you liked it!"

"Ok," Alana said, "if you're ready to go Bunny I think we should go grab some ice cream – for real this time – to celebrate a great performance."

Just as they were about to answer both Jason and Clay's phone started to chime. They looked at each other as they pulled them out, knowing what this most probably meant and one quick check confirmed their suspicions.

"Work?" Emma asked, looking between her boyfriend and her dad.

"Work." The both answered, sounding sorrier than she would've expected them to be.

She gave her dad another hug. "It's ok dad. I'm so glad you came and we can always grab ice cream when you get back."

Jason hugged her tight, not wanting to let go but knowing he had to. In more ways than one really. With a deep sigh he reluctantly let her go and then turned to hug Mikey.

"I guess our date just got postponed." Emma said with a sad smile as she turned to face Clay who didn't look any happier about that then she did.

"Yeah…" he said, before reaching out and tugging her in to him. Emma burrowed her head in his neck, breathing him in for a few moments before pulling back.

"Be safe please. And look after my dad. We'll figure out a new date when you get back."

Clay nodded his head slowly, his eyes scanning the room and then he swooped down, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

It was over just as quick as it happened and Emma looked at him with wide eyes.

"What was that for?" she asked, sounding out of breath.

"I just had to take your breath away one more time before I left."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in the chapter is Take My Breath Away by Emma Bunton


	28. No one was lost

Walking on to the C-17, bags slung over their shoulders, everyone seemed to be in high spirit and Clay loved it. If he couldn’t spend this evening with his girl, this would do. Sonny, who was walking ahead of him, opened his mouth to tease their logistics specialist as they passed her.

“Davis, saw you working out early. It's a little out of the ordinary.” he said, placing his bag on the red netting that functioned as seating.

Lisa rolled her eyes at the man. “What's out of the ordinary is that you weren't tied up with a bunch of strippers when we got paged.” she replied, knowing that giving as good as you got was the only way with these guys.

The other members of Bravo laughed and cheered at that, loving that Davis could keep up with all of their trash-talk.

“Hey, don't be judgy, Davis. Okay, nothing wrong with bunches of strippers.” Sonny answered, winking at the woman across from him.

Clay now standing side by side with Trent, watching the two of them laughed and couldn’t help himself from egging them on. “The swarm seems best.”

That got Jason to look back at him over his shoulder. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me there, Mr.

GQ, no, no, no, you do not get to comment, okay? I know where you where this evening so you’re finished there.” he said with a smirk and a small laugh, knowing that the others would jump at the hint he’d put in there.

“Ooh ho. What have you been up to Bam-Bam?” Sonny said, taking the opportunity to put the spotlight back on Clay instead of on himself.

“Yeah, what gives Spenser?” Trent asked, nudging the man next to him.

Clay opened his mouth to tell them to shut up but Lisa interrupted him.

“Our towheaded friend over there was at Emma’s spring concert tonight. Texted me for clothing advice and everything.” she told them, grin wider than he’d ever seen on her.

“Thanks for that.” Clay muttered as his brothers started to holler and cat call at him.

“You’re very welcome.” Davis said with a wink, making the laugher pick up again.

As the laughing started to die down Clay saw Sonny getting ready to say something, which was probably gonna make him wish he’d never texted Lisa for advice. ‘If ever I need advice again I’m going with Alana.’ he thought, but before Sonny could say what was on his mind, Blackburn walked up to the team.

“All right, listen up. Hope you packed your Ambiens, gonna be a long flight.” he said, looking around at the group in front of him.

“Where we headed?” Jason asked, snapping into the role of leader and man in charge of Bravo.

“Saudi Arabia”

* * *

Watching the tunnel collapse in front of him Clay felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Emma’s words of looking after her dad kept ringing in his head as he shouted out for Jason and tried to raise him on the radio. Getting no reply he instead answered Blackburn’s call for radio check.

“Havoc, this is Bravo 2.”

“Loud and clear, 2. Give me a sitrep.” Blackburn instantly answered, hint of worry in his voice.

“We’re down one Saudi counterpart. Bravo 1, Bravo 3 and Bravo 5 are on the other side of a tunnel collapse. Their status is unknown. We got zero comms with the rest of the team.”

Looking at Trent and Kiros who both looked back at him Clay nodded his head toward the pile of rocks that separated them from their brothers.

“Come on, let’s start clearing the rocks. One way or another we’re getting our brother out of there.”

“Copy that.” Trent said, turning around and grabbed the first rock.

“Let’s go boys.” Kiros chimed in and they all got to work, picking up rocks and tossing them away.

They were still moving rocks when Blackburn came back on the radio.

“Bravo 2, our Saudi counterparts are requesting that you exfil immediately.”

Pausing in his movements Clay crinkled his forehead. What?!

“Havoc Base, Havoc Base, say again your last?”

“Saudi command is unwilling to risk the poisoning of the aquifer. Need a status report, immediately.” Blackburn replied, making Clay look up at his two companions.

“They're gonna bomb it.”

Both of them nodded. “Thermo baric, for sure. Bomb like that will turn every bit of oxygen down here into heat as hot as the sun. It'll boil the water, vaporize everything, including us.” Kairos said, knowing that Clay was right in his statement.

Getting up from his position he looked at the rocks again. “Keep working.” he told them and they both nodded their heads in agreement and got back to clearing away the rocks.

Clay sighed as he reached for his radio. “Havoc, this is Bravo 2. Myself, the rest of Bravo, we're gonna sit tight. Go ahead and Charlie Mike.” He paused for a second before continuing. “Any chance you can send us down some shovels and pickaxes?”

* * *

Seeing the chem lights under the cave-in made the knot in Clay’s stomach loosen a little and when he first heard Cerberus on the other side he felt like the weight of the world fell off his shoulders. When then Jason appeared in the small hole they’d managed to create he actually thought he would start crying. He wasn’t going to have to go back home and tell his Emma that he hadn’t been able to do as she’d asked.

“Bravo 2, jackpot! We’re good.”

Clay smiled for the first time in what felt like forever but was in actually less than an hour. He kept that smile on his face as they cleared a path for their brothers and all the way through clean up, debrief and boarding the C-17 for their flight back home.

As he got into his hammock he let the emotions of the day slip away and with a deep breath in and a slow breath out he relaxed into his cocoon. Everyone was safe. Everyone was going home. No one was lost. The good guys won. And now he got to go home and plan a new date with his Birdie.

“Yo, now is not the time for a nap, your good ol’ friend Sonny here needs more details about this clothing emergency.” Sonny said, sticking his head up from the other side of the seats that divided this part of the aircraft into two.

“Is it true you couldn’t decide which dress to wear with which pair of pumps?” he added with a wide grin.

“You know, I could’ve left you in that hole Sonny.” Clay said, not at all up for the teasing and ribbing Sonny Quinn surely had lined up.

“Yeah…” Sonny replied. “But that would’ve meant leaving your future father-in-law down there too and you couldn’t disappoint Pebbles like that now could you Bam-Bam?”

“I’m not gonna talk about Em with you Sonny, no matter how much you try to make me.”

“Yeah… I figured. You know I had to try though, right?”

“I know buddy. It’s what makes you, you.” Clay said with a laugh at his burly friend.

“Damn right.” Sonny replied. “Hey, you up for grabbing some beers at the bar when we get back?”

Clay thought about it for a bit, then nodded slowly which made Sonny’s smile widen.

“Good. Now get some sleep there Peter Pan, you deserve it.”

“Aw, thanks Sonny. I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Clay said with a wink, making Sonny chuck a bottle cap at him. Clay caught it with one hand and then snuggled back down in his hammock again as Sonny sat down to talk with Brock.

* * *

They landed back in Virginia Beach at around 1400 hour and the first thing Clay did when he got off the plane was take his phone out of his pocket to text Emma.

**Bear**  
Sunday, 14.02  
_Hey sweets, we just landed. Everyone is safe back home. What are you up to?_

**Birdie**  
Sunday, 14.03  
_You don’t know how good that felt to hear! I did think you would be gone longer though so unfortunately I’m spending the day with Cathy. We’re at the mall now and then we’re going to the movies. _

**Bear**  
Sunday, 14.05  
_Hey, that’s ok Birdie. I don’t want you to plan your life around me, you need to spend time with your friends and family. I’ll call you later tonight and we’ll make plans ok?_ ♥

**Birdie**  
Sunday, 14.06  
_Ok. What are you gonna do with your day then? ;)_

**Bear**  
Sunday, 14.08  
_Sounds like beers with Sonny, Trent and Brock. Your dad turned us down but we’ll probably shoot some pool and throw some darts._

**Birdie**  
Sunday, 14.09  
_Sounds like a good time. Give uncle Sonny a hard time and have fun_ ♥

**Bear**  
Sunday, 14.10  
_Always baby, always!_ ♥♥

After returning everything to his cage and getting everything in order Clay closed that door to his cage and walked across the room to Sonny and slapped him on the back.

“So? How about those beers?” he asked, looking from Sonny to his two cage neighbors who both nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go drink some beers and throw some darts boys! We deserve some booze!” Sonny said, turning them towards the door and lead the way out to the parking lot.

* * *

“Listen here, Tinker Bell, okay? There is no way in hell that people of your ilk are better at throwing sharp objects - than my people, okay?” Sonny said to Clay while throwing dart after dart at the board.

As Sonny finished his throws and went to collect his darts Clay stepped up to their decided throwing spot.

“Listen here, sunshine, all right? My people, the Vikings, we throw rocks, okay? All right, we don't need the sharp objects. That's for the old ladies and the children.” he said with a grin, throwing his first dart.

“You see, I am a "Raspatutin" in boots. A Rasputin with a love of rodeo.” Sonny replied while circling Clay, trying to make him miss his throws.

“Mm-hmm. I'm in your head right now, aren't I?” he continued and at the same time he finished his sentence, Clay hit bull’s-eye, making Brock, Trent and others near them laugh out loud.

Sonny, knowing that Clay had him with that throw laughed too. “That was a good shot there, CoverGirl. Not gonna lie.” he said, lifting his bottle in a cheer.

Clay smiled at his friend and knocked his own bottle against Sonny’s but just as he was about to take a swig he saw a somber looking Blackburn approaching them, making his smile drop. Something was not right and the same feeling he’d gotten seeing the collapsed tunnel returned.

As Blackburn reached them, he looked at all of them in turn and Clay dreaded what he was about to ask.

“Who?” he finally said, keeping his eyes focused on their Lieutenant Commander.

“It’s Jason.” Blackburn said, and Clay felt the ground beneath him shake. “Alana actually.” he continued and that’s when Clay was sure the world around them was burning to the ground.

As Clay looked at his friends, who looked as chocked and stricken as he felt, only one thought ran on a loop in his mind. ‘How is Emma gonna get through this?’


	29. Keep it together

Blackburn’s words still ringing in his head, Clay shook his head to focus himself. He had more important things to do than get lost in his thoughts.

“Who’s with Jason?” he asked the Lieutenant Commander.

“Jason called Ray as he was on his way to the hospital so Ray met him there. As far as I know both of them are still at the hospital.”

“What about the kids?” Sonny cut in, his voice gravelly.

“Em is at the mall with Cathy,” Clay answered his teammate, “I don’t know about Mikey though?” he continued, turning back to Blackburn.

“Ray told me that Mikey is at hockey practice. He finishes at 1600 hours so one or more of us needs to pick him up because I doubt Jason will be able to.” Blackburn told them.

“Ok, but… how… are we?” Sonny trailed off, never actually uttering the question on his mind.

Clay put a comforting hand on the Texans shoulder. “How about you get in touch with Davis and have her go with you to pick up Mikey, ok? I’m gonna get in contact with Jace or Ray and find out if and how they want us to inform him and Emma.”

Sonny nodded and immediately went into his pocket for his phone. Before he started to dial though he looked up at the youngest of them, knowing that he was the one who would take control of this situation.

“What about Pebbles…?”

Clay took a deep breath. He knew his Birdie would be in a world of hurt once she was told and while he wanted to protect her and keep her away from it he knew that the sooner they told her the better. It was bad enough “everyone” (meaning Bravo) knew before her.

“I’ll see if I can catch her before she goes to the movies. I just need to know from Jace if he wants to be the one to tell the kids so I know how to handle the situation once I have her.” Clay answered, dreading both the phone call and seeing Emma. “I’ll call you as soon as I know how Jace wants to do this.”

Sonny nodded and started to move towards the door while putting his phone to his ear, waiting for Lisa to pick up. Clay watched him walk out before turning to the other two members of Bravo and their Commander.

“Will the two of you head over to the house? I have a feeling we’re gonna need all hands on deck when we get everyone back there…” Clay trailed off, looking at Trent and Brock.

“Of course man. We’ll get in contact with Naima and also call our own partners.” Brock said, slapping him on the back.

“Call us if there’s anything we can do while we wait.” Trent told him, squeezing his shoulder as he left together with Brock.

“Thanks boys. Oh, if the door is locked there’s an extra key hidden in the base of the wall mounted flag.” Seeing them nod in acknowledgment Clay shut his eyes, tilted his head back and blew a deep breath out.

“You ok?” he heard Blackburn ask. Tilting his head back to its original position he both nodded and shook his head.

“Yes. No. Is there a correct answer Eric?”

Blackburn was stunned at the mention of his own given name, the other members of Bravo used it from time to time but as far as he could remember this was the first time that Clay had ever used it and that made the moment feel even heavier.

Closing the distance Eric placed a hand on Clay’s shoulder. “No, there isn’t. But we need to keep it together, for Jason and the kids. I’ve heard that you’re close with Emma?” he asked.

Clay nodded his head slowly, not knowing how much the older man had knowledge of. Deciding that now was as good a time as any, seeing as everyone else on Bravo was somewhat up to date on his love life, he decided to come clean.

“Em and I… we’re close. As in we were supposed to go on our first date when we got spun up for Saudi Arabia.

Realization appeared in the eyes of his superior and Clay nodded his head once more.

“Oh. Shit. That means that this whole situation is even worse for you then I thought.” Eric said, looking with sympathy at the blond he was standing with.

“Yeah… but for right now, our feelings are not important. What’s important is making sure Jason, Emma and Mikey don’t fall apart at the seams. Are you needed back on base or will you join us at the house?”

“I’m gonna head to base and inform command of what’s going on, have Harrington take you guys off rotation and see if I can get in contact with Mandy.” Eric told him with a sad smile.

“Good, good…” Clay said. “I think we’re gonna need Mandy. And by we, I mean Jace. I’ve never seen anyone other than Alana get through to him the way she does.”

“I know kid.” Eric said, squeezing his shoulder. “We’re all gonna be there for them and we’ll make sure they make it out the other side.”

Clay inclined his head at that. Yes they would. And he would be first in line to make sure his boss and his girl, along with the boy he’d started to look at like a little brother, saw the light at the end of this tunnel of sadness and despair they’d just entered.

“Hey, Clay.” Blackburn said as he was about to leave, making Clay look up at him. “You were made interim 2IC for a reason and the way you’ve handle the missions we’ve had, and how you got the ball moving on this? That’s why.”

With that said the Lieutenant Commander walked out of the bar and suddenly Clay was the only member of team Bravo left. Looking around he saw a few people from Alpha look at him and when he returned their gazes they smiled sadly at him. Yeah. This day already felt like a week and it was nowhere near over.

* * *

Emma was standing next to Cathy in the middle of the mall’s food court, trying to decide what they wanted to eat before they went to the movies, when her phone buzzed with a new text.

**Bear**  
Sunday, 15.53  
_Sweets, I need you to meet up with me, I’m just pulling up to the parking lot, can you come outside?_

Just reading those words made the blood freeze in her veins. Something was wrong and for a second Emma could swear she felt the earth shake underneath her.

“What is it?” Cathy asked her, looking concerned. “Emma? What’s going on?”

“I… I don’t know. But something is wrong.” she mumbled, trying to type an answer with shaking hands.

**Birdie**  
Sunday, 15.55  
_You’re scaring me Clay. What’s happened?_

**Bear**  
Sunday, 15.56  
_I can’t tell you over text sweetheart. Please meet me in the parking lot. Or do you want me to come inside and get you?_

Emma’s hands shook too much for her to type back so instead she called him. He answered on the first ring.

“What’s going on Clay?” she said with a shaky voice as soon as she heard him pick up, not bothering with greetings or small talk.

“I’m not doing this over the phone baby. Where are you?” he answered, voice soothing but firm.

“Food court with Cathy.” She answered voice no more than a whisper this time.

“Ok, I’ll be there in less than a minute. Stay where you are, I’ll come to you.” he told her before ending their call.

Cathy, seeing the color drain from her friends face, took her phone away and lead her over to a bench.

“What’s up Emma? Who’s hurt? I thought you said your dad and Bravo got back safe?”

“They did.” she whispered, feeling like an icicle and her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

“Then what…?” Cathy began but before she could say anything else Emma flew up from her seat and into Clay’s embrace.

Clay pulled her in close and held her tight for a moment before pulling back. Emma looked up into his eyes and saw that they we’re red rimmed.

“Who’s hurt? What happened? Why are you here?” all rushed out of her mouth, tears stinging in her eyes but she refused to let them go since she had no clue what they were even for.

“I’m here because there’s something you need to know but I’m not gonna answer any questions while we’re here baby. I can’t and won’t do that to you or me. Come on, let’s get you home and you’ll get all the information.” Clay said, again using his soothing but firm tone.

When Emma nodded he reached for her hand, pulled her into his side and then faced Cathy.

“Are you ok to make your way home alone? I’m sure Emma will text you later about what’s going on.” he said, looking at the girl who was probably going to be one of the most important people to help Emma deal with what had happened, since she’d dealt with the loss of a parent herself not even half a year ago.

Cathy nodded. “Yeah, I was the one who drove us here.”

“Good. I’m sure we’ll see you later Cathy, be safe ok?” Clay told her before turning Emma around and gently guiding her out of the mall and into his car.

As he sat down in the driver seat he felt Emma’s eyes on him like lasers but when he turned to look at her she had a blank look on her face.

“Who died?” she asked with a small voice but it held no hesitation, no doubt. “Is it dad?” she continued, a wobble to her voice this time.

Clay shook his head. “Not in the car baby. But no, your dad is not dead.”

Emma accepted that and turned her head to look out of the passenger door window, keeping her gaze there until Clay parked in front of her house.

* * *

Emma looked around as Clay pulled in to her driveway, quickly putting owners together with the mass of cars on the drive and the road.

“Everyone is here.” she stated, looking at Clay.

“Yes.” he said because he’d done the same check she had and everyone was indeed here. He’d even counted both of Ray’s cars which meant that not only was Naima here, so was Ray and since he’d been the one with Jason – Jason was back from the hospital too.

Taking a deep breath he looked at Emma who was still looking at him. Making a decision he gave her a choice.

“Do you want me to tell you now, here, alone, or do you want to go inside and hear it there?”

He didn’t know which answer he wanted from her. Did he want to tell her now and ruin her life as she knew it? Or did he want her to go inside where everyone already knew what was going on have someone else break the news to her?

Emma bit her lip and scanned the cars again. That’s when she knew why everyone was here. What he didn’t want to tell her. Why nothing would ever be the same again. Tears welled up and started to make their way down her face as she turned back to Clay again.

“My mom?”


	30. I promise you that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been rewritten three times and I'm still note sure it's good enough but... it is what it is.

Sonny, having stood by the living room window waiting for Clay to arrive, had to turn away as he watched Emma, his Moonbeam and brightest light, breakdown in the car. She was sobbing hysterically and it felt like someone was ripping his own heart out of his chest as he watched the kid pull her into his lap while still sitting in the driver seat.

Turning around he scanned his surroundings, taking stock of his teammates and their families. Jason had escaped into the garage with Ray on his heels just moments after returning to the house. Mikey was sitting curled up in a ball on the couch with Cerberus head on his lap and Trent’s arm around them. Brock was standing in the opening between the kitchen, staring into nothingness while Davis, Naima, Brock’s girlfriend Annie and Trent’s wife Lauren were all in the kitchen, making plans and getting the ball rolling on the funeral arrangements. And he… well he was just trying not to crack.

“They back yet?” Sonny jolted back to reality as a female voice broke through his thoughts. Looking down he found Lisa’s brown eyes looking up at him.

“Yeah. I think he just told her because Pebbles is inconsolable out there.” he answered, his voice rough and full off emotions.

“Should we leave them out there you think?” she asked, glancing out of the window.

“I don’t know.” Sonny shrugged. “I don’t know anything. Why is this happening Lisa? Why Alana? Why like this?”

The confusion in his eyes and voice as well as the use of her first name had tears pricking her eyes but she held them back.

“I don’t know Sonny. Sometime we don’t get to understand why it’s some peoples turn to leave us.”

He started to pace back and forth, which made Cerberus look up from his place on the couch and that made Mikey unfurl from his frozen position.

Seeing the lost look on the young boy’s face Lisa held her hand up and stopped Sonny’s pacing.

“Why don’t you guys,” she said, pointing to Sonny, Trent and Brock in turn, “take Mikey out for a milkshake. Get out of the house for a while. I think you all need it.”

They all nodded their heads in agreement and as Trent stood up from the couch he held his hand out, helping the youngest Hayes to stand up as well. As they opened the front door Mikey froze in the doorway when he caught sight of his sister.

“What about Emma?” he asked, looking at the four adults standing behind him.

“Don’t worry about her right now bud, Clay is gonna make sure she’s taken care of, ok?” Sonny said, placing one of his arms around the small boy’s shoulders.

“Promise?” Mikey said, sounding even younger than he was.

“We promise.” Trent said, bending down so that he was on eyelevel with him. “Everyone in this house is here to make sure that you, your sister and your dad have everything you need and so that none of you are alone. Clay has Emma, Ray is with your dad and if they need anything auntie Lisa, auntie Naima, auntie Lauren and miss Annie is right here in the house. Ok buddy? We’ll be back in a bit and I’m sure Clay will have Emma out of the car by then.”

Mikey nodded and then they all filed out of the house and walked over to Brock’s truck where Cerb already had taken up his spot in the back.

* * *

“I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want to be here. I don’t…” Emma whispered into Clay’s shoulder as he opened the car door and, without detaching them, got out of it while still holding her tight.

Closing the door with his hip he leaned back against it, the feeling of powerlessness that he’d been feeling since Emma figured out what was wrong overwhelming him again.

“I know baby. I know.” he whisper back, his head buried in her hair.

Hearing the front door open he looked up and glanced over his shoulder to find Jason standing there with red eyes and grief written all over his face. As their eyes met Jason inclined his head towards the house and Clay nodded.

Gathering himself up he gripped Emma closer to him and started the short walk to the door, but the closer he got the louder Emma’s pleading got.

“I don’t want to go inside! I don’t want to be here! I don’t want this!”

“Emma, Birdie, listen to me…”

“I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want to be here. Please don’t make me.” she full on sobbed into Clay’s shoulder.

Looking up from the girl in his arms Clay stopped in his tracks and once again met his boss’s eyes. Looking at each other Clay asked, without words, what he should do. Should he carry her inside? Should he let her stay out here? Should he…?

Jason tilted his head to the side, keeping his eyes locked on them and Clay could actually see him reach a decision. As Jason stepped down from the doorway and approached them Emma kept her head turned into Clay’s neck and shoulder, still crying but the sobbing had calmed some as soon as Clay stopped walking.

“Emmi star.” Jason whispered as he placed a hand on his daughters back. “Baby girl look at me.” he continued, using his other hand to remove some of her long blond hair so that he could see a part of her face.

Turning slightly, still resting her right cheek against Clays shoulder and with tears running down her face she looked up at her dad.

“I don’t want to go in there daddy. Not now. Please don’t make me. I don’t want to be here.”

“Why not Emmi star?”

“Because she’s everywhere in there and I don’t want that right now. Please.” she said, desperation in her tone and with her blue eyes blown wide.

Slowly nodding his head Jason looked up from his daughter and met the gaze of his 2IC.

“You place?” he asked, knowing that Clay would understand what he meant.

“You sure boss?”

“No. But I think forcing her in there in this state will only make it worse.”

Clay inclined his head. “Ok, yeah, she can come home with me for now and I’ll see if she’ll calm down enough to come home in time for bed.”

“If you can get her to sleep at you place, let her. Tomorrow we’ll be bad enough as it is without forcing her to go back here later tonight only to stay up all night.” Jason said, shaking his head at Clay’s proposal.

“If you’re sure…” Clay said hesitantly. “I’ll call one of you guys later and we’ll figure out what’s next. I’m guessing there’s already something in the works right?”

“My mother is flying in tomorrow morning and Alana’s parents will probably be here tomorrow night. And Davis, Naima, Lauren and Annie is sorting through everything and making up some kind of a plan.”

Clay nodded and glanced down at the girl still in his arms. Jason followed his look and put a hand against his daughter’s cheek.

“You feel better about going home with Clay, Emmi star?” he asked, wiping away a tear from her face.

“Yeah.” she croaked out, leaning in to her father’s touch. “I’m sorry daddy.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for baby girl. Go with Clay and then we’ll see talk in the morning, ok?”

Emma nodded and turned her head back into Clay’s neck as the tears welled up again.

“Take care of her.” Jason said, the steely glare, the one that Clay was used to getting from his boss when they were out in the field, back in his eyes.

“Yes, sir.” he replied before turning around and walking over to the passenger side of his car.

After setting Emma back down in the seat Clay helped her put the seatbelt on before he shut the door.

“I’ve got her Jace, I promise you that.” he said before he opened his own door and got situated in his Nova.

“I know you do kid.” Jason mumbled to himself as he watched Clay back out of the driveway and leave, with his oldest in the passenger seat. 

* * *

Leaning back against his kitchen sink Clay watched as Emma stared blankly ahead at the TV she still hadn’t turned on. She’d stopped crying on their way over here and then she’d curled up on the couch under a blanket as soon as they entered the apartment. That was almost an hour ago and she hadn’t moved an inch in that time.

Clay had busied himself with changing his bedding, cleaning up the bathroom and then he’d ordered dinner, which he was now waiting for. Standing there watching her he wished more than anything that he could take away all the hurt she so obviously was feeling but he knew that there were some heavy days, weeks and months ahead of them.

A few minutes later the food was delivered and Clay put the containers on the living room table before sitting down next to Emma on the couch.

“You up for some food sweets?” he asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her close. She leaned into him and let out a shaky breath.

“I’m not really hungry.” she mumbled, her face buried in his neck.

Leaning back he pulled her into his lap and cuddled her close, burying his nose in her hair.

“You need to eat Birdie. You never got a chance to eat with Cathy so I’m guessing you haven’t eaten since breakfast right?” he said, placing a kiss on her head.

“Mom made me breakfast…” she said, tears once more filling her eyes and escaping down her cheeks as sobs started to wrack her body.

“Oh baby…” Clay said, rocking her gently in his embrace.

It took almost 20 minutes for Emma’s tears to dry out this time, and by then the food was mostly cold. He did however manage to get her to eat a few bites before he sent her off into the shower while he cleaned up.

Sitting down on his bed, leaning back against the headboard, Clay listened to the water run in the shower and waited for Emma to get out. A quick glance on his clock told him that she’d been in there for quite a while already but since he didn’t hear any sobbing he decided to give her a few more minutes so he pulled his phone out and texted Jason.

**Clay Spenser**  
Sunday, 19.33  
_Do you want me to try and get her home or put her in bed here?_

**Jason Hayes**  
Sunday, 19.35  
_If she wants to go home take her, otherwise see if you can get her to sleep. _

**Clay Spenser**  
Sunday, 19.36  
_Roger that._

Hearing the water turn off Clay put his phone on the wall shelf and waited. It took a few moments but then the bathroom door opened and a wet haired Emma, clad in one of his tee’s, appeared. Seeing him waiting on the bed she walked straight over and crawled over to curl up in his lap, her head coming to rest against his chest while his arms wrapped around her.

“How are you feeling Birdie?” he asked softly, pushing her wet hair back behind her ears.

She shrugged her shoulders. “It doesn’t feel real…” she whispered.

“No it doesn’t. And I think you refusing to go home will keep it that way.”

“Can we stay here forever then?”

Using one of his hands Clay tilted her head up so that he could meet her eye.

“What do you need, right now?” he asked, searching her eyes.

“My mom back?” she said, tears stinging her eyes but she refused to let them go.

“Unfortunately baby, that’s one of the things no one can give you. I wish I could but even I can’t do that.”

Sitting up and twisting around so that she was straddling him instead of leaning against him she leaned in and kissed him. He returned the kiss and one of his hands moved into her hair, moving her head into a better position. When he tried to break the kiss Emma bit down on his lower lip, making him moan and open up, deepening the kiss further.

Clay let Emma set the pace and do as she wanted for a while but when her hands started to wander from his shoulder, down his chest and under his shirt he finally pulled his head back, making their lips separate.

“I don’t think this is what we should be doing right now sweetheart.” he told her with ragged breath.

Emma let her head fall down to his chest for a moment before pulling back and looking him in the eyes.

“Maybe not, but I want to not think about it and when you kiss me I can’t think about anything but you. Please help me forget.”


	31. Let it all out

Breaking the kiss Emma panted, totally out of breath and as Clay moved from her mouth, trailing small kisses down her throat she couldn’t stop the low moan that escaped her.

Hearing her moan Clay grinned to himself and continued to trail kisses along her collarbone before continuing up her neck and over to her jaw. When he bit down on her earlobe Emma felt as if she was on fire.

“Claaay…” she moaned out, reaching out for him and pulling him even closer as she fisted his shirt in her hands. 

Clay’s mouth slowly moved back to Emma’s and kissed her deeply, tracing the inside of her mouth and tugging on her bottom lip. Emma gave as good as she got and when breathing became an issue again she pulled her head back and started to move her hands further up his back, taking his tee with her and, with some assistance form Clay, she removed it – giving herself the view she’d longed for.

She’d seen him shirtless before – hell she’d slept with her head on his bare chest before – but this was the first time she had the chance to take it in and also touch without fear of rejection. Taking a deep breath Emma trailed her fingers over his wide shoulders, down his firm pecs before settling on his abs, which jumped at her contact.

Clay’s breathing became ragged as he let Emma’s hands wander over his upper body but he kept his eyes on hers, watching her watch him. He knew that they couldn’t take this much further than this. He wouldn’t let either of them lose their heads completely because this wasn’t how their first time together would go.

They would not – could not - go there when all she was looking for was en escape from the pain, a way to not think. When – if – they had sex it would be all about the two of them, about their feelings for each other and for the connection between them and this was not that.

When Emma’s hands moved lower on his stomach, started to reach for his belt, Clay placed his own hand over hers, stopping her in her tracks.

“No, not like this baby.” he whispered, making her look up at his face again.

“But…” she began but was interrupted when he placed his lips on hers again, kissing her softly.

“I won’t let you do that to either of us sweets.” he said gently as he pulled back a little.

“You don’t want me?” she said, her eyes refusing to meet his.

“That’s not what this is about Birdie and you know that. I want you and if I thought for a second that this was about nothing but us and our feelings I might not stop us just yet, but it isn’t, is it?”

When Emma didn’t answer or look at him Clay moved one of his hands from her hair to her chin, forcing her to meet his yes.

“Is it?” he asked, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

Tears filling her eyes she shook her head. “No…”

Leaning to his side, no longer hovering over her, Clay pulled her tight against him and held her close as she broke down in his arms for the third time that day. Sobs where making her whole body shake and knowing that there was nothing he could do but be there for her, Clay let himself relax a little in to the mattress and waited for her to let it all out.

* * *

“Is Emma staying with Spenser tonight?” Jason looked up from the fire pit he’d been staring into for the past hour or so when he heard Ray’s voice.

“I haven’t heard any more from the kid but since it’s this late I’m assuming so.”

Ray nodded and sat down next to his best friend. “And you have no problems with that…?”

“Oh hell Ray, with everything going on I think I’m just grateful to know that she’s safe.” Jason said with a raw voice.

“Even if it’s in the arms of our rookie?”

“Yes. No. I just… couldn’t force her to go inside the house. She screamed like he was taking her to her execution Ray!”

“I know, you told me. But she’s gonna have to come home sometime Jace because you guys need each other and then there’s the wake. She can’t just not come home.”

“I know that! Hell, if I had it my way she would be in her room right now but what good would it do her if I’d forced her into the house and she’d spent the evening and night crying, screaming and not sleeping? At least with Spenser I know she’ll eventually get some sleep because there’s no way he won’t get her to sleep. He makes her feel safe.” Jason said, sounding hurt, angry and tired at the same time.

They sat silently for a while, looking at the flames, lost in their own thoughts.

“You know, Emma and Spenser reminds me a hell of a lot of you and Alana when you where younger.” Ray suddenly said, making Jason look away from the fire.

“I hear that.” A voice added from behind them and as they turned around they saw most of their Bravo family coming out to join them. Sonny, Trent, Brock, Eric and Lisa all sat down at the various seating around the fire pit and Jason looked from Sonny to Ray, still mulling over the previous statement.

“You think so? I mean, that the kid and Em…”

“...is a whole lot like you guys where in the good ol’ days?” Sonny finished.

“Yeah.” Jason said with a low voice that made it sound almost like a whisper.

“I do.” Ray said, “Except the kid is a whole lot more self aware then you where at that age, or any age really, and Em has a lot of your stubbornness, willpower and perseverance.”

“What do you mean more self aware? I have plenty of self-awareness!”

The others around the fire pit looked at each other for a brief moment before they started to laugh.

“What? Explain yourself.” Jason said, flashing his “I’m the boss do as I ask” glare at them.

“Boss, you wouldn’t touch your own feelings even if you had a 10 foot pole. The kid on the other side is an open book if you know where to look and with the right people he’ll gladly share them too.” Brock said, surprising the rest of them with being the first one to speak up.

“And self-awareness equals pretty much being honest with yourself and sorry Jason but when was the last time you even let you be completely honest with you?” Blackburn said, looking knowingly at him.

Jason muttered to himself that he really should find himself a more loyal team, making them all laugh again.

“Hey now, we’re as loyal as they come boss man but we’re also in the business of tellin’ the truth.” Sonny said with a grin.

“Yeah, sure you are…” Jason answered with a small smile, which everyone felt a little relief at seeing. It was hard to smile in the middle of grief but the small moments where one managed to do so was very precious.

Looking around Jason realized that if they all were out here, where was his son?

“Where’s Mikey?” he asked as he looked towards the house and started to get up from his bench.

“Easy Jace, he’s in his room, asleep, with his new loyal sidekick by his side and both Lauren and Annie are in the house.” Trent said in his usual calm voice.

“Sidekick?” Jason asked as he sat back down, eyebrow raised.

“My dog apparently prefers Mikey to me right now.” Brock said with a shrug.

“Who wouldn’t?” Sonny said, making them all laugh a little.

Watching the people around him, the people who made up most of his closest circle, Jason let himself relax for the first time since they’d returned from Saudi Arabia.

Yes, he still felt like someone had torn his heart out of his chest and left a gaping wound. Yes, he was worried about his children and how he would keep their family together. Yes, he didn’t know how to live without Alana and wasn’t sure he even wanted to contemplate what that meant. But with his brothers, and sisters, around him they would figure out a way forward.

* * *

Gently detangling himself from the girl in his arms, Clay grabbed his phone from the shelf next to the bed, pulled a tee over his head and then tiptoed out of his bedroom, softly pulling the door almost all the way shut.

Sitting down on the couch he leaned his head back against the backrest and blew a huge breath out. He felt as if had been a month since he stepped of the plan after their trip to Saudi Arabia but in reality it was just under 8 hours ago and still – so much had changed in all of their lives in that short period of time.

Alana was no longer with them, Jason was a single father of two, Emma and Mikey didn’t have a mother and he… well he’d ended up in the middle of the grief since he’d gotten so close with all of the Hayes’s since they returned of deployment.

Thinking of Alana a tear made its way down his face, ending up a dark stain on his grey tee. He’d really come to like the woman. She was a great mother to her children, she always had time for them and she always did everything in her power to help them out. She was also so important to his boss. They might have been dealing with a divorce but they we’re still the best of friends.

And then there was the way she’d accepted him, his feelings for her daughter and how she’d supported them, both with Jace but also with her behavior in one-on-on conversations. With her now gone there was gonna be a huge Alana shaped hole in all of their lives and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how they would all make it through this.

Wiping away the second and third tear that had escaped, Clay unlocked his phone and, after hesitating for a moment on who to call, dialed Ray Perry.

“Spenser, everything ok?” Ray said as he picked up.

“Yeah, just thought I would check in. Emma finally cried herself to sleep about half an hour ago.”

“How was she this evening?”

“Heartbroken. Crying off and on. Which is par for the course I guess but it’s freaking hard to watch man.” Clay told the man on the other side of the call.

“Yeah I hear you. She talk any about her mom?”

“Not much. Started sobbing every time she thought of her. How’s Jace and Mikey?”

“Well Jace is keeping up a façade, which I’m guessing you don’t find any more surprising than the rest of us?” Ray answered.

“No, not really.” Clay said, knowing his boss well enough to know that he would do his best to let very few people see him fall apart. “What about my little man?”

“He’s quiet. Hasn’t really said much, didn’t really eat and spent most of his afternoon and evening with Cerb as his only companion.”

Clay blew out another deep breath. “God this sucks.”

“Tell me about it. But hey, since you called, do you have a plan for tomorrow? Emma is going to have to actually enter her home.”

“I know. I kind of wanted to bring her home this evening but I didn’t think it was a fight that was needed with her in this condition. You have any suggestions on how to make it as painless as possible?” he asked, really hoping that Ray had a plan of his own to share.

“I do actually. Jay’s mom, Linda, arrives in the morning and if you and Emma pick her up that might make for a smoother transition back home?”

“That’s actually a great idea Ray. What time does her flight land?”

“I’ll text you the information as soon as we hang up.” Ray said, glad that the kid had liked his idea.

“Great. I’m gonna go take a shower and try and get some sleep, see you in the morning.”

“Will do. Night kid.” Ray answered before ending the call.

Clay turned off his phone as well and sank back into the couch again, only to fly off it moments later when a loud scream sounded from his bedroom.


	32. Needing the connection

It had been a long night for Clay, and that was the reason as to why he was sitting on his couch, cradling his second cup of coffee, before 7am. Emma had woken up screaming or crying multiple times during the night, having had nightmares about not only her mom dying but also the rest of her family, and, at one point, him.

After her last wake up, which had happened just a few minutes after 5, Clay had soothed her back to sleep and then escaped out of the room for some coffee when sleep had decided on abandoning him. He was now on his second cup and Emma was still asleep, for which he was grateful. He’d have to wake her up soon enough so they could go to the airport and collect her grandmother.

Thinking of picking up Emma’s grandmother, Jason’s mother, made him realize that his car only seated two, which meant he was going to have to figure out which a way to solve that conundrum before they had to leave.

Picking up his phone he decided to text the man who suggested the airport pickup in the first place.

**Clay Spenser**  
Monday, 06.48  
_So, just realized picking up Mrs. Hayes is no gonna work with my Nova. Any solutions?_

**Ray Perry**  
Monday. 06.49  
_Davis is way ahead of you brother. Her and Sonny dropped off Jay’s truck last night, key should be in your mailbox._

**Clay Spenser**  
Monday, 06.50  
_She’s too good for the likes of us. But I’m grateful she’s ours._

**Ray Perry**  
Monday, 06.50  
_Amen brother. See you guys at Jay’s for a late breakfast when you’ve picked up Linda._

**Clay Spenser**  
Monday, 06.51  
_See you there._

Placing his phone back on the table, Clay drained his cup of what was left of his coffee then stood up, cup in hand and walked into the kitchen to put it in the sink. With a yawn and a stretch he rubbed his eyes and then approached the bedroom again. Pushing the door open he felt a tug on his heartstrings at the sight of his girl in his bed wearing his shirt. If only the reason for her being here had been different… 

Shaking the thought away Clay walked over to his bed and sat down next to the sleeping blond in it. Reaching one hand out he gently removed a lock of hair and placed it behind her ear and then he leaned over, placing his lips over hers, kissing her softly.

* * *

The feeling of a pair of soft lips against hers woke Emma up from a deep sleep. Opening her eyes she was greeted by Clay’s blue eyes looking back at her. That made her return the kiss and with a soft moan she also deepened it.

They kissed for a while with mouth moving over each others, tongues tangling and hands roaming over clothes. When the need for air became too much to ignore Emma reluctantly pulled back, their panting noises filling the otherwise silent room.

“Good morning beautiful.” Clay said between ragged breaths.

“Hi.” Emma said, a blush spreading on her cheeks, making her look even more irresistible to him.

Leaning back down he placed another soft kiss on her lips but before she could respond he pulled back.

“As much as I really want to continue this, and spend the day with you in my bed, I need you to get up sweets.”

“Why?” she asked softly, the reality of the day before creeping up from the back of her mind.

“Because we need to get to the airport and I really want you to eat something before then.” he said, running a hand through her hair before resting it against her face.

Emma leaned into the touch, needing the connection. “Who’s at the airport?”

“Someone I think you’ll really like to see.”

Before Emma could ask more questions Clay got up from the bed. “I’m gonna see what I can make us for breakfast while you get dressed ok?”

Emma nodded her head and Clay left the room, heading for the kitchen.

Alone in the big bed Emma stared up at the ceiling. She wanted to stay here, in her Clay-centric bubble, and pretend that everything was like it always had been and that everyone she loved was safe. She knew it wasn’t going to happen, she knew that she needed to go home, actually go inside of the house that she’d lived in since she was a baby and check on how her baby brother and their dad was handling this.

She’d gotten her way yesterday; she didn’t have to go inside, she’d been able to cry and not care about anything else in the world except of herself and her own feelings. But now she was starting to think about the other people in her life and how this affected them. Especially her brother, who had been a mama’s boy since the day he was born, and her father who was the love of her mother’s life and vice versa.

Just thinking of her mother made the tell tale pricks of tears appear but she refused to let any more tears fall right now. She knew she’d cry a lot in the days and weeks ahead but right now she needed to keep it together, both for herself but also her family.

Getting out of the bed Emma slowly stepped in to the pair of jeans she’d discarded the day before and after removing the tee she’d slept in she also pulled on her bra. Standing there in her jeans and bra she looked at the top she’d worn the day before but seeing the mascara stains on it she tossed it back where she’d once left it.

After glancing between Clay’s closet and his dresser for a moment, Emma took the two steps over to the first one and pulled the door open. She knew what she was after, and after a quick look through she grabbed a black button up shirt which she pulled on. She buttoned a few buttons on top and then tied the ends together at her waist, feeling satisfied with what she saw in the mirror. After throwing her hair up in a ponytail she pulled on her shoes and, after a deep breath, left the safety of Clay’s bedroom to face the world.

* * *

Clay glanced over when the door to his bedroom opened and then quickly looked back again as he realized what Emma was wearing.

“This is gonna sound really cliché but; how is it that you look better in my shirt than I do?” he said, eye’s darkening with lust. What was it about girls wearing their boyfriends’ clothes that were so damn hot?

Emma blushed once again but still walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I hope it’s ok that I stole it? I have no problem wearing the same jeans and stuff but my shirt had mascara stains on it…”

Clay wrapped his own arms around her and held her even closer. “Of course it is Birdie. You’re welcome to whatever and as I said, you look better in it than I ever did.”

He placed a kiss on her hair and then turned her around, gently pushing her towards the couch.

“There’s some fruit and pancakes on the table. Please eat some.”

Walking over Emma grabbed a plate and added a few strawberries and a pancake to it before sitting down which pleased Clay because he’d been worried she’d refuse.

“Do you want coffee, water or orange juice to drink sweets?” he asked, looking over his shoulder at her.

“Coffee please.” she said, taking a bite of her pancake. She still wasn’t really hungry but she knew she needed to eat because otherwise odds were good that she was going to pass out sooner or later.

Filling a cup for Emma, and another one for himself, Clay walked over to the couch and placed them on the table before sitting down next to her.

They ate in silence for a while but as Emma finished up her breakfast she looked at him.

“You said we’re going to the airport right?”

“Right.” he said, mouth full off pancake, making Emma smile and shake her head at him.

“Really? With your mouth full?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

He simply grinned in reply.

“When do we need to leave?” she then asked.

Clay glanced at the clock on his arm. “We need to leave in 15 so if you want to brush your teeth or something you should do that while I clean this up.”

Emma nodded and left Clay to his breakfast and the clean up.

* * *

Walking out of the airport Linda Hayes looked around for her ride. The woman who’d called her yesterday had promised that someone would be here to pick her up and she was here now so where were her ride?

“GRANDMA!” a voice she’d know anywhere screamed out and in the next second she had her arms full of her oldest grandchild.

“Oh, my Emmylou!” she said, wrapping her arms around the girl and holding her close, gently rocking them from side to side.

They stood like that for a while, just a grandmother holding her granddaughter, before they pulled back. Linda saw that Emma had dark circles under her eyes and that they were a bit red but all in all she looked as good as she would’ve expected her too.

“Did you come here alone to pick me up baby?” she asked, looking around for her son or maybe Ray or even Sonny.

Emma shook her head. “No, I didn’t even know who we were here to pick up. Clay’s with me.”

Linda furrowed her brow. “Clay? I know I’ve heard that name before but…?”

“He’s on dad’s team. Joined just last year.”

“Ah, that’s what I know it from. Except your dad only calls him “the kid” or “the rookie” when he calls.”

“That’s the one.” Emma said, hesitating before continuing. “And he’s also my boyfriend.”

Linda looked at her granddaughter with wide eyes. “What?” she said, not sure if she’d really heard that right.

Emma nodded her head. “My boyfriend.”

“And your dad hasn’t killed him yet...?”

“No, grandma. Dad likes Clay. He isn’t thrilled about the 10 year age difference… or Clay’s job, but he’s… ok with it.”

“Oh, I got to meet this man. He’s got to be something special if his got your dad’s approval for dating you.” Linda said, slinging an arm around her granddaughter and started to push her cart forward again.

“Well you’re in luck then grandma because he’s right over there.” Emma said, pointing at the man leaning against her dad’s truck just two cars away.

Linda looked at the man waiting for them and a small smile spread over her lips as she turned her head to her granddaughter.

“Oh I approve Emmylou.” she said, winking at the young girl next to her.

“Grandma!” Emma replied, looking shocked.

“What?” Linda said. “I have eyes. I know a good looking man when I see one.”

They both laughed and were still smiling as they approached Clay. Emma stepped away from her grandmother as they arrived and wrapped an arm around Clay, pulling him forward.

“Clay this is my grandmother Linda Hayes. Grandma this is Clay Spenser, dad’s rookie and my boyfriend.” she said, making the introductions.

Clay’s eyes widen as she introduced him as her boyfriend and not just one of the guys on Jason’s team but he didn’t visibly react other than that, instead he held his hand out and shook the older woman’s.

“It’s nice to meet you M’am.”

“Oh please, I’m a civilian Clay, call me Linda.”

Clay smiled warmly at her. “Of course Linda. Why don’t you and Emma sit down in the car and I’ll deal with the luggage?” he said, grabbing the cart and walking to the bed of the truck.

Linda and Emma did as he suggested and when the doors were closed Linda, who’d taken the front, turned in her seat so that she could look at her granddaughter in the back.

“So, how are you baby?”

Emma’s face fell at those words and she shrugged. “I don’t know. Numb? Pretending nothing’s happened.”

“Oh honey.” Linda said, grabbing Emma’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “How’s your father and Mikey handling it?”

Emma shrugged again. “I don’t know. I haven’t actually seen them yet.” she said, the last words barley more than a whisper.

“What do you mean honey? Were they not awake yet?” she asked, confused by what Emma meant by that.

“I mean that I haven’t been at home since yesterday morning.”

Linda’s eyes widen again. “You haven’t been…? So where have you been then?”

“At Clay’s. I freaked out yesterday when I figured out what happened to mom and didn’t want to go inside so dad told Clay to take me to his place.”

Linda just stared at her granddaughter, trying to process the fact that her son apparently had so much trust in this man that he’d let his daughter spend the night at his place when her mother, his own wife, had just died.

Before either of them could say anything else Clay opened the driver door and got in behind the wheel.

“You guy’s ready for this?” he asked, looking from one to the other, having heard some of their conversation even with the doors closed.

“Now or never.” Emma replied letting go of her grandmothers hand and buckling her seat belt. Looking out of the side window she couldn’t help thinking that she wasn’t at all ready for what going home was going to mean.


	33. Everything was different

Jason looked up from his coffee cup as he heard the front door open and seconds later Mikey flew out of his seat next to him.

“Nana!” the youngest member of the family shouted as he rounded the table and jumped into his grandmother open arms, tears running down his face.

“My Mikey.” Linda said, sitting down in the chair that someone pulled out for her, pulling the boy on to her lap.

Feeling the lump in this throat grow even bigger as he watched his boy cry in his grandmother’s arms, Jason pushed his cup away and moved his eyes back to the doorway where he found Clay and Emma standing.

Meeting his daughter’s gaze he saw tears filling her eyes as well and before he could make a conscious decision he was already standing up and then he had his baby girl in his arms, holding her tight as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Clay stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching Emma cry in her father’s arms with Jason’s own tears running into her hair. Turning his head he saw Mikey sobbing while clinging to his grandmother as if his life depended on it and that made it even more awkward. He felt like he should do something, but what do one do in a situation like this?

When a hand landed on his right shoulder he almost jumped out of his skin. Looking over said shoulder he found Ray standing there and as they locked eyes Ray gestured with his head toward the entrance, making Clay nod and take a step back, out of the door way.

Clay followed Ray into the office and leaning back against the desk he looked at the man who’s usually Bravo’s 2IC as he closed the doors before turning to face Clay.

“How did it go last night?” Ray asked, arms crossed and legs wide as he looked at the younger man.

“As good as can be expected I guess.” Clay said with a shrug.

“She sleep at all?”

“Off and on. Woke up screaming or crying every other hour or so. She dreamed about pretty much everyone dying at one point or another.”

Ray sighed and leaned back against the closed doors. “So not being here didn’t make much of a difference then?”

Clay shrugged again. “I honestly have no idea. But she at least slept for a minimum of 8 hours combined so I say it’s the best anyone could’ve hoped for.”

Ray nodded slowly. “Yeah, guess you’re right. You plan on staying here until the wake later today?”

“I’m not sure…”

“Want my input?”

“I think you’re gonna give it to me no matter what so go ahead.” Clay said with a small grin.

“They need time as a family. Just the kids and Jay. And Linda. And as much as Bravo is family, they need a few hours together just the three, or four, of them. Alana’s parents are on their way and I’d rather Jay gets some time with Emma and Mikey before Grace and Robert get here.” Ray said, looking at his clock.

“Grace and Robert?” Clay asked with a confused look.

“Alana’s parents.”

“Oh, right… and I do agree with you that they need time just the three of them. Em needs her dad more than anyone else right now.”

Ray nodded. “They need each other, that’s the only way they’re gonna make this work. Sure, they’re gonna need a lot of support from all of us but the center need to be solid.”

Before they could continue their conversation a soft knock on the doors interrupted them. As Ray moved sideways and opened it up they were greeted by Linda, handbag in hand.

“My son needs some time with his children so which one of you is gonna take me to the store?” she asked, looking from one to the other.

Clay looked at Ray with wide eyes, not really feeling like that was something he wanted to do and Ray rolled his eyes in return.

“I’ll do it Linda,” Ray said, “Spenser here is gonna run a few errands and make a few calls before the wake.” 

Clay nodded his head eagerly and when Ray held out a list of things that needed to be done he accepted it without complaints.

“Good. Let’s leave them to it, shall we?” Linda said, and gestured at the front door to her left.

Both men looked at each other and then followed the older woman’s suggestion, knowing better than to question the woman who had raised their boss.

* * *

Emma sat on the couch, changing channels without really seeing what was on them in the first place. When she’d recovered from her breakdown in her dad’s arms she’d discovered that someone, probably her grandmother, had made everyone except Mikey, her dad and her vacate the house.

She’d felt like someone had robbed her of the last of her security when she realized that Clay was no longer in the house and when Mikey escaped upstairs and her dad then went outside she found herself in the one position she didn’t want to be in; alone.

She heard the patio door opened which meant her dad was probably coming back inside but she kept her eyes on the TV screen, not seeing what was on it but it was better than falling apart again, right?

“Do you want something to eat?”

She knew her dad was talking to her but if she answered, if she looked away from the TV, she knew her emotions would bubble over again.

“Emma…” her dad said, and she knew he would continue to push so she turned the TV off and tossed the remote away.

“I don’t want to eat.” she said, still not looking away from the now black TV screen. “I want to find a bat and break every window in the house.”

Not being able to hold back the tears she continued to tell her dad what was on her mind. “I want to break everything I see.”

“So do I.” Jason said, making his way over to the couch. He sat down next to her and pulled his daughter as close as he could. “I know. It’s hard.”

“I miss her.” Emma said between sobs, tears now falling rapidly down her cheeks.

“Shhh. I know” he said, doing his best to sooth the trembling girl in his arms. “So do I.”

Placing soft kisses on her hair and rubbing his hand up and down her back, Jason sat there and let Emma cry until she had no more tears left.

“How do we get through this? I don’t know how to live without mom. I don’t…” she said between hitched breaths as the tears stopped running.

“Together Emmi star. Together.”

“But…”

“I don’t have all the answers Emma. None of us does. We take it step by step and we start by getting through one day at a time. Ok?” Jason asked, looking down at the tear streaked face of his daughter.

Emma sniffled and nodded her head slowly. “Yeah…” she whispered, before using the sleeve of the shirt, Clay’s shirt, to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks.

Jason placed another kiss on her hair and the glanced at the clock on his wrist.

“People are gonna start showing up soon, at least the team and their significant others so why don’t you head on up and get changed?”

“Ok.” Emma said and got up from the couch. She started to walk toward the stairs but then stopped and looked back at her dad.

“Can you send Clay up when he arrives?” she asked softly, not knowing how he would react to that.

Jason looked at her with narrowed eyes for a second but then they softened and he nodded.

“Sure princess. I’ll tell him as soon as he gets back.”

“Thanks daddy.” Emma said before continuing her track over to the stairs and disappearing to the second floor.

* * *

*knock* *knock* *knock*

A series of knocks on her bedroom door made Emma look up from her phone that she had been using as a distraction since she’d heard people starting to arrive.

“Come in.” she called out, having an idea of who was on the other side of her closed door.

As the door opened Clay stepped in and then promptly shut it behind him again. Looking over at the girl sitting cross-legged on her bed he felt the same tug on his heartstrings as he had that morning.

“Hey sweets, how are you holding up?” he asked as he made his way over to her and sat down in front of her.

Emma shrugged. “Is there a correct answer Bear?” she asked, sounding sad and tired.

“No Birdie, there isn’t.” he told her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his lap.

Emma let her head rest on his shoulder and buried her nose in his neck, breathing in the sent that was pure Clay. She couldn’t describe it but she loved his sent and she’d found that it centered her. When nothing felt right, curling up in Clay’s arms and breathing him in was a balm to her soul.

As if he could hear her thoughts Clay pulled her in tighter and one of his hands came up to cup her head.

“Do we have to go downstairs?” she mumbled into his neck.

“I’m afraid so baby. Your dad and brother need your support as much as you need theirs and everyone who’s going to be here is here because they love you guys and they loved your mom.”

“I guess… I just… I don’t know.”

“Would it help any if I told you that both Hannah and Cathy I gonna be here?” Clay asked softly.

That made Emma lift her head up so that she could meet his gaze.

“They are?”

“Yes. I texted them both last night and I know someone on the team talked to Mrs. Porter and the Seaver’s as well.”

“Ok. I guess we better go downstairs then.” she said, looking at the closed door.

“We will. In a minute. First I want to hold you for a little while longer.” Clay said, gently pulling her head back down to his shoulder, which she had no complaints about.

* * *

There where people everywhere in her house and all Emma wanted was to escape. She’d spent most of the afternoon on the couch with Hannah and Cathy as her buffers but they’d left with their parents so now she found herself in the kitchen, drinking water by the sink and tying to be invisible.

Clay stood just a few feet away and that made her feel a little bit better but if she could she would’ve grabbed his hand and made him take her away from this place. Again.

With a sigh she placed her glass in the sink and tuned back in to the conversation around her.

“Thank god for the deli.” She heard her dad’s commander say. “Storm J-bad, no problem. Put me in the kitchen and I’m useless.”

Turning around as she heard Clay’s laugh, she saw that it was Clay that Eric was talking to.

“I hear you. Hey, you catch the news?” her boyfriend then asked the older man. “See what’s going on in Mumbai?”

Hearing those words leave his mouth made her blood turn into ice. He couldn’t possibly be talking about…

“Yeah. Looks like it’s escalating.” Eric answered a frown on his face.

Clay nodded his head. “Yeah, We’re probably gonna get spun-up soon.”

“Afraid so.”

Emma just stared at them. How could they talk about leaving when her mom was gone, and never coming back? How could everything stay the same when absolutely everything was different?

Shaking her head, tears pricking her eyes, Emma pushed off from the sink she was leaning against and walked away, out of the kitchen and out the front door.

She made it half way down the driveway before a pair of arms captured her.

“Let go of me!” she whisper shouted, not want to draw attention but still making her displeasure at being stopped known.

“You know I won’t.” Clay said, turning her around and pulling her as close as he could. “What’s going on Birdie?”

“How can you ask that?!” she asked incredulously. “It’s just a little over 24 hours since mom died and you guys are talking about getting spun-up?!”

Clay sighed, he’d been aware that Emma was standing in his vicinity but not that she was close enough to hear his conversation with Blackburn.

“Emma, it’s our job and Blackburn is my boss. I wasn’t offering up Bravo as the first in line to go but I needed to feel him out.” he said gently, leaning his head on hers.

“You can’t leave me! Dad can’t leave us! I can’t… Who would… please don’t!” Emma sobbed out as the water works once again started up.

“Oh sweets…” Clay said, gently swaying them from side to side as he rubbed one hand up and down her back for comfort.

After a few minutes the sobs ebbed away and Emma calmed down.

“Are you ok now?” he asked.

Emma shook her head. “No. I haven’t been ok since yesterday.”

Clay grabbed her shoulders and created some space between their bodies, enough so that he could lean down and put a sweet kiss on her lips.

“I know. And no one expect you to be. But I need you to be ok with the fact that I’m probably going to get spun-up in the near future.”

“Dad can’t leave…” Emma started to say but Clay placed another kiss on her mouth to silence her.

“I will do everything I can to make him sit the next one out. I will talk to him and I will mention it to Blackburn. Other than that, it needs to come from him, sweets.”

Emma nodded her head slowly, a single tear running down her cheek.

Clay used his thumb to wipe it away and then pulled back. “Come on, let’s get back inside. I want to eat something and you most definitely need to.”

Clay grabbed Emma’s right hand in his left and together they walked back up the driveway, in to the house that held so many people, so many memories and so much sadness.


	34. I'll see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so first of all I want to thank everyone who have read this story so far. I love each and every one of you. I also want to thank those who leave a review a little bit extra; it's because of you that I'm motivated to continue posting as often as I do. Now, as for this chapter I want you to know that I know nothing about funerals in USA because, shocker, I'm not american. So please look the other way at any faults in that regard. Also; you might recgonize parts of one of the conversations in this chapter and if you do; yes, it's from Charmed s04e01. Oh, and the song in this chapter is by Westlife.

Clay had only just stepped in to his apartment when his phone rang and when he looked at the screen he saw Emma’s smiling face displayed.

“Hey baby, miss me already?” he asked teasingly as he answered.

“I just watched dad have a breakdown in the kitchen. He punched the fridge and the trashcan while shouting.” she said in one breath, making him freeze in his step.

“Where are you right now Em?”

“Grandma is taking me and Mikey out for dinner.”

“Ok, good. I’m gonna make a few calls and then get back to you ok? I think I know the one person your dad needs right now…” Clay said, mentally making a list of the people he needed to contact.

“Mandy?” Emma asked with a lowered voice.

“Yeah. I’m also gonna call Ray and Blackburn. I’ll talk to you soon, ok Birdie?”

“Mhm. Thank you Bear.” she said, and then she hung up on him.

Clay sat down on his couch with a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Leaning back he focused in on his phone and pulled up the contact for one Amanda Ellis. He pushed called and then waited. She answered on the third ring.

“Clay? What’s up?” she asked, worry apparent in her voice.

“Hi, Mandy. I wanted to check if you were able to make it back yet?” he asked, crossing his fingers while waiting for her answer.

“I just landed actually. What’s up?”

“Jason…” Clay started only to get interrupted immediately.

“What about Jason? Did something else happen while I was in the air?”

“Nothing like your imagining I’m sure, but he just flipped out majorly. In front of Emma, Mikey and his mom.”

“Flipped out how?” Mandy asked, trying to connect all the dots.

“Emma said he started shouting while punching the crap out of his trashcan and the fridge.”

“Oh. That’s out of character for Jason. To do that in front of the kids I mean.”

“Yeah, that’s what worries me. Any chance you can make it over there?” he asked, once again crossing his fingers.

“I’ll head that way right now. Do we know if he’s still at the house?”

“He should be. Linda took Em and Mikey out for dinner which would leave Jace with only his fixer upper in the garage as a mode of transportation.”

“Ok, I’ll go over there and see where his head is at.” she said, determination obvious in her voice.

“Thank you Mandy. I’m gonna call Ray and fill him in as well so if you need back up, call him.”

“Copy that. Talk to you soon Spenser.” she said and then he was once again hung up on.

* * *

Sitting across from her grandmother and Mikey in a small diner Emma picked at her food between glancing at her phone. Clay had promised to get back to her but it had been over an hour now and still no call.

“Emma, you need to eat honey.” Linda said, looking at her granddaughter who only took the occasional bite of her burger and her fries.

“I’m not hungry…” she mumbled, but still took another bite.

When the door to the diner opened Emma looked over and when she saw the newcomer she put her fork down.

“Clay!” she said loudly, waving her hand so that he would see them.

Clay smiled at her and walked over to join them. He sat down next to Emma and stole one of her fries.

Emma pretended to be mad for a second but she couldn’t so instead she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“How did you know where to find us?” she asked.

“Find my friends.” he said, placing a kiss on her head.

Emma huffed out a laugh. “You couldn’t just call like you said you would?”

“I wanted to see how you guys were doing.” he answered, looking from Emma to Mikey and Linda.

“That’s sweet of you Clay.” Linda said with a smile at the pair seated across from her.

Clay stole another fry from Emma’s plate but before he could stuff it in his mouth Emma stole it back by grabbing his hand and eating it.

“Hey!” Clay said, shoving her in the side.

“Hey back! My dinner, not yours.” she replied, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Behave kids.” Linda cut in when it looked like Clay was about to take a few fries and throw them at Emma.

“Yes, behave.” Mikey filled in, smirking at them.

Emma stuck her tongue out again, this time at her brother, before focusing back on her boyfriend.

“Did you get in contact with her?”

Clay nodded. “I did, caught her just as she landed at the airport. She said she would head on right over.”

“Good.” Emma said. “What about uncle Ray and Eric? What did they say?”

“Ray is gonna wait to hear from one of us and then come over if he’s needed. Blackburn was gonna check with command and see if they can have us stand down for a while longer.”

Linda, having listened in on their conversation held her hand up. “Hold on. Who’s this ‘she’ that’s apparently going to talk with Jason? And are you guys not off rotation?”

“They’re talking about Mandy, Nana. Amanda Ellis. She works with dad.” Mikey said, surprising all three adults around the table.

“Oh.” Linda said. “Her I’ve heard off. But why is she the one going to talk to my son? Shouldn’t it be Ray?”

“Nobody, except for mom, handles dad better than Mandy, grandma.” Emma supplied with a shrug,

“She does it often out in the field and he actually talks to her.” Clay continued. “That’s why we called her back stateside when we first heard the news. We all knew that it would come a time when we would need her to handle Jay.”

“Huh…” Linda said, trailing off with a thoughtful look.

Emma nodded. “Hopefully she’ll get dad through the next few days.”

The conversation died out and they all focused back on their food, with Clay occasionally stealing a fry from Emma who pretended not to notice.

* * *

The next morning Emma was sitting on the bed her parents had once shared, looking on as her grandmother picked dress after dress out of her mom’s closet.

“How about this one?” Linda asked Emma, holding out a blue dress.

“Mom only wore it because it was expensive when she bought it so she couldn’t not wear it.” she said, trying her best to keep the tears at bay.

Linda nodded and pulled out a few more, laying them out on the bed.

“Which one do you think she would’ve liked the most Emmylou?”

“I don’t know.” she said softly before pointing at a black one with white polka dots. “Maybe this one…?” she trailed off as Mikey and her dad joined them in the master bedroom.

“We’re picking out a dress for Alana to wear.” Linda said, trying to make eye contact with her son but he just looked from one of his children to the other before walking over to the closet and opening it up wide.

Emma watched as he pulled out a red one and felt the tears rise once again in her eyes.

“This one. This is the one. Yeah, she wore it all the time.” Jason said with a coarse voice.

“Because you bought it for her…” Emma whispered out.

Jason rounded the bed, so that he was standing between his children.

“She, um, she wore this to your Christmas recital.” he said, looking at Emma. “She sent me a picture of the three of you, and she was wearing this dress.” he continued, sitting down in the corner chair, holding the dress up to his face.

Tear were now running down all four faces in the room. Jason held his hands out and as Mikey grabbed one and Emma the other he pulled them both into his lap and held them close as they all cried together for the woman they had lost.

Linda sniffled and wiped away her tears before walking over to her child and grandchildren. Holding her hand out she took the dress from Jason.

“I’m gonna have one of the guys run this down to the funeral home.” she said before turning around and leaving the three of them to mourn alone for a few moments. 

* * *

Clay knocked gently on the door to Emma’s bedroom and waited until she answered before opening the door. They had to leave for the funeral in 10 minutes and Emma had been locked away in her room since she’d come out of her mom’s bedroom earlier that morning.

“Can I come in?” he asked, sticking his head in so that he could see her, but not fully opening the door or entering.

“Sure…” she said, not moving from her position in front of her mirror where she was brushing her hair.

Clay opened the door up wider and stepped in, closing the door behind him. Walking over to her, he sat down on the bed behind her.

“What’s running through that mind of yours sweetheart?” he asked softly.

“I don’t want to go.” she answered while gathering some hair at each side of her face, pulling it back and tying it off with an elastic.

“Why not Birdie?”

“Because if I go, it means that this is real and that mom is really not coming back. I don’t know how to handle that.”

Placing his hand on the chair she was sitting on, grateful that it was a swivel chair, Clay turned it around so that she was facing him. He took both her hands in his and gave them a squeeze.

“We’ll handle it together. All of us. You and me. We and your family. Your family and Bravo. That’s how you’ll get through this and when it feels like you can’t, we’ll help you.” he told her.

She nodded her head tears, already or maybe again, streaming down her cheeks.

“Oh sweets. I wish I could take all your pain so you didn’t have to.” he whispered before lifting her from the chair and into his arms, where she promptly buried her face in his neck and he leaned his head against hers.

A soft knocking on the door a little while later made Clay raise his head from its resting place.

“Yeah?” he called out, looking at the closed door, which then opened to show Lisa standing on the other side.

“Hey, it’s time to leave for the church now. You guys need to come downstairs.” she said gently, looking from Clay to the blond head buried against his neck.

Clay nodded in acknowledgment. “We’ll be right down.”

Lisa smiled sadly at him and then left, pulling the door with her but left it ajar.

Placing a kiss on the mass of curls against his shoulder Clay sighed and then stood up from the bed, taking Emma with him and placing her on her feet.

“Come on baby, it’s time.” he said, taking her left hand in his right.

Emma nodded, wiped away the tears on her face and followed Clay as he walked out of her bedroom, headed for the last place she wanted to visit right now; the church. 

* * *

The church was almost filled to capacity as the Hayes family, Alana’s parents and Bravo arrived. Ray, Sonny, Brock and Trent, together with Lisa, Mandy, Eric, Naima, Annie and Lauren started to walk inside to sit down before the closest family entered. Clay made a move to join them, feeling that his place was probably with the team and not those closest to Alana, but was stopped immediately by two sets of hands.

Jason grabbed on to his right shoulder and Emma was holding his left hand with an iron grip. As he looked at them they both shook their heads.

“You’re sitting with us kid.” Jason said, not letting go of his shoulder.

“But…”

“I, _WE_, need you there.” Emma added pleadingly and when Mikey nodded in agreement, grabbing on to his right hand he inclined his head in agreement.

They entered the church with Jason and Linda in front, Mikey between them holding on to both of their hands. Emma followed with Clay and Alana’s parents, Grace and Robert, brought up the rear.

The closer they got to the front pew the tighter Emma’s grip on Clay’s hand became and by the time they sat down Clay seriously wondered if he would make it through the funeral without breaking a bone.

Mikey started sobbing as the first hymn started, making Linda put her arm around him. Emma let a few tears escape but kept it mostly together. Jason mean while sat frozen like a stone, staring into space as the hymn played.

When the priest started talking Mikey had calmed some but Jason had started twitching in his seat. Clay glanced over his shoulder and made eye contact with Mandy. When he tilted his head towards his boss she nodded with a slight movement and then she gently placed her hand on Jason’s shoulder.

The reaction from Bravo 1 was instantaneous. The moment Mandy’s hand landed he stopped twitching and as she gave it a squeeze he settled back into the hard seat. Clay let out a sigh of relief and focused back on the woman clinging to his arm. Emma wasn’t crying, wasn’t shaking and she almost didn’t blink. If he didn’t know better he’d think she was in a trance.

The service continued with readings and eulogies, and then the priest looked at Emma and gave her a slight nod.“And now, Alana’s daughter is gonna sing for us.” he said, and Clay watched in surprise as Emma let go of him and walked up the altar towards a microphone. The music started playing and Emma begun to sing.

“_Always you will be part of me._  
_And I will forever feel your strength,_  
_ When I need it most._  
_ You're gone now, gone but not forgotten._  
_ I can't say this to your face,_  
_ But I know you hear_.”

Emma kept her eyes closed as she sang, knowing that if she looked at the people in the pews, the people she loved, and the tears on their faces, she wouldn’t be able to make it through this song.

“_I'll see you again._  
_You never really left._  
_ I feel you walk beside me._  
_ I know I'll see you again._”

Jason didn’t know what to do with his hands. He rubbed them on his thighs, he clasped them together and he twisted them around. Hearing his darling daughter sing to her heart out in what sounded like a direct message to her mother made him want to run out and run until he just couldn’t run any more. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They weren’t supposed to bury Alana.

“_When I'm lost, I'm missing you like crazy._  
_And I tell myself I'm so blessed,_  
_ To have had you in my life, my life_.”

Linda had been able to keep her tears at bay just fine, until Emma started to sing. Her words where hauntingly beautiful and she wanted so badly to have her daughter-in-law wake up and tell them that all of this was just a nightmare. But t wasn’t because Emma continued to sing, Mikey continued to cry and Jason continued to twist his hands.

“_I'll see you again._  
_You never really left._  
_ I feel you walk beside me._  
_ I know I'll see you again._”

Lisa was on her third tissue when the song started and by the time Emma reached the chorus for the second time Sonny handed her a fifth. She felt like her heart was breaking a little more for every word that the blond angle upfront sang. It broke for Emma and Mikey, for Jason, for her parents, for the members of Bravo and their partners, for herself and for everyone else in this church that once knew and loved the wonderful woman that had married Jason and blessed the world with two beautiful children.

“_When I had the time to tell you._  
_I never thought I'd live to see the day._  
_ When the words I should have said,_  
_ Would come to haunt me._  
_ In my darkest hour I tell myself,_  
_ I'll see you again._”

Clay couldn’t take his eyes off his girlfriend. He knew she was one of the strongest persons he’d ever known but he still didn’t understand how she had the strength to stand up there and sing this song for everyone hear and not break apart. He felt like he was breaking apart and he hadn’t known Alana for all that long. He loved Alana for what she had given him; a place to stay, a safe harbor in the storm and most importantly; Emma, but he’d known her for less than a year and he knew with certainty that even if he had a singing voice (which he didn’t) he wouldn’t have been able to do what Emma was doing.

“_I'll see you again._  
_You never really left._  
_ I feel you walk beside me._  
_ I know I'll see you again._

_I'll see you again._  
_You never really left._  
_ I feel you walk beside me._  
_ I know I'll see you again._

_I will see you again._”

As she neared the end of the song Emma finally opened her eyes but instead of looking towards the people who were listening to her sing, she turned to face the casket and sang the final part of the song directly to it.

“_I'll see you again._  
_I miss you like crazy._  
_ You're gone but not forgotten._  
_ I'll never forget you._  
_ Someday I'll see you again._  
_ I feel you walk beside me._  
_ Never leave you, yeah._  
_ Gone but not forgotten._  
_ I feel you by my side._  
_ No this is not goodbye…_”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is I'll see you again by Westlife


	35. Stay with us

Emma had no concrete memory of walking out of the church and getting in to the car for the ride over to the burial site but here she was, sitting between her grandmother and Mikey while the priest talked.

She wished that Clay was sitting next to her so that she could lean on him for support but instead he was standing behind them together with the rest of Bravo. The graveside burial couldn’t end soon enough. She wanted to go home, eat ice cream and curl up on the couch with her boyfriend.

Focusing back on the here and now, Emma listened to the ending of the priest’s reading.

“Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.” he said before nodding at Jason who was going to deliver the final words before they lowered the casket into the ground.

Biting her lower lip Emma tried to force the tears to stay back but one still escaped and ran down her cheek before falling on to her dress. She took a deep, shaky breath as she watched her dad pull out a piece of paper and start his eulogy.

“I’m not really good at this. I wrote some things down.” he said. “It's ironic that I'm a SEAL and Alana… she's the one who pulled me out of the water when we were kids and saved me. That's how we met.”

Another tear made its way down but Emma wiped it away. She didn’t want to cry any more. Her eyes stung from all the tears she’d cried and her face was starting to feel raw from the continues wiping.

Her dad talked about her mom, about their family and how she was the glue. Emma couldn’t help but think that she was now, somehow, going to have to figure out how to be that glue, because sooner or later, her dad would have to go back to work. And when that happened she was going to have to step up.

“I really hope that our family can survive without you, baby.” Jason finished, ending his eulogy and placing his note on top of the casket.

Emma placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder as he cried and used her other hand to wipe away yet another tear. She then looked back at her dad and saw that he was close to breaking. Just as she was about to raise from her seat to walk up to him, phones started chirping.

Glancing over her shoulder she saw Clay and the other members of Bravo, including Mandy, Lisa and Eric all reach for their phones, making her turn cold. As she turned back to face her dad she saw him take a step towards his team and then, he reached for his own phone in his jacket pocket.

Before she even knew what she was doing she flew out of her seat and started to pound her fists on her dad’s chest.

“I HATE YOU! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…” she said, fists flying until her dad placed his arms around her, capturing her hands between them.

“Stop. Hey, hey, stop. Emmi star, stop.” he said, voice low while gently rocking her.

“You can’t leave. You can’t go.” she said repeatedly into his chest, tears running rapidly now.

Jason didn’t answer her; instead he gently walked her back to the chairs and sat down with her in his lap.

“Jason, surely you can’t…” Linda started to say but Jason held up his hand.

“Stop mom. Don’t.” he said, shaking his head at her.

When Emma had calmed down enough he sat her down in her own chair and then squatted down in front of both of his kids.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” he said, grasping each of their hands and making them look up at him.

“I have to go. I need to find out what they want.”

Emma shook her head. “No you don’t!” she said, “You need to stay with us. You HAVE to stay with us.”

“Honey…” Jason pleaded but Emma just kept shaking her head. Looking over at his boy, Mikey refused to meet his eyes but he also didn’t say anything.

Blowing out a deep breath Jason looked over his kids’ heads and saw that all of his team had left. Meeting Ray’s gaze he tilted his head towards Emma and Mikey. Ray nodded and, after placing a kiss on his wife’s cheek, walked over to them.

“Hey guys.” he said, squatting down next to Jason.

“Uncle Ray.” Mikey said, leaping in to his arms, not looking at his dad once.

“Hi big man.” Ray said into the boys shoulder as he hugged him close. He then looked at Emma. “I’m gonna take you guys home, ok?”

Emma still shook her head vehemently. “This is mom’s funeral for god sake! Can’t we bury her in peace? Can’t we do this as a normal family? Is that really too much to ask?!”

Linda put her arm around her irate granddaughter and looked at her son, trying her best to keep her disappointment out of both her voice and her eyes.

“Just go Jason. We’ll finish up here and I’ll make sure the kids are ok.” she said, pulling Emma closer.

Jason looked at his mom for a moment before turning to Ray, giving him a questioning look.

“I’ve got this man, I’ll take them home. Go.”

That seemed to be what he needed to hear because he got up and, after one last look at his children, walked away from the burial site. 

* * *

Clay didn’t want to believe his eyes as the door to the team room opened and Jason walked in. He couldn’t seriously be joining them on this mission, could he? Didn’t he understand how much Emma and Mikey needed their one parent, who was still alive, right now?

As Jason sat down Mandy started to brief them on their upcoming mission, to rescue a FSO in, surprise, surprise, Mumbai, and while Clay paid attention to the details he still kept one eye on Jason and just as he suspected, his boss wasn’t hearing a word of what Mandy was telling them.

When the briefing wrapped up they all left to get changed out of their suits but as they arrived at the cages Clay realized that Jason wasn’t with them.

As he was changing his clothes and packing up his things Clay listened in as his brothers talked. They talked about the mission, sex tapes and celebrities but none of them mentioned the fact that their boss apparently was going straight from his wife’s funeral to a high risk op in India.

Closing his cage behind him, he tossed his bag onto the table in the middle of the room and looked at his brothers.

“Why are we ignoring this?” he asked, looking from Trent, to Sonny, to Brock. “Come on, man. Jason didn’t hear a word of that warning order. The guy is not up for this, why am I the only one saying it?”

Sonny looked at him, knowing that while Clay might be right, there was an order to things and they couldn’t interfere.

“Because you’re the youngest, son.” the Texan said while rolling up his shirt sleeves. “You may be 2IC, but you need to refrain. All right? It ain’t our decision to make.” he continued, as he made his way over to Clay.

“Isn’t it?” Clay asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No. It isn’t. Jason is our boss, Bravo 1, and what he say’s goes.”

“Even if that means going in to a bad situation with a boss who doesn’t have his head on straight and who came to the briefing from his wife’s funeral?”

Sonny didn’t have an answer for that and when Clay looked at Bravo 4 and 5, neither would meet his eyes. With a sigh he reached into his pocket for his phone and sent of a text.

**Bear**  
Tuesday, 18.13  
_Did you guys make it home ok?  
Thinking of you <3_

**Birdie**  
Tuesday, 18.14  
_Yeah, uncle Ray drove us. Are you guys getting spun up?  
Missing you <3_

**Bear**  
Tuesday, 18.16  
_Good. And yeah, leaving asap. _

**Birdie**  
Tuesday, 18.18  
_Is dad there? Is he going? _

**Bear**  
Tuesday, 18.18  
_He joined the briefing. Haven’t seen him since.   
I tried talking to the boys but…_

**Birdie**  
Tuesday, 18.21  
_But dad’s the boss and what he say’s goes…  
Please look out for him. Please. I can’t lose him too…_

**Bear**  
Tuesday, 18.20  
_Always, Birdie. Always. And you won’t._

**Birdie**  
Tuesday, 18.22  
_Dad just called uncle Ray. He left in a hurry…_

Looking up from his phone Clay glanced at his teammates who had now changed into work clothes as well and where keeping one eye on him.

“What’s going on, kid?” Trent asked, seeing the furrowed brow on their youngest brother.

“I’m texting Emma...”

“…and?” Sonny asked, gesturing with his hand as to make Clay get on with it.

“Jace just called Ray in.”

That made them all look at each other. Ray had been cleared for duty a few weeks back but Jason, stubborn as he was, hadn’t been anywhere near ready to bring him back yet.

“You thinking….?” Brock asked.

Clay shrugged. “I have no clue what that means. I guess we’ll find out sooner rather than later if we’re supposed to leave a.s.a.p.”

Looking back down on his phone he answered his girl.

**Bear.**  
Tuesday, 18.28  
_I’ve got your dad’s back no matter what and if we can make him stay home, we will.  
I need to finish getting my gear in order. Talk soon <3_

* * *

45 minutes later Clay, Sonny, Trent, Brock and Cerberus where still sitting by their cages, ready to leave at any second but Bravo 1 was still unaccounted for and no one had given them the go ahead to board the C-17 yet.

Suddenly the door opened and Blackburn entered, followed by Davis who stopped just inside the door while Eric walked up to the table.

“Ok, so, we’re wheels up for Mumbai in 15 but first, we have a few things to we need to handle.” he said, looking around the room at four (five, if you counted the dog) of the world’s best operators.

They all got up from where they were sitting and, unconsciously, lined up in front of their Lieutenant Commander, waiting with trepidation on what was to follow.

“As you’ve noticed Jason isn’t in here. That’s because he has decided to stand-down. It was his choice and I’m sure you all understand it, respect it and, in some way, wanted him to make it.” Blackburn said, making all of them nod their heads in agreement.

“Good.” he continued. “But, that leaves Bravo down not just one, but to men and as you know that’s not going to work. Jason requested that Ray rejoined the team so please, welcome Senior Chief Perry back.”

As Blackburn finished his sentence Lisa opened the door and Ray joined them. They all bumped fists with their brother and was about to start talking when they were interrupted.

“Time is of the essence so you guys can chat on the plane.” Blackburn said. “As nice as it is to have you back Ray, the team needs a Master Chief.” he continued, making them all weary again.

Clay and Sonny exchanged a look before glancing at Ray, having assumed he would step up as Bravo 1, but apparently that wasn’t the deal.

Ray, seeing his teammates’ looks smiled at them. He would’ve stepped up if he could but as Blackburn said they weren’t going in to this mission without a Master Chief and he hadn’t yet made it to that point.

“It has been decided that, for this mission,” their commander said, pausing to nod at Lisa who once more opened the door. “Master Chief Seaver is gonna join you, as Bravo 1.”

* * *

Listening to the sound of the thunder and rain outside, Emma rolled her eyes. Of course the weather would turn bad this evening. As if the day hadn’t been bad enough – let’s add a rainstorm.

She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting on the couch. She’d ended up on it as their game of monopoly wrapped up and Mikey had joined her shortly after, not wanting to be alone.

Running her fingers through his hair she looked down at her baby brother, almost asleep in her lap. This was how her life would be now. Just her and Mikey in this house, while their dad was out saving the world.

She knew her grandma Linda was in the master bathroom, cleaning the day off her, but apart from that, this was their new reality.

When the front doorknob rattled and the door opened she tensed up. Why hadn’t she locked the door? Looking over she froze as she saw her dad, still in his suit, entering the house and closing the door behind him.

“You didn’t go?” she asked, not believing what was right in front of her.

Jason shook his head. “No.” he said, tossing his keys to the side before walking over to them.

He lifted Mikey’s head from Emma’s lap and sat down between them, pulling them both close.

“You’ve never stayed behind. Not ever. Not for anything or anyone.” Emma said, disbelief making her question the one thing she’d wanted from him as he left the burial.

“No.” he said, “but this time I am.”

Hearing her dad say the words, the words she so desperately had needed to hear, made the dam burst and her tears made an appearance again.

They sat like that for a while, with Jason holding his world in his arms, until Emma pulled back to look at him.

“What about the team?” she asked, worried now for the rest of her family; her uncles and her boyfriend. The boyfriend she had yet to actually go out on a date with.

“Ray and Mr. Seaver are going with them. Adam will be Bravo 1 for this mission.”

“Hannah’s dad?” she asked, knowing that Hannah’s dad hadn’t been on a spin-up since he started training Green teams.

“Yeah. He’s a good guy and a great SEAL. He’ll make sure the team completes the op and makes it back safe.”

Emma nodded her head and glanced at her phone on the table. Jason saw it and chuckled a little.

“If you hurry you might be able to call him before wheels up.”

Emma’s head snapped back to her dad.

“How did you…?”

“I know you Emmi star. Go, give the kid a call, and make damn sure he knows to come home safe.”

Grabbing her phone from the table Emma hurried to her feet.

“I will, thank you daddy.” she said, before rushing toward the patio for some privacy while already dialing Clay.


	36. My whole life

Emma had a hard time falling asleep. She was relieved that her dad had decided to stay at home with them but at the same she couldn't get a feeling of dread to go away. She didn't like the fact that Clay, and her uncles for that matter, were out there without her dad.

Her dad kept the team safe while the team kept him safe – that's how it worked and now Mr. Seaver was filling that role and something about it didn't feel right. She knew Mr. Seaver was good at his job but he was out of practice…

Picking up her phone for the fifth time since she had said goodnight to her dad, she saw that it was now almost 4am. She'd been laying here awake for the past 3 hours, worrying about her family, her boyfriend, her uncles and herself.

A soft knock on her door made her sit up straight in her bed, fear creeping up her back.

"Yeah?" she called out.

The door opened and Mikey stood in the opening, tears on his face.

"What is it Mikey?" she asked, hurrying out from under her blanket and over to her brother.

"I can't sleep. Can I…" he started before trailing off.

Emma knew what he wanted and put her arm around him while closing her door behind them.

"Come here, you can stay with me."

She gently guided her brother over to her bed and made him slip in under the covers. She walked over to the other side and did the same before rolling over to her side to face her 8 years younger brother.

"Try and go to sleep Mickey Mouse, I'm here, I've got you." she whispered and begun running her fingers through his hair. Mikey's eyes closed and soon she felt his breathing deepen, indicating that he'd fallen asleep.

Emma let her fingers continue their motion, finding it soothing, and the next thing she knew, it was light outside.

Opening her eyes up to the sun shining in through her windows Emma couldn't believe she'd actually fallen asleep. Turning her head sideways she found that her brother had already woken up and as she reached for her phone she realized why; it was almost two in the afternoon!

Seeing her notifications she found that she'd gotten a text just half an hour earlier.

**Bear**  
Wednesday, 13.29  
_Landed and are now gearing up. Will call or text when I can.  
Take care of yourself Birdie, we still have a date to figure out 3_

The text made her both frown and then smile. Her feeling of dread hadn't gone away during her sleep and knowing that Clay and Bravo was currently out doing what they do in some godforsaken country made her want to curl up into a ball until she knew they were all safe and sound, on their way back home.

* * *

After forcing herself out of bed and in to the shower, Emma walked down to the first floor 20 minutes later, mentally preparing herself for what was left of the day. Hearing the TV on she looked over to find her dad on the couch, watching the news.

"Why are you watching the news? You never watch the news?" she asked, looking from the news report from India to her dad on the couch.

When Jason didn't answer she knew why. Blowing out a breath she sat down next to him and paid more attention to what was being said on the screen.

"It's been reported that a guest at the Sopara Grand Hotel, American Foreign Service Officer, David Nelson, is still unaccounted for." the female reporter said before moving on to a new subject.

Emma turned to face her dad, who was now staring blindly out into the room.

"They're there, right? That's where Bravo is? To rescue the FSO?"

"Emma, you know I can't…"

"You don't have to. Just by saying that I know I'm right. Clay and the rest of Bravo are in India and headed for the Hotel. They're probably arriving as we speak." she said, glancing at the clock.

Jason's head snapped towards his daughter.

"How can you possibly know that?" he asked, confusion and a little bit of anger in his voice.

"Clay texted me almost an hour ago that they were gearing up. I'm guessing they aren't based right in the middle of the fighting meaning it would take them some time to get to the Hotel. So that's how I know."

"This is why Em. This is why I didn't, don't, want you involved with a team guy." Jason said, burying his face in his hands.

"What? Because I could somehow figure out what the team does? News flash; I've been doing that my whole life! Watching the news with mom when you got spun up, guessing where you're going and what you're doing. Talking to Hannah and Cathy to figure out where our dads are. I've been doing it My. Whole. Life." Emma spit out, hands folded over her chest and eyes blearing.

"No, not that. The worrying, the uncertainty, the not knowing. I never wanted that for you." Jason said with a low voice, running his fingers though his hair.

"That's not up to you. I've been doing that my whole life too. Worrying about you, watching mom jump if someone knocked on the door out of the blue and not planning on you being there for things because you could be spun up on a moment's notice. If anything I'm probably better equipped to handle being with a team guy then most are."

Looking up at his daughter Jason saw her clearly for the first time in a while. This girl, no - woman, was no longer his little baby with pigtails and a big smile who had no worries and who loved to swing in the backyard. No, this was a grown woman who knew her self, knew what she wanted and could handle more than she probably should have to.

Shaking his head he blew out a tired sigh before placing an arm around his daughter's shoulders.

"You might be right Emma, but that doesn't mean I have to like that you are willing to walk head first into a lifetime of it."

"Lifetime… Dad, Clay and I haven't even been on a date yet so please don't marry me off before that has even happened!" Emma said with a small giggle.

"Nobody is marrying anybody! I just meant that…" Jason trailed off.

"I know what you meant. It's just…I've always been in this because it's your life. I don't know anything else and, with or without Clay, I'm still in this life. Because it's your life, dad."

They sat quiet for a while, looking at the TV without really watching what was on it.

"Maybe I have to change that…" Jason suddenly said, making Emma turn her face to his, eyes wide and mouth open.

"WHAT?!" she burst out as the words from her dad processed and started to make some kind of sense. "You can't!"

Jason looked at his daughter with an open mouth, surprised at her outburst.

"I would've thought you'd been in favor of that, Emma? Me being home every night, you not having to take over everything here at home, less worry…?"

"And then what, huh? What about you? You stand down from Bravo and just stay home? How long before you start climbing the walls? How long before you resent everyone and everything?" she asked, tears pricking her eyes but damn it, she was not going to cry.

"You and Mikey are more important than my job Em…"

"No one is questioning that dad! It means the world to me that you would even consider it but if you step down and leave the team? You'll rot. You'll fade away and me and Mikey? We will have to stand by and watch it happen." she told him, before twisting around so that she was facing him head on.

"It's better for Mikey and me to have all of you part of the time than part of you all of the time."

Jason watched his daughter closely while considering her speech. Nothing in him wanted to step down from Bravo, hand it off to Adam or some other guy, but could he really go away for days, weeks or even months at the time and leave Emma with all the responsibilities?

"Please don't worry about us." she said, figuring out what was troubling him. "Grandma will most certainly be a frequent visitor and we always have aunt Naima, aunt Lauren and Miss Annie nearby." she continued.

"…Aunt Annie if uncle Brock ever get's it together…" she then muttered under her breath.

Jason chuckled. "I'll see what the boys and I can do about that." he told his daughter with a small smile.

"But in all seriousness, do you really think me staying on Bravo is the right thing for this family Em? Without mom here it's gonna be hard on you…"

Emma nodded her head slowly. "I know. But I still think we'll be better off with you still on Bravo. Besides, Bravo is family and I'll feel better knowing that you're keeping an eye on them while they watch your back."

* * *

Standing by the fence in the basement garage of the Sopara Grand Hotel, Clay surveyed his teammates and the rescued FSO. They'd finished the mission with a good result and as soon as they made it back to their base he was gonna call his girl.

It had been weird to operate without Jason as Bravo 1 but as much as he liked Adam, he'd been his favorite Green Team instructor after all, he wanted Jace back on the team.

Seeing Adam make his way over he grinned at the older man.

"Nice workup today there, Master Chief." he said, slapping Adam on the shoulder.

"Didn't do too badly, yourself." Adam replied. "You must've had a fine Green Teem instructor." He continued, making both of them chuckle.

"You know it!" Clay said. "Hey, was that already last summer?"

"Time flies." Adam said and Clay nodded in agreement. It really did.

"Been a good year for you though. Making Bravo…" Adam started.

"Getting cheated on by Stella…" Clay cut in making the current Bravo 1 cringe.

"Getting close with Emma Hayes…" Adam tossed back, making a grin appear on Clay's face again.

"You've… you've heard about that, huh?"

Adam raised his eyebrows at the younger man. "You really think I wouldn't? Come on Spenser, I went through BUD/S with Jason, Victoria was close with Alana and Hannah have been best friends with Emma since birth. So yeah, I know about you and Emma." he said with another chuckle.

Clay watched Adam carefully, trying to figure out what the older man thought of the situation. It didn't make a difference one way or another but he liked Adam and didn't want his relationship with Emma to make things awkward.

"Relax Clay." Adam said, seeing the hint of trepidation from the blond in front of him. "If Jason is ok with it I see no reason for anyone else to question it. And, while neither he nor I want to acknowledge the fact, both Hannah and Emma are legally adults." he continued.

Clay's shoulders relaxed again and he leaned back on the fence.

"So… you serious about her?" Adam asked.

"I am." Clay replied without hesitation.

"Good… we need good women to keep us in line and Emma is one of them."

Before their conversation could continue the bearcat that would take them back to base arrived. Adam slapped Clay on the shoulder as he straightened up.

"Come on kid. Let's escort the FSO back to base."

Clay nodded and together with the rest of the team they re-grouped and walked over to the bearcat. While Clay helped the FSO in to the vehicle, Adam talked to Havoc and when Clay joined the rest of the team who was standing by it became clear that they weren't done for the night.

"You're being re-tasked to assist with enemy combatants at the Khorana University. It's a hostage rescue." Blackburn said over the comms.

Havoc continued to fill them in on what was going on and when Blackburn said they would have to patrol 1 click over to the University, Clay immediately pulled out his map.

"Mag check, boys." Adam said as he wrapped up with Havoc. "Clay, find me a route."

Clay grinned to himself. "I'm on it."

"Lovely night for a stroll, boys." Ray said with a wry smile.

"Yeah. It's not like we've been running up and down stairs all day…" Sonny said, irony dripping from his words and if Clay wasn't mistaken, the Texan was rolling his eyes.

"Come on, let's go. The sooner we rescue the hostages the better." Adam said and then took lead as they made their way up from the underground parking garage.

As they reached the ground Clay sighed. Guess his phone call with Birdie was gonna have to wait.


	37. Say again your last

Gasping for breath, hands above his head, Clay couldn’t stop thinking of Emma. He’d taken a bullet to the chest plate, which could’ve killed him, but all he could think about was his Birdie.

He didn’t want to think about how she would react when she found out about this and what was even worse; how she would’ve reacted if that bullet had penetrated his body armor. She’d just buried her mother and having him join Alana not even a week later? That was not a scenario he was even a little bit comfortable with.

Still breathing heavy Clay let his arms down again and held his hands out for his weapon that Ray had placed over his own body. Ray handed it over and Clay nodded his head in thanks.

Adam wrapped up his communication with Havoc and turned to the team.

“Clay, stay close to me. Ray, you're on point. The rest of you; fall into patrol order.” he said and they immediately feel into position.

Adam took up position next to Clay and placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.

“How are you feeling?”

“Uh, like the weakest link.” Clay answered, still breathing hard. “Like I slowed us down.

“I’d rather lose a little time than my 2IC.” Adam told him. “Besides, I do not want to tell Jason, or Emma for that matter, that I failed in bringing you back home safe.” he continued.

Holding a hand out, Adam stopped Clay from walking further and looked the blond dead in the eyes.

“Shake it off.”

“Not so easy.” Clay responded, still winded but not breathing as hard.

“Not so hard. Shake. It. Off.” the Master Chief said and then he walked off.

“Roger that.” Clay mumbled before gathering himself together and bringing up the rear.

The team moved through dark alleys and side streets, heads on a swivel and as fast as they could. They where about 3 minutes out from the university when Lisa’s voice appeared over the comms.

“Bravo 1, you have multiple unknowns approaching your position.” she said, making them all tense up that little bit more.

“Roger that. Out.” Adam answered before halting them all behind a dumpster.

“Dual point. Dual point.” he continued, making the team move into two groups before they continued their approach.

Then, before they even made it 20 feet further on, everything went FUBAR. Shots started flying around them and they had to take cover. Clay covered the team’s back and when Adam had to change mags he joined Clay at the back of the group.

Clay glanced at his temporary team leader before focusing back on firing towards their enemies ahead. That’s when he heard one of the words he despised most in the world.

“S-vest!” Adam shouted and then he ran toward the man who was attacking them from behind.

Clay’s head snapped around and his eye’s grew wide as he took in what was happening.

“Adam!” he screamed and got to his feet in a hurry but as he took a step forward, Adam and the man wearing the S-vest hit the ground and then the world exploded.

Clay turned his head away to shield his eyes from the blast but quickly turned back when it died down. He felt frozen as he took in the scene in front of him. A burning body, a hole in the ground and small rocks all around.

The rest of Bravo finished off their attackers and as the gunfire died, all that was left was Clay standing there without moving, watching how his favorite Green Team instructor turned into charcoal. 

* * *

“What happened?!” Ray asked Clay as they all rushed over to join their youngest team mate, who stood frozen in place, staring at the body of the current Bravo 1.

“Adam… he just…” Clay trailed off, still staring at the corpse.

“Bravo 1 this is Havoc. What did we just see?” Blackburn asked over the comms, but no one answered.

Ray looked over the body while the others fanned out, weapons at the ready.

“Adam’s gone.” Ray said with a sigh, confirming what they all already knew.

“Give me a sit-rep, over. Bravo 1, respond.” Blackburn continued on comms.

Clay finally looked away from the body, up at Sonny who inclined his head at the radio.

“Clay, answer him.” he said, making the entire group look at their youngest member, their current 2IC.

“Radio check, over.”

“Will someone PLEASE answer him!” Sonny said pleadingly, making Clay finally wake up from his stupor.

“Havoc, this is Bravo 2. We ready you Lima Charlie.” Clay said, voice shaky but strong.

“Bravo 2, what is going on out there?”

“I pass Fallen Eagle.” he answered this time his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Bravo 2, say again your last.” Blackburn said in disbelief.

Clay shook his head, unable to reply as his emotions churned. Ray took pity on their rookie and got on to his own comms to answered.

“Havoc this is Bravo 6. Confirming Fallen Eagle. We’ve lost Bravo 1.”

* * *

The phone wouldn’t stop ringing and it was driving all of them nuts. Emma wanted to answer every time but her dad had given firm orders to both her and Mikey that they were to ignore the home phone. If someone really wanted to reach them they would call their cells.

When the home phone called for the second time in a row, just seconds between the two, Emma blew out a breath, grabbed it from the kitchen island and stalked out to the garage where her dad was tinkering with his car.

“If you don’t answer this phone dad, I’m gonna throw it into the garbage disposal.” she said, throwing it at her dad as he looked up from under the hood of the car.

Jason caught the object just before it hit him in the face.

“Just ignore it Emma.” he said.

“No! Someone is blowing it up so for the love of god ANSWER it!”

Just then the ringing started up again and Jason blew out a huge breath before punching the answer button.

“What?!” he asked, anger shining through.

“That's a hell of a greeting, Master Chief.” Harrington said on the other side, making Jason blanch and automatically stand up straighter.

“Sorry, Sir. We’ve had some… issues with phone calls over here…” Jason answered, looking at his daughter who raised an eyebrow at him at that. “How can I help you, Sir?” he continued.

“It’s Adam.”

Jason’s head snapped back up from the ground that he’s gaze had traveled to and connected with his daughters eyes again.

“What about Adam?”

“We lost him, Jason.” Harrington said, voice apologetic. 

“We’ve lost Adam?!” Jason asked, and as he uttered the words he actually saw the color disappear from his daughter’s face.

Her dad’s words we’re ringing in her ears. Mr. Seaver was dead? Hannah’s dad was gone? Her legs shook and before they gave out she made herself sit down on the steps leading from the garage to the rest of the house.

Jason kept one eye on his daughter as he wrapped up the conversation with Captain Harrington. The captain wanted him to notify Adam’s family before the media got hold of the story, which Jason felt was something he was duty bound to do since Adam had gone in his place.

Ending the call he tossed the phone onto a bench before walking over to Emma, who sat motionless on the steps. He crouched down so that he was level with her and put a hand under her chin, lifting it up so that he could meet her gaze.

“Are you ok Emmi star?” he asked, knowing she wasn’t but having to ask anyway.

Emma shook her head. “Hannah’s dad died?”

Jason nodded. “Yeah. Captain Harrington wants me to tell the family before the news gets a hold of the story.”

“What about the rest of Bravo?... what about Clay? Are they ok?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“As far as I know. Harrington didn’t have any updates to indicate anything else.”

“What does that mean? Are they continuing the mission without Hannah’s dad?”

This time Jason shrugged. “Unless someone else is injured I believe there’s no way my guys would abort the mission. ”

Emma nodded her head slowly as a tear made its way down her cheek.

“What happens now?”

“I’m gonna change and then head over to notify Victoria and Hannah.”

Standing up Emma brushed dust of her pants before looking at her dad.

“I’m coming with you.” she said, hands on her hips and determination in her eyes.

“Not allowed.”

“Neither is telling me before you inform the family. But I know and they don’t.”

“Emma...” Jason said with a sigh, running his fingers though his hair in frustration. He didn’t want Emma to have to deal with this on top of Alana’s death.

“Dad, I know how Hannah’s about to feel. I know, and I need to be there for her, like she was there for me.”

They stood silently, just looking at each other for a moment before Jason sighed again and nodded.

“Go get changed then. I’ll meet you by the door in 20.”

* * *

Having completed the mission Clay watched as the students they’d rescued where reunited with their friend who’d escaped. They made his thought’s drift back home towards his own girl and her friends, who were going to be university students next fall. He wished he had his phone on him right now so that he could call Emma and hear her voice.

He knew that he wouldn’t relax until they had collected Adam and he’d gotten Emma on the phone. He needed her to calm him, make him focus and gather the pieces together.

He’d managed to pull himself together enough to make it through the mission but he’d allowed Ray to take charge because he knew himself well enough to know that he wasn’t in any shape to lead the team.

Looking over at Bravo’s real 2IC, he might have the moniker for now - but they all knew Ray was Jason’s true 2IC, he saw him get on to the comms.

“Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. The students are en route to your position along with local partner force. Where's our ride to Bravo 1?”

That made Clay stand up straighter. He hadn’t wanted to leave Adam while they continued the mission but he knew it was the right decision to make when he looked at the big picture. Now though he wanted to get back to the Maser Chief before anyone managed to stumble over the badly concealed body.

“Trying to get you one, Bravo 6. Could take a beat.” Davis answered and that made Clay tense even further.

“Whoa! What’s that supposed to mean?!” he asked out loud, looking at the man now in charge.

“Hey, Clay. I got this.” Ray said, placing a comforting hand on the younger man.

“Resources are stretched thin. The city's still in chaos. Working on it.” Blackburn replied on the comms.

“Roger that.” Ray answered before letting go of the button on his radio.

“’Roger that’?” Clay asked, “That's handling it? What about, "How long is this gonna take?" You know, how long are we just gonna leave Adam lying there, exposed, waiting for somebody to come pick up a souvenir?” he continued, more and more irate.

“Davis is monitoring him on ISR right now, brother” Ray said, trying to calm his team mate down a bit. They’d get to Adam in time, it would just take a little longer than they’d thought.

“That's good enough for you? Fast enough?” the blond asked his friends; his brothers. “That's not good enough for me. You guys want to wait here, wait – that’s fine.” he said, turning away to head towards the cars parked in the parking lot they where currently standing in.

“Clay…” Ray said, following him with his gaze.

“Go ahead. Stay. I’m still 2IC and I’m gonna go get Adam.” Clay said, looking in to the truck he’d approached since it had a flat bed. Seeing that there where key’s in the ignition he opened the door.

Ray, seeing that there was no way Clay wouldn’t follow through and there was no way he would let him go by himself, nodded his head at the rest of Bravo. “Let’s go boys.”

* * *

Walking out of the Seaver’s house Emma took her first deep breath in what felt like forever. The past 3 hours had been brutal and holding Hannah while she fell to pieces brought her own loss of a parent back to the surface in full force. Not that it been buried deep, but having Hannah join her, and Cathy, in the one-parent-only club sucked so hard.

An arm landed around her shoulders and she slumped against her dad as he guided them toward his black truck that waited on the side of the road.

“How are you feeling baby girl?” he asked as they climbed in to the vehicle.

“Drained. That was so hard daddy.” she answered with a small voice.

“I wish I could say that getting and delivering these sorts of news gets easier, but it doesn’t.”

“I only wish I knew that Clay and the rest of Bravo were ok. It’s killing me not knowing.”

Jason smiled grimly at her. “I hear you. If I don’t hear from Ray soon I’m gonna…” before he could finish his sentence he was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

Picking it up he saw Ray’s name flash across the screen and he answered before the second ring.

“Talk to me.” he said, turning on the speaker knowing that it would save him from having to re-tell whatever Ray told him to Emma.

“You heard about Adam?” Ray asked with a grim voice, tiredness shining through.

“Just finished notifying Victoria. Emma and I are in the car outside their house.”

“They had you do the notification?”

“I wouldn’t have had it any other way. If I hadn’t…” Jason said, only to be interrupted by Ray.

“Don’t go there brother. You did the right thing.”

“Yeah… doesn’t feel like it right now. Any other injuries to report?”

Ray was quiet for a moment, making Emma and Jason glance at each other with worry in both of their eyes.

“Ray… what aren’t you telling me?” Jason asked, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in anxiousness.

“The kid…” Ray started, making both Hayes’ turn ashen.

“Is he...” Emma whispered, not able to finish the sentence because if Clay…

“No honey, no” Ray said quickly. “Clay is alive, I’m sure he’ll call you as soon as he can. But he did take a bullet to the chest plate.”

“What happened, and when?” Jason asked, all business now that he knew that he kid was not dead.

“Before Adam. We faced a sniper and Spenser was supposed to take him out, only the sniper got him first. Hit him square in the chest and paralyzed his respiratory system. Trent got him breathing again and he finished the mission with us.” Ray explained.

As he finished Jason’s knuckles where white from gripping the steering wheel so tight and when he looked at Emma he saw that she was biting her lip, and if she bit any harder she would draw blood.

“Anything else?” Jason asked his best friend. He wanted to ask more about the kid but he had to know all of his men were ok.

“Nothing worth reporting over the phone. We’re heading in to talk with Blackburn now and then we’re probably wheels up to head on back home.”

“Are you bringing Adam’s body home?” Jason wondered, knowing that they’d had to leave him behind to finish the mission.

“Yeah. Spenser wouldn’t have accepted anything less. Never leave a man behind.” Ray said, sounding both proud and worried about their rookie.

“I’ll be on the tarmac when you land.” Jason replied, knowing that he had to do Adam that honor.

“See you there, brother.” Ray said. “Anything else before I go?” he asked.

“Look after him, please?” Emma said, finally releasing her lip from beneath her teeth.

“Never doubt it sweetheart.” her uncle replied and then they ended the call.

Jason put his phone away and then started up the car, pulling away from the Seaver’s house. Halfway home he looked over at Emma and saw that she was staring out the passenger door window, clasping her phone to her chest. ‘Kid better call her soon.’ he thought and then focused back on the road.


	38. With you till the end

Lisa stood back and watched as her guys filed in to the conference room in silence. They where dirty, tired, hurt and hurting. Sonny almost fell in to a chair at the head of the table, with Brock deciding to stand behind him instead of sitting down. Kiros sat down on the armrest of a chair, twisting his hands and Ray walked to the back of the room, arms crossed, keeping an eye on all of them - but mostly on their youngest.

Lisa felt her heart shatter that little bit more as her eyes landed on Clay. He walked in to the room, guided forward by Trent’s hand on his shoulder, with a glazed look on his face, eyes unseeing and steps wavering. Lisa wished she could hug him, reassure him that everything would work itself out and take that haunted look out of his gaze.

But this wasn’t the time or place for that and she also knew that she wasn’t the one he needed to make him feel safe and sound. She could, and would, do that for Sonny but Clay? He needed Emma.

Just as Trent pushed their current 2IC down in a chair on the opposite side of the table to Sonny, Blackburn walked in and stood at the head of the table, making everyone focus in on him.

“I want to commend you all.” he said with a heartfelt voice. “Losing Adam and going on saved lives.” he continued, looking straight at Ray.

“We're wheels up in four hours. Hit the showers, anything else that needs doing.” he then said, before looking at each member of Bravo in turn.

“Thank you. For being the absolute best. Even on the worst day.” he finished off and then he left the room to give the team a moment if they needed it.

Sonny was out of his chair before the door closed behind their lieutenant commander and Brock was just a step or two behind him, Cerberus on their heels. Ray was then joined by Mandy and the two of them left the room, talking in low voices.

Trent sighed and walked around the chair he’d been standing behind, holding his hand out to Clay.

“Come on man, we’re all in need of that shower.” he said as he grasped the other man’s hand and pulled him out of the chair.

Clay nodded slowly and walked, still in a daze, toward the open doorway. As he passed Lisa she held a hand out to him.

“You’re gonna need this.” she said, making him stop in his tracks and look down at her.

“What is it, Davis?” he asked, not looking at her outstretched hand but at her face.

“Your phone. We’re are gonna leave and you are going to make that call I know you’ve been wanting to make since you guy’s sent the FSO to us.” she said, placing his cell phone in his hand and closing his fingers around it.

Clay looked surprised down at the object in his hand and when he looked back up he was alone.

Taking a few steps back in to the room he sat down on the edge of the big table and unlocked his phone. Pulling up his contacts he smiled at the tiny picture of Emma that appeared on his favorites page and then he tapped it, making the call he’d been wanting to make for the past 6 hours.

* * *

Emma sat outside by the pool, her feet in the water while her mind jumped from one thought to another. In the past week she’d had plans for a first date with her boyfriend, preformed for her family and said boyfriend at the spring concert, had their planned date canceled because of a spin-up, her mom was killed, her world fell apart, her dad freaked out, the burial was interrupted, Bravo gut spun-up but her dad decided to stay home, her boyfriend got shot and then, to really finish it off, her best friends dad was killed.

How much was a person supposed to be able to handle? Emma felt as if she’d been through more in the past 7 days than most people go through in years. She didn’t know how to deal with any of it right now and all she really wanted at the moment was to hear from Clay and have him tell her himself that he was alive.

Emma sighed for the umpteen time since she walked outside and leaned back on her arms, splashing her feet in the water, interrupting the silence that surrounded her. That was when her phone started ringing and she scrambled to get a hold of it.

“Clay?” she asked as she answered and put the cell against her ear.

“Hey Birdie.” a tired voice said on the other side.

“Hi.” she said, voice no more than a whisper. She was so grateful to hear his voice; to know that he was safe.

Neither one of them said anything for a beat or two, just happy to hear the other one breathe, confirming that they were both still alive and well.

“Did you hear?” Clay asked after a moment, breaking the silence.

“Mhm. I was there when both Harrington and Ray called dad.” Emma answered. “How are you feeling?” she then asked.

“Tired. Drained. Hurting.”

“How much of the hurt is actual physical pain, Bear? Uncle Ray told us about the sniper.”

“Honest answer?”

“Yes please.” she answered, knowing that if she was going to be able to help as he got back she needed to know how much damaged the bullet had made.

“Taking deep breaths are a struggle and the pain would probably be worse if Trent hadn’t given me a shot already. He thinks I have a cracked rib or two.”

“Ouch.” Emma winced, placing her free hand against her own ribs. “Any bruising?”

“Probably. I’ll find out as I hit the shower when I get off the phone with you.”

“Ok…” she said softly. “How’s the rest of you doing?”

Clay was silent for a moment and Emma actually pulled the phone away from her ear to check that the call hadn’t disconnected.

“Clay?”

“It just hurts so much, Em.” he said with a brittle voice making it clear that he was fighting back tears.

Emma had to swallow back her own tears before answering. “I know.” she said, trying to sooth him as best she could.

“It sucks and it hurts and the pain is almost unbearable.” she told him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she felt one tear trying to escape.

Clay sniffled on the other side of the line. “I wish I was holding you right now.”

“Me too, Bear. I wish we were in your apartment, curled up on the couch watching a movie.”

“Sounds like a date to me.” he said, making both of them smile a little, despite the sorrow crowding them.

“I’d like that too.” Emma said, once again kicking her feet in the water. “Do you know when you guys are gonna be back?”

“We’re wheels up in about 4 hours so I’m guessing we’ll land back home around noon tomorrow.”

“Dad’s meeting you guys on the tarmac.”

“Hm…” Clay replied, sounding all talked out for the moment and like what he really needed was a shower, some food and a couple of hours of sleep.

“Why don’t we say goodbye now so that you can shower and change.” Emma said, getting ready to wrap up their call.

“Wait…” Clay said with a pleading voice.

“What is it, Bear?”

“Before we do… will you…” he trailed off.

“Will I what? I can’t read your mind, babe. I have many talents but not that one.” she said, making light of the situation.

“Will you sing for me? I like hearing you sing…”

Emma smiled to herself. She’d gotten the impression a while back that hearing her sing was one of the fastest ways to make Clay relax and feel calm.

“Sure. I actually have a song I was playing around with before the spring concert… It’s in Spanish though so don’t be mean if I pronounce something wrong! I know you’re fluent in it.”

“I won’t. I just want to hear you sing.” he replied, breathing out a pained breath.

“Ok.” she said before closing her eyes and putting herself into the right mindset.

“_Un cielo azul_  
_Gana paso a la tormenta_  
_ Que amenazó mi corazón._

_Y llegas tú, con todo lo que significas tú  
Descubriéndome quién soy. _

_Eres esa luz _  
_Que a través del universo_  
_ Tú_  
_ Me invitas a viajar._  
_ Contigo hasta el final._

_La ilusión _  
_De una vida por delante,_  
_ Que comienza justo hoy._

_Vámonos _  
_Sin temor_  
_ Gritemos que al final triunfó el amor_  
_ Que ahora somos tú y yo._

_Eres esa luz_  
_Que a través del universo_  
_ Tú_  
_ Me invitas a viajar._

_Eres esa luz _  
_Que a través del universo_  
_ Tú_  
_ Me invitas a viajar._  
_ Contigo hasta el final._

_Contigo hasta el final…_”

As she finished the song the only thing that could be heard from the other side of the line was Clay’s steady breathing. They were both silent for a few seconds before he spoke.

“Do you… do you know what that means in English, Birdie?”

“Uh huh. I can Google translate with the best of them.” she replied with a small snicker, making Clay smile.

“Yeah you can. Thank you for singing to me, sweets. I’m gonna hit the showers now, see you when we get back, ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be waiting. See you tomorrow.”

“Contigo hasta el final.” he said, and then he ended the call, leaving her sitting by the pool with a silly smile on her face, feeling like she’d seen a ray of light in the middle of all the darkness.

* * *

The C-17 had been in the air for just over an hour and a half when Sonny found himself sitting on a crate, watching his best friend on the team who were sitting as far away from the rest of them he could get – staring at the box containing Master Chief Seaver.

“What’s up Sonny?”

The Texan jerked as his name was called from behind him and looking up he found Ray standing to the left of him.

“Something’s not right with the kid.” he answered, turning his gaze back to Clay.

“Yeah, Sonny. Something’s not right with this whole thing.”

“There’s something else, Ray. Goldilocks doesn’t distance himself from us.”

Ray looked from Bravo 3 to the kid and nodded his head in agreement.

“No, he doesn’t.” he said crossing his arms. “So, are you going over there or am I?”

“He’s all yours Senior Chief.” Sonny said with a gesture. “I don’t think Bam-Bam and I would have a constructive conversation at this point.”

Ray slapped his burly friend on the shoulder and then walked towards the lone figure at the back of the seating area.

Sitting down next to Clay, Ray kept his eyes forward; on the box containing his friend.

“Thanks for stepping up, man.” Clay said after a few moments of silence.

“Hey, it’s never easy to push through when a friend goes down. You recovered.” Ray said, glancing up at his teammate beside him.

“Too little, too late.”

“You stepped up when I was almost willing to take no for an answer. You're the reason Adam's coming home with us.”

“I'm the reason he's in a box. We were close to that S-vest because I slowed us down.” Clay retorted, eyes still locked on the box covered in the American flag.

Ray shook his head and sighed. “This isn't about you, Clay.” he said softly. “You want to order the chaos. You can't.” he continued.

“Here's the truth: it was Adam's time. We all have a time, Clay and at this point I’m just thankful we aren’t returning with two boxes. I’m thankful I don’t have to tell my best friend that his rookie didn’t make it home. I’m thankful that I don’t have to inform Emma that we lost her boyfriend just days after she buried her mother.” Ray finished, hoping that would make Clay see clearer.

They sat silent again for a few seconds and then Clay looked up at him.

“You know the thing that really gets me is that he ripped me a new one for diving on a grenade in a Green Team drill.” he said with a motionless voice before turning back to the box.

“Now he goes and he does a thing like this…” he trailed off.

“Don't.” Ray said in a harsh tone. “Don't you dare.” he continued, eyes zoned in on this brother.

“You know, long before he was your Green Team instructor, Adam drafted me to Bravo.” Ray paused to let that sink in.

“He was my first team leader at DEVGRU. And he died saving our lives, so if you give a damn about honoring his memory, don't second-guess him. Or yourself. Just remember what he taught you.”

They both looked back at the box once again, Clay mulling over the 2IC’s words and Ray lost in memories of his first team leader. They both looked up as Sonny started talking while standing at the head of the box.

“My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies.” he said, raising a shot glass before downing its content.

“If I get knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I’m never out of the fight.” he continued, citing their creed.

Ray stood up from his place next to Clay and joined the Texan.

“We demand discipline. We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of our mission depends on me.” they said, and Clay rose up to join them.

“Our training is never complete.” they cited as a trio before Trent, Brock and Blackburn joined in as well, all standing around the box. 

“We train for war, we fight to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear, in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country.

The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required, yet guided by the principles I serve to defend.

Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation I am bound to uphold.

In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed.

And I will not fail.” they finished as one and then bowed their heads in respect of their fallen friend, brother, team mate, leader and instructor.

Stepping back they all returned to their different areas of the plane and Ray turned to Clay who was rubbing his chest.

“You in pain, brother?” he asked, concern obvious in his voice.

Clay shrugged. “I’m alive.” he said, not meeting the older man’s gaze.

Ray sighed in frustration. Why did his teammates have to be such hard asses?

“Let Trent give you what you need for the pain and then lay down in your hammock. Try and get some sleep because if Em sees you like this? She won’t be happy with either one of us.” he told the blond, knowing that using Emma was a cheap shot but doing it anyway.

Clay nodded his head in compliance and then walked over to their medic, making Ray sigh again, this time in relief.

He wasn’t kidding about Emma not being happy if the kid walked of the plane the way he was currently looking and he did not want Emma Hayes to be mad at him if he could avoid it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is Contigo hasta el final by El Sueño de Morfeo


	39. Carry you home

Scanning the room of cages containing various equipment, clothing and personal trinkets, Emma the looked at her watch. The plane should be landing at any moment but disembarking would take time. And she was bored.

She hadn’t been in here before. In the inner sanctuary of Bravo. She’d actually only been inside the DEVGRU building once and that was when she was 8. But seeing as she was in here now, all alone and bored, she couldn’t help herself from taking a closer look at each of the cages to see if she could identify their owners.

Looking at the one open cage she knew it was her dad’s because he’d unlocked it to change before going to wait for the plane to land. And the cage to the left of her dad’s couldn’t belong to anyone other than uncle Ray – the pictures of Naima, Jameelah and RJ was a dead giveaway.

Crossing to the other side of the room she smiled as she looked at the cage to the right – uncle Brock’s. All things belonging to Cerberus told her that. And next to him was uncle Sonny’s because there was no way anyone else on the team would have the Texas flag in a place of prominence.

That left uncle Trent and her boyfriend… there were two cages (well, no there were more than that, but only two that had things in them) left, one next to the windows and one against the far wall. So, which was which?

Walking over to the corner one, with a flag against the window, she glanced over the things in there. There was no dead giveaway like in the other’s but as she looked at the clothes she knew without a doubt that it wasn’t Clay’s cage she was looking at but uncle Trent’s.

Satisfied with her discovery she turned on her heel and approached the one she still hadn’t looked at up close. Clay’s cage. Her boyfriend.

On the clothing rack she could see the suit he’d worn to the funeral before they left, making her stomach clench and she quickly looked away from it. What did catch her attention though were the books laying there.

Emma was well aware that Clay was well read and knew a lot of languages but she was still a bit surprised at his reading material. The Gulag Archipelago and a book about Oscar Wilde where not books your usual 28 year old male read for fun… she’d have to ask him about it one day.

With a sigh she backed away from the cage and walked up to the table at the center of the room. She heaved herself up on to it and pulled out her phone. Quarter past noon. Soon the team would file in to this room, soon she would be hugging those closest to her again and soon she would get to see for herself that Clay was ok.

* * *

Clay didn’t take his eyes off the hearse as it left the tarmac with the box containing Adam’s remains. When the car disappeared from view he took a deep breath but the pain that followed made him aware of his surroundings again.

“You ok, kid?” Jason asked, concern shining in his eyes.

Clay nodded which made Trent, who was standing next to him on his other side, snort. Jason shifted his focus to Bravo 4 and raised an eyebrow at the man.

“He’s not ok boss. He most likely have a couple of cracked ribs, the bruising on his chest makes him look like Iron Man and he’s hurting like hell, physically and emotionally.” Trent said, folding his arms as he watched his youngest teammate struggle to take deep breaths.

Jason watched his rookie for a few moments before seemingly make up his mind.

“You’re staying at my house until I know you’re ok, Spenser.” he said, before turning on his heels and walking towards the DEVGRU building.

“But…” Clay started to say but he realized that 1. Jason wouldn’t hear him and 2. Jason wouldn’t care, so he simply shook his head and filed in behind his brothers as they all followed their leader.

After Jason had punched in the code to open the door to the cage room, they all entered and moved to their separate cages, neither noticing the girl sitting on top of the table in the middle of the room.

“So... no hello? No good to see you?” she asked, looking from her uncles to her boyfriend.

Clay froze in his step as he heard Emma’s voice and whirled around. Seeing that Emma was indeed in the room he rushed over and wrapped his arms around her, letting his head rest on her shoulder as he held her close.

Emma felt the tell tale pricking of tears in her eyes as she buried her own head in Clay’s neck and held on for all that she was worth. He was really here. Alive. Safe. With her.

Jason watched the two blonds for a moment and seeing them clinging to one another put another knife in his heart. Forcing himself to look away he glanced around and saw that everyone in the room was watching the scene playing out by the table.

Meeting their eyes Jason nodded with his head toward the second door in the room and silently they all left to give Emma and Clay some space.

* * *

Emma sat on the table, Clay standing between her knees and gently swayed side to side while running her fingers through his hair.

They hadn’t exchanged any words yet but Emma was softly singing into his ear, soothing him and also delivering a message at the same time.

“_I'll be the one, I’ll be the one, I’ll be the one to _  
_Carry you home_  
_ When it hurts like you've crashed from above_  
_ Heal your broken bones_  
_ When you can't move, your heart's all locked up…_”

The singing turned into humming and that was when Clay pulled back so that he could face her. His arms stayed wrapped around her waist though.

“What are you even doing here Birdie?” he asked, voice rough and breathing a bit labored.

“Dad asked if I wanted to come and I really wanted to see you with my own two eyes.” she said while sliding one hand down from his shoulder to rest it over his heart, and subsequently, his bruise.

Clay bit back a moan of pain as she touched him but when she quickly tried to pull her hand back, he placed his own on top of hers, keeping it in place.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” she whispered, trying to minimize her touch and put air between her palm and his chest. Clay however didn’t let her.

“You’re not, sweets.” he said gently, and with his free hand he then cupped her cheek, running his thumb over her cheekbone.

“Clay…” Emma said but was silenced as he placed his lips on hers and kissed her.

Their lips brushed lightly against each other, soft kisses exchanged as proof that they were both here, in this moment, together and both of them we’re going to be ok.

When Clay used his tongue to part Emma’s lips she gladly deepened their kiss and let her hands wander down his body to push his shirt up at the hem so that she could get skin to skin with him. She needed to feel his warm skin under her hands, to confirm with more than just sight that he was alive.

As her hands continued to travel upward under the shirt Clay pulled away from her mouth and let out a pained groan. Emma immediately removed her hands from him, remembering why she’d been so worried about him in the first place.

“I’m so sorry, Bear!” she said, biting her bottom lip in distress.

“Don’t be sorry. I was the one who kiss you, remember?” he said, placing another soft kiss on her lips.

“I’m just going to be hurting for a while and we’ll have to work around that…” he trailed off with a glint in his eyes that Emma had never seen before.

“I’m sure we can figure something out…” she answered with wink, making both of them chuckle – which Clay regretted instantly as he groaned and grabbed his side in pain.

“How bad is the pain? Scale of 1 to 10, and don’t try and downplay it please.” Emma asked, concern and determination in her eyes.

“A steady 6, except for when I try to take deep breaths or, apparently laugh, then it’s a 7.” he said, pushing some hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear.

Emma nodded. “Good, any higher and I would’ve forced a hospital visit on you.”

That made Clay grimace. “Please don’t. I hate that place. Nothing good ever happens there when it comes to me.”

She really wanted to ask what he meant by that but seeing the tiredness in his whole demeanor she filed it away for a later date and gently pushed him away from her so that she could jump down from the table.

“Why don’t you get changed and gather what you need while I tell the guys that they can come back in here?”

Clay nodded but when Emma took a step towards the door his left arm blocked her way while his right pulled her close to his body as he leaned down and kissed her once more.

Just as Emma was about to respond to his kiss he took a step back and grinned down at the stunned look on her face.

“Now you can go.” he said with a wink and then he walked over to his cage to get changed.

Emma shook her head with a smile on her face and left the room to locate her dad and her uncles.

* * *

Jason was sitting behind the wheel of his truck, driving himself, his daughter and her boyfriend – his rookie – back home from the base. Glancing in the rearview mirror he frowned at the sight that greeted him in it.

Emma was sitting behind the passenger seat, turned sideways into the car with Clay sitting in the middle, turned in the same direction and leaning back against Emma, head on her right shoulder and her arms wrapped around his middle.

It was cute, he’d give them that, and he’d somehow gotten used to the idea of the two of them so that wasn’t why he was frowning. No, his frown was caused by the pained expression on the younger man’s face and by the shallow breaths he was taking.

Trent had reassured him that while Clay was in a good amount of pain and had a bruise that wouldn’t fade in the near future; he was going to be fine and wasn’t in need of a hospital visit. The pale look on the kid had Jason doubting his 4IC’s word though. Clay didn’t look fine at all.

The ringing of a phone interrupted his thoughts but he quickly realized it wasn’t his phone that was making the noise as Emma answered hers.

“Hannah?” she asked, worry staining her voice which made Jason glance back in the mirror again and had Clay sitting up from his leaned back position.

“At the funeral? Of course I will.” Emma answered whatever questioned the other girl asked. “We’ll do it together, ok?” she added.

Clay met his boss’s gaze in the mirror and shrugged when the older man raised his eyebrow in question. Clay couldn’t hear Hannah’s part of the conversation either.

“We’re actually on our way home right now.” Emma said, paused and then continued; “yeah, always. And I’ll be home all weekend too so you are free to come over if you feel like it.”

“Ok, yeah. Talk to you later Hannie. Love you too.” she finished up the conversation, ended the call and put her phone back down.

Looking up she found Clay looking at her with curious look and her dad shot her the same as he looked over his shoulder at her when she turned her head towards him.

“What was that about?” Jason asked, “Shouldn’t Hannah and Victoria be talking to the funeral home right now?”

“They are. Hannah wants to sing at the funeral but doesn’t want to do it alone so she wanted to ask if I was willing to do it with her, she wasn’t sure I’d be willing to do it since we just buried mom…” Emma answered, trailing of at the end.

“…and you said yes?” Clay asked softly after a short pause.

Emma nodded her head. “Yeah. I know it will be hard and I’ll probably cry a lot but… Mr. Seaver has been there my whole life and I want to do him this honor.”

There was another short moment of silence as Jason pulled the car into the driveway and parked. As he turned off the ignition he turned in his seat so that he could look at his daughter as he spoke.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you for that and for how you’ve handled everything these past few days.” he told her, a gentle smile on his lips as he looked at his oldest.

“Thanks daddy.” Emma said, smiling softly back at her dad, before turning to look at Clay, who looked like he was in a world of pain.

“I think we need to get inside, get some Advil in you and ice your ribs.” she told him and then she opened the car door and got out, holding the door open for Clay as he slowly made his exit as well.

* * *

15 minutes later Clay found himself sitting on the couch with a bottle of water and 2 Advil gel-caps consumed as Emma walked back in to the room, a bag of frozen peas and a towel in her hands.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, gaze traveling over his face as she looked for signs of pain.

“I’m ok, Birdie. I’m hurting yes but the Advil will kick in soon.” he said with a smile at the beautiful woman in front of him.

She nodded her head in agreement and then gestured at his upper body.

“You need to remove the shirt so that we can ice your ribs.” she said, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“…why do I need to remove my shirt for that?”

“Because I said so.” she replied with a huge grin. “And also because I want to see how much damaged that bullet made.” she said when he raised an eyebrow at her.

Clay inclined his head and then made a move to lift the shirt over his head, only to hiss as the movement jostled his ribs.

“Hang on, let me help you.” Emma said, placing the towel and bag of peas on the table as she approached him.

Leaning down Emma grabbed the hem of Clay’s tee and, after making him raise his arms up, removed it. Tossing it to the side she leaned back to take in the discoloring of his chest and her eyes widen at the extent of the bruise.

“Em?” Clay asked after a while as Emma just looked at the damaged the bullet had made, despite his chest plate.

Instead of answering Emma let one hand travel up his body and gently come to rest on top of it. She then looked up to meet his eyes.

“If I knew who the manufacturer of your body armor was, I’d write them a thank you note.” she gently told him, before bending down to placing a soft kiss where she’d just held her hand.

Standing back up she grabbed the discarded towel, wrapped it around the bag of peas and then sat down next to Clay, holding it against his ribs.

With a sigh she then let her head rest against his shoulder and silently thanked whomever had made the Navy’s body armor for making it strong enough to stop the bullet and make sure she didn’t have to attended Clay’s funeral as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The few lines out of a song in this chapter is from Carry you home by Zara Larsson


	40. Not your fault

6 days later…

Emma was standing in front of her closet, blankly staring at its content. Tomorrow she had to attend her second funeral in as many weeks and she had no clue as to what to wear. She blankly refused to wear the same dress she’d worn to her mom’s funeral and that left her with limited options…

A knock on her open bedroom door yanked her out of her thoughts and she whirled around to see her dad standing in the doorway.

“What’s up?” she asked, seeing the creases in his forehead, meaning something was worrying him.

“Have you spoken to Clay today?” Jason asked, pushing his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

“Actually… no.” Emma said, pulling her phone out of her back pocket.”

Jason sighed. “He’s not answering his phone according to Sonny and that…”

“Makes all of you worry. I know.” she said, not looking up from her phone as she tapped out a message.

**Birdie**  
Thursday, 18.26  
_Are you ok? Haven’t heard from you today?  
Get back to me before the cavalry decides to storm the castle ;P_

Pushing send she looked back up at her dad. “We’ll see if he answer’s me, if not I’m gonna go over there.”

Jason nodded his head in agreement and then glanced at her open closet.

“What are you up to Em?”

“Trying to find a dress for tomorrow. I don’t want to wear the same one I had at mom’s…” she said with a sad smile.

“No, yeah, I get that.” Jason answered, walking up to her so that he could see the content of her closet as well.

“How about this one?” he asked after a few moments, pulling out a knee-length black dress with lace sleeves and holding it out to Emma.

Emma looked at it for a second before taking the offered dress and holding it up in front of her.

“Mom bought this one for me. I was supposed to wear it to the Porter’s black and white party… which never happened.” she told him with another sad smile appearing on her face.

Jason didn’t know what to say to that so instead he pulled his daughter in to his arms and hugged her tight. He had a hard time accepting the fact that Emma, Hannah and Cathy, the three girls who’d been best friends since they were toddlers, all had lost a parent in the past 6 month. First Steve, then Alana and now Adam…

When Jason’s phone started ringing he gently let go of his daughter to answer the call. Picking up the phone he saw Sonny’s name flash on the screen.

“What’s up Sonny?” he asked, one eye still on Emma who was hanging the dress up over her closet door.

“Have you gotten a hold of our wannabe-Iron Man yet?” the Texan asked, trying to sound like he didn’t care but the worry could be heard in his voice.

“Emma just texted him. If he doesn’t answer she’s going to go over there.”

“Or, I could do it instead and make him pay for ignoring my clear rule of PICKING UP HIS PHONE!” Sonny burst out, making Jason hold the phone away from his ear by few inches.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Son.” Jason answered. “Not with the funeral tomorrow. If I had to guess that’s why he’s gone AWOL.”

Sonny muttered to himself but seemed to accept his team leader’s words.

“Fine. Let me know if you hear from him though.”

“I will. And Sonny?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s good to know you care.” Jason said with a smile, which only grew as his burly 3IC swore and ended the call.

Putting his phone away he found Emma looking down at her own phone with a frown.

“No answer, huh?”

Emma shook her head. “No. He’s had a hard time dealing with Adam’s death and the guilt but this is the first time since they got back that he doesn’t answer a text within seconds…”

Watching the concern shining in his daughter’s eyes Jason closed his eyes and, with a big sigh, came to a decision.

“Why don’t you pack a bag, make sure you bring the dress and whatever else you need to get ready for the funeral tomorrow, and go over there?” he said, and had to stop himself from snorting at the way Emma’s eyes grew wide as saucers.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked her dad, while mentally head slapping herself for looking a gift horse in the mouth.

“Yes.” Jason said with another sigh. “I don’t like that I keep approving sleepovers at your 10 year older boyfriend’s house but, he needs you more than anyone else right now and if someone is gonna get through to him in the next 16 hours, it’s gonna be you Em.”

Emma gave her dad another hug and then kissed his cheek before pulling back.

“Thank you, dad.” she said, already pulling an overnight bag out of the bottom drawer of her dresser.

“Yeah. Just… make sure he gets his head sorted, ok? And remind him that it isn’t his fault.”

“I’ll do my best.” she answered before disappearing in to her bathroom to gather up her toiletries.

Jason shook his head at the whole situation. How had his life come to this? When did his home life and work life become one entity?

With another shake of his head he left Emma’s room and crossed the hall over to Mikey’s room. A few hours in the garage with his boy would make him feel better about most things.

* * *

Clay hadn’t moved from his couch in what felt like forever. He’d ended up on it in the early morning after a nightmare and since then he’d been sitting here, on the couch, staring blindly at the TV that played show after show that he didn’t watch.

Actually, no, that wasn’t true. He’d left to go to the bathroom and once for something to eat, but other than that his butt had been firmly planted on the couch.

He didn’t want this day to end. For various reasons. First of all because tomorrow was Friday and Friday meant Adams funeral. And second of all because he didn’t want to go to sleep. He hadn’t actually slept for more than a few hours at a time since he returned to his own apartment because every time he fell asleep he ended up in that ally, watching Adam get blown to pieces while the rest of the team asked him why he didn’t do anything to stop the Master Chief.

He’d slept just fine (except for the pain) the first two nights after returning from India but that had been different. He hadn’t been alone then. He’d been safe under the same roof as his boss, and more importantly, in the same bed as his girl. But here, in his lonely apartment with only himself as company? The guilt and the dreams where overwhelming.

A firm knock, followed by another three, interrupted his musings and had him turn his head toward the door. He wasn’t really up for company and, judging by the calls he’d ignored he had a good idea of who was on the other side of the door.

“Go away Sonny!” he called out, not moving from where he was.

No answer came and when no more knocking appeared either Clay blew out a sigh of relief. He would deal with his brothers tomorrow before the funeral, for tonight he just wanted to sit here and try not to think about Adam.

A soft click from the lock on his door made him look up again and then his door opened and Emma stepped in.

“Not Sonny.” she said while closing the door behind her and setting down the bag she was holding.

“Birdie?” Clay asked, unsure of what she was doing here, in his apartment, at a little past 7 in the evening.

“That’s me. Why aren’t you answering your phone?”

Clay shrugged. “Didn’t feel like it.”

“You do know that answer isn’t going to fly with my dad and uncle Sonny, right?” she asked with a raised eyebrow as she made her way over to the couch and sat down next to him, pulling her feet up under her.

“I know.” he said with a frown. “I just… don’t want to… I don’t.”

“Shhhh.”

Emma said, silencing him with just a sound. Looking at the man next to her she could clearly see that he hadn’t been sleeping well – the dark circles under his eyes where a dead giveaway – and that wasn’t a good sign with what was ahead of them in the morning.

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” she asked point blank, making him look up at her in surprise.

“Please,” she said, “the dark circles under your eyes gave it away the moment I saw you.”

“I can’t sleep.” he replied, looking away from her searching eyes, down to his hands.

“You can’t sleep?” Emma repeated slowly. “You? Who can sleep standing up if the need arises?”

Clay just nodded, eyes still not meeting hers.

Emma placed her left hand over his and gave it a squeeze while her right hand moved to lift his head up so that she could meet his eyes.

“What’s going on Clay?” she asked softly.

“Nightmares.” He whispered out.

“Oh baby…” Emma said, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him to her.

“What about? Adam or…?”

Clay nodded. “I always end up back in the ally…” he stopped himself there, realizing who he was talking to and about.

“I know you can’t tell me details, Bear and I don’t need them. Just… what happens in your dream?”

“I watch Adam die.”

“…and?” Emma asked, convinced there was more to it.

Clay hesitated for a moment; eye’s avoiding hers as he contemplated how to answer. In the end he decided to just tell her the truth.

“…and then the rest of the team questions why I didn’t do more, why I didn’t stop him, why I didn’t save him…”

“Did they? When it happened I mean?”

“No. Of course not!” Clay said, pulling out of her embrace to look at her.

“So… I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that them asking you – accusing you – in your dreams are you feeling guilty and asking yourself those questions. Am I close?”

He just looked at her as she finished speaking, contemplating her words and then he nodded slowly.

“Yeah, pretty much.” he said, voice low and eye’s returning downwards.

“Hey, look at me.” Emma said, once again tilting his head up. “I don’t know exactly what happened in Mumbai but I do know you and I know you would’ve done anything and everything to save him.”

“I was the reason we where there in the first place. I slowed us down…”

“By getting shot, Clay. Not. Your. Fault.”

“But…”

“But nothing. You didn’t get shot on purpose, right?” she asked and he shook his head in answer.

“So that makes it not your fault that you guys where slowed down some, right?”

Clay hesitated this time but nodded his head in acquiescence in the end.

“And I’m pretty sure you didn’t make that guy wear an S-vest. Right?”

Another nod from Clay.

“And you didn’t tell him to attack you guys?”

Another shake of his head.

“So, how is it your fault babe?” she asked, leaning her head against his shoulder while wrapping her arms around his waist.

Clay didn’t answer, instead he leaned his head again hers and blew out a deep breath, only wincing slightly as it jostled his ribs.

They sat like that for a while and then Emma pulled away slightly to look at her boyfriend and once again she was hit by how tired he looked. Moving away from him she stood up and held her hand out toward him.

“Come on, let’s move this party to the bedroom.”

Clay looked at her with a hint of dread in his eyes.

“I don’t…”

“Just come on. The bed don’t bite and neither do I… unless you want me to.” she said with a wicked smile, making Clay grab her and hand follow her in to the bedroom.

* * *

Emma closed the bedroom door behind them and then gently pushed Clay down to sit on the bed before straddling his lap.

“What are you doing, sweets?” he asked, surprised at her bold move but not at all averse to it…

“Taking your mind off it.” she replied, before fusing their lips together in a kiss.

Clay didn’t waste any time in responding and immediately one of his hands found itself tangled in her long hair while the other traveled down her back and under her shirt, caressing the small of her back.

Emma moaned at the touch and her own hands slid down his torso and under his tee. Pushing her hands up she brought the shirt with her and as she pulled her mouth away to breath she removed his tee, leaving him shirtless.

Clay breathed hard as he brought his arms back down after having his shirt removed and really looked at the girl in his lap. He’d never seen than glint in her eyes before and he had no idea of what she had planned.

“Em, what are…” he said, but once again she leaned in and pressed their lips together.

The kiss started out slow but soon they were both tangled up in each other again and Emma let her hands travel over his bare chest, brushing his nipples which made him pant in to their open mouths.

This time it was Clay who broke the kiss, only to move his mouth down her neck, placing small kisses as he went. Emma groaned at the sensation that caused and wrapped herself even more around him.

Clay smiled at the move and used his teeth to gently pull on her earlobe while his hands made their way down to the bottom of Emma’s shirt. Leaning back he grabbed it in both hands and returned the favor, removing her shirt in one swoop.

Seeing Emma in just her blue lace bra made his mouth go dry and he just stared at her for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. Emma smiled to herself at his reaction and then she moved off of him, situating herself in the middle of the bed, patting the space next to her.

Clay didn’t even consider what he they were doing, instead he followed Emma and dragged her down so that they were both lying down, facing each other. As he tried to kiss her, Emma pushed at his shoulder and the next thing he knew he was on his back with Emma once again straddling him.

Emma moved her hips slightly which made Clay groan and that made that wicked smile appear on her face again. Leaning down over him she looked him straight in the eyes and gently rocked her hips again, testing it out.

This time a low moan left Clay and his hands grabbed on to her hips, stilling her movements.

“What are you doing Em?” he asked, trying to regain control over his racing heart and rapid breathing.

“I told you, taking your mind off it.” she replied before lowering her face the last few inches down to kiss him again.

As they kissed their hands seemed to get a mind of their own and somewhere between deep kisses, soft bits and slow licks both of them managed to get out of their pants, leaving them in just their underwear.

“Emma, we need to…” Clay tried to say but once again Emma silenced him with the use of her lips.

“No we don’t. We won’t do anything either of us will regret but this is my show and you just get to enjoy it.” she told him as she pulled away and then she moved so that she was laying down, half on top of him, half on the bed.

Clay wanted to say something but as Emma’s right hand traveled from his waist down to the waistband of his boxer briefs he lost all train thought and let himself get lost in the moment. Right now this was his whole universe and for the first time in a week, he didn’t think about anything but what was happening right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to feature a lot of smutty content BUT I discovered that 1: I can't write it the way I want to, 2: it didn't fit the flow of my story and 3: I didn't want to go from T to M. 
> 
> So, if you where looking forward to some smut - I'm sooo sorry. Maybe later on I'll do an outtake of what happened next but as of now, this is what I neded up with.


	41. Heaven was needing a hero

Soft kisses on his neck, up to his ear and on to his cheek was what woke Clay up from a deep sleep.

“I know you’re awake, Bear.” Emma’s soft voice said, breaking through his sleepy fog.

Clay groaned and flipped over to his back, slinging one arm over his eyes in refusal to accept that it was indeed morning.

“Am not.”

“Totally are.” she answered with a smile, before pushing his arm away from his face. “And it looks like you slept through the night too?”

“Apparently.” Clay said, opening his eyes slightly so that he could see the woman talking to him.

“Why are you out of bed and dressed already?” he asked as he found her fully dressed with her hair curled and pulled back from her face.

A shadow appeared on her face and her smile died.

“Because we need to leave for the cemetery in an hour and I wanted to let you sleep for as long as I could. But now you need to hurry in to the shower while I make us something quick for breakfast.”

The dread that filled him at those words was indescribable. He’d managed to put it out of his mind since Emma pulled him in to the bedroom last night and he’d made it through the night without the nightmare that had been haunting him for the past few days but now he’d have to actually face it head on again.

Glancing at his clock he realized that she hadn’t been lying about having to leave in an hour so he hurried out of bed and, after a quick kiss, he disappeared in to the shower.

Emma let out a huge sigh as the door closed behind him. Today was going to suck so hard for all involved and she didn’t know how she would manage to hold her best friend and her boyfriend together while not breaking down herself.

Standing up from the bed she smoothed out her dress and with one last look at the closed bathroom door she left the room and headed for the kitchen. A decent breakfast was on her to do list if they were at all going to make it through this morning.

* * *

Jason’s head turned as Clay’s Nova pulled in to the crowded cemetery car park and his rookie got out, rounded the car and opened the passenger door to help his daughter out.

It was the little things, like that one, that continued to convince Jason that not standing in the way for their relationship was the right thing to do.

As they approached the rest of the team Emma said something that actually made Clay laugh a little and Jason smiled softly at them, thankful that his daughter could make the kid smile even in the darkest of times.

“Well, well, lookie here.” Sonny said as the two made it over to them. “Tinkerbell appears. You forget how to operate you phone again, Rookie?”

Clay looked away from his best friend and Emma glared at her uncle. “Not. Today. Uncle. Sonny.” she hissed out, making the Texan take a step back, both in surprise at her harshness and in… respect, for the blond spitfire.

Lisa hid a smile as she placed a hand on Sonny’s arm and looked at Clay

“Seriously though, you ok?” she asked, concern shining in her eyes.

“Yeah. Let’s just get through this day.” he answered with a short nod and took a few steps away from them to talk with Trent and Brock.

“He really ok?” Lisa said, turning to Emma instead.

“Yes. No. Who knows?” she said with a shrug. “He hasn’t been sleeping well since he returned to his apartment.” she continued when she was met with raised eyebrows from the pair in front of her. 

“Nightmares?” Sonny asked, glancing over at his brother.

Emma nodded. “He didn’t really want to talk about it but in his words? He always ended up in ‘the ally’ when he fell asleep.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. He slept for over 10 hours without a bad dream last night though so that’s something.”

“You stayed with him?” Lisa asked gently.

Another nod from Emma. “Went over there when he didn’t answer my texts. Stayed there until we left for this.”

Before they could say anything else two black limousines pulled up and all the guys fell in to a line, standing at the ready. As the cars came to a stop Jason stepped forward, opened the door to the first one and helped Victoria out before doing the same for Hannah.

Both women looked somber, were clad in black dresses and Emma could see that Hannah had already cried her share of tears. The moment their eyes locked, Emma moved towards them and soon Hannah was crying in to her shoulder, while she did her best to hold her own tears back.

A short while later Emma somehow found herself standing behind Hannah’s chair, with Cathy on one side of her and aunt Naima on the other. She had no clear memory of them all making their ways over to the place where the service where to take place but here they were.

When she caught sight of her dad, escorting Victoria to her seat, her stomach clenched because she knew what came next and sure enough, just as Victoria sat down Bravo came in to view, carrying the casket containing Mr. Seaver; Hannah’s dad, Victoria’s husband, her dad’s friend and Clay’s mentor.

Emma’s eyes immediately went to the man in front to the left and she had to bite her lip to stop her tears from falling when she saw the pain so clearly visible in his gaze. Clay was hurting and she knew that while it probably hurt him some to carry the casket – his ribs were still healing after all – most of it was emotional.

Bravo team gently placed the casket down on its designated place and stepped away, allowing six honor guards to take their places and gather up the flag, folding it thirteen times into a triangle.

As Jason stepped forward again, he was handed the folded up flag and he then turned to Victoria to kneel down and hand it over.

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Navy and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your husband’s honorable and faithful service.” he said, gently placing it in her lap.

Victoria nodded her head and squeezed Jason’s hand while Hannah started sobbing in her seat next to her mother. Emma once more swallowed back her tears and placed her right hand on Hannah’s left shoulder as Cathy did the same on Hannah’s right, both girls holding their third friend together in a visible way.

The priest then took over the service and as he talked about Adam and his sense of duty, Emma’s eyes once more sought out her boyfriend. Clay didn’t meet her gaze but Emma saw that he was clenching his jaw tighter for every moment that passed and if he didn’t take a deep breath soon he was going to hyperventilate in due time.

Apparently Trent, who was standing right behind Clay sensed the same and, without drawing attention to them, managed to tell the younger man just that. Emma breathed out a silent sigh as Clay took a deep breath and mentally hugged her uncle Trent.

“… But before that, Adam’s daughter Hannah, together with her friend Emma, is going to sing.” the priest said, making Emma’s head snap back forward and her gaze flick down to her friend. She had no idea how Hannah was going to make it through this song but if she had to Emma would sing the whole song in her place.

* * *

Sonny watched as Emma and Hannah joined hands and walked together up to the microphones that had appeared from somewhere while he wasn’t paying attention. He saw how Hannah’s hands shook and one look at Emma told him that while she desperately wanted to cry to, she would keep it together for her best friend.

Glancing over to his left he saw that Clay was staring blankly ahead, not even seeing that his girlfriend was standing by the microphone.

“Dude,” he hissed out, “snap out of it. Pebbles is about to sing.”

Clay jerked slightly and his eyes looked over to Sonny before focusing on the two girls up front as the music started playing and Hannah opened her mouth to start them off.

“_I came by today to see you._  
_Oh, I had to let you know._  
_ If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time,_  
_ I'd have held you, and never let go._”

Lisa froze where she stood as she heard the first notes of the music start and when Hannah started singing she felt the bottom of her stomach fall out. She knew the song and while it fit perfectly it just made her even more aware how much they, as a group, had failed this girl. They had failed in bringing her father back home alive and they had even almost failed in bringing him home at all. If Clay hadn’t insisted, they could’ve been here today with an empty casket.

“_Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering._  
_I lie in the dark, just asking why._  
_ I've always been told,_  
_ You won't be called home,_  
_ Until it's your time._”

When Emma took over the song Jason had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the emotions from turning in to tears. How many times could it have been him in that casket and Emma singing this song all alone on his funeral?

The thought didn’t sit well with him at all and for the umpteenth time he questioned if staying on the teams really was the best decision for his family. Emma insisted that it was, and he didn’t want to leave his guys now more than ever, but what if that meant that in a few weeks or months they would be back here again, but with him in a box? He really hoped though that this was their last funeral in years.

“_I guess Heaven was needing a hero._  
_Somebody just like you._  
_ Brave enough to stand up,_  
_ For what you believe,_  
_ And follow it through._  
_ When I try to make it make sense in my mind._  
_ The only conclusion I come to,_  
_ Is Heaven was needing a hero,_  
_ Like you._”

Ray blew out a breath at the haunting words from the two girls up front. He’d spent a lot of time with Adam in the past few months and seeing him go out in a blaze of glory hurt like hell. Adam had been his first boss, the one that had put him on Bravo in the first place and now he was gone, leaving a huge hole behind; not only in DEVGRU but in his private life.

Seeing tears silently make their way down Hannah’s cheeks as they made it through the chorus had him pray that his own daughter and his son would never find themselves in this position, that he would make it back to them every time and that if heaven needed a new hero, they’d choose someone else before him. He’d go when it was his time, but he still had so much to do here.

“_I remember the last time I saw you._  
_Oh, you held your head up proud._  
_ I laughed inside,_  
_ When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd_.

_You're such a part of who I am,_  
_Now that part will just be void._  
_ No matter how much I need you now,_  
_ Heaven needed you more._”

Clay didn’t even try to stop the tear that made its way down one of his cheeks as Hannah sang out how much she needed her dad.

Emma had made a good point last night about how it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t get shot on purpose and he didn’t make the bomber wear that west but standing here? He didn’t feel any less guilty.

He was the one closest to Adam when it happened and he was the one who had slowed them down. If he could go back in time to change things he would but no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t.

“_'Cause Heaven was needing a hero._  
_Somebody just like you._  
_ Brave enough to stand up,_  
_ For what you believe,_  
_ And follow it through._”

Emma had kept one eye on Hannah throughout the whole song and as they made it to the chorus for the second time she could both see and hear that she was falling apart at the seams with the song hitting bull’s-eye with every word.

When Hannah had to put the microphone down in the middle of the chorus, Emma wrapped one arm around her best friend’s waist and continued on without missing a beat as the brown haired girl turned her face into her neck.

“_When I try to make it make sense in my mind._  
The only conclusion I come to,  
Is Heaven was needing a hero,  
Like you.  
  
_Is Heaven was needing a hero,_  
_and that's you..._”

* * *

One after one they approached the casket, removing the Budweiser’s from their uniforms and punching it into the top of the casket before saluting. Jason went first, followed by Blackburn and Ray. Clay was up next and it felt as if someone had tied a 50 pound weight to his legs.

Standing next to the casket, insignia in hand he placed it down and punched in, and before saluting he paused to look at the line of Budweiser’s.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered under his breath before putting his hand to his head and saluting his former Green Team instructor and Master Chief for the last time.

Emma had managed to keep her tears back until that moment. The look on Clay’s face and the movement of his lips told her what he’d just whispered and as he saluted she felt one tear escape, promptly joined by more.

Following her boyfriend’s walk away from the casket she was relieved at seeing her dad put his arm around his shoulders and say something in his ear which in turn had him nodding. She wanted more than anything to be the one comforting him right now but he wasn’t her responsibility at the moment because her main concern for now was her best friend.

As the service wrapped up people left the cemetery in small groups and Emma walked out together with her best friends, Hannah sandwiched between herself and Cathy. As they arrived in the car park they escorted Hannah over to the limousine where Victoria was already standing together with Cathy’s mom Cindy.

“Do you girls want to ride with us?” Victoria asked Emma and Cathy, seeing that her daughter needed the support of her friends.

Emma and Cathy exchanged looks over Hannah’s head before turning towards Victoria.

“I’ll join you, Mrs. Seaver.” Cathy said, keeping her arm around Hannah.

Victoria smiled at her before looking at Emma.

“How about you Emma?” she asked gently, knowing that this must be difficult for the girl who’d buried her own mom not even 2 weeks ago.

“I would…” she answered, before glancing over at the group of men and women, all connected to Bravo, who were standing next to her dad’s truck.

Victoria followed the younger girls glance and realization hit her. She’d been told by Alana that Emma was close to the youngest member of Bravo and Hannah had later told both her and Adam that Emma was now dating the man. She’d also seen the look on the Spenser kid’s face as he said his last goodbye to her husband.

“I think you might be needed more somewhere else.” she said with a small smile at Emma and tilted her head toward Bravo. “We’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

Emma smiled gratefully at her mom’s close friend and after giving Hannah a hug she left the two mother and daughter pairs to join her dad and his team.

* * *

“This can’t be our final farewell.” Brock said, looking back at the cemetery they’d just left.

“What do you mean?” Jason asked as he watched his daughter approach them over Clay’s shoulder.

“I mean we have to do something else than this,” he gestured towards the cemetery with the arm that wasn’t wrapped around Annie’s waist, “to say goodbye to Adam.”

Clay tensed for a second as arms wrapped around him but relaxed as the scent of Emma’s perfume reached his nose and he gently tugged her around so that she was in front of him instead, her back to his chest.

He buried his nose in her hair and let himself get lost in all that was Emma, feeling calmer than he had since he’d woken up this morning.

“How about golfing?” Emma asked, looking around at her aunts and uncles. She’d walked up behind Clay and wrapped her arms around his waist just in time to hear the end of Brock’s sentence.

“What do you mean Moonbeam?” Sonny asked, one eyebrow raised.

“I mean, if you guys want to celebrate Mr. Seaver’s life in some other way than with this funeral, I say golfing is the way to go.”

The members of Bravo looked at each other and slowly nodded their heads.

“That’s not a bad idea Em.” Jason said, smiling at her daughter who was still wrapped up in Clay’s arms.

“I’ll take care of the booze!” Sonny added, smiling wildly and already making mental plans.

“I just got one question.” Trent said. “Who’s going to make sure we get a golf course to ourselves? Because I don’t think anyone else should be around if we do that.”

At Trent’s words all heads turned toward the three people who always dealt with the information and acquirements of things they needed.

Lisa rolled her eyes, Mandy raised her eyebrows and Blackburn sighed.

“I’ll make a few calls.” he said, already pulling his phone out and walking toward his own car.

The group grinned at each other and then made plans to meet up at Jason’s house after they’d changed out of their uniforms. Everyone said their goodbyes and walked over to their cars, leaving Jason, Emma and Clay next to the black truck.

“You going with him or me, Emmi star?” Jason asked his daughter while looking at the kid who still had his head buried in her hair.

Emma tried tilting her head up to catch sight of her boyfriend but didn’t succeed so she gave her dad a sad smile.

“I’ll go with Clay and then we’ll both see you at home in an hour or so.” she said, gently detangling herself from the man holding her.

Jason nodded and then watched as his oldest child led his youngest teammate over to his car before disappearing from his view. A glance at his clock told him it was only 1pm but it felt as if this day had been going on for years already. Hopefully the afternoon and evening with his brothers and their families would make them all feel a little bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is Heaven was needing a hero by Jo Dee Messina


	42. Is he your boyfriend?

Sitting on Clay’s bed Emma watched as he slowly removed his uniform, hanging it up on a hanger as he went. Placing the hanger back in the closet he then pulled on a pair of jeans and turned to face her.

The lost look in his eyes cut her deep as he met her eyes and she quickly got to her feet and moved over to him, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“Are you ok with going to my house or do you want to stay here?” she asked gently, placing a soft kiss on the bruise that covered his chest.

Clay placed his own arms around Emma, pulling her even closer and let out a deep breath.

“I don’t think there’s an actual choice there, Birdie.” he said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “If I don’t show up Sonny might very well come over here, tie me up and drag me there.”

Emma snorted at the image that appeared in her head from his words but nodded her head in agreement.

“How are you feeling now though? I saw that the funeral was hard on you…”

“It sucked. But I think the best way forward now is to just do what Ray told me to do.”

Emma pulled her head back so that she could look him in the eyes.

“What did uncle Ray say?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Ray told me that if I wanted to honor Adam’s memory I shouldn’t question him; what he said or what he did. He also said I shouldn’t question myself and to just… remember everything that Adam taught me.”

“I think uncle Ray was right about that, Bear and you totally should listen to him. Mr. Seaver, Adam, wouldn’t have wanted you to carry the guilt around and I believe, more than anything else, that he never would’ve sacrificed himself if it wasn’t the only way to save the rest of you.”

Clay nodded his head slowly; knowing that she was right but it still didn’t sit right with him because Adam was still in a box, six feet under.

Rising up on her tiptoes Emma gave him a quick kiss before stepping back.

“If you finish getting dressed I’m gonna make a few calls and find out if we need to pick anything up on our way home.”

“Ok…but first…” Clay said, reaching out and grabbing her wrist as she turned to leave the room.

Emma looked back at him with confusion but he only smiled and tugged her into him by the wrist, placing one arm around her waist and the other behind her head, tilting it into the position he wanted before pressing their lips together and kissing her with raw passion.

They were both panting hard as he pulled his head back again and he couldn’t help himself from grinning at the stunned look on her face.

“Thank you for everything this past week, Birdie.” he said, holding her face between both of his hands.

“I know Adam’s death and this funeral can’t possible have been easy on you, especially this close to your mom’s, so I want you to know I appreciate you being here for me when you’re still morning your mom.”

Emma felt the tears that she’d mostly been able to keep at bay all day well up again but she blinked them back and smiled softly up at the man in front of her.

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Losing mom – I’m not gonna get over that anytime soon, but with everything else going on? Not having the time to contemplate everything over and over again? It helped.”

Clay nodded his head and gave her another kiss, keeping this one short and sweet.

“I’m gonna finish getting dressed now.” he said, pulling back again.

“And I’m gonna go in to the living room and make those calls.” she answered with a wink before leaving the room, closing the door behind her after blowing him a kiss.

* * *

There was an armada of cars on the driveway and street next to 522 Ludlow Drive and as Emma got out of the car she could tell by the noise coming from the other side of the house that they probably were the last ones to arrive.

“Looks like they started without us, huh?” Clay said as he rounded the car and the made their way up to the house together, hand in hand.

“Are you surprised? Knowing my dad and uncles, they all probably had a beer in their hands within seconds of walking through that door.” she said, tilting her head towards the front door.

“No, not surprised at all actually. I know my brothers.” he told her and then he opened the door and held it so that Emma could walk in ahead of him.

“Emmy!!!” a shrill voice screamed out as soon as they closed the door behind them and a cloud of pink tulle and brown hair came flying towards them.

Emma smiled at the sound and lowered herself down to her knees just in time to catch the young girl who threw herself at her.

“’Meelah!” she answered, hugging the girl close and swaying from side to side, making the brunette child giggle.

“You took forever in getting home! Mommy said you would be right here but then everyone got here and you didn’t and it’s your house!” Jameelah said, looking at her surrogate big sister and favorite babysitter.

“Aw, sorry ‘Meelah, Clay and I was over at his house and we lost track of time.” Emma answered, winking at the man in question.

Jameelah looked questioningly at her and Emma tilted her head at the man standing next to them.

“You remember uncle Clay, right?”

“He works with daddy and uncle Jay, and uncle Sonny, uncle Trent and uncle Brook.” Jameelah answered with a nod.

“That’s right, I do.” Clay said grinning down at the pair of them and placing a hand on Emma’s shoulder.

Jameelah glanced from the hand, up at Clay, back to the hand and then over at Emma, a thoughtful look on her face.

“What are you thinking about cutie patootie?” Emma asked when Jameelah continued to look from one to the other.

Biting her lip the young girl leaned in closer, so that she could whisper in her surrogate big sisters ear.

“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked, mouth next to Emma’s ear and hands blocking out any noise that could escape.

Emma bit back a giggle at the question and when Jameelah leaned back to look at her she looked serious so Emma squared her shoulders and nodded.

“He is. How did you know?”

“’Cause he looks at you like daddy looks at mommy. And how Trent looks at auntie Lauren and uncle Brock looks at Ms. Annie…”

Emma blushed at that and looked up at Clay to find him looking back down at her with a smirk and a glint in his eyes.

Just then Naima walked in to the living room and when she found the three of them in the entryway she sighed and put her hands on her hips.

“Jameelah Abigail Perry, I told you to go wash your hands, not ambush Emma right inside the front door.” she said, looking at her daughter with one eyebrow raised.

“But mommy…” Jameelah said pleadingly, still holding on to Emma’s shoulders.

“No buts. You. Bathroom. Now. Or you won’t get any ice cream later.”

With a dramatic sigh and a pout that could rival a pufferfish the young girl reluctantly let go of Emma and walked towards the bathroom, purposefully not looking at her mother.

“I swear, that girl is gonna be the death of me when she becomes a teen.” Naima said while walking over to Emma and Clay and giving each of them a hug.

“My Meelah? Never.” Emma said with a grin at her favorite aunt.

“Oh, she might be the perfect little princess when she’s with you or her dad or uncles but to her mother? She’s a hellion.”

Both Emma and Clay laughed at that.

“Yeah, you laugh. I’ll send her your way next time she doesn’t want to brush her teeth, or shower, or go to bed.” Naima said, with a smirk.

“Yeah, no thank you.” Clay answered, holding his hands up in a defensive motion, making both females laugh.

“Typical male.” Naima said before gesturing toward the kitchen and the doors to the backyard. “The rest of the gang is outside so you guys should probably put in an appearance while I go check so that my darling daughter does as she was told.”

“Will do.” Emma said and as Naima left to follow Jameelah’s path to the bathroom Clay and Emma walked towards the group of people assembled in the backyard. A group they fondly called their family.

* * *

All six men of Bravo were standing by the grill, drinking beer and keeping one eye on the food and one on the kids playing in the pool. Lisa, Naima, Mandy, Lauren and Annie where all in the kitchen, supposedly making the rest of their dinner, but more probably talking smack about them.

Emma had been invited to the tête-à-tête in the house but had decided that she wanted to stay in the pool which left her in charge of the children but with RJ in her arms, her main focus on him, meant that the guys on Bravo was keeping one eye on Mikey and Jameelah just in case.

“You guys look busy.”

All of their heads snapped around as the voice of their lieutenant commander reached their ears. Blackburn joined them at the grill and was immediately handed a beer by Sonny who was standing closest to the cooler.

“No Genevieve or twins to join us, Eric?” Jason asked, looking over the shoulder of the man in front of him.

“Unfortunately, no. Arabella and James are both sick so they stayed home. She’s sending her apologies.” Blackburn answered and took a gulp out of his bottle.

“So, anyway, I made some phone calls and you guys are clear to use the Aeropines Golf Club course next Friday between 21.00 and midnight.”

“Great! That gives me time to put some things together!” Sonny said with a sly smirk.

The others groaned at that and Trent pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing.

“What?” Sonny asked, looking at the medic with a frown.

“If you are ‘putting some things together’ I’m gonna make sure we have a med kit on standby. So I’m making notes of what I need just in case.”

“You guys are a bunch of wussies. I swear I’m the only one who knows how to have fun.”

“Oh, I have plenty of fun Sonny, it just doesn’t involve you and things blowing up.” Jason replied with a pointed stare.

Sonny huffed and turned towards Clay for some backing but found that his best friend wasn’t paying the rest of them any attention. At all.

“Yo, Fabio, stop drooling.” he said, shoving the younger man with his elbow.

Everyone’s attention turned to their rookie and then promptly followed his locked stare to find that Emma had stepped out of the pool with RJ and was now standing in her bikini, drying the baby off with a towel.

Jason promptly returned to the grill, wanting nothing to do with his daughter and his rookie’s relationship, while the rest looked at the rookie who still hadn’t taken his eyes off his girl.

“Spenser, what’s with the googly eyes? It can’t possibly be the first time you’ve seen Emma in a bikini?” Ray said, glancing from Clay to Emma and his son.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are not talking about anything of that sort! Not now, not ever!” Jason burst out, pointing at all of them with a grill tong. “I’m her father and his boss and neither part wants to hear about them in anything less than a full outfit – understood?!”

They all nodded their head, knowing that a pissed of Jason was bad for all involved and decided to let the kid off the hook. For now.

Clay smirked to himself as they all turned back towards the grill and the conversation turned back towards planning for their evening of golf. He hadn’t been about to answer any questions they’d asked anyway and now he didn’t even have to come up with bullshit answers.

Suddenly Emma looked up from RJ and locked eyes with him and, as if knowing he’d been watching her for a while, raised an eyebrow questioningly at him.

Clay shrugged a little before putting down his beer and walking the few steps over to them, sitting down on the pool chaise.

“What’s with the staring?” Emma asked, seating herself in front of him with RJ on her lap, cuddled up in his towel.

Clay blushed slightly but didn’t break eye contact as he leaned down to whisper in her ear, just in case anyone tried to listen in.

“You look stunning in a bikini. And with a baby in your arms…” he trailed off.

It was Emma’s turn to blush and she buried her head in RJ’s hair, not looking at her boyfriend.

“There’s no way I’m having kids any time soon, just FYI.” she said after a moment, which made him laugh.

“Yeah, neither am I, babe. I’m just saying, it’s a good look on you.”

Emma mumbled to herself but truthfully? She was pleased that he found her attractive in any and all situations. Leaning back against him she snuggled in and let herself relax, safe in the arms of one of the strongest and bravest men she knew.

* * *

Ray, having watched the exchange over Brock’s shoulder nudged Jason in the side to get his attention.

“You seeing this?” he asked, tilting his head towards Clay, Emma and RJ all snuggled up on the pool chaise.

Jason looked from his best friend over to the couple and felt like someone had sucker punched him. From this angle you couldn’t see that baby RJ was of another skin color so watching them sitting there, all cuddled up and holding each other, Jason felt like he could very well be watching the future.

Clay and Emma was quickly becoming inseparable and with the way they were behaving nothing implied that they weren’t heading for a serious relationship, one that didn’t have an expiration date stamped on it…

Shaking his head furiously Jason stopped his mind from wandering any further. His baby girl was only 18, she still had a year of high school left to complete and then college before settling down. If Clay was still around, still the one she wanted by then, well, he’d deal with all of it when that day came. For now, his baby girl was his baby girl and he wasn’t going to let his mind wander.


	43. The awkward conversation that never happened

They’d all been dropped off at the golf club about an hour ago and at this point most of them had a nice buzz going on. Clay grinned to himself as he watched Jason tee up one of the glowing golf balls and then miss hitting it on not only one but two swings before connecting and sending it flying.

They all cheered and as Jason started to walk down the hill, towards his ball, Clay decided to join him and so did Sonny, Ray and Blackburn while Trent and Brock headed for their carts.

Sonny glanced around him at his brothers and shook his head when he saw that the only one walking somewhat normally was Blackburn.

“Now, as a proctor of the Adam Seaver Memorial Open, I'm just saying, Blackburn,” he said, looking pointedly at their commander, “your blood-alcohol level is way below tournament requirements.”

The other three cheered at that and Jason finished off his beer before throwing himself down on the ground, using his golf club as a pool cue.

When the ball went in they all cheered again, throwing their arms up in the air in victory.

Blackburn smiled at his guys, happy to see them relaxed and smiling before letting out a sigh.

“So this was Adam's refuge, huh?” he asked out loud, immediately regretting it as the mood turned somber.

“Every chance he got.” Clay said, looking out over the empty course, letting the feeling of guilt linger for a moment before he shook it off and took another gulp of beer from the can in his hand.

““I wish I, uh, had joined him more. Playing golf. I just didn't…” Jason said, still sitting on his knees in front of the hole where he’d just moments before sunk the glowing ball.

Ray nodded his head at that. “I hear that, brother. I rain-checked him a dozen times. There was always an excuse…”

“That's the rub, huh? You always think there's gonna be another chance, another day, another moment.” Eric said before taking a swig from his bottle.

Sonny, having had enough of this conversation and the somber mood, let out a huge belch before pointing at commander Buzzkill.

“ Blackburn that is a two-beer penalty for killing my buzz!” he said and then - everything turned crazy as Trent and Brock pulled up with the carts and they all got their hands on not only more glowing balls but also cherry bombs and other fireworks.

* * *

As Clay sunk the last putt on the last hole the somber mood returned and they all sat down on the grass, a beer can in each of their hands.

“So, I guess this it then. Our final goodbye.” Ray said, looking up at the dark sky and the stars twinkling back at him.

Jason scanned the faces of his team, once again feeling that feeling of having let them and Adam down, before raising his can.

“Here’s to a great friend, an awesome teammate, leader as well as a phenomenal dad and husband. A guy you wanted on your side in the fight and who had our backs until the bitter end.” he said before nodding his head at Clay.

“To those before us,” Clay started them off.

“To those amongst us,” Ray continued, before Sonny picked it up. “To those we'll see on the other side.”

“Lord, let me not prove unworthy of my brothers.” They all finished off together before clinking their cans together and taking a big gulp.

They sat all together in silence for a while, just drinking their beers and thinking about everything that had gone down in the past few weeks. It was Blackburn that finally broke the silence by standing up.

“Well, I think we better pack up and head back to the club house because we need to be out of here in 20 minutes.” he told the six members of Bravo as he glanced at his clock.

He got nods from them and Jason got to his feet, pulling Brock and Sonny up as he went. Ray also got up from the ground but Trent stayed sitting as he saw that their youngest brother was lost in thoughts, looking out over the empty green.

“What’s on your mind, bud?” the medic asked, using his elbow to gently shove the blond in the side.

Clay jerked out of his thoughts and looked over at his brother.

“Tomorrow.” he answered with a crocked grin.

“And… what’s tomorrow?”

“First official date with Emma.” Clay replied, which made Trent’s eyebrows fly up.

“Hang on, you guys still haven’t been out on your first date? It’s been like what, a month since you guys got together?”

“We never got the time… we had it planned for when we got spun up for the Saudi op and then…”

“Then Alana happened followed shortly by Adam and now we’re here.” Trent finished. “Damn, you guys have had a lot going on in the past 3 or 4 weeks.

“Yeah…”

“So, what’s your grand plan for this first date of yours?”

“Nothing special really, it’s not like we don’t already know each other. We’re just doing dinner and a movie.” Clay answered with a slight shrug.

“…and you plan on actually watching the movie or…?” Trent asked with a wink.

“Dude, let’s not go there.” Clay said with a laugh before getting to his feet and holding a hand out to Bravo 4.

“Let’s help these fools get everything together or someone will find a bunch of cherry bombs in the morning.” he continued, slapping Trent on the back as he stood beside him.

Trent nodded his head in agreement and the both of them joined their teammates in loading everything back on the carts so that they could get out of this place.

* * *

Standing in Jason’s garage, drinking whisky out of coffee mugs, Ray pondered how to bring up what he wanted to bring up to his best friend. Jason was bent over the open hood but as he finished the content of his mug he stood up and turned to Ray.

“What do you say we have another one, huh?” he asked, tilting the mug he was holding at his 2IC.

“You don't have to ask me twice.” Ray answered with a big grin, following his brother back in to the house.

Putting the mugs down on the kitchen island, Jason grabbed their favorite whisky bottle and poured generous amounts of the amber liqueur into the empty mugs. As he put the bottle away and turned back to the island he saw the look on Ray’s face and decided to ask.

“What’s been on your mind since we left the golf course, brother?”

Ray hesitated for a moment, unsure of if and how to put it, but finally he decided to just ask.

“How much do you actually know about Emma’s relationship with Spenser?”

Jason froze at that, mug part way to his mouth, shocked by the direction of Ray’s question.

“Enough to know that she’s happy and that he treats her right. Why are you asking, Ray?” Jason finally said, coming out of his stupor.

Ray sighed. “I overheard the kid telling Trent that he was taking Emma out on their first official date tomorrow...”

“Yeah, and?” Jason cut in, already knowing about that.

“And when Trent alluded to them not watching the movie they’re supposed to watch on their date the kid’s answer wasn’t what I expected.”

“Meaning?” Jason said, getting impatient with his friend.

“I guess my question really is if you know how far they’ve taken their relationship and if Alana ever… _talked_, to Emma.” Ray finally admitted, embarrassment in his voice.

Jason’s eyes grew wide at Ray’s words and then the color slowly disappeared from his face. Sure, he’d been aware of the fact that Clay was older and more experienced that his daughter but he hadn’t once factored it in to the equation and now he found himself wondering if he needed to have ‘the talk’ with her.

“Brother, don’t pass out on me now.” Ray said when Jason swayed a little and grabbed the counter top to steady himself.

Jason shook his head and took a few deep breaths, before stalking over to the stairs.

“EMMA!” he shouted up, not caring that it was past 1 in the morning.

It took a while but then she appeared at the top of the stairs, clad in her pj’s and wearing a worried look on her face.

“What’s going on? Who’s hurt? Do I need to get change?” she rushed out, before pausing when she met his gaze.

“What’s going on?” she asked again, this time with a hesitant voice.

“Get down here please, uncle Ray and I need to talk to you.”

Both of her eyebrows flew up at that. “Now? Half past 1 in the morning? Seriously?”

“Yes.” Jason said, before turning around and marching back in to the kitchen. He needed another drink if he was supposed to have this conversation.

Ray looked at him with raised eyebrows as he returned.

“Seriously, brother? Now?”

“No time like the present. And I wanted you as backup.”

“Oh, hell no. This is between you and her. I do not want any part of this.” Ray said, holding his hands up and taking a step back.

“You brought it up – you get to stay for the awkward conversation.” Jason said with a slap to his friends shoulder.

Now they just had to wait on Emma to join them.

* * *

Muttering to herself while pulling her robe closed and tying the belt into a knot, Emma stomped down the stairs, thankful that Mikey was having a sleepover at Robert’s.

Entering the kitchen with a scowl on her face she slumped down on one of the island chairs and glared at the two men on the opposite side of the big kitchen island.

“What is so damn important that we have to talk about it at 2 in the morning?!”

Jason looked at his daughter for a second before glancing over at his 2IC for help, only to have him once again hold his hands up in the classic defensive move.

“Don’t look at me. This is your show”

“Which you are the reason behind.” Jason hissed out between gritted teeth.

“Doesn’t mean you had to have this conversation now. Or at all.” Ray sniped back.

Emma watched the two of them bicker and felt like her head was about to explode.

“ENOUGH!” she finally shouted, slapping her hand down on the counter top which silenced both of the men.

“Talk. Now. Or I’m going back to bed and then I’ll wake you up at 5 with Mikey’s symbals.”

They looked at each other again and then turned to face the annoyed girl… woman, on the other side.

“Ok, so uncle Ray brought something to my attention…” Jason started, looking a bit green at the thought of what he was about to ask.

“Yeah…” Emma said, gesturing with her hands for him to continue.

“And we… I… realized that we had to have this talk.”

“About….? Get to the point, dad.”

Jason drew a deep breath and slowly blew it out.

“Are you sleeping with Spenser?” he then burst out, making Emma’s jaw drop while Ray slapped his hand over his eyes, not believing the words coming out of Jason’s mouth.

Silence filled the room and for a few moments the only thing that could be heard in the kitchen was the clock ticking on the wall.

“Excuse me?” Emma asked slowly after a while, breaking the awkward silence.

“Please don’t make me ask again.” Jason said, cheeks pink and ears red.

“I can’t believe you just asked me that, dad! Like, WTF? WHY would you ask me that?”

“Believe me, Em I don’t want to ask any more than you want to tell but I need to know if we need to have… _the talk_.”

Emma stared at her dad, disbelief written all over her face.

“Seriously? No, we are not doing this.” she said, standing up and slowly backing away.

“Emma.” Jason said with a stern voice.

“No dad. No. The talk I had with mom was awkward enough, I am not doing it again, not with you and not with uncle Ray.”

“But… so…” Jason tried but Emma held her hands up.

“Stop. Just… stop. I’m gonna go to bed now and when I wake up we are all gonna pretend like this didn’t happen, ok? Ok.” she said, looking from one to the other before shaking her head and quickly leaving the room.

As she stalked back up the stairs she once again shook her head. What where they even thinking? Not at all apparently but come on. She was over 18, she knew all that she needed to know and probably a bit more. She knew what she wanted and when Clay and her decided that they would go all the way it was none of their business.

Tossing her robe over her desk chair she slipped back under her covers and sighed as her head once more rested on her pillow. If she never had to have a conversation like that again it would still be too soon.


	44. I. Love. You

Standing in front of the door to his boss’s house Clay ran a hand through his hair before taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. 

Why was he so damn nervous? This was Emma for crying out loud, not a girl he didn’t know inside and out. But still here he was, standing in front of the door, nervous to push the doorbell.

Suddenly the door opened and Clay was greeted by Jason, Ray, Brock and Cerberus, all looking sternly at him.

“Seriously?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“What?” Jason asked while giving him the once over.

“You seriously trying to tell me it’s just a coincident that Ray and Brock are here right now? That it has nothing to do with why I’m here?”

Jason shrugged and then took a step back, allowing Clay to step in to the foyer. Just as Ray was about to say something Emma appeared and her smile turned into a look of disbelief followed by anger.

“SERIOUSLY?!” she burst out, making all of the men shrink back on instinct but Emma’s blazing glare was focused on her dad.

“Seriously, dad? You dare to pull this after last night?”

Jason opened his mouth to defend himself but Emma held her hand up, silencing him.

“No, you know what? I don’t want to hear it. But if you three,” she said, gesturing at her dad, Ray and Brock, “don’t join Mikey outside in the next few seconds I’m gonna call aunt Naima and Ms. Annie before I leave.”

Both Brock and Ray’s eyes grew wide and they immediately took a step away, turning towards the kitchen and the door to the backyard, Cerb on their heels.

Jason rolled his eyes at his brothers and muttered ‘cowards’ under his breath before looking back at his daughter.

“Neither Naima or Annie scares me, sweetheart and it’s in the dad handbook that I need to be present when you go on a first date.”

“Not when it’s with a guy I’m already in a relationship with, it’s not.” Emma said, looking over his shoulder at Clay who hadn’t said a word this far but was grinning like a fool behind his boss and mouthing something to her.

Realizing what it was he was mouthing Emma met her father’s eyes again and smiled at him with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

“Aunt Naima and Ms. Annie might not scare you but I do know one woman who I can call who I’m pretty sure you will listen to.” she told him, holding her phone up, ready to dial if needed.

“Oh, really? In case you didn’t know baby girl, I don’t take orders in my private life.” Jason answered with a smug smile, which faded some when Emma only raised an eyebrow in return and unlocked her phone and, after scrolling through her contacts, pushed call.

As she held the phone to her ear Jason opened his mouth to speak, only to have Emma hold a finger up, silencing him once again.

“Hi, it’s Emma. Can you do me a favor and call dad? I’m supposed to go on a date with Clay and he’s being an ass.” she said when the recipient of the call picked up.

“Yeah… I know… thank you so much, talk to you later!” she finished up, ended the call and put her phone in her clutch.

“Who did you…” Jason started to ask but before he could get the whole sentence out his phone buzzed and as he pulled it out of his shorts pocket he frowned at the name on the screen and then gave Emma a dirty look as he left the room, phone pressed to his ear.

“Hi….”

* * *

Emma grinned at her father’s retreating back before turning towards her boyfriend, finally getting the time to actually look at him.

“You clean up good, Bear.” she said with a smile as she took in the way he looked in black jeans and a dark grey button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Birdie.” he answered with a wink, eyes traveling from her peep toe heels to her flowery dress that enhanced her curves, especially her chest.

When he finally looked away from her chest Emma was smirking at him with a knowing look. Clay just smiled at her and then pulled his left arm out from behind his back, holding out a blue rose towards her.

Emma’s eyes widen when she saw the beautiful flower and as she reached out to accept it she still couldn’t really believe he’d remembered.

“Thank you.” she said in a low voice, gently holding the rose to her nose so that she could sniff it. “I can’t believe you actually remembered this.”

Stepping closer to his girl, Clay placed one hand against her cheek, caressing the soft skin under his thumb.

“I remembered. And I also looked it up.” he said, smiling down at her.

“You did?” she asked incredulously, biting her lip as she remembered her own research into roses and different colors.

Clay nodded. “I’m guessing you were going for the new beginning part of it at the time, right? Because…”

“I did… but at this point I’m not sure my unconscious wasn’t trying to tell me something when I picked it out in the first place.”

“It is not, and have never been, unrequited or impossible, Sweets.” Clay said before tilting her head up so that he could place a short, but sweet, kiss on her plump lips.

Emma smiled up at him with a goofy look on her face before pulling out of his gentle hold.

“I’m just gonna put this in water and then we can leave, ok?” she told him and as he nodded she walked in to the kitchen to find a vase so that they could leave for their date.

* * *

Walking hand in hand, Clay and Emma approached the steak house he’d chosen for the occasion, both smiling and relaxed while talking about how long it had actually taken them to make this happen.

As they made it to the front door of the place, Clay pushed the door opened and held it while Emma entered. They were immediately seated at a table for two by the hostess and after their waiter had been by to pick up their orders Emma looked at him with a grin.

“What?” Clay asked, not sure what had put that smile on her lips and that gleam in her eyes.

“Want to know what uncle Ray and dad did last night?” she asked while still ginning at him.

“Uh… do I want to?”

“Well… it’s funny NOW but last night I wanted to kill them both.”

“Alright, now you have to tell me.” Clay said while leaning forward in his chair, resting his elbows on the table as he focused on the woman in front of him.

“Ok, so after I picked them up from the golf club they disappeared in to the garage while I went up to my room, got ready for bed and texted you good night, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Just as I was about to fall asleep dad started shouting my name at the bottom of the stairs and I was convinced someone had been hurt or, worse, you know?” she said with a pause before continuing. “So I hurried out of bed, ready for the worst and then I see dad at the bottom of the stairs and what does he do?”

“What?”

“He tells me to come downstairs because him and uncle Ray needed to talk to me. At 2am!”

Clay had to cover his mouth with his hand to stop himself from bursting out in laughter at the agitated look on his girls face as she retold the night’s happenings.

“So what did they want to talk about? I mean they were both pretty buzzed when we left the golf club…”

Emma leaned forward as well, keeping her eyes locked on Clay’s.

“Uncle Ray, for some reason I still don’t understand and probably don’t want to, somehow made my dad take notice of the fact that since I have a boyfriend who’s older I may or may not have a sex life.” she said, glad that she managed not to blush as she brought the subject up.

Clay’s mouth this time dropped open and his eyes grew wide. Emma watched him with a smirk and waited for him to recover from his disbelief.

“But… way… I mean… oh god, I’m gonna get the interrogation from hell one of these day’s aren’t I?” he said when he got his thoughts together.

“Well… dad wanted to know if mom and I had _the talk_ before she… died, and that’s when I shut them down because there’s no way I’m even having that conversation with my dad.”

Clay looked at her for a moment, unsure if he should ask but then again, it concerned both of them if they continued on this path together.

“…did she?”

Emma sighed and rolled her eyes at him.

“Yes, and it was the most awkward conversation we ever had and I never want to go there with dad. If I need an adult to talk to about sex? Dad and uncle Ray doesn’t even make my top 5 list.”

That made Clay grin because he couldn’t picture Jace ever wanting to have any sort of conversation about sex with his daughter.

“Would I?...” he then asked her with a wink.

“Well… you’re hopefully the one I’ll be having it with so, yeah, you’re probably in my top 3” Emma answered with a smirk, knowing that he’d be the only one at this point but he didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, only top 3, huh? Who’s ahead of me on that list then?”

“Aunt Naima and Mrs. Seaver, duh.”

“Right…” Clay said with a smile, and then they were stopped from continuing the conversation as the server came over with their order, setting plates down on the table between them.

* * *

Dinner passed by in the blink of an eye as they talked about everything and nothing at the same time. They talked about how Emma was just one summer away from senior year and all that that entailed, they touched on how Jason’s work behavior bled in to how he was at home and they talked about some things they wanted to do together; ice skating, movie night, star gazing and horseback riding all were mentioned.

As the waiter came back over to clear the table, Clay asked for the bill and Emma got up from her seat, in need of a bathroom break.

“I’ll be right back.” she told him before giving him a small kiss on the cheek as she walked past him to get to the women’s bathroom.

Clay followed her with his eyes until she was no longer in view and that was why he didn’t notice as someone else sat down in her seat across from him.

“So, that’s who you meant that day at the coffee shop, huh?”

His head snapped back forward so fast he wouldn’t be surprised if it gave him a whiplash. Seeing the woman on the other side of the table he felt his jaw tense and his left hand, situated under the table, turned in to a fist without him even thinking about it.

“What are you doing here, Stella?” he asked between clenched teeth.

“Dinner with my friends. You remember Polly and Lacey, right?” she said with a smile and pointed at two girls who was sitting at a table a 2 rows back.

“I do… so what are you doing sitting across from me?”

“I saw when you guys came in and when she left I thought I’d come over and say hi.”

“Well, you have so… bye?” Clay said, gesturing ‘goodbye’ with his hand.

Stella laughed and tossed her hair over her should.

“Honestly though, Clay, what are you doing with the child?” she said, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Clay just stared at her blankly. Emma might be only 18 but she acted far older and she’d proved herself to be more mature than Stella had ever been in his company.

“What, nothing to say to that? You can’t seriously believe that a life with a girl who’s still a teenager is your future, right?”

Blowing out a deep breath he ran his fingers though his hair in frustration. Hadn’t he told her when they officially ended things that he didn’t want this to happen? Why couldn’t she just leave?

“Stella, why do you care? Who I date, who I spend time with, who I want – it got nothing to do with you.”

“I care, Clay. I care because I love you. I’ve loved you since that first night in the bar when we talked about intersectional gender theory. I. Love. You.” she said, placing one hand on top of his on the table.

“Right. You loved me so much that you hooked up with professor sweater vest as soon as a left for deployment. Also, didn’t we already have this conversation?” Clay answered, trying to pull his hand back but Stella held it in a vice-like grip.

“We did. But as I told you in the note I wrote, I won’t give up on us. We can’t end this way, Clay. I’ve given you time since you told me we were over but I’m done staying away. I love you.”

Clay scoffed at her words before halting as her words rang through his head. What note?

“Wait, what note?”


	45. Could be weeks, could be months

Emma smiled at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror as she re-pinned her hair that didn’t want to stay out of her face, despite 4 bobby-pins and like a gallon of hairspray.

Finally satisfied she washed her hands a second time - why did the hairspray work on her hands and not her hair? - before pushing the door to the ladies room open with her elbow. There was no way she was touching the handle of a public bathroom, ok?

Stepping back into the restaurant she smiled as her eyes fell on Clay’s back that was turned towards the bathroom. She couldn’t believe that this was actually a thing. That he was her’s and that they were on a date. Looking past Clay, Emma’s smile froze and then quickly disappeared. Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot?!

Emma blinked a few times, hoping against all hope that she wasn’t actually seeing what she thought she was but, as she blinked for the third time, she realized that her eyes hadn’t betrayed her and this was actually happening.

She hadn’t seen the brunette woman since that day outside of Clay’s apartment, the day when Bravo had returned home from deployment and Clay had caught his girlfriend cheating on him. He’d told Emma that him and Stella where over for good and that he’d told her he didn’t want things like _this_ to happen. So what on God’s green earth was she doing sitting in Emma’s seat in the restaurant Clay had picked for their first official date?

As she watched the other woman take her boyfriend’s hand in hers, determination sat in. There was no way she was going to just stand by and watch as the cheater tried to worm her way back into Clay’s life. No way, no how. Not now, not ever.

Neither one saw her approaching and just as she was about to make her presence known she froze as she tuned in to their conversation.

“Wait, what note?” Clay asked and Emma flashed back to the night after their return and the note she’d found as she’d checked out the apartment together with her mom and aunt Lisa while they planned for the makeover of his apartment.

“I left a note in the apartment the day after… after we fought and I left.” Stella said, pausing when she considered how to put it.

“I never got a note…” Clay said, and as if feeling that Emma was close he turned his head to look at her.

“Did you hide a note from me?” Clay asked her as their eyes met and Emma felt her eyes grow wide at his question, or rather, his accusation.

“Excuse me?” she said, crossing her arms while glaring at him.

“It’s a simple question Emma. Did you hide a note from Stella’s from me?”

“Are you serious right now? I go to the bathroom for 5 minutes and when I get back you’re throwing out stupid accusations?”

Clay lifted on eyebrow at her and Emma’s scowl deepened as her eyes traveled down to the table where Stella was still holding Clay’s hand.

Blowing out a hard breath she focused back in on her boyfriend and looked him fiercely in the eyes.

“For your information, no I didn’t and I haven’t. Did I find it? Yes, I found it when mom, Lisa and I went over to pick up your phone. Did I take it? Yes, I brought it back with me back to the house. Did I give it to you? No, I didn’t because you wouldn’t even look at your phone which had like a million messages and voicemails. Did I hide it? No. If you had bothered to check the pile of papers and shit on your kitchen counter you would’ve found it by now. And…”

Before Emma could continue Clay’s phone started buzzing and he quickly detangled from Stella so that he could pick it up. As he finished reading he looked back up at Emma who was still standing there with her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry, Birdie, but our date just got cut short.” he said in a soft voice which made Emma scoff.

“Oh, I think it ended a while ago. I don’t…” another buzzing, this time from Emma’s own phone interrupted her.

Pulling it out from her clutch she scanned it and replied to the message before putting it away again and faced Clay again.

“Well, this was an interesting evening, _Bear_, but I need to get home to Mikey so that dad can leave as well, so… see you around.” she said before she turned on her heel and walked out of the restaurant, head held high and back straight.

She just about made it outside before a hand grabbed her elbow, halting her in her stride.

“Baby, wait. I’ll drive you home.” Clay said, stroking the skin of her upper arm.

Emma pulled her arm out of his hold and just stared at him before shaking her head.

“Thanks but I think you should head on over to base. It sounds important. Brock and Annie lives half a block away, she’ll drive me home.” she told him and then she walked away, leaving him standing outside the steakhouse, alone.

* * *

Clay watched the woman he’d fallen head over heels for walk away from him with a huge knot forming in his stomach. This wasn’t good. At all. He hadn’t meant to accuse her, hell he didn’t actually care what Stella had written in that stupid note, but he’d needed to know if Emma was hiding things from him. He needed to know if he could trust her. Turns out, she wasn’t hiding anything and yes, he could trust her.

Running his fingers though his hair he ran through his options but he had to admit that she was right, he needed to head over to the base.

“What, no goodbye, babe?”

Clay closed his eyes and counted backwards from 10. In French.

“For the love of all that is holy, Stella. Leave. Me. Alone. We are done, over, never happening again.” he said between gritted teeth as he turned around to face her.

“But…” she started, reaching a hand out to touch him.

“No buts, and or ifs. I don’t love you any more. I’m not sure I ever did at this point because who I thought I loved? She doesn’t exist. And I will never trust you again. Move on, Stella. I have.”

With that said he fished his car keys out of his pants and stalked over to his car, climbed in to it and drove off, not once glancing in the rearview mirror at the brunette standing by the curb, gaping at the leaving car.

* * *

Jason felt bad for leaving the house the same moment Emma stepped in to it. Not only had her date been cut short, she was now tasked with keeping an eye on her brother.

He gave her a quick kiss on her head and then he hurried out to his car, knowing that he’d have to step on it if he wanted to get to the base within the time requested. He wished he’d gotten a moment to ask his daughter about her date but then again, it wasn’t like he didn’t already know the guy she’d been out with.

As he arrived on base he was out of the car the moment it came to a full stop and he then sprinted towards the DEVGRU building and their team room, pausing only to put his phone in the designated area and catch his breath before he entered the room.

Opening the door he found that he was the last on to arrive, which wasn’t totally unexpected since he’d had to wait for Emma to return home. As he passed Clay he glanced at the man but the kid didn’t seem to notice him as he had his head together with Brock’s, both of them going over something on the computer in front of them.

Taking his seat next to his 2IC he looked around the room and realized that this mission probably wasn’t going to be just an “ordinary” spin-up.

Ray, having seen Jason glance around, nudged his brother gently.

“We got more eyes in here than usual.” he murmured when Jason looked over at him.

Jason nodded his head but before he could say anything in return Blackburn walked up to the head of the table, in front of the monitors and called for their attention.

“Good evening, everyone. Sorry to interrupt your evenings but Bravo Team is about to prosecute a highly sensitive target package that's taken months to put together.” he said, meeting the eyes of every member of the team before continuing.

“Final approval came from the White House, so we need everyone to be squared away on this one. There's no margin for error. Understood?” Blackburn waited until he’d gotten an acknowledgment from all 6 Bravo guys before nodding his head at Mandy.

“Andres Doza.” Mandy said as she made two images appear on the monitors behind her.

“He's the head of the most lethal cartel in Mexico, and one of the most slippery fugitives alive today. We've only confirmed four sightings of him in the last decade. His top lieutenants are equally elusive.” she explained, before making another image of the man appear.

“Doza was born in 1978 in Huaquechula. His parents were farmers. He's exported more dope to the States than anyone in history, amassing a fortune unimaginable.” she continued before Jason interrupted her.

“All right, look, we know who this guy is. What's the mission?”

Mandy focused her gaze on Jason and held his eyes locked with hers.

“You're gonna hunt him down.”

“All right, we can do that.” Jason said with a nod, knowing that there was something about this mission that meant a lot to his favorit CIA agent.

“"Hunt him down?"” Clay asked, looking from his boss to the woman holding the briefing. “We're-we're cleared to operate down in Mexico?”

“Yes.” Came the answer from Captain Harrington, who was sitting behind Jason on a table. “You guys will be partnering with Mexican Marines. Might take a while to locate him, could be weeks, could be months, but you're in Mexico for as long as it takes.” 

Clay looked over at his best friend at that, knowing that he most definitely couldn’t help himself from commenting on that.

“Excellent. A little R and R south of the border. That sounds good to me.” Sonny said and Clay grinned to himself. So predictable.

“It's not a booty run to Cabo, Sonny.” Mandy said, looking at the smiling Texan. “Doza's cartel has thousands of soldiers, a $20 billion war chest, and the most sophisticated weaponry money can buy.”

“If El Chapo was Saddam Hussein, then Doza is ISIS. He's sadistic, vicious and indifferent to innocent life.” Blackburn chimed in, knowing that his men would get a better idea by the comparison.

Jason sighed. “Well, that's great. He's been that for a decade. Why are we engaging now?” he wondered, looking to Mandy for the answer he knew she had.

“He crossed a line.” she answered and when Jason tilted his head she continued. “He executed an American DEA agent.”

Mandy turned to the monitor and soon they were all watching how the DEA agent was tortured before he was executed. As it ended Blackburn took center stage again.

“We’re wheels up at 0700 hours, which gives you around 9 hours to get your affairs in orders. I suggest you get to it.”

* * *

Clay trudged out of the team room, a myriad of thoughts running through his head as he tried to come up with a game plan. He wanted to speak to Emma before they where wheels up but it would be too late now and something told him that having Jace in the vicinity as they talked wasn’t a good idea. That didn’t leave him with a whole lot of time, or opportunity…

With a sigh he came to the decision that he would let her calm down for a while and try and talk with her in the morning. Knowing they had no return date set Emma and Mikey would most likely drive Jason to the air strip and hopefully his girl would take a few minutes to listen to him explain and, if necessary, grovel.


	46. I've got a bad feeling about this

Putting his car in park, Clay looked around and saw that he was the first one of the guys to arrive. He was early, he knew that, but he’d had trouble sleeping and when he tried texting Emma she’d just given him one worded answers.

Her one worded answers however did tell him that her and Mikey was going to be here this morning to say goodbye to Jason so that was why he’d gotten in to his car 20 minutes earlier than he needed to. He wanted to be here when they arrived so that he at least had the chance to maybe get Emma alone. He really didn’t want to leave for Mexico for an undetermined period of time without knowing that they would be ok.

Just thinking about the whole situation from last night made him feel as if the car was closing in on him so he opened the door and climbed out, choosing to lean against the side of the car while he waited for his teammates to arrive.

Closing his eyes he listened to all the noise around him as the C-17 was being loaded. People where talking and shouting, trucks were driving around and things where being moved around. When a new noise appeared, the sound of cars arriving from the gate, he opened his eyes and discovered that not only Jason had pulled up but so had Trent and Sonny.

Focusing in on the black truck that belonged to Bravo 1, his eyes met Emma’s who was looking back at him through the passenger door window. He straightened up and squared his shoulders but as Emma demonstratively turned her head away he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. That was not a good sign.

“What’s got you all tense and shit, young Jedi?”

Sonny’s hand on his shoulder almost made him jump. How had he not noticed that his brother had walked up next to him?

“Nothin’, Tex.” Clay answered with a slight shrug. “I just have a bad feeling about this whole thing. Something feels off.”

Sonny’s eyes narrowed as he looked his best friend over from head to toe. Something wasn’t right here but he couldn’t put his finger on what. Glancing in the same direction that held Clays attention captured, he found his boss standing by the tail end of his car with Emma and Mikey.

“Something up with you and Pebbles, Bam-Bam?” he finally asked when he saw the way Emma kept her back turned towards them. So far anytime he’d been in the presence of the two of them they’d been almost inseparable – like two magnets drawn to each other by an unseen force – so something about Emma’s stance made all of the red flags show up.

Clay looked at the man next to him out of the corner of his eyes but didn’t answer the question. He knew that there was almost no way he could explain yesterday to Sonny without the other man getting pissed at him for what he had said and how he’d acted.

“Kid?”

Knowing that the other man wouldn’t leave it alone Clay sighed before turning his head toward his friend.

“Our date didn’t end the best way last night and I really want to talk to her before we leave for the foreseeable future but from the look of things she has no plans of allowing that...”

* * *

“Look, I hate to spring this trip on you guys like this and so soon, but you know how it goes.” Jason said excusingly as he looked from his son who was sitting on the bed of his truck to his daughter who was standing across from him.

“And you really don't know when you're coming back?” Mikey asked, biting his bottom lip.

“No, buddy, I don’t.” he said, placing a soothing hand on his boys shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze.

“Don't worry, Dad. We will be fine with grandma Linda and since there’s only one week left until summer break things will work out great.” Emma said while looking at her brother with a soft look in her eyes.

Jason looked at his little girl and for the fifth time since they’d arrived his eyes traveled from her to the man leaning against his own car a good 30-or-so yards away. Something wasn’t right between the two of them because Emma had kept her back to the kid since they arrived and that had warning bells going off in his head.

“What about my hockey tryouts?” Mikey asked, pulling Jason’s attention back to the conversation at hand.

“What about hockey tryouts? You're ready, huh? You're prepared.” He answered, ruffling his son’s hair. “Where's your first shot go?”

“Straight in the goalie's face mask.” Mikey replied without hesitation which made Jason smile at his little man.

“Right. And you know why, right? 'Cause you want to get in his head. Get in his head. Right?” he said, putting his fist against Mikey’s temple, making the boy smile up at him.

“Right!”

Taking a deep breath Jason looked back over at Emma. The smile on her face was strained and as he looked over at Clay again he looked uneasy and jittery.

“Em, is there something I need to know before we leave?” he said, locking eyes with the blond girl – woman – standing in front of him.

“What do you mean dad? We’ll be ok, I promise.” Emma said, looking from him to her brother.

“Not what I meant, Emmi star. I’m talking about the fact that Clay is standing over there and you haven’t made one attempt at running over there. I’m talking about the fact that you haven’t even looked at him since you got out of the truck.”

Emma tensed up as he said Clay’s name but didn’t show any other signs that could tell him what was going on.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, ok? Things ended a little… awkward, last night and I’m not sure I’m ready to talk it over with him.”

Jason raised a skeptical eyebrow at that but decided not to question her. If Alana had thought him one thing it was that it was never wise to pressure a woman when she didn’t want to talk about something. It was a sure recipe for disaster and he didn’t want to part ways with his daughter on a bad note.

“Ok… but…” Jason said, trailing off before actually saying what was on his mind. He wanted so bad to ask if them not talking was the best thing for Clay, what with them leaving for God knows how long, but he was stuck between a rock and a hard place here because while Clay was his rookie; his teammate, his brother, Emma was his daughter and that had to come first. Right?

Shaking his head he decided to leave the subject alone and get back to the matter at hand.

“Alright, so, with you two home alone until grandma get here I want you to know that if you guys need anything or anything happens, aunt Naima, aunt Lauren and miss Annie is just one call away, ok?”

Both Emma and Mikey nodded their heads and Emma also rolled her eyes because he’d already told her that three times since they woke up.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Emma Marie Hayes. I have drones. They will be overhead and I will know if you don’t do as you’ve been told.”

“Scary thing is, I sort of believe you.” Emma said with a smile, knowing that her dad was anxious about leaving them all alone.

“You should.” Jason replied with a wink before continuing. “Aunt Naima got my credit card in case of emergencies, ok?”

“Ok, dad.” Emma answered while Mikey nodded.

“Alright, hey, look at me.” Jason said, making both of his children look up at him. “You're gonna be ok. Ok?”

“We will be fine, dad.” Mikey said while leaning over to hug him.

“Ok.” he said while blowing out a deep breath. “Take care of each other ok?”

“We’ve got this, dad.” Emma said gently. “Just.... come home safe.”

Jason paused at that, looking at his baby girl with so many emotions rising in his throat. Clearing it he smiled softly at his daughter.

“That's what your mom used to say.”

“I know.”

“All right, look, group hug. Come on. Group hug.” Jason said, lifting Mikey down from the truck before pulling both of his kids in for a warm hug.

“I love you guys more than life itself and I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

* * *

Clay didn’t know what to do with himself as he watched Emma and Mikey hug Jason goodbye before they climbed back in to the truck, choosing to sit in it while waiting for the team to disappear out of view as they boarded the plane.

Apparently Emma wasn’t going to give him a chance to clear the air before they left. He could understand her, this whole thing wasn’t on her, but that didn’t mean it sat well with him. He didn’t like unfinished business and he really didn’t like not knowing where he stood with his girl. Assuming she still was his girl…

His eyes traveled from the car to his boss who was rapidly closing the distance between his own car and Clays and from the look of things Emma hadn’t told him what had happened the night before, because there was no way he would be approaching Clay this calmly if that was the case.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on then, kid?” Jason said as he stopped in front of Clay.

Clay scanned his boss’s face for any hint of how much he knew, but seeing nothing of help he shrugged his shoulders.

“What did Emma tell you?”

Jasons sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Why did they have to be so complicated?

“She told me that the end of your evening was “awkward”. What the hell does that even mean?”

Clay’s eyes snapped back towards the black truck that kept his girlfriend out of his sight.

“It… I… It’s between Em and me, boss and I don’t think it will help if you get involved.” he finally answered, not once looking away from the car.

Jason glanced at Sonny, who was still standing next to Clay, and he just shook his head at Jason’s unasked question if he knew anything more.

“Well, if that’s the way you want to play it, fine. But hear me when I say this, Spenser. When you get on that plane? Your head better be on the right thing – the mission. Not on my daughter, your relationship or anything else, you with me?”

Clay nodded his head and finally tore his gaze away from the truck.

“I hear you, boss.”

“Good, then let’s go, Romeo. We’re wheels up.” Jason said and clapped his youngest teammate on the shoulder.

Clay nodded again and opened the door to his car to pull his rucksack out before closing and locking it behind him as he headed for the plane, not once looking at his teammates still standing by his car, or the black truck parked a few yards away.

* * *

They where 2 hours in to their 4 and a half hour flight, cruising along at an altitude of 28,000 feet when Jason was joined by Bravo 2, 3, 4 and 5 at the luggage pile he was sitting on. They all sat down and immediately all their eyes locked on the lonely hammock swaying slightly at the other end of the plane.

“What’s up with Spenser?” Ray asked, looking over at his best friend.

“Not sure. Something is up with him and Em but neither wants to tell me what.” Jason answered, the feeling in his gut once more making itself known. This mission had all the tell tales of a clusterfuck before it even begun and if Clay didn’t have his head in the game…

“Kid told me their date didn’t end well last night… I have a feeling there’s more to it than him getting called in for the briefing.” Sonny added, eyes still locked on his best friend who was oblivious to the world with his headphones on and his eyes closed.

“I have the same feeling, Sonny.” Jason said with a nod. “But there’s only so much we can do about it without knowing what went down.”

“You want me to check with Annie if Em told her anything when she drove her home last night, boss?” Brock asked while throwing a tennis ball for Cerberus to chase down.

Jason’s considered it for a moment before nodding slowly.

“Yeah. Check with her when you get the time. You two,” he said, pointing at Ray and Trent, “feel free to ask your better half’s as well when we land. Maybe Em will have confided in one of them since Hannah is still visiting her grandparents.”

“I’ll check with Lauren when we’re situated in our quarters.” Trent replied and Ray nodded.

“I’ll facetime Naima before we call it a night. She said she was going to have the kids over for dinner tonight.”

“Good.” Jason said before once more turning his gaze to the hammock. He hoped one of the wag’s would give him some answers because he had a bad feeling that he couldn’t shake.


	47. May the force be with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! This story just passed 100k? How did my little story get 100k and over 40 chapters? 
> 
> I want to take a moment to thank all of you for reading though, and an even bigger thank you to those who leave a comment and review - it means the world to me and it gives me so many new ideas on where to take this story!
> 
> I've been writing this without an end in sight but someone (Lauren!!) helped me find where this story will end. However we have ways to go before we reach it and we're probably looking at another 30-40 chapters. Hope you'll stay with me for them!

As the plane touched down in Mexico City and they all gathered up their things, Clay’s head wasn’t in Mexico at all. No, his head was still back in Virginia Beach and focused on his Emma. He knew all too well that he’d had to get his head in the game but he couldn’t ignore the gnawing feeling in his gut.

He’d felt his teammates sideway glances and straight out stares during the flight but he hadn’t had the energy to care. Locating his shades in his rucksack he put them on and when he looked back up he saw that Ray was glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. Clay sighed in frustration. Couldn’t they just let him stew in peace?

As the tail end of the plane opened Clay hurried so that he could be the first to exit after Jason. He still felt the looks on his back but as they all stepped out on to sandy ground they were greeted by fully armed Mexican Marines and a woman dressed in a Kevlar vest, which had them all raising their eyebrows.

“Alright everybody, this is Rita Alfaro, my counterpart in Mexican intelligence and the liaison for our operation here.” Mandy said, stepping up so that she was standing next to Jason.

“Bienvenidos.” she said and nodded her head at them.

“On behalf of Mexican CISEN, welcome. We look forward to working with you in the spirit of cooperation.” Rita continued, looking at each of the men in front of her, taking stock of what Mandy had called the best team the US Navy had.

“Yeah, well, I'm more interested in the spirit of air-conditioning.” Sonny muttered, letting everyone know that this? Not his idea of a fun location.

Jason looked around at the armed marines and focused back on their liaison. “Why so many?” he asked, gesturing at their very armed and very large escort.

“We don't want anything to happen to you on the way in. You'll want your weapons hot. Let's load up.” Rita answered before turning on her heal and walking toward the cars, joined by Mandy.

Jason glanced at his guys and they all looked back at him. This was not how they thought this mission would kick off.

“Come on, guys, let’s head to the cars so we can get out of this place.” Jason finally said before turning to follow the two women.

Ray step up beside Jason and lowered his voice as he spoke.

“Broad daylight. Largest metropolitan city in the world. And they are seriously worried about a hit?” he muttered so that their brothers behind wouldn’t overhear.

“I already got a bad feeling, brother.” Ray continued while glancing around.

“Join the club.” Jason answered before stopping in front of two black cars.

“Alright,” he said, looking over his team and quickly reaching a decision as he saw Sonny watching their youngest brother closely. “Sonny and Clay, with me in the first one, Trent and Brock, you’re going with Ray.”

“Copy that.” “Yes, boss.” “Roger that.” and “A-firm.” All sounded from Bravo 2, 3, 4 and 5, while Clay just nodded and reached for the door handle.

Jason shook his head and traded a worried glance with his 3IC. They needed to get Clay sorted before things went FUBAR, because knowing them and the situation they were apparently walking in to? Something would go FUBAR sooner rather than later and they would need all heads in the game.

* * *

“So…” Naima said, looking at the young woman sitting across from her at the dining table. “Want to tell me what is going on, sweet pea?”

Emma, who’s gazed had been locked on Mikey and Jameelah playing out in the yard, snapped her head back to her favorite aunt.

“What do you mean?” she asked, trying to keep her face blank.

Naima looked at her with a pointed stare.

“Honey, I’ve known you since you where 4 years old. I know when something isn’t right and right now? Something isn’t right and if I had to guess it has nothing to do with your mama or your dad.”

Emma looked at her with wide eyes.

“How do you…?”

“I’ve been married to Ray for a long time and I’ve seen that look in your eyes before. In the mirror. When something was up between Ray and I. So, what’s going on with you and Clay?” the older woman said in a gentle voice.

“You know that we had our first date last night, right?” Emma asked after taking in a deep breath.

“I do. Ray couldn’t get over to your house fast enough after dinner yesterday.”

“Yeah…” Emma muttered, “We can talk about that later. But anyway, it was great and we had a lot of fun during dinner but when I went to the bathroom before we were supposed to go to the movies, things went sideways real fast.”

Naima reached her right hand out and placed it on top of Emma’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“What happened?”

“You can’t tell uncle Ray. Or Dad. Or anyone on the team.” Emma said, locking her eyes on Naima’s, who widen.

“Emma…”

“You can’t. They’ll punish him or something and I don’t need them to meddle. Clay and I will sort it out but they’ll just make it worse.”

With a big sigh Naima finally nodded her head slowly. “Ok. Lay it on me.”

“So, when I got back from the bathroom? Stella was sitting at our table, in my seat.”

“I’m sorry, I must have heard that wrong because it sounded like you said Stella?”

Emma nodded her head, telling Naima that she hadn’t heard it wrong.

“What was she even doing there?” she asked as a stunned moment of silence ended.

“I honestly have no idea.” Emma shrugged. “I approached them and then everything went to hell in a handbasket.”

“How so?”

“Stella told him about a note she’d left for him the day after he found her cheating. He never read it and then he straight up accused me of hiding it from him.”

“Oh, honey.” Naima said, once again squeezing the younger woman’s hand.

Emma nodded once again and they sat quiet for a second.

“…did you?” Naima then asked, knowing that Emma probably hadn’t but needed to confirm anyway.

“Of course not. I’ll admit I took it in the first place, bringing it over to the house that day, but when he didn’t want to even check his phone messages I decided to hold on to the note. I ended up putting it back where I found it after the makeover was done.”

Naima frowned. “And he still didn’t find it?”

“Nope. He has a huge pile of crap on that counter and I’m pretty sure it’s on the bottom of that pile.”

“Ok, so I can see how that wasn’t an all that great part of your date, what with him accusing you in front of his ex and so, but at least tell me you guys talked about it when Stella left?”

Emma looked away from Naima and focused back in on the two children playing outside.

“We didn’t get the chance. His phone buzzed and then mine did. I walked out on him and when he followed me out I told him to just go and then I had Annie drive me home.”

Naima winced, knowing all too well how Ray’s phone had a tendency to buzz at the worst possible times.

“Bet that made for an awkward moment this morning before they left then?” she asked Emma, who still refused to meet her aunts eyes.

“…Emma?” she asked a few moments later when the blond didn’t answer.

“… We didn’t talk this morning.”

Both of Naima’s eyebrows flew up at that.

“Why? Didn’t you guys have the time or…?”

“I avoided it…” Emma finally said and this time it was her turn to wince. She knew she’d messed up with the avoidance but… she was still hurting over his way of accusing instead of asking and while still holding Stella’s hand? She had a reason damn it!

“Oh, honey, you didn’t?”

Emma just nodded her head in answer.

“Oh, that’s not good…” Naima muttered to herself but Emma heard her and nodded again.

“I know. I just… wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

“I understand that Emma, I really do. But you have to remember that when you’re in a relationship with a tier-1 operator? You sometime, actually most of the time, have to put them first. Him leaving with that hanging over him? Not sure of where you guys stand? That’s not good for anyone.” Naima said, pausing to let the words sink in before continuing.

“It’s not good for him, not good for you, not good for your dad and not good for the team. He needs to have his head on straight if everyone is gonna come home safe. And we kinda need them to all come home safe.”

Emma felt tears well up in her eyes and blinked rapidly as she watched Mikey push Jameelah on the swings. She knew that aunt Naima was right and she’d regretted not talking to Clay as soon as they boarded the plane but what could she do about that now?

* * *

Their first outing in Mexico? It did not go as planned. It actually went belly up almost as soon as it started and when Jason decided that tending to the injured civilian captives instead of pursuing their HVT, Gonzalez? Mission failure, at least in Clay’s eyes.

When they returned to their base the team had gotten de-jocked, showered and changed before they all headed for the roof where they were now sitting by the improvised fire pit (a fire barrel).

“You know what?” Jason said after a while, making them all look up at him. “We may have come up short, but, you know, it was good having the team back.”

“Got that right.” Ray chimed in, raising his cup in a salute and they others followed suit.

“We're gonna get Gonzalez.” Sonny said, determination obvious in his voice.

Clay sighed. “That's not gonna happen.”

Jason held his mug out for a refill but kept his eyes on Clay. The kid was even more off this evening than he’d been when they’d arrived.

“Why's that?” he asked, wanting to see where Clay was going with this.

“Gonzalez knows he's targeted. Guy's gonna stay underground as long as he has to.“ Clay said in a resigned tone. “We had one chance and we missed it.”

“Oh, fun police.” Ray said, and as Colonel Martinez walked up to them they all emptied their mugs, Martinez’s rule about no drinking ringing in all of their heads.

“Gentlemen,” the Colonel said with a drawl, “if you insist on breaking my rules, at least don't insult our nation by drinking that donkey water, okay?” he continued and then held out a bottle of tequila for them all to see.

The guys all laughed, happy to find out that the man they were going to work alongside for as long as it took to find Doza wasn’t as uptight as they’d feared. 

“Today we saw our enemy for the first time. You earned a drink.” Martinez said before pouring a healty amount into the cup Jason had just emptied.

“Thank you, Colonel.” Jason replied, handing him a mug of his own.

“Que la Fuerza te acompañe, huh? Isn't that right, Lopez?” Sonny said with a smile, holding his mug up towards the Colonel’s 2IC.

Clay tried to stifle a laughter as he heard his best friend utter the very familiar words, knowing that they probably didn’t mean what the Texan thought they meant.

“Uh, Sonny? You do know that means "May the Force be with you," right?” Clay asked before he could no longer contain his laugh, and the rest of Bravo joined in.

Sonny chuckled mockingly while studying the Mexican across from him.

“So you're a funny guy, is that it? Okay, I see you. It's a two-way street, man. Two ways.” Sonny said, before taking a swig from his mug.

As the conversations took off around him, Clay found himself lost in his own mind and wished for a moment that he was 2000 miles away, in Virginia Beach, with Emma. When the bullets where flying, the action was happening and they were moving? He’d felt that familiar calm in the chaos but here, right now, when the fighting was done and his mind had the time to wander? He felt restless and like he’d rather be back home, trying to make things right with his girl.

Clay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Jason excusing himself to leave or how Ray picked up his chair and moved it over so that he was sitting right next to Clay.

“You're awful quiet over here, Spenser.” the 2IC said, pulling Clay back into the moment. “Except when you're challenging Jason.” he continued, shoving the younger man in the side with his elbow.

“Hmm.” Clay said, still staring in to the fire. “I saw your face when he stood us down. You were just as confused by the call as I was.”

“Look, Clay, I am still sitting here under God's stars because Jay makes the right call more often than not. There’s no need for us to start questioning him. Especially now.” Ray said, keeping his eyes forward but glancing at the man next to him out of the corner of his left eye.

“Look, I know this is a tricky one. Whole team back together kind of puts you into the "new guy" mode again when you've more than proven yourself. Is that what eating at you?” he continued, knowing that it most probably wasn’t, what with something going on between Spenser and Emma, but he had to see if he could get the kid to open up.

“That's it.” Clay answered without hesitation and then he finished off his drink, stood up and headed for their sleeping cages.

Ray watched their youngest brother leave the roof with a big sigh and a shake of his head. That so wasn’t it and they kid was so not ok.

* * *

Emma walked out of her brother’s room with a smile. Their dad had called to FaceTime at the precise time they’d set and after answering all the regular questions (how was your day, what did you do, was it fun, what did you eat…) Emma had decide to leave the male members of her family to themselves when the conversation turned into all hockey talk.

Emma liked hockey just fine and had no problems sitting through an NHL game with her dad, or spending her Saturday at the local rink watching Mikey play, but to talk about the finer points of the game for hours? Not something she was interested in. At all.

With a sigh she threw herself down on her bed and pulled her own laptop on to her lap, glad that they’d answered her dad’s call on Mikey’s.

Pulling up both her browser and an empty word document she considered how to write down what she had on her mind. She’d been writing down her thoughts from everyday since she turned 16 but staring at the blank page before her she experienced a moment of writer’s block. Where was she even supposed to start?

Yesterday’s document had been filled with a whole lot of ugly words about interfering ex’s, but today? Emma was experiencing so many emotions she didn’t know how to put them down in writing.

Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly she let her fingers hover over the keys but before she could start writing a ringing sound made her pull her fingers back and change from the open document to FaceTime.

‘Clay would like to FaceTime…’ and a picture of the man from one of their outings as “friends” greeted her when the app opened and her fingers froze over the accept button. Should she answer? Should she ignore? Should she decline?

Biting her lip she let the curser hover between the two buttons before she closed her eyes and clicked accept.

“Hey….”


	48. I can't do this

Opening the door to the room that housed their sleeping cages and team space, Clay was immediately greeted by Jason’s voice.

“First of all, your top finger, it's got to be wrapped around it.” Jason said to whoever he was talking to.

“Hold on. All right, try it again. Let's see it. Let 'er rip.” A short pause followed before Jason continued.

“That's not too bad. Just got to turn your wrist over a little faster next time.” Clay heard him say and by now he’d realized that his boss was FaceTime-ing with Mikey.

As Clay made his way down toward the cage he was sharing with Sonny for the op, he paused outside of Jason and Ray’s cage just in time to see Emma appear next to her brother. He froze in place, eager to get his eyes on her if nothing else.

“Mikey's actually getting really good, Dad.” Emma said and Clay wanted nothing more than to steal the computer out of Jason’s lap so that he could talk to Emma as well.

“Soon my shot's gonna be better than yours, dad.” Mikey said with a grin and Emma ruffled her brother’s hair in a sign of affection before turning to the screen and her dad again.

“If you two are going to turn this call in to talk about nothing but hockey, I’m gonna leave you to it and go into my room to do some writing. Bye, dad. Be safe.” she said and then she disappeared from the screen, making Clay feel empty inside again.

Turning away from Jason’s cage he continued his walk down the row of cages to his own and as he entered he sat down in his hammock.

Hearing and seeing Emma on Jace’s computer only made Clay want to talk to her even more. He hated that he didn’t know where they stood and even if all she’d end up doing was scream at him, he still wanted to call and talk to her.

Pulling his rucksack closer he opened it and pulled out his own government approved computer. As he opened it up he was greeted by the FaceTime app and, before he could talk himself out of it, he pressed call when his eyes found Emma’s name.

The familiar ringing started immediately and that was when he realized that his heart was pounding in his chest while his thought’s raced around in his head. Would she pick up? Would she decline? What was he even going to say?

Just as he had convinced himself that she wouldn’t answer, his curser hovering over cancel, the screen flickered and there she was, eyes closed and mouth drawn.

“Hey…” he said, voice low but also filled with so much relief that she had actually answered.

Emma’s eyes flew up as the sound of his voice reached her and he took in every inch of her that he could catch through the screen.

“Hi…” she whispered back, eyes focused slightly off the screen.

Neither said anything for a moment and Clay wondered if this really was the time and place for the conversation they needed to have but then he realized that it could be months until they where face to face again and FaceTime was probably as good as it was going to get.

Taking a deep breath he pulled himself together and shifted so that he could lean back in his hammock with the computer balanced on his lap.

“Em?” he said, when she still didn’t look at the screen.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

Emma blew out a huge breath and finally looked back at him, tears now visible in her sad blue eyes.

“What are you sorry about Clay? For letting Stella invade our date? For accusing me for something ridiculous? For doing it in front of your ex? For not simply asking me in private? Or for letting Stella hold your hand? What. Are. You. Sorry. About?”

Clay just watched her as she told him everything that had gone wrong the night before and he felt like someone had shivved him straight in the heart as the first tear escaped and made its way down her cheek.

He’d seen her cry multiple times since they’d become friends, and then a couple, but this was the first time she’d cried because of something he’d done and he hated it.

“All of it, sweets. All of it. If I could go back in time 24 hours and change it I would…”

Emma wiped her cheeks with the arm of her sweater but kept her eyes on Clay.

“Yeah? How? Tell me, what you would do different if you had a do-over Clay?” she said, voice strong but he could hear the hitch in it from the tears.

Clay sighed. “Honestly? All of it. Actually, the whole situation would have been avoided if I had just made her leave. I told her to leave, but when she didn’t listen instead of forcing her I let her continue talking and that is the whole reason why we’re in this position in the first place.” Clay rambled, not letting Emma get a word in even as she tried to.

Silence filled the distance between them and Emma appeared to be studying him on the screen.

“You know what hurts the most?” she suddenly asked with pain lacing her words.

“Tell me, Birdie.”

“That you, out of the blue, accused me of hiding a freaking note from you! Like, you know me, why would I have done that? Especially back then, when we weren’t even a thing?”

“I… It…” Clay sighed again. “It was never really about the note, Emma.”

“Then what? What was it about, Clay? Because it sure as hell felt like it was all about a note from you ex. girlfriend. Who cheated on you by the way, in case you have forgotten that part?”

Clay didn’t even flinch at her words, knowing that she was hurt about how the night before had gone, the things he’d said and how he’d seemingly let Stella back in.

“The truth?” he asked gently.

“The truth would be nice.” she replied snappily.

“I needed to know that you wouldn’t hide things from me. That you wouldn’t lie to my face. That I could trust you.”

* * *

Emma stared at him through the screen, as if he’d grown a second head, before she shook her own head rapidly.

“How’d that work out for you?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Not very well, sweets. Not very well.” Clay said, looking even more miserable.

Another moment of silence settled between them as both of them tried to make sense of how they’d ended up here, in this situation.

“I can’t do this.” Emma suddenly said, making Clay sit up like he’d just been struck by lightning.

“What?! What do you mean? This what?” he asked, feeling the panic rising within and the desperation in his voice was obvious.

“I refuse to do this,” she said, gesturing between the two of them, “the arguments about your ex and the unfounded accusations. If that is what we’re about, what’s going to happen every time she shows up – and don’t tell me she won’t - I want no part of it, Clay.”

“It’s not what we’re about, Emma!” Clay said urgently. “I don’t want that either and I don’t have any intentions of it every happening again. I…we…you are the best thing in my life and I don’t want to lose you!”

Tears were once more running down Emma’s face and she didn’t even bother to wipe them away this time.

“You could never lose me, Clay.” Emma whispered gently. “I’m in your world for life, ok? But at this time, after what happened yesterday? I need to know that you and me, as a couple, isn’t just a rebound from Stella. We happened so fast and I’m starting to wonder if you really had time to get over her…”

“Baby, I realized before we even kissed that first time in your bedroom that the Stella I thought I loved? She didn’t even exist. The woman she turned out to be? She leaves me cold. As I told you once; you’re all I see, Em. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look? I see you, I think of you.”

Emma felt warmth surround her at his words and she smiled an honest smile for the first time in the past 24 hours and she once more used the arm of her sweater to wipe away the tears.

“I…I wish you were here so that we could talk this out in person. I wish I’d talked to you this morning before you left… I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry. I understood then and I understand now. I just… are we ok?” he asked, worry still written all over his face.

Emma nodded her head slowly.

“Yeah… we’re as ok as we can be, I guess…”

“What does that mean, Em? Are we together? Are we breaking up? Just… tell me.” Clay said, desperation appearing once again in his voice.

“We’re not breaking up, Bear.” she told him and she could see him visibly relax back in to his hammock again at those words.

“You don’t know how good it feels to hear you say that.”

“We’re not breaking up. I don’t know exactly where we stand, we have things we need to work out once you get back, but I’m still your girl, ok?”

Clay nodded his head and opened his mouth to speak but before he could get another word out Emma heard an explosion and Clay flew out of his hammock, computer still in his hands.

“Clay?! What’s going on?!” Emma asked and Clay looked back down on the screen.

“Sorry, Birdie. I have to go. I’ll call you soon, ok?” Clay said quickly before shutting the lid and Emma was left staring at her now empty screen.

* * *

Clay tossed his now closed computer down on his hammock and rushed out of his cage, only to lock eyes with Jason who was doing the same.

“What the hell was that?” he asked his boss as they both rushed towards the door and then the stairs that would take them to the roof.

“I have no idea, kid.” Jason replied and then he pushed the door to the rooftop open and the two of them jogged over to join the rest of Bravo and the two Mexicans standing by the ledge.

A burning car, blaring alarms and another explosion greeted them as they stopped beside the rest of them.

Taking a closer look Clay realized that there where pictures plastered all over the wall behind the now burning car. All of them featuring the man standing next to Jason, Lieutenant Lopez. 

“Muerto…Marked for death.” the man in question said. “Gonzalez identified me. My Family.” he continued, emotions obvious in his voice as the Colonel placed a hand on his man’s shoulder.

“Vete a la casa.” Martinez said and Lopez nodded but as he turned to leave he stopped to face Jason.

“Now do you understand?” he asked, before taking off in a sprint towards the door that would lead him down stairs.

Colonel Martinez didn’t spare his guests another look; instead he followed his man while shouting orders at the other marines standing on the roof with them.

An eerie silence settled over Bravo as they were left alone at the ledge, still looking at the extent of damage their failed mission had made.

“Hell of a first day.” Mandy said, turning to look at Jason.

“Yeah…” he answered shortly, the tension between the two of them palpable.

Clay glanced over at Ray, who was standing on the other side of Mandy and the black man nodded. Time to call it a night.

“Alright guys. There’s nothing more to be done tonight so let’s just all head on down stairs and get some much needed sleep.” The 2IC said loudly, making the rest of the team nod in agreement.

Brock and Trent extinguished what was left of their fire in a barrel and they all made their way towards the door. Except Jason.

Ray sighed as he turned back around and found his best friend still standing by the ledge, looking at the burning car and the pictures on the wall.

“You coming, brother?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah… I’ll be down in a bit.” Jason answered, making Ray’s lips tighten but he still nodded, not that Jason could see it.

“Ok. See you down stairs.” he said and Jason just waved a hand in his direction, still staring in to the night.


	49. Tag - you're it

Waking up to a briefing and then directly head off to track down a burner phone? Not Clay’s idea of a good start to the day. He’d barley managed to call Emma (only to have to leave a voicemail) and swallow down a protein shake before he’d been piled into a minivan together with Jason, Ray and Sonny, with Trent behind the steering wheel.

“While Doza is popping bottles, living like a royal, we're cooped up in this van looking for a burner phone.” Sonny muttered, making it clear to everyone in the van that he wasn’t happy about getting dragged out of bed to hunt down a burner phone.

Ray sighed as he looked sideways at their mouthy teammate. “Look, all the numbers we got off the phones in the Gonzalez raid were dead within an hour, except this one. Whoever owns this cell; they're connected to Andres Doza. It's a good lead, Sonny.”

“I still got a bad feeling.”

Clay snorted. No matter how much he disliked this start to his day? Sonny had a way of making him grin.

“You and your baaaad feelings.” he said and his grin widen as the Texan gave him the stink eye.

A few minutes later Trent pulled over, as Havoc told them they were pretty much on top of the phone’s signal, so they left the car and tried to blend it by acting like tourists.

Clay, having grabbed the camera on his way out of the van, spent his time taking ridicules selfies as he tried to get as many people as possible in the background. One of them was most certainly their HVT and a photo would help them ID him.

As he took a photo in front of an intricate building he couldn’t help but wish he was doing this under other circumstances… and with a beautiful blond next to him.

When they finally got some down time after this mission he was going to make sure Emma joined him for a vacation somewhere. Somewhere they could be alone and not have to keep in mind that her dad was his boss and her uncle’s his teammates.

“Boss, there are too much people here.” Sonny said over coms and Clay could only agree. There was no way they would find their needle in this haystack without some help.

“Yeah…” Jason said and then he radioed in and asked Havoc to call the burner. Thankfully Blackburn agreed to the idea.

“All stations, Havoc Base is gonna dial the possible HVT. Key in on anyone who picks up their phone and acts in an erratic way.” he told his guys as he got the signal from Havoc and both Sonny and Clay spread out so that together, the three of them could cover the whole area.

As a phone started to ring a guy in a blue suit shot up and fumbled for the phone in his inside pocket.

“Got him. Guy in a blue Armani suit by the fountain.” Jason said and Clay wasted no time in using the fountain as a reason to take another picture. A picture in which the guy in the blue suit was clearly visible.

The guy hurried over to his car and Clay turned on his heel to follow Jason and Sonny back to their van which Trent had idling.

“White Mercedes.” Jason said as they climbed in and then they where off, following said car as Clay sent his pictures over for ID.

* * *

“It’s a strip club.” Lisa said over the radio as they waited outside of the building their HVT had escaped in to.

Clay’s eyes immediately went to his best friend and, once again, he did not disappoint.

“Finally something I can be happy about!” Sonny burst out and they all had to cover a snicker. Yeah, Sonny liked his strippers.

“We need somebody on the inside to keep eyes on him.” Jason pondered out loud, making Ray furrow his brow.

“It's got to be safer to wait for him to come out, right, boss? Guy's got to leave the strip club eventually.” the 2IC said carefully.

“That's debatable.” Sonny muttered, making Clay grin for the third time since they were piled in to this van.

Jason looked the place over for a moment before shaking his head.

“You know what? It could be a ditch point, a back way out, a tunnel. It’s too risky.” he paused for a moment, hesitating at what he was about to say but, at the same time, he knew that they where the logical choice – no matter how he felt about his daughter’s boyfriend entering a strip club.

“Clay, Sonny, you're tourists on a bender. Get inside. Go.”

Clay glanced over his shoulder at his boss. His girlfriend’s dad. This was something he did not want to ever have to explain to Emma if the need ever came up.

Jason, having felt the younger mans eyes on him, returned the glance and sighed.

“If it ever comes up, you can put the blame on me, ok?”

Clay grinned at that, already picturing Emma’s outrage at her dad, and then he started to get ready by changing coms.

“Sending Sonny into a strip club. Is that profiling, boss?” he asked Jason with a twinkle in his eye.

Jason didn’t answer but Sonny’s grin widen. “My natural habitat there, Clay. No offense taken.”

Clay snorted and followed his best friend out of the car as he opened the door and not 2 minutes later, he was standing inside a strip club.

“What do you say, Sonny?” Clay asked as they walked closer to the main area of the club.

“I say welcome to the promised land.”

They grinned at each other and that was when a woman with long blond hair walked up to them, making both of them freeze in their steps, because she could’ve been Emma’s older sister.

“American, yes?” she asked with a seductive smile and ran a hand up Clay’s chest.

“Eh…Yeah.” Clay mumbled, not sure of how to act or what to say. They were here on a mission but this? Not a part of the plan.

The blond kept running her hand up and down Clay’s chest.

“Mmm. You want a dance?” she asked, trailing a long nail down his pecs.

Sonny was the first one to snap out of their stupor. “Oh, he's got a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, yes, yes I do.” Clay said, still standing absolutely still.

“Oh, so do I.” the woman said with a wink before turning around and glancing over her shoulder to make sure the two men was watching her leave.

“Oh, you do? Well, where is she?” Sonny called after her with a big smile as he looked around.

The woman walked away and Clay unfroze so that they could follow her in to the area where women where dancing up on a stage.

“This is why I looove strip clubs.” Sonny said, making his Texan drawl even more noticeable.

“Bravo 6, what's your status?” Jason’s voice suddenly asked over the coms, making Clay snap back into himself.

A quick scan of the places showed that their HVT was seated between two women on a couch.

“Uh, we got eyes on him.”

“Check. What's he doing?” Jason asked and Sonny grinned as he answered.

“Yup, he's, uh, enjoying the scenery, boss. He didn't come in here to lose a tail.”

“Permanent surveillance team is 30 minutes out.” Jason informed the two of them. “He moves, you let us know.”

“Copy.” Sonny said before turning his head to look at his friend, only to find that Clay was staring at the blond that had greeted them, as she twirled around a pole.

“Captain America, we need to focus on the target, not on the lady, okay?” he said before looking away from the woman in front of them. “No matter how much she looks like Pebbles.” he continued with a shudder at the thought of his niece stripping.

“Come on, just playing the part, buddy…” Clay said, feeling a bit ashamed but at the same time, if you can’t look….

Before Sonny could answer him, shots were fired and everyone dove for cover.

* * *

Emma stared at her phone on the table in front of her. Clay had left her a voicemail when she hadn’t been able to answer this morning (answering your phone in class is frowned upon) and now he wasn’t answering either, probably because of a mission or two, so here she was, staring at her phone.

Finally looking away from the inanimate object she sighed. Again. She felt restless and she needed to get out of this house before she lost it.

Glancing at the clock on the wall she saw that it was just about a quarter past five in the afternoon and she’d been home from school since two. Mikey was having dinner at a friend’s house and wouldn’t be home until eight, which was why she was all alone and another reason as to why she was climbing the walls. The silence was getting to her and she needed to do something outside of these four walls.

Getting to her feet, she grabbed her keys from the side table and, after locking the door behind her, approached the big black truck that belonged to her father.

Her own car, a small SUV, was sitting next to it but with her dad out of the country she’d taken the liberty to drive which ever car she felt like. And she loved driving the truck. Which was why she climbed in behind the steering wheel of the bigger vehicle and then backed out of the driveway, leaving the empty house behind her.

Turning the music up she mindlessly drove out of her neighborhood and as she was singing along she didn’t focus on anything but the car, the cars around her and the music. She’d always loved driving but her mom’s crash had made her more aware of the others out on the road with her. As her dad had once told her; it wasn’t her driving that worried him, it was the other idiots on the road.

10 minutes later Emma looked closer at her surroundings and realized where she’d driven. She was one block away from Clay’s apartment.

Glancing down at the keys hanging by the ignition she saw that she did indeed have one of the copies of his apartment key on there so, making a decision just as she was about to drive past the building, she pulled in and parked in the space reserved for Clay. Since his car was still at the base, she was free to use it.

Turning the car off, she just sat there for a moment, staring at the building in front of her. She knew why her mind had taken her here. She knew what she wanted to do, what she needed to do, but how would Clay react to it?

Blowing out a deep breath she pulled the key out of the ignition, opened the door and jump down to the ground. There was only way to find out what he would think and that was to actually do it.

She jogged up to the building and then up the stairs – once again forgoing the elevator for the stairs – and suddenly there she was, standing outside of Clay’s door.

* * *

Emma looked at the locked apartment door in front of her. Why was she nervous? It’s not like he was going to show up out of the blue when she opened the door. He was almost 5 hours away. By plane. With her dad.

Pushing her nerves down she unlocked the door and stepped in to the apartment, closing the door firmly behind her and out of habit she also locked it. It felt safer that way.

Looking around the empty space she smiled as her gaze landed on a picture frame on his kitchen divider, a frame she’d never seen before, and that contained a picture of the two of them from when he took her hiking that one time.

Walking up closer she picked it up and ran her finger over the two figures pictured. Emma had taken the photo herself, with his phone because it took better pictures, and she was looking in to the lens while Clay on the other hand was looking at nothing but her.

Shaking her head she put the frame back where she’d found it and made her way in to the kitchen area to find what she came here for. The amount of junk mail, notes and random papers in the pile next to his blender was ridicules at this point and she made a mental memo of making him sort it out the next time she was over here, but for now she lifted most of it to the side and, just as she thought, at the bottom of the pile was where she found it. The note.

Emma just looked at it for a moment and it felt like it was mocking her. Its actual existent bothered her, which was nuts because hello; it’s a piece of paper, but it did. With a deep inhale she finally reached out to grab it and then she placed the pile back where it had been and retreated to the couch.

Sitting down with the note in her hands she debated again if this was the right thing to do. But then again, hadn’t he told her that the whole thing had nothing to do with the note? And that Stella was a closed chapter? So maybe this would finally tie together this last lose end? That was what she was hoping for anyway.

After closing her eyes and taking a few cleansing breaths, Emma opened her eyes and then the note in her hand. Time to find out what Clay’s ex wanted him to know the day after he found out she’d cheated on him.

_Dear Clay,_

_I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what happened while you were gone, _   
_and I wish I could take it all back._   
_I love you so much and when you deployed you left a huge hole in my life._   
_I tried so hard to work around it, and for a while just talking to you made it easier,_   
_but then we couldn’t even find time to talk anymore and felt so alone._

_I needed you, and you weren’t here._   
_I’m sorry I turned to Gordon, I really am,_   
_and if I had one wish it would be to have it all undone._   
_Unfortunatly I can’t so I hope that you can find it in yourself to forgive me._   
_I know you don’t want to see me or talk to me right now and I respect that._   
_I will give you your space, baby, but I will not give up on us._   
_Please don’t give up on me._

_“All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.”_

_Always yours, Stella._

Emma felt like throwing up as she finished reading. What a bunch of crap?! Did she seriously think he would ever take her back? What world was she even living in? How was Clay even supposed to trust her the next time they were spun up in that case?

Shaking her head to get rid of all her thoughts about the note, Emma reached in to her pocket and pulled out her phone and called Clay. One ring. Two. Three. Four… and voicemail.

Blowing out a frustrated breath Emma did what Clay had done this morning; she left a message.

* * *

Clay had listened to Emma’s voicemail three times and he still couldn’t believe the content of the note. He hadn’t even for a second contemplated taking her back, and knowing what he knew now? Having spent the past few months with Emma in his life? He’d never go back to Stella.

Feeling the need to let Emma know this, and to tell her how much she meant to him, how happy he was to have her in his life, he dialed her number and pressed the phone to his ear.

A few rings later, Emma’s voice came on the line and told him of the same thing it had this morning.

“_Hi, it’s Emma, why aren’t you texting me?”_

Clay sighed and tried again. And again. And again. But every time he got her voicemail. Tossing his phone in to his hammock he ran a hand through his hair. He needed a drink. Maybe more than one actually. A bar would be a great place right now.

With one last glance on his silent phone he left the cage and walked over to Sonny who was trying to set up a TV in their team space.

“Hey, buddy, what are you doing?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, you know, just trying to get a little Skinemax.” Sonny said with a grin as he plugged the monitor in.

Clay looked at Sonny and wondered how he was the calm one while Clay felt like climbing out of his own skin.

“We should get out of here, man. Let's go, let's go back downtown and go hit another club or something, you know?”

Sonny laughed and didn’t even look up at him as he continued to fiddle with the cords.

“I don't know if that's such a good idea there, Fabio.”

“Oh, Come on, Sonny. You're always hounding me how I need to get out more, have some fun. So, let's go. Let's have fun, buddy. Come on, let's go.” Clay said, play punching Sonny as he walked past him.

“Listen, I hate the fact you're forcing me to be the voice of reason right here, but a man was gunned down right in front of us, and you now want to go outside the wire, to go to another club?” Sonny asked, both eyebrows raised as he looked over at his best friend.

Clay nodded his head eagerly. “Yup.”

“It's not happening, Bam-Bam.”

“You're losing your edge there, Sonny.”

Sonny shook his head and gave him a loopy grin.

“I suggest you go into your cage. Call Emma and have her stop you from climbing the walls. All right?” Sonny asked as he sat down on the couch. “Meanwhile I'm just gonna sit here with an ice-cold beer and watch some TV.”

Clay let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m disappointed, buddy.”

“I know. Go call Pebbles and leave me with my beer.”

“So disappointed…” Clay said and walked sulkily back to their shared cage.

Picking up his phone he checked to see if Emma had returned any of his calls and when she hadn’t he sighed for the umpteen time. Guess he’d have to leave her another voicemail then.


	50. You know my heart by heart

“Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. Got eyes on Reyes' vehicle, she's about to come around a corner.” Clay said in to his radio before focusing back on the car down below.

There was something to be said for being the eye in the sky on a night like this and Clay was pleased that Jason had picked him for this assignment instead of Ray.

They usually took turns in being lead sniper when the whole group was united so it had been a 50/50 choice but there was a good chance that Jace had noticed that he wasn’t good company at the moment and that could be the reason why he was now up in the air.

Clay sighed as he followed the movements of his team and their HVT on the ground. He still hadn’t been able to get Emma on the phone which was why he was in a mood.

They were still playing tag with voicemails and at this point it had been more than 48 hours since he left the first one. He wanted to have an actual conversation with her, not exchange information in short recorded messages.

Jason voice over the radio made Clay snap back into the moment. “Bravo 6, how's your view?”

“No walkers or joggers in the street, boss. Nearest car is three blocks behind.” he replied after a quick scan. “Our window's opening.”

“HVT is one minute out.” Blackburn informed them all from base.

“We only got one shot at this, boys.” Jason filled in with determination in his voice.

“No pressure.” Sonny added, which made Clay smile as he scanned the streets and the surrounding area.

Just as Jason readied them to go on his mark, Clay discovered that their plan was about to be interrupted. He sighed and got on his radio.

“Hey, h-hold up, hold up. We got a train coming. We got a train coming.” he said and just moments later their HVT decided that she didn’t want to wait for the train to pass by so she veered off course.

With his eyes still locked on their target Clay listened as Jason told everyone that they weren’t gonna take another loss and that they would do this tonight, one way or another.

As the new plan came together they all started heading toward their new interdiction point and that was when flashing blue lights caught his attention. Clay sighed again. What was it with this mission?

“All stations be advised, I've got an MCPD cruiser patrolling towards the new snatch point. There's a chance that he makes us.”

When Jason came on the radio again, Clay couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face.

“Bravo 6, we’re gonna maneuver Reyes into the lot and then I want you and the pilot to do a V. I.”

“Yeah affirmative, Bravo 1. We can make that happen.” he answered and then he informed the pilot about what was about to go down.

* * *

When they returned to base, their HVT in tow, Clay wasted no time as he showered and changed before grabbing his phone to once again call Emma.

He crossed his fingers as he pressed call but for every ring that went unanswered his mood sunk even lower. Would this circle of hell never end?

When Emma’s voice filled his ear with the now extremely familiar “_This is Emma, why aren’t you texting me?_” he actually growled out loud.

“Because I want to freaking talk to you!” he said between clenched teeth and then he threw his phone on to the couch across the room and slowly lowered himself down to the floor, leaning against the wall behind him with his head bent downwards.

Sonny, having watched it all without the other man noticing him, made a decision right then and there that before this night ended, he would know what the hell was driving his brother up the wall.

“Woah there, Bam-Bam. There’s not need to throw things around.”

Clay didn’t even bother to look up from the floor when his best friend made his presence known.

“I’m not in the mood, Sonny.” he simply said and continued to stare at the floor between his feet.

Sonny shook his head at the pitiful sight he was looking at.

“You know what? Get up from the floor, boy wonder. We’re going to get you that drink you wanted yesterday.”

Clay’s head flew up at that.

“You’re willing to go outside of the wire tonight?”

“Hell yeah, brother. Let’s go get some tequila and find some pretty ladies to watch.” the Texan said and held out a hand toward the blond to help him up.

Clay grinned and with the help of his best friend he heaved himself up of the ground. Sonny could see that the usual spark was lacking from the eyes of friend but hopefully he’d open up after a drink or four.

* * *

3 beers and 2 shots of tequila later Sonny handed Clay a 3rd and 4th shot while he himself took swig out of his beer bottle. 2 shots was more than enough for him if he was gonna keep his head on and actually try to help his best friend.

“So, uh, you gonna tell me what's actually going on?” he asked as Clay downed the shot as if it was nothing but water.

“What do you mean? Nothing's going on, brother.”

Sonny raised an eyebrow at that. “Well that's a tall tale there, son. Come on. Something's off. Look at you. You're off.”

“What, are we gonna sit here and talk about our feelings, Sonny, or are we gonna drink?” Clay tried to deflect, as he down his 4th tequila, but Sonny was having none of it.

“Come on, Clay. I know something went down with Emma before we left. I also know that whatever it was has you climbing the walls and your face is droopier than a Redtick Hound on pot brownies since we got here. So, just tell me what’s going on.”

Clay just looked at his friend for a moment. “You know, you're actually fairly perceptive for a little simpleminded Southern boy.”

The both laughed and Sonny shook his head. “Texas is not the South. And wagging your jaw like that pisses off Texans and Southerners.

“I-I won't happen again.” Clay said with a small grin before taking a big drink out of his beer bottle.

“All right. So what's going on?”

“Stella, uh… Stella showed up on mine and Emma’s date.” Clay finally admitted and then took another gulp of beer, as if to wash down the words.

“I’m sorry, what now?” Sonny asked, confusion and a hint of anger crossing his face.

Clay nodded his head. “Yup. And it all went downhill from there.”

“Meaning, what?”

“That I fucked up. I let her sit down, I let her talk, I managed to accuse Em of something inane and then, before I could make things right, we got called away.”

Sonny opened his mouth but before he could say anything Clay rambled on.

“That’s why Em didn’t want to talk to me, or even look at me when we left for this hell hole.” he said, gesturing around them. “But I got her on Facetime and we’re still together but we need to talk when I get home, but I won’t lose her because she’s in my life for life.”

Once again Sonny opened his mouth because there was so much in there that he wanted clarification on but Clay wasn’t done.

“But see now, now that I know she’s still mine, I can’t talk to her.”

Sonny frowned.

“What do you mean? You have your phone and your computer? She’s only one call away.”

“That’s the problem!” Clay burst out. “I can’t get her on the phone! We’ve been playing tag via voicemail for the past 2 days!”

“Voicemail?” Sonny asked dubiously. ”People still leave those?”

Clay blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t fucking know, man. I just know that every time I call she can’t answer for whatever reasons so I leave a message and then when she call me back we’re always out of in a meeting or something and she have to do the same. It’s freaking ridicules!”

“Ok, buddy. Let’s get you another tequila…” Sonny said while putting his arm around his brother’s shoulders and turning them both towards the bar.

By the time they (Sonny) called it a night, Clay was three sheets to the wind and the only reason he walked somewhat upright in to the building they were based at was because Sonny was propping him up.

“Why can’t I ever get her on the phone?” Clay wined for the 76th time that night as Sonny unceremoniously dumped him on the couch in their quarters.

Sonny sighed and lifted his cap of his head so that he could run his fingers though his hair. Once Clay finally opened up he became a fountain of information and he’d talked about nothing but Emma all night. And mostly about how she didn’t pick up when he called.

“Sonny?” Clay mumbled.

“Yeah. buddy?”

“Why can’t I talk to Birdie?”

“Oh for crying out loud.” Sonny muttered and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

As he thumbed through his contacts he wondered why he hadn’t thought of this earlier and as he found the number he was searching for he pushed call and put the phone to his ear.

* * *

Emma let out a moan of satisfaction as she laid down on her bed and pulled the covers over her body. This Wednesday had felt longer than most and she was more than happy to finally end it.

The day had started with her and Mikey oversleeping because she’d had forgotten to set an alarm the night before and from there on, nothing seemed to go according to plan.

She’d forgotten to make lunch, the car had been almost all out of gas, Mikey had gotten home earlier than planned from school and she hadn’t been at home so he had been locked out, Emma burned their dinner and then they had spent the rest of the evening barley speaking. Thank god there were only 2 more days of school left!

But on top of all of that, she hadn’t been able to speak to Clay or her dad in days either. Her dad had texted a time or two but her and Clay? Voicemail exchange after voicemail exchange and she was sick of it. They still needed to talk but so far, voicemails were it.

Picking up her phone from her nightstand she saw that she had another missed call from Clay, which must’ve come in while her phone was charging earlier. She sighed when she didn’t find a voicemail – was that good or bad?

After setting her alarm, making sure it was on, she put the phone back down and flopped over on to her other side and cuddled up, ready for 6 hours of sleep.

She felt as if she’d just managed to fall asleep as her phone started jumping where it rested and she groaned. She wasn’t ready to get up yet!

With one hand she fumbled after the annoying object and only when she finally got her hand on it did she open her eyes. As she squinted at the screen she realized three things. Number1; It wasn’t her alarm going off, number 2; It was only 03.41 in the morning and number 3; uncle Sonny was calling her.

“If you’re drunk dialing me again, uncle Sonny, I’m gonna have aunt Lisa put itching powder in your clothes.” she grumbled as she answered.

“Well hello to you to, Moonbeam.” Sonny said on the other side and Emma groaned.

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk dialing me.” she said again, pleadingly this time. “So you even know what the time is?”

Sonny chuckled. “I’m not drunk dialing and yes, it’s almost 3 am. Sorry for waking you up, sweetheart.”

“Make that 4am back home, uncle Sonny. And why are you waking me up in the middle of the night?”

“_Who you talking to? Is that my Birdie? Give me!_” she could hear in the background from the other end and yeah, she knew that voice and from how he sounded? He was more than a little drunk.

“Hang on a second, Em.” Sonny said followed by mumbling on the other side. It took almost a full minute or so before Sonny came back on the line.

“Sorry about that. So, the reason why I’m calling is because lover boy over her keeps complaining that you’ve guys been playing tag via voicemail and now that he’s drunk he won’t shut up.”

Emma snorted. “Yeah, I got that part but, why is he drunk?”

“Um… I got him drunk to get him out of his funk?” Sonny answered, making it sound more like a question than an answer.

“That… that makes no sense.” Emma said with a sigh. “Just… hand him the phone, uncle Sonny.”

“I will. Sorry again for waking you up, Pebbels.”

“Yeah, yeah. I expect De La Rosa mazapanes as a gift for this.” she said teasingly.

Sonny laughed. “You got it. I’m handing you over to Bam-Bam now, bye Moonbeam.”

Some shuffling and grumbling followed that statement and then she heard the voice of her boyfriend come on the line.

“Birdie?” he said, slurring more than she would’ve expected.

“Yeah, hi babe. Have a good night?” she asked teasingly.

“No. You’re not here so not a good night.”

“I miss you too.”

“I’m sorry and I miss you and I wish I was at home with you. Big sister version of you did nothing for me.” he rambled on and she once more felt that warm feeling come over her… followed by confusion.

“Uhm…Me too, Bear. You’ll be home soon enough though and then we’ll work everything out and actually get some time together, ok?”

Clay grumbled something on the other side but seemed to agree.

“Bear?” she asked softly when he didn’t say anything else.

“Mhm?”

“I have so many questions about the big sister thing… but I think you need to sleep. I don’t believe dad will let you guys sleep in very much and it’s already 3 in the morning.”

“Don’t wanna. Wanna talk to you.”

Emma grinned to herself. He sounded like Jameelah when she was told to do something she didn’t want to but knew she should.

“I want to talk to you to, Clay but it’s even later here and I kinda need sleep too if I’m supposed to get through these last two days of school.”

“School, schmool. Talk is better.”

That made her snort. “Yeah, not sure my teachers would agree.” she said. “How about this, you go lay down in your bed and I’ll sing something for you?”

“No bed’s here, Birdie. Just hammocks.”

“Ok… so go lay down in you hammock and I’ll sing until you fall asleep.”

“Already in it.” he said and then he yawned loudly.

Emma shook her head. This really wouldn’t take long.

“Good, so just close your eyes and try to sleep, ok.”

“Mmm k…” he said and just as she opened her mouth to start singing he stared talking again. “Hey, Em?”

“Yes?”

“No more voicemail tag.”

She laughed at that and nodded her head. “No more voicemail tag. I’ll try and make sure I answer from now on, ok?”

“Me too.” he answered and then she heard how he settled back down in his hammock and she started singing.

“_When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for. _  
_When someone walks into your heart through an open door._  
_When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold._  
_Don't let go._

_Someone comes into your world.  
Suddenly your world has changed forever. _

_No there's no one else's eyes, _  
_That could see into me._  
_No one else's arms can lift,_  
_Lift me up so high._  
_Your love lifts me out of time,_  
_And you know my heart by heart._

_When you're one with the one you were meant to find,_  
_Everything falls in place, all the stars align._  
_When you're touched by the cloud that has touched your soul,_  
_Don't let go._

_Someone comes into your life.  
It's like they've been in your life forever. _

_No, there's no one else's eyes, _  
_That could see into me._  
_No one else's arms can lift,_  
_Lift me up so high._  
_Your love lifts me out of time,_  
_And you know my heart by heart._

_So now we've found our way to find each other.  
So now I found my way, to you…_”

Rustling on the other side of the line stopped her before she finished the song.

“The kid fell asleep before you finished the first verse, Em. Thanks for that.” Sonny said, sounding relieved.

“You are welcome, uncle Sonny. Please don’t get him that drunk again, ok? I need my sleep.”

“Roger that. Goodnight, Moonbeam.”

“Goodnight, uncle Sonny.” Emma replied and then she hung up the phone and cuddled back down under her blanket. Hopefully she’d feel more awake when her alarm went off in 2,5 hours…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this chapter is Demi Lovato - Heart by Heart


	51. Call your girlfriend

Gasping for breath Clay leaned back in to his hammock after another round of purging in to the bucket someone (most likely Sonny) had placed on the ground next to him. He’d always hated throwing up and at this point all that was coming up was bile, which somehow made it even worse.

Moaning he sat up as his stomach once more contracted but after a few deep breaths it calmed down and he let himself fall back into his cocoon. 8 shots of tequila in under an hour? Never. Again.

“Hiyah!”

The cage door was suddenly kicked wide open and Sonny trudged in with a wide grin on his face while holding multiple bottles in his hands.

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.” the Texan said as he shook his best friend’s hammock.

“Come on, Bam-Bam, rise and shine!” he continued and, just because he could, lit the lamp that was turned so that it would hit Clay straight in the face.

Clay groaned and covered his face with his arm. “Nope.”

Sonny chuckled and held out a bottle. “Not feeling all that well this morning, huh?”

“Shut up.” Clay mumbled but took the offered bottle and slowly took a sip.

“See, what you need, is a plan. A plan for how to make it through this op.”

“A plan? How 'bout I stop drinking bad tequila? Is that a good plan?”

“Not enough of one. You see, a plan is waging war and taking out the enemy.” Sonny said with a smile. “And tequila, my friend, is not your enemy.”

“You know what, Sonny? I would honestly rather right now you wrapped your little skivvies around my face than hear what you're about to tell me.”

Sonny’s smile turned in to a wide grin, which gave Clay the heebie jeebies.

“Oh, but would you? Let me ask you this, young grasshopper; how much do you remember from last night?”

Clay paused and tried to put together the pieces from last night’s adventure outside of the wire.

“…probably less than I should, judging by the way you’re grinning…”

“Well… do you remember talking to Pebbles?”

Sonny had never seen Clay’s eyes widen quite that much before and had to stifle a giggle.

“No. I did? She answered? What did I say?” Clay asked all at the same time.

“I called her when you wouldn’t shut up about how she never picked up. And my call woke her up. At 4am, her time.”

Clay groaned. “What did she say?”

“Not much… just asked to talk to you.”

“…what did I say? How much trouble am I in?”

“Well…” Sonny said, trailing off as his grin widen again.

“Just tell me, Hopalong Cassidy.”

“Ok, I’m just gonna quote what you told her right off; _“Big sister version of you did nothing for me.”_”

Clay paled even more where he was sitting in his hammock.

“Please tell me I didn’t?” he said slowly, but Sonny just grinned and nodded like it was the greatest thing to happen since they landed in Mexico.

Clay groaned and covered his face with his hands. As he leaned back a vague memory of Emma telling him she had so many questions about her big sister version appeared and he groaned yet again.

“I did.”

“You remember it now?” Sonny asked, still grinning like a loon.

“Yes… she’s gonna have so many questions for me.”

“Well…. It’s a good thing you can blame the boss then, isn’t it?”

Clay removed his hands from his face at that and chuckled.

“Oh, that’s not gonna go over well with Em. At all.”

Sonny joined in the chuckling but they both stopped abruptly when Ray appeared in the cage opening.

“You boys having fun?” the 2IC asked, looking from one to the other, one eyebrow raised.

“We're healing, Ray.” Sonny answered with a grin.

Ray raised his other eyebrow as well. “What, from last night?”

Clay looked at Sonny and Sonny looked back at his as he answered the man in the door.

“Yes…”

“What the hell is it I hear about you two going outside the wire?”

“Who told you that?”

“The moron police.” Ray answered with a scowl on his face. “Got the two of you dead to rights. What, you two witnessed some dude get schwacked at a strip club the other night and then you decide to hit the town?”

It was Sonny’s turn to groan as he twisted around to actually face their Senior Chief. “Okay, look, Mr. Buzzkill, it was my idea to take the young buck out.”

“No, come on, Sonny. It was my idea to go out in the first place, Ray.” Clay said, finally getting out of his hammock, even though he still felt like his stomach could flip at any moment and his head was pounding like a jack hammer.

“What do you think Jay would say if he found out about your little outing, Spenser?” Ray asked, still scowling.

“What could he say? Jason went outside the wire, too.”

“Yeah, to help Lopez. Him and his entire family has been marked for death, remember?”

It was Clay’s turn to scowl. He wasn’t stupid and Ray had to get off his high horse.

“Ray, you know the White House sent us down here because Andres Doza murdered an American DEA agent? Graham Kowit. Remember him?” Clay asked while changing in to a fresh shirt.

“Yeah, well, he's the reason we're here. Not the, uh, not the Lopez family.” he continued with a glare at the shorter man.

“It is not your place to question number one, Spenser. Or me. Now, you go outside the wire again, I'll drop the hammer.” Ray said, standing up straight as he stared their rookie down.

“No, it’s not my place, but it seems as if no one on this team is keeping an eye on the real target anymore because everything is fucking _personal_, so why don’t you back off me and let’s go hear what new hell we’re facing?” Clay told Ray and then pushed past him to walk away, not once looking back.

Ray stared after Clay as he walked away and as he existed their quarters he turned back to Sonny who stood watching with his mouth agape.

“Is he ok?”

Sonny shrugged. “He’s better now than he was yesterday. Not sure he’s gonna take anyone’s shit today though so that was probably all the warning any of us will get…” the burley Texan said and then he followed his best friend out and headed towards their briefing.

* * *

“Okay!” Mandy said, clapping her hands together to get the attention from Bravo and their Mexican parters.

“This is one of the very few pictures we have of Doza.” she said when everyone quieted down and focusing in on her. On the screen behind her a picture of two men appeared. “Beside him is Luis Castillo, aka El Lazo. He is Doza's second in command and his oldest friend.”

“El Lazo?” Sonny muttered, making Clay smirk.

“It means "The Noose", Sonny.”

Jason shook his head at his 3IC before looking over at Mandy.

“All right, look, is there a link between Lazo and Carla Reyes?”

“Yes. Lazo uses Reyes's escort services. Every time Lazo comes to Mexico City, he calls her. For a woman.” Mandy answered with a nod.

“How often is he in town?” Clay wondered, wanting to get to the point of this.

“Last trip was eight weeks ago.”

“So we just wait around till he gets horny.” Sonny said, feeling like they’d once again ended up in a ‘hurry up and wait’ situation.

“No.” Jason said, making everyone look over at him.

“This is what we do. We lure him to Mexico City.” he continued, already making a plan in his head.

“What's your proposal on that?” Ray asked, curious as to where his friend was going with this.

“This guy's Doza's number two, right?” Jason asked, making everyone nod. “What's the number two guy do?” he continued as he looked at Ray. “He takes care of all of the major problems.”

“So, what do we do? We create a major problem. Hit one of his assets.” Jason explained.

“La fabrica.” Colonel Martinez suddenly said.

“What?” Jason asked, confusion written all over his face as the Colonel had Rita pull up photos of a building.

“This. This is a pottery factory. It's right outside the city. This is a front for Doza's biggest meth lab. We take it out.” Martinez explained while pointing at the screen.

“Sounds perfect.” Jason said but Clay shook his head slightly.

“Doza's a businessman, right?” he asked, looking from Mandy, to Rita, to the Colonel and to Jason.

“I'm sure he's got losses built in to the whole system. So we just take out this one lab, it might not even elicit a response.” Clay continued with a shrug.

“Unless the lab was taken out by a rival cartel...” Jason said with a grin as he looked at his rookie, who smiled back at his words.

“Doza would never ignore that.” Martinez agreed.

Ray looked at Jason with a wry smile. “You want to start our own cartel?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Damn straight.” Jason answered, getting a nod in return.

“Los Badasses. That's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?” Sonny added, making everyone grin as he bumped fists with both Jason and Clay.

“All right, so we-we hit the lab, right? We hope that Lazo takes the bait, comes back to town?” Clay said, summing it up.

“We hit it hard, man.” Jason added, bumping fists with Clay as well.

As the briefing wrapped up, all details sorted out, they all scattered to different places to get everything in order for their Cartel hit in a few hours.

Clay stayed where he was and as the room emptied he pulled out his phone. He needed to talk to Emma and make sure last night’s call didn’t make things between them bad again.

* * *

Emma grinned as she watched her brother play with his best friend in the pool. School had let out early today, what with it being the second to last day, and when Mrs. Porter had asked if she could possibly bring Robert home Emma had volunteered to have him over until Cindy could pick him up after work.

That was how she’d ended up with two over energized 10 year olds talking her ear off until she’d allowed them to jump in the pool and also how she’d ended up in the kitchen, watching the two through the window as she fixed a snack while singing along to the music blaring from her phone.

“_And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend._  
_And then you let her down easy. _

_Call your girlfriend. _  
_It's time you had the talk. _  
_Give your reasons…_”

The music suddenly changed into her ringtone and Emma snatched the phone up from beside the sink.

A smile spread across her face as Clay’s name and picture flashed across the screen. Wonder how hung-over her boyfriend was today?

“How’s your head today, Bear?” She asked as a greeting after answering.

Clay snorted. “Probably better then I deserve… apparently I owe you an apology for a late night wakeup call?”

“…you don’t remember?” she asked, surprised but then again not at all when she thought about it.

“Not really, no. I have a vague memory of you telling me you had so many questions but that’s about it… and I think… did you sing?”

Emma smiled to herself. “Yes I did. But, as you brought it up; what did you mean by big sister version?”

“Uhm… yeah… about that…” Clay stumbled on his words, not sure how to say what needed to be said.

Emma frowned and glanced out at the boys in the pool again, making sure they hadn’t drowned each other.

“Come on, Clay. Just spit it out. I’m curious over here.”

Clay cleared his throat and drew in a deep breath.

“So Sonny and I met a girl, a stripper actually, who could’ve been your older sister. And she hit on me.” he blurted out, not taking one breath as he got it all out.

Silence followed as Emma stared out the window, wide eyes and unseeing as she took it all in.

“Em?… Birdie?... you still there?” Clay asked when the silence started to worry him.

“Eh… yeah.. just. Hold on, time out. I have a couple of questions.” she said, holding her hand up, despite him not being able to see her.

“Ask away...” he said hesitantly.

“One. What do you mean she could’ve been my big sister?” she asked, holding one finger in the air.

“What I mean is that she looked so much like you that Sonny couldn’t actually look at her. Same face shape, same long blond hair, same big blue eyes, only she was like… 10 years older and had a Spanish accent.”

Emma’s eyes widen again. 10 years older? That would’ve put her “sister” at the same age as Clay…

“…and she did nothing for you?”

“No. When she put her hands on me I…”

“Say that again?” Emma interrupted, voice high pitched. “She ‘put her hands’ on you?”

“Yeah… she greeted us when we walked in to her place of work.”

“…that actually leads me to question number two.” Emma said. “How did you know she was a stripper?”

Clay cleared his throat again and hesitated a little too long for Emma’s taste.

“Clay. How did you know that. She. Was. A. Stripper?”

“… because we met her at a strip club?” he said, making it sound like a question.

Silence once again filled the air for a second.

“What where you doing at a strip club? With uncle Sonny?” Emma asked, voice way to calm and collected for Clay’s peace of mind.

“Will it help any if I say it was for the op? And your dad ordered us?”

“Dad ordered you and Sonny. In to a strip club?”

Clay nodded his forcefully and then he realized she couldn’t see him.

“Yes! He said if it ever came up I could put all the blame on him! So: it’s his fault, baby!” Clay rushed out.

“Uh huh…” Emma mumbled as she tried to make sense of it all.

Just as she was about to ask Clay her next question the patio door opened and both Mikey and Robert stuck their heads in.

“Em, where’s our snack? Robbie and I are hungry!” Mikey said and Robert nodded along next to him.

Emma smiled at the two despite her confusion and put a hand over her phone.

“If you two go back outside and dry off I’ll be out in just a minute. I’m just gonna finish this call, ok?” she said and both boys nodded again before dashing back outside.

Emma blew out a deep breath and then uncovered the phone.

“Look, Clay, I need to go and feed Mikey and Robbie before they cover the kitchen with water. We’ll talk about this later, ok?”

“Yeah, of course but…” he said, trailing off.

“But… what?”

“Are we ok?”

“Yeah… I’ll call you later, ok? Bye, Bear.” she said, and then she hung up, not waiting for his answer. She had two hungry boys to feed and thoughts to figure out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this chapter is Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend


	52. Operational decisions

Returning from their “cartel hit” Jason was feeling pretty damn satisfied with their work for the evening. They’d executed their mission without any hiccups and now, well now they just had to wait for El Lazo to make an appearance again.

After a shower and a change of clothes he grabbed his phone and headed out of their quarters to find a quiet space where he could call the kids. He had 3 missed calls from Emma and according to their schedule they were supposed to talk tonight anyway.

As he passed by one of the rooms the team had claimed as theirs, he saw that Bravo 3 through 6, together with Davis, was watching what looked like a telenovela. Or… no, Sonny, Brock, Trent and Davis where watching the telenovela. Clay looked lost in thoughts… which made Jason pick up the pace because if anyone knew what was up with his rookie? It would be his daughter.

Finding an empty corridor, Jason pulled his phone out of his back pocket and called his daughter back.

“Dad!” Emma answered after 2 rings.

“Emma!” Jason said back, trying to make fun of his daughters answer.

“Oh, don’t you ‘Emma’ me. Whisky Tango Foxtrot, dad?!” she asked bitingly.

“Um… what are you talking about Em? You’ll have to fill in the blanks here…”

“You sent my boyfriend in to a strip club?!” she screeched, making him pull the phone away from his ear because he kind wanted to keep his hearing.

Jason took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Why did she know about that? And why hadn’t anyone (Clay) warned him about it?

“No, I sent my operative in to a strip club.” he said, trying to make her see his point.

“You have five of those and still you had to send Clay??”

“Him and Sonny where my best options, sweetheart. I can’t very well facture in the fact that you’re dating one of my guys in my decisions out in the field.”

“Actually? I think you can! And ‘best options’? You couldn’t have used uncle Brock or Trent??”

“Emma.” Jason bit out. “How I use my team? Which guys I pick for what missions? None of your business. They had a job to do, it happened to be in a strip club, and they did it. And no, I couldn’t use Brock or Trent because a. Brock wasn’t with us at the time and b. Trent was our driver.”

Emma muttered to herself.

“Emma…” Jason sighed.

“I hear you, dad. I do. But I don’t have to like it and I really don’t have to accept that you sent my boyfriend in to a strip club. A strip club with a girl who, apparently, looked like my 10 year older sister.”

Jason’s eyes widen at that.

“Say what now?”

“Oh, they didn’t tell you that part? Apparently the first girl that approached them? Looked so much like me that uncle Sonny couldn’t even look at her.”

“…is that why the kid is acting weird again? You’re mad at him for doing his job?” Jason asked after a moment of silence.

Emma groaned in frustration. “I’m not mad at him!”

“Then why does he look like he’s miserable?”

“I don’t know?! I told him we were fine and that I would call him later. I just need to get my head around it first. I think I should be allowed to do that?”

Jason sighed. “You are baby girl. It’s just… this is yet another part of why you dating one of my guys is not something I ever wanted to happen.”

“I know…” Emma whispered. “I’m sorry for making ripples and messing with your team, daddy.”

“Oh, Emmi-star…” Jason said, running a hand through his hair in frustration as he tried to figure out what to tell her.

“You don’t have to apologize, baby girl. It’s just… this whole thing with you and Clay? It’s gonna take some work to make it… work, and for both of you to separate what’s work and what’s between you guys.”

“Yeah, but…” Emma tried but Jason stopped her.

“Him doing his work? Following my orders? It can’t lead to an argument between you guys. I told him to put the blame on me if it ever come up with you that he was in a strip club because this conversation? It’s one that you and I need to have. I’m Clay’s boss when we’re doing our job, honey. Not your dad.”

“You’re always my dad.” Emma said, sounding like she could see his point of view but didn’t fully agree with it.

“Yes, but I can’t make operational decision and have you’re reactions to them be a factor. I need you to be an adult about this and realize that what we do here? It’s got very little do to with you.”

“So what you’re saying is that I can’t have an opinion on Clay going to a strip club?”

“Not when it’s for work.” Jason said, crossing his fingers in hope that she would see where he was coming from.

“Ok...I guess if it wasn’t for him getting drunk I never would’ve found out about it at all… and the particulars of your job aren’t something I need to know…” Emma muttered, more to herself than to Jason but it had him smiling anyway.

“That’s true. I’m glad you reached that conclusion, Em. Now, can we turn this thing in to a group call? I want to talk to both of my kids…”

* * *

“Here it is, right here…Oh! Another slap, another drink.”

Clay sighed from where he was sitting on a box at the back of the room, sharpening one of his knifes. Sonny, Trent, Brock and Davis was watching some annoying show and had turned it in to a drinking game. They’d asked him to join but he was in no mood to have fun… and he wasn’t up for drinking anything with alcohol.

He blamed the alcohol for his mood at the moment to be honest. If he hadn’t had all that tequila he never would’ve gotten drunk enough for Sonny to call Em and then he never would’ve told her about the strip club.

Another sigh escaped from his lips. That damn strip club. Emma had said they were ok and that she would call him back but so far? No call from his Birdie.

He’d tried to call her when they first got back but all he’d gotten was a busy tone so he still felt off balance and unsure of where they actually stood. He knew she wasn’t happy about the strip club but it hadn’t been his choice…

“Ah, man, he is getting beat up.” Sonny burst out as another slap filled to room and Clay shook his head. How was this entertaining?

“Hey, you guys mind turning this down a little bit? Some of us have better things to do than listen to this crap.” Ray suddenly said. Clay hadn’t even realized the 2IC had joined them.

“Ain't that right, Spenser?” he added but Clay didn’t even acknowledge the other man. He had too much on his mind to get involved in this.

“What are you talking about, Ray Perry?” Sonny asked with a grin. “This is the best damn show on TV. Little Señorita right there, well, she could slap me any day of the week, 'cause she is half-crazy, half-fire. That is the perfect Sonny Quinn mix right there.”

“Mm, I'm just a little surprised that her name doesn't end in a Y, Sonny.” Lisa said and Clay decided that this just wasn’t going to do it for him.

He put his knife away, got up from the box and headed out of the room, not paying any attention to either of his brothers.

After a quick stop by their sleeping cages for a change of clothes (jeans wasn’t workout friendly), Clay headed up to the roof with a bottle of water in one hand and a towel slung over his shoulder. He needed to hit something and the bag was better than one of his brothers.

* * *

Somewhere between quick jabs, hard left hooks and even harder right hooks, Clay lost all sense of time and when Ray cleared his throat behind him, he was drenched in sweat.

After dragging in a few deep breaths to slow down his panting he then turned to the 2IC.

“Bag's all yours.” he said, not meeting the other mans gaze.

“I'm not here for that.” Ray said, stepping up closer when Clay tried to step around him. “I'm here to find out why you've been hitting that bag like you've been watching Rocky on loop.”

“Nothing's wrong, man.” Clay answered and turned away from his brother to walk over to his towel and water bottle which was waiting on him over by the fire in a barrel.

Ray looked after their rookie and shook his head.

“The hell it's not.” he said, crossing his arms across his chest. “Something is wrong. The Clay Spenser I know, the one I fought to have on this team, doesn't question his leaders or disobey team rules.”

Clay still refused to meet his eyes so Ray sighed and walked closer to the blond. “You're off. And I'm not going away till you tell me why.”

It was Clay’s turn to sigh. He knew he’d probably feel better if he just talked it out with one of the guys and Ray was the one he’d turned to about his relationships woes before… back when he was trying to figure out if Stella was the one…

“It’s Emma…” he finally said, and sat down on the improvised seating around the fire.

Ray sat down next to his youngest brother and looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

“You guys still haven’t worked the whole Stella and accusation thing out?” he asked when Clay didn’t continue his sentence.

Clay’s head snapped up from the ground and turned towards Ray.

“You know about that?! How?”

“Naima.” Ray answered and Clay nodded slowly. That made sense. If Emma had needed someone to talk to Naima was the obvious choice and apparently she’d done just that.

Letting out a deep breath with a whoosh, Clay returned his gaze to the fire.

“No, it’s not the Stella thing. We talked about that a few days ago and we where kinda back to solid… or on our way there at least. Except we couldn’t find a moment to actually talk so we played voicemail tag.”

“Voicemail tag?” Ray asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah… kept missing each other’s call and had to leave voicemails… for days. That’s why Sonny went out with me yesterday.”

“That’s… ok. So what’s the issue now? Still playing tag?”

“Sonny actually called her when we got back here last night.”

“He called her in the middle of the night? Does he have a death wish?” Ray wondered with wide eyes, knowing how much Emma enjoyed her sleep. And needed it to function.

Clay chuckled. “He might. But it was the only way he could think of to shut me up apparently.”

“….so? What happened?”

“Drunk me didn’t think about what he was saying and somehow I brought up the strip club.” Clay said with a sigh.

“Oh… that’s… unfortunate.”

“Yeah… When I called her after our briefing today I had to answer all her questions and while I don’t think she was exactly MAD, she also wasn’t happy with me or the situation. I blamed Jay, as he said I could, but she just felt… off, you know?”

Ray nodded his head, knowing exactly what the kid meant, having been in that situation a time or twelve with Naima.

“Anyway, Mikey and his friend interrupted the conversation and she said she would call me back ‘later’ to talk it out but she hasn’t called yet and when I tried to call her I just got the busy tone.”

“…and that is enough of a reason to have you punching that bag until you’re hands ache?” the older man asked, nodding down at Clay’s hands which where red and swollen around his knuckles.

“Frustration had to go somewhere… bag is better than someone’s face.” Clay answered with a shrug and then another deep sigh left him.

“I don’t know man, maybe… maybe I just can’t have it all you know? The team, the girl, best of both worlds? Maybe the reality is that it’s one or the other?”

“All this because you had your first fight with Emma?” Ray asked, confusion written all over his face. “Come on, Clay. It takes work, yes, but you can have both. Me and Naima makes it work and so can you and Emma. You have to remember that you both have been through a lot in the past six month, hell the past month alone, and Emma? She’s still young, brother.”

“Hmm…” Clay said, eyes locked on the fire. He knew that Ray was right and Emma was still his girl but being here, thousands of miles away and not being able to look at her, touch her and resolve every last doubt in person? It was making his feel lost and off his game.

Ray stood up with a groan and stretched his arms up over his head before holding a hand out to Clay.

“Come on. Let’s head back down so you can take a shower and then see if you can’t get Em back on the phone. Or FaceTime. Talk this out and get back in the game, brother, because the sooner we wrap this up? The sooner we can go home.”

Clay grabbed the outstretched hand and stood up as well.

“Yeah. Thanks, brother.” he said and bumped fists with the older man. “And thanks for the talk.”

“Anytime. You know that.” Ray answered with a grin and then he gently pushed Clay towards the door.

“Now, shower, change and call that girl.”


	53. A lot of work... and communication

Letting the lukewarm water rush over him, Clay felt his muscles relax and his shoulders lower. All the tension he’d carried before his workout and the following talk with Ray had bled out of him and now the last remnants were being washed away by the water.

After washing his hair and rinsing off he shut the water off, toweled dry and then headed back to the cages, a second towel wrapped around his waist.

As he arrived back in the cage he shared with Sonny, the other man was laying in his hammock, thumbing through his phone. Glancing up from said phone the Texan made a face.

“Ugh, Fabio, do as the rest of us and get dressed in the shower room. No one wants to see *that*” he said, gesturing with one hand at Clay’s bare chest. Clay in turn just raised an eyebrow at his friend.

“If it offends you Sonny, you could just not look, you know that right?”

Sonny lifted his hands up in the air.

“You’re right in my face Blondie and this is my cage too.”

Clay opened his mouth to say something in return but as his computer, left open in his hammock, started to ring both men’s heads turned toward it and Sonny let out a sigh.

“I’m guessing that’s Pebbles?”

Clay nodded and as he grabbed the computer and moved the curser over to the answer button, Sonny tumbled out of his hammock.

“I don’t need, want or feel like being a part of this conversation so I’m gonna head over to the TV room.” he said and then Clay was left alone with his computer.

Pressing answer he sat down on his hammock as the call connected and Emma appeared on the screen.

“Hi…” she said, trailing off as her eyes widen at the sight of him on her screen. “Are you naked?”

Clay snorted. “No, Birdie. I’m wearing a towel.” he answered with a wink and then grinned as she blushed.

“Why… I mean… why?”

“Because I just got out of the shower.”

“Oh…” she said, once again trailing off, this time because her eyes were trailing up and down Clay’s torso that was visible on her screen.

Clay didn’t say anything at first, enjoying the fact that she was enjoying her view, but then he cleared his throat and made her eyes snap back to his.

“So…” he said, wanting to ask so many questions but not sure how or where to start.

“I’m not mad at you.” she burst out, smiling hesitantly at him.

“I…you’re not?”

“No. And I’m sorry if you went the whole day thinking I was.”

“I didn’t know what you where, sweets. I just knew you weren’t ok with it…” Clay said slowly.

“I’m sorry about that too.” she sighed. “I’m sorry for getting weird about you following orders and for doing your job. It’s just…”

Clay smiled at her as she trailed of once more. “It’s just that we’re not all that steady at the moment and you’re still feeling the sting from what happened on our date.”

“Something like that…” Emma answered with a wry smile. “But I talked to dad earlier and he actually made some fair points.”

“He did? Like what?” Clay asked, eyebrows flying up.

“Like the fact that this relationship,” she pointed between them “is gonna take a lot of work and communication. And that you doing what you’re told, your work, have nothing to do with me.”

“…Jace told you this?”

Emma nodded. “He did. And more. And he’s right. I was upset about you going to a strip club and if you had done it for fun? It would’ve been within my rights to be pissed. But when you do it because my dad asks you to? As a part of your job? I can’t hold it against you.”

Clay stared at the woman he was proud to call his. How did he get so lucky that he’d found a girl who, with some help, could actually make that separation and accept it?

“Thank you for seeing that, Birdie. I would’ve preferred to sit that one out but there wasn’t another solution and when your boss tells you to go?”

“You go.” Emma finished with a nod and a smile. “I know. And again, I’m sorry for reacting the way I did. I think the part that got to me the most though was the fact that there’s a girl out there, who looks like me, and are way closer to you in age. I guess distance and age difference and us being bit… wobbly… has me feeling off balance.”

“I know, and I feel the same way babe. I can’t wait for this op to be over so we can go home.”

Emma’s eyes turned wistful. “I can’t wait for you to come home. I need to be in your arms and have everything put back together.”

“Me too, sweets. Hopefully what we did today will lead to us going home soon.”

They smiled softly at each other and sat in silence for a while, just letting the moment linger but when Clay heard the unmistakable sound of his brothers opening the door to their quarters he sighed.

“I think we better call it a night, Birdie. They boys are coming back in now.”

“Ok, well… good night, Bear. I miss you.” she said, blowing a kiss toward the screen which he caught with a wink.

“I miss you more. Talk soon, ok?” Emma nodded and with one last wave she ended the call, leaving Clay staring at the blank screen suddenly aware of the fact that he was still in a towel and freaking cold because of it!

* * *

Five days. Emma hadn’t talked to her dad or boyfriend in five days, and it wasn’t for a lack of trying on her part. She’d tried both FaceTime and their phones every night for the past 4 days and neither had answered which by now had her close to becoming a nervous wreck.

Clay had texted her 5 days ago, saying they were heading out and that he probably wouldn’t be able to call that night, and since then – nothing. Emma knew that if something truly bad had happened to them she’d have gotten a call, or a knock on the door, but the silence did nothing to calm her nerves.

So far being on summer vacation felt more like a punishment than a reward, because with no school Emma had way too much time on her hands. Time which she’d spent mostly worrying about her dad, her boyfriend and their safety.

She also wasn’t the only adult in the house any longer since grandma Linda had arrived just in time for their last day of school and that meant that she couldn’t even busy herself with all things Mikey and the house because grandma had that covered.

Emma let out a huge sigh and focused back in on the here and now, which was in the passenger seat of her car, with grandma behind the wheel and Mikey in the back and with the two of them keeping up a steady conversation about everything under the sun.

“…right, Emmylou?”

“Huh?” Emma said, looking over at her grandma who rolled her eyes.

“I was just telling Mikey that he can invite his friend over tomorrow night because tonight I’m making dinner and then I want to spend some time with just the two of you. I’ve been here for 4 days and I feel like I’ve barley seen you guys.”

Emma nodded her head in agreement because it was very true that in the last few day’s they’d rarely been in the same place for more than a few minutes because Mikey had been hanging out with his friends, he’d even had a sleepover at the Porters, and Emma herself had been trying to keep herself occupied with whatever she could think of to keep herself from worrying about her dad and Clay.

“You can invite Robbie or Luke over tomorrow, bud. Tonight let’s just take it easy and if we’re lucky maybe dad will call.” she said, looking over her shoulder at her brother in the back.

Mikey nodded before turning to look out of the side window and Emma groaned internally at the sadness that had filled his eyes as she mentioned their dad. Having their dad miss 3 scheduled calls in a row was hard on Mikey and they boy was in desperate need of hearing his father’s voice.

Looking back at her grandmother Emma was greeted by a small smile and a nod from her favorite grandparent, a smile and a nod that thanked her for backing her up and at the same told her she knew the feelings of worry the younger girl was experiencing.

A few minutes later Linda parked the car on the driveway and they all got out of it and headed toward the house.

“So, what do you guys want for dinner?” Linda asked as Emma unlocked the front door and they all entered the house.

“Oh, can you make your special chicken casserole?” Mikey asked excitedly as they made their way towards the kitchen.

“Sure, honey.” Linda said, already making a mental list of what she had to have in order to make it. “Do you know if…” she started to ask only to be stunned silent as Jason suddenly jumped up from behind the kitchen island.

“TACO TIME!” he screamed and before Emma could register what she was seeing Mikey was rounding the island and jumping in to his father’s arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist.

“Daddy! You’re home!” the boy shouted before tears started escaping his eyes and he buried his face against his dad’s neck.

“Yeah, baby boy. I’m home.” Jason said, gently rocking the boy and placing soft kisses on top of his hair.

Emma, still stunned by the fact that her dad was suddenly in their kitchen, watched them as tears rose in her eyes as well. When Jason looked over at her and held an arm out she somehow made it over to the two of them in less than a heartbeat.

* * *

Jason closed his eyes and held his two precious children, his reason for being, close for a while. When he opened his eyes up again Mikey was still shedding tears in to his neck but Emma seemed to have her emotions back under control so he gently let go of her so that he could use both hands to detangle his son.

“What are you doing home, dad? You haven’t called in days and suddenly you’re in the kitchen?” Emma asked as he put Mikey back on the ground, only to have the boy bury his face against his torso.

Before he could answer her, Emma paled and worry filled her eyes. “Is everyone ok? Is someone hurt?!”

“Everyone is just fine, Em.” Jason answered her with a small smile. “I’m sorry we’ve been out of contact but everything came together in a hurry and then it all got turned upside down so we had to go silent.”

“You couldn’t even let us know you were on your way home?” she asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“Not really, sweetheart. We went directly from our last mission to the plane and we were pretty much air born before everyone was buckled in and then we had to debrief so before I had a chance to use the SAT phone we were pretty much touching down so we decided that surprising you where the better option.”

“But did you really have to jump out from behind the kitchen island, dad?”

Jason grinned at his oldest. “The look on your faces was priceless. I'll always remember that.”

“You’re weird.” Emma said, shaking her head for a second before suddenly stopping. “Wait… did you say ‘we’?”

The grin on Jason’s face widened. He’d wondered if she’d pick up on that.

“I did.” he answered, tilting his head toward the other side of the big kitchen and dining room.

Emma followed her dad’s nod, turning on her heel, only to freeze as her gaze landed on the man who was now leaning back against their dining table with a hesitant smile on his face.

“Hi, Birdie.”

“Clay…” Emma whispered, almost as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

Clay nodded his head and when Emma didn’t move he uncrossed his arms and opened them in hope that she would fill the space between them.

Shaking herself out of her stupor, Emma closed the distance between them and then she finally where were she’d told him she wanted to be when they’d FaceTimed 6 nights ago. Back in Clay’s arms.

Emma let out a sigh of relief as her arms wrapped themselves around Clay’s waist and her head found its place on his shoulder, nose against his throat. Clay closed his eyes at the feeling of her back where she belonged and let his own head rest against hers, just taking a moment to let the fact that he was once more holding his girl sink in.

They both lost track of time as they stood there just holding each other and it wasn’t until Jason cleared his throat that Emma finally pulled back.

“Hi…” she said, smiling up at him and Clay couldn’t resist the temptation to press his lips against hers.

Emma didn’t protest in the least and responded by raising up on her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Jason shouted, making them separate and Emma turn around.

“I do NOT want to see that, ok? Not here, not now, not in my kitchen. What you two do when I can’t see? I don’t want to know. But there will be no kissing and touching in front of me and Mikey, ok?”

Emma snorted but nodded her head, knowing that her dad was already pushing his limits when it came to her having a relationship and that with one of his guys. She didn’t have to flaunt it in front of him.

Turning back to Clay she took a step back, out of his embrace, and suddenly she was very aware of the fact that they had some things they needed to talk about. Things that her dad didn’t need to hear..

“So…” she said softly, trailing off when she didn’t find the words she wanted to say.

“So…” Clay responded, weariness clouding his eyes as they traveled between her and his boss, her dad.

Jason shook his head as he watched them. How was it that his overly confident rookie and very self assured daughter suddenly couldn’t string two words together?

“Ok, you know what?” he said, making the four other residents of the kitchen turn towards him.

“What?” Emma asked, worrying her lip between her teeth which told Jason just how anxious his daughter was.

“The two of you,” he said, gesturing between Emma and Clay, “are going to get out of here. Go for a walk, go to dinner, go to his apartment, hell you can go swimming for all I care, but I want you two to get your shit sorted.”

Emma gaped at her father and Clay stared at his boss.

“You heard me.” Jason said with a nod. “Sort yourself and your relationship out because whatever happened before we left for Mexico and while we were there? I don’t want that to happen again and I don’t want it to linger so, off you go.” he told them as he waved with his hands towards the door.

Emma looked over her shoulder at Clay who looked back down at her and shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t about to disobey his boss.

“Ok…” Emma said, glancing once more at her dad before shrugging her shoulders as well. “Let’s go to your place. I’m just gonna pack a few things and then we can go.” she said to Clay and then she hurried out of the room, heading for the stairs. This was going to be an interesting evening.


	54. Making up for lost time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my fellow tinkerbell for getting this chapter to where it needed to go!  
Thank you lauren2381 for being my soundingboard and for all the positiv feedback you give me. Without you this story (and this chapter!) wouldn't be what it is. Love you lots babe!

The car ride over to the apartment? Not as awkward as Emma feared it was going to be. They decided before they got in to the car that any conversation about what happened before Clay left for Mexico or related to it would wait until they got there, so Emma spent the 10 minute drive singing along to the radio when she wasn’t telling Clay about some of the things she’d done while he was away.

The light mood from the car shifted as soon as Clay unlocked the door to apartment 324 though. Gone were the laughter and smiles and instead a heavy silence mixed with quite a lot of tension filled the space between them.

Clay tossed his go-bag in the direction of the bedroom and Emma followed suit with her own overnight bag before they both plopped themselves down side by side on the couch.

“So…” Clay said, looking over at the girl next to him.

“Yeah… so…” Emma answered, fiddling with her hands in her lap.

Shaking his head Clay reached over for his girl.

“Come here, Birdie.” he said and then Emma was situated against him, her back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around her slim waist.

A deep sigh left both of them as Emma relaxed in to the man behind her and her head found its place against his shoulder.

“So.” Clay said again. “Where do you want to start?”

Emma shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t know. I know I said we needed to talk but right now? I don’t know what else need to be said, really.”

Clay placed a kiss on top of her head and smiled in to her hair.

“Well, first of all I think we need to put what happened before I left to bed once and for all.”

A groan left the girl in his arms at that and then she tilted her head back so that she could look at his face.

“Do we have to? You messed up, I messed up, and we need to communicate better.” Emma rambled as a pout appeared on her lips.

“And this is the communication bit, sweets. If we don’t talk it out I’m afraid it’ll still linger.”

Emma sighed but knew deep down that he had a point. She just didn’t feel like dragging Stella back up again was conductive to anything.

“Ok, fine.” she finally said and relaxed back in to his embrace.

“First of all,” Clay started, “I want to apologize for how the whole thing turned out at the restaurant. I should’ve never let her surprise me and I should’ve insisted that she left. If I had just done that then the situation that followed would’ve never happened.”

Emma opened her mouth to say something but Clay placed a finger over her lips.

“Hold on a second and let me finish.” he said, only removing his finger as Emma reluctantly nodded.

“Thank you. Now, I want to apologize for what happened after that too. Since I didn’t make her leave I shouldn’t have let her take charge, let her talk or let myself get dragged in to her spiel. The minute you appeared back in the restaurant I should’ve been out of my seat and out the door with you. Instead I let myself get involved in what she was saying and then I turned it on you. I’m so sorry for that, baby.”

Emma listened as he talked and as he finished she let the words settle before she twisted around so that she was sitting sideways over his lap, a better position for her to be able to watch his face as they talked.

“Why did you? What was that whole thing about? You told me that the note, what she wrote and everything about it meant nothing and that she left you cold. So what made you accuse me of something like that and why ask me point blank in front of her? I don’t get it.”

It was Clay’s turn to sigh. He’d mulled over his words and actions multiple times since that night and he reached the same conclusion every time – he needed to know if she would be honest with him.

“Bear?” Emma asked gently, placing a hand against his cheek when he didn’t answer.

“I’m not sure how to explain it to you without making it sound like I don’t trust you. Because I do. It’s just…”

“Tell me. I promise to hear you out and ask you questions before reaching any conclusions.”

Another sigh left Clay but he nodded his head slowly.

“Ok, so what happened with Stella? Finding out that she lied and cheated and hid it for months? It broke something.” Clay started and Emma nodded her head, knowing how he’d been the days following the events.

“I realized before you and I got together that what I thought was love? Wasn’t. And the woman I thought she was? Doesn’t exist. But even with that taken out of the equation the hurt from finding out that she’d broken my trust? That she’d lied to my face? That didn’t go away.”

Clay paused and looked away from the girl on his lap but if there was one thing Emma wasn’t going to allow right now it was him turning away.

“And? What’s the connection here, Bear? Tell me, please. I want to understand.” she said, her hand moving from his cheek to his chin as she turned his face back towards her – forcing him to meet her eyes.

“The way I turned on you? Accused you? It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me being unsure and needing to know if you would be honest with me, tell me the truth to my face or if you would lie.”

Silence followed his explanation as Emma sorted through his words, tried to make sense of them and place them in the right context.

“…so what you’re telling me is that the fact that it was Stella who acted as the catalyst was just a coincident and it would’ve happened one way or another, sooner or later? Like a test of my honesty?” she finally said, slowly putting the puzzle together and this time the pieces seemed to actually go together.

“Basically.” Clay answered with a frown on his face and with an apology clearly written in his eyes.

“Huh…”

Clay watched a myriad of feelings pass over Emma’s face and then they all disappeared – leaving a blank slate.

“Baby?” he asked gently, worried from the lack of expression on her face.

She turned her face to look at him and gave him a soft smile before shaking her head.

“Sorry, I got lost in my head there for a while…”

“Want to tell me what’s going on in there?” he asked, placing a kiss on her temple.

“Let’s talk about the note.”

* * *

Clay watched as Emma stood up from his lap and strode over to the kitchen where she grabbed a piece of paper from the ever growing pile of junk mail. Huh, that explained why he never found the note…

Turning back to the man on the couch Emma held the note up and as she reached him she handed it over.

“That’s the note. That,” she said as she pointed over to the junk mail pile, “is where it has been since the day you moved back in and now you have the opportunity to read it on your own.”

With that said Emma sat back down, beside him this time, and watched as Clay turned to note over in his hands but didn’t open it. Instead he looked over at her, placing the note on the living room table.

“I don’t need to read it, Em. You already did, remember?”

“I do. But I thought that you should read it in person, see the words written by her hand and not just hear them from me. I need this to be to last time this note makes an appearance in our lives, Clay. I don’t want this coming back up again after this. I’m done with her and her note and whatever she thought she would accomplish by ambushing us on our date. I’m just. Done.”

Clay watched Emma speak and couldn’t help but admire her. This was one strong woman, one who could, and would, handle whatever was thrown at her and she would do it with her head held high.

Leaning over he cradled her head with both of his hands and then let his lips descend on hers, bringing them together softly before immediately increasing the pressure and deepening the kiss as she gasped.

They were both breathless as Clay pulled back and Emma could feel the heat coming from her cheeks.

“That was nice.” she said, pressing her hands to her cheeks in an effort to cool them down. “But I still need you to read that note so that we can let this go, once and for all.”

Clay nodded and reached over for the note he’d put down on the table. Plucking it up he unfolded it and quickly scanned it. It said exactly what he knew it would said, Emma hadn’t skipped a single word in her voicemail, and as he finished he folded it back up and then promptly ripped it in half.

Tossing the pieces back on the table he looked at the girl next tom him.

“So. Done. Note put to rest.”

Emma raised an eyebrow at him. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“And there’s nothing in it that you want to talk about? With me, with her, with one of the boys?” she asked cautiously.

“No. That note told me nothing new. I’d already figured out that she blamed me, that she was lonely and that she didn’t actually love me. She liked the idea of me, the idea of what I do, but she can’t live the life it brings with it.”

“…and you’re ok with that?”

“I don’t like the fact that she managed to do what she did but I’ve told you before – I’m over her. I should’ve never gotten as involved with her as I did. I knew better. I knew who she really was but chose to ignore it.”

“Run that by me again?” Emma asked, confused as to what he meant by that.

“Before we even started dating, like the second or third time I met her, I was in a bad mood and she sat down next to me at a bar. She brought up frog hogs…” he told her and Emma snorted hard. She knew very well which women he meant but hearing Clay call them that was kinda funny to her.

“Any way, somehow she thought I thought she was a frog hog and asked me straight out about it.”

“…and what did you tell her?” Emma asked, curious where he was going with this.

“I told there that no, she wasn’t a frog hog but she looked like a tourist. She was someone who was looking for a little adventure before she settled down in her ivory-tower life. Turns out I was right, wasn’t I?”

“Looks that way, Bear. Looks that way…but I have to say I’m glad you where because otherwise this,” Emma gestured between them, “would never have happened.”

Clay smiled at his girl and pulled her back over to him, to where she belonged. Once she was situated between his outstretched legs, back against his chest and head against his shoulder, he kissed her on top of her head again and let out a sigh for the umpteen time.

“So… want to tell me about why you ignored me at the air strip?”

* * *

“I don’t know what to tell you about that that you don’t already know.” Emma said as she turned her head so that she could place a kiss on the side of his neck. The shiver his body responded with made her smile.

“You where mad about the night before and didn’t want to talk to me.” Clay summarized but Emma shook her head.

“I didn’t ignore you because I was mad. I ignored you because I was hurt.”

“…is there a difference?” he asked, clearly not seeing one.

“Yes. If I had been mad at you I would’ve walked over, probably said a few words and I might have kicked you in the nuts. Now I was hurt, by what you did and what you said, and need time to process. That’s why I got back in the car instead of going over to you. Had I gone over to you I probably would’ve ended up in tears and that would’ve probably ended with 5 Navy SEALS tearing you in to pieces.”

Clay gulped at the image her words produced in his head and he was pretty sure she was spot on with it too because there was no way her dad and her uncles’ wouldn’t have made his life hell if they saw her in tears by something he’d done.

“That kinda makes me happy you decided to ignore me, sweets. I like having all my limbs attached…”

Emma sighed. “I regretted it as soon as the plane took off though. If we could’ve just had a moment to say what we’ve just said? We could’ve spared ourselves a lot of heartache. Aunt Naima told me that I have to be able to put my own feelings aside sometimes because at the end of the day we all need you guys to come home safe.”

“It’s ok to not always be ok with things, Em. And we aren’t always gonna be on good terms when I get spun up. I need to be able to not fall apart when that happens too and that’s on me.” Clay said, leaning down to press a kiss on her temple.

“Maybe…” Emma said slowly, “But I’ve watched mom and Naima let things go for the sake of having dad and uncle Ray not leave with the world on their shoulders and that is something I have to be able to do too if I want to be in a relationship with a team guy. With you. You get to come first sometimes and that’s ok. We just need to eventually work things out by talking.”

The sat in silence for a while, just holding each other and enjoying the fact that they were here, together, and thing were going to be ok.

“Do we need to talk any more about the strip club thing?” Clay asked after a while, wanting to get everything out in the open and close the subject for good.

Emma shook her head and placed another kiss on the side of his neck, which once more made him shiver.

“I think we covered that when we FaceTimed, right? You following orders and doing your job can be influenced by what I would think about what you’re doing.”

“…and you have no other questions or thoughts on the matter?” he asked carefully, looking at her searchingly.

“No. I’m gonna go with the whole ‘it’s need to know and I don’t need to know.’ when it comes to this and to other things you need to or have to do when you’re at work.”

* * *

Finished with the conversation Emma slipped out from his hold and turned around so that she was straddling Clay’s thighs.

“What are you doing…?” he asked as she smirked at him with a wicked glint in her eyes.

“I’m sorry. The talking portion of this evening has passed. We are now moving on to the making up for lost time part. Please use your hands and mouth accordingly.”

Clay looked at her, incredulously. This was new… and he wasn’t quite sure that he’d heard that correctly.

“Um…Birdie?” he asked, hands gripping her hips as she placed kisses up his neck and on to his stubbled cheeks.

“I said we were done with the talking, Bear.” she murmured, slotting her lips against his.

They kissed gently for a moment, and Emma felt like she was drowning in the sensation of his soft lips combined with the sharp nips to her bottom lip.

When Clay sucked her lip into his mouth he couldn’t stop himself from grinning slightly at the gasp that came out of Emma’s mouth. As his kisses moved down the side of her neck, the small gasps and pants that filled the air had him shifting his hips under hers.

Moving his hand underneath her shirt, Clay tugged until it was over her head, leaving her in her leggings and lacy bra.

“You’re beautiful, babe…” he said while staring at the newly exposed skin.

Emma didn’t answer him – she was busy exploring the skin of the man sitting beneath her and while Clay was busy staring at her chest and running his fingers up her ribs, Emma let one of her own hands travel under his shirt.

She smiled to herself as his abdominal muscles tensed at the slightest brush of her fingers against his stomach and then she rocked her hips against his experimentally, chasing the sensation she so badly wanted.

Clay bit back a groan and let his lips fuse with Emma’s again, trying to pour every feeling he had in to the kiss, trying to let her know exactly how much he cherished her, appreciated her, wanted her.

They continued to trade kisses, both soft and passionate once until Emma’s hand traveled down from Clay’s abs to his belt buckle.

With a gasp Clay moved his mouth away from Emma’s and put one of his hands on top of hers.

“Emma,” he said, panting for air. “I need you to think very carefully about what you are doing here, babe. I loved what we did last time but this time I’m not hurting and I’m not sure how much self control I have.”

Emma grinned down at him and that wicked glint appeared in her eyes again.

“Maybe I don’t want you to have any self control?”

Clay stared at the woman on his lap, once again stunned silent by her, her words and her power over him.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked when words once more where able to make it out of his mouth. “There’s a lot of things…”

Emma kissed him silent. She knew what she was doing. She knew what she wanted. She knew what they were going to do.

“I’m sure, Clay. I want you. I want us.” she told him before once again placing her lips against the side of his neck and making him shiver.

The moan that left his mouth sounded desperate and when Emma’s hand once more landed on his belt buckle and started to unbuckle it he knew he had to change the location.

“We’re not doing this out here, on the couch. This is not the place where I first get to have all of you.” he told her and moved her off his lap.

Emma got to her feet with a grin and held her hand out to him, to help him up.

“Let’s move this party in to the bedroom then.” she said and as he got up too Emma let go of his hand and walked off towards the bedroom, not once looking behind her to see if he was following her.

Just as she walked through the bedroom door, she reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the floor before she turned her head to look over her shoulder at the man still standing like a statue by the couch.

“Are you going to join me or is this gonna be a solo party?” she asked and then she disappeared from his view.

Clay stared at the now empty doorway for a moment before snapping out of it and with a few long steps he entered his bedroom, grabbed Emma who was standing there waiting on him with a grin and then he shut the door behind them with his foot.


	55. Just the two of us

Soft touches, so soft that they almost tickled, against her ribcage, down her hips, over her butt and up her back are what wakes Emma up from a deep sleep. She has no idea what time it is but what she does know is that one; she hasn’t gotten enough sleep and two; she hopes he never stop touching her.

Clay smiled as he noticed the change to Emma’s breathing, indicating that she was no longer asleep, and when she doesn’t open her eyes his smile turns in to a grin. Two can play that game.

As his hand returns up her back he gently pulls it away before it goes back down her ribs again. The lack of touch is immediately met by a groan of disappointment.

“No… don’t stop…. please?”

A soft chuckle left Clay as he placed his lips against Emma’s shoulder and pressed a kiss there.

“Hey, I’m not the one who’s pretending to still be asleep here.” he mumbles teasingly.

Emma opened her eyes up slightly and glared over her shoulder at the man behind her.

“You woke me up with your touching so the least you can do is not stop.”

“But it’s morning. We should get up.” he told her with a wink.

“I’m not leaving this bed until its way past noon because someone kept me up late last night… and woke me up in the middle of the night. Twice!”

Clay’s smile widened. “Yes I did.”

“Don’t look so damn proud of yourself.” Emma said with a scowl but she couldn’t hide the twinkle he saw in her eyes.

With a quick move Clay rolled Emma over on to her back and then he promptly covered her with his own body, placing kisses up her throat while she looked at him in surprise.

When his lips was about to meet hers he pulled back and was met with yet another scowl.

“Either kiss me or let me go back to sleep.” Emma grumbled and then she reached out for him in an effort to pull his head back down to hers.

Clay let her get her way and their lips connected in a kiss that they both felt all the way down to their toes.

As Emma’s hands started to travel down Clay’s body he finally pulled away and captured her hands with his.

“As much as I want to continue this, and believe me I do, I don’t think it’s what we should do babe.” he said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Why not?” she asked, pouting lightly.

“Because I’m pretty sure you’re already sore and if we continued this you might have trouble walking later.”

Emma pouted a little more but at the same time she knew he had a point because she was sore and at some point today she would have to face her dad.

With one last kiss to Emma’s lips, making her pout disappear, Clay wrapped his arms around her waist and rolled them over so that he could sit up with her still in his gasp and then he got to his feet.

Emma shrieked as he stood up with her still locked in his arms and slapped him on the shoulder.

“What are you doing, you cave man?” she asked with a laugh.

“I need a shower and you need a shower so I thought we could kill two birds with one stone and save some water.” he told her with a wink as he walked them in to the bathroom before he sat her down on her own two feet.

“Oh, you thought so, did you?” she asked as one eyebrow rose higher than the other.

“Mhm…” Clay mumbled as he reached behind Emma and turned on the water.

“And how is this gonna save water?” she wondered.

Clay shrugged.

“It might not, but at least I get to see you naked for a while longer.” he answered with a smirk before he lifted her in to the shower and promptly followed her in as the room filled with her laughter.

* * *

“_Maybe it's intuition _  
_But some things you just don't question _  
_Like in your eyes, _  
_I see my future in an instant_  
_And there it goes, I think I found my best friend _  
_I know that it might sound _  
_More than a little crazy _  
_But I believe…_”

Clay leaned back against the pillar that held up the divider between his living and kitchen area and smiled at the sight before him.

Emma, wearing his tee and some underwear, was standing in front of his stove, making omelets for breakfast and singing to whatever song was floating though her head.

This was his favorite Emma, the one with not a care in the world, who sang out loud to whatever melody she had in mind and who wore his shirts. If he could press pause on the world for just a minute, right here, right now, he would.

“_There's just no rhyme or reason _  
_Only the sense of completion _  
_And in your eyes, _  
_I see The missing pieces _  
_I'm searching for _  
_I think I've found my way home _  
_I know that it might sound_  
_More than a little crazy _  
_But I believe…_”

Shaking his head to clear it of all his thoughts, he righted himself and approached his girl, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

Emma giggled as he leaned down and placed feathery kisses on her neck but she tilted her head to the side to give him better access.

“You know, if you don’t stop this we might never get to eating breakfast or leaving this apartment?” she asked with a smile.

“…and the problem with that is?” Clay asked as he pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes.

Emma raised an eyebrow at him.

“The problem with that is that if we go AWOL there will be a bunch of Navy SEALS breaking down your front door since dad has requested our presence for dinner.”

With a sigh Clay took a step back and withdrew his arms.

“Fine, I’ll behave” he said and with a wink before walking out of the kitchen area to sit down on the couch.

Emma snorted before turning back to the stove to save the omelets before they burned. A minute or two later they were ready so Emma swiftly placed each omelet on a plate and then grabbed both as she joined Clay on the couch.

Sitting down beside him she handed him one of the plates and then she grabbed the utensils from the living room table. As she started to cut in to her breakfast she glanced over at her boyfriend.

“So, what now?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean; what now? You guys just got back from Mexico; do you have a few weeks off? A few days? Are you directly back on rotation? Do you guys need to report on base on Monday…?”

“Not sure actually.” Clay said as he finished chewing. “Blackburn said we had to come in on Monday to finish our AAR’s but then we should have some downtime. Hopefully more than a week because I had a thought while we were in Mexico.”

“Oh?” Emma said, turning her head towards him. “What about?”

Taking a final bite Clay put his plate down on the table and focused in on Emma.

“What do you think about going on a vacation? Just you and me. No work, no SEALS, no younger brother… just the two of us.”

“When do we leave?” Emma asked with a wink and with absolutely no hesitation. A vacation? Might go down as the best idea he’d ever had in her book.

“Yeah?” he asked, sounding a bit surprised.

“Yeah. I think that’s a great idea. We could use some time without the possibility of anyone interrupting us... we’ve had a lot going on in the past few months and some time away from everything might really help us feel more... settled and secure.”

Clay smiled at his girl and gently took her plate out of her hands, putting it down on top of his on the living room table.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished…” Emma started to say but as Clay’s lips descended on hers she no longer had any more words to expel because all that mattered then was Clay and what lived between them.

* * *

“You know, I hope this covers all these hickeys or you might very well be in trouble.” Emma said, glancing over at her boyfriend who sitting on the bed with his computer in his lap, as she stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, applying makeup to her face. And neck.

“Hmm…” Clay answered distantly but Emma could tell he most likely didn’t hear a word of what she’d said.

With a shake of her head she turned back to the mirror and continued to apply her concealer, followed by some powder and then she finished off with some mascara. She wasn’t one to wear a lot of makeup, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that Clay had left more than a few marks in the past 18 hours she wouldn’t have put any on today.

Throwing the mascara tube back in her makeup bag she zipped it close and then looked at herself in the mirror. She’d done a pretty damn good job at covering the traces of Clay if she did say so herself. If you didn’t know where to look you probably wouldn’t be able to tell she had a handful of hickeys.

Grabbing the makeup bag she turned off the lights and left the bathroom. After stuffing the bag back in her duffle she pulled out a pair of denim shorts and put them on before also changing out of Clay’s tee and in to her own pink top.

Feeling somewhat presentable she ran a hand through her hair before braiding it and tying it off with an elastic she’d found in her bag. Satisfied with her appearance she looked back over at Clay who was still absorbed by whatever was on his computer screen.

“You want to finish whatever you’re doing and get ready so we can leave? Dad wants us over for dinner… I think he’s invited everyone over... one would think you guys would be sick of each other by now, though…”

“Yeah…” Clay mumbled, but didn’t look up from his screen, probably unaware of what she’d asked.

“Ok, what the hell is so damn interesting?” Emma asked, joining him on the bed.

Putting her head on his shoulder she scanned the open page and the amount of tabs he had open in the list.

“The Bahamas? Bermuda? Turks and Caicos?” she asked, confusion in her voice, and eyes.

As if a spell had been broken Clay looked away from his screen and turned his face towards Emma.

“Yeah. Which one sounds most like a place you’d want to visit?”

Emma’ eyes widen.

“Those are your vacation suggestions?”

“Yup.”

“I thought you’d suggest like… D.C. or New York.” she said slowly, eyes on the pictures that filled the screen.

“Hell no. I want to be on an island where we have little to no chance of running in to anyone we know and where we can spend most of our time on the beach. Wearing swimsuits.” Clay said a wink.

Emma snorted. “I see where your minds at.”

“Yup. So, where would you like to go?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have any preferences.” Emma said with a shrug.

“So… how do we pick?” Clay asked, clicking though the tabs to show her the different places.

“Not sure… I have wanted to visit the Bahamas since I saw the Olsen Twins movie though…” she said as he stopped on the page which showed the Atlantis paradise island.

Clay scanned the open page and a smile spread over his lips.

“I say we go to the Bahamas then.”

Emma’s eyes snapped away from the screen to land on Clay, wide eyes meeting smiling ones.

“Really?” she asked, trying to contain her eagerness.

“Yeah, really.” he answered before pressing a light kiss to her lips.

“We’ll book it later when we get back…” Clay trailed off for a second. “Assuming you’re coming back here with me after dinner at your house?”

Emma nodded her head. “Of course I am. Dad is home now so he doesn’t need me to keep an eye on Mikey and even if he did, grandma is also here so there’s nothing stopping me from spending all the time I want with you until Monday.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Clay said and then leaned over to place another kiss on Emma’s lips.

Emma however had a different idea and pulled away before he could catch her lips.

“No way. You need to put that computer away and get ready so that we can leave. Dad is waiting for us and so is the rest of Bravo so, chop chop.” she said, waving him away.

Clay shrugged his shoulders and closed his laptop before getting up from the bed.

“Ready.” he said with a grin after putting on a pair of shoes and Emma shook her head. Being a man sure was easy sometimes.

“Don’t look so happy.” she said and grinned back at him. “You now get to take me to dinner at my house where you get to tell my father that you want to take me out of the country for a week.”

The grin on Clay’s face faded while Emma’s grew twice its size. Grabbing his hand she pulled him close and kissed his cheek.

“Let’s go, scaredy-cat.” she told him as she pulled back. “It’s not like my dad is any scarier than the bad guys you and Bravo hunt down on a regular basis.”

Clay smiled down at her hesitantly because he really wasn’t sure about that one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden


	56. Let's talk about sex

Emma grinned over her shoulder at Clay as they entered her house. He’d grumbled under his breath since the moment they left the apartment about how this as a bad idea and how he didn’t want to get punched today but Emma knew he was just making noise.

In truth her dad loved her boyfriend almost as much as he loved her and her brother and as long as Emma was safe and happy? He wouldn’t hurt a hair on her boyfriend. Her uncles on the other hand…

Closing the door behind them Emma grabbed Clay’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“Would you stop with the muttering? Dad won’t actually hurt you.”

Clay snorted. “You don’t know that. Especially if he finds out about…” he trailed off and let his unoccupied hand trail the waistband of her shorts.

“Stop it.” Emma said as she blushed from his touch. “And if you don’t tell him I doubt he’ll find out. And it’s none of his business either way.”

“What’s none of whose business?”

Both Emma and Clay looked at each other, eyes wide, before they turned to face Jason.

“Hi, daddy!” Emma said and gave her dad a hug, hoping to make him forget about his question.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jason said and hugged her tight as he placed a kiss on top of her head.

“So, none of whose business?” he then asked as he let her take a step back to stand beside Clay again.

“You.” Emma answered with a smirk.

“Hey now, that’s no way to talk to your father.”

Emma smiled at him and then stood on her toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Sorry, dad but some things even you don’t need to know. Now, when are the rest getting here, what needs to be done and how can we help?”

Jason looked from his daughter to his rookie and back again before shrugging slightly, deciding to let whatever it was go. For now.

“They should all arrive within the next hour or so. As for what needs to be done… well…”

Emma raised an eyebrow at him. “So what you mean is that besides meat, hamburgers, hot dogs and beer, nothing is ready for a Bravo get together, right?”

“No!” Jason said, folding his arms across his chest. “Grandma made skewers…”

“Oh, ok, so grandma made skewers… how about salads, baked potatoes, fries and a few other things?” Emma asked, crossing her arms in the same way her dad had.

When Jason didn’t answer Emma rolled her eyes and glanced over his shoulder.

“Where is grandma by the way? And Mikey?”

“She took Mikey to the mall to find a birthday present for his friend… Luke?” Emma nodded her head in answer before Jason continued. “They should be back in time for the bbq.”

“Guess that means I’m in charge of the kitchen while the two of you set up what needs to be done in the backyard.” Emma said before clapping her hands together.

“Come on you to, let’s get to work.” she continued as she headed off towards the kitchen with the two men following behind her, sharing a fond look.

* * *

Naima breathed out a sigh of relief as she stepped in to the Hayes’ backyard and suddenly found herself totally free. Linda had nabbed RJ as soon as she saw them, Ray joined Jason and the rest of the guys by the grill (what was it about men and gathering around the grill?) while Jameelah had disappeared to the other side of the yard where Mikey, James and Arabella were playing fetch with Cerberus.

Looking around the open area Naima realized that with the exception of Linda and Genevieve Blackburn no other females where present in the backyard. Linda, having seen her glance pointed towards the patio doors.

“Emma’s in there together with Lisa, Mandy, Lauren and Annie.”

Naima nodded her head in acknowledgment and, after making sure the rest of her family didn’t need her, headed in to the kitchen.

Opening the door and stepping inside Naima smiled at the five women standing around the kitchen island, all of them clutching wine glasses. She loved these women so much and without them she had no idea of how she’d keep her sanity.

“Hello ladies.” she said, closing the door behind her.

Five different greetings followed and then hugs where exchanged all around before Mandy handed her an empty wine glass and Lisa pored a good amount in to it.

“Thank you.” Naima said and Lisa smiled at her as she put the bottle down again.

“You are most welcome. Where’s the little one?” the logistics specialist asked.

“Linda.” Naima answered and they all nodded their heads in understanding. Linda loved all of the kids and if she was in town and no babysitter was available? Linda Hayes was a god send.

“Careful aunt Naima, you might not get him back.” Emma said with a grin as she put her glass down and continued chopping tomatoes for the half finished salad in the bowl next to her.

Naima shrugged. “Your grandmother is more than welcome to keep him for a night or two. Or every night for that matter. I could use the sleep.”

The other women snorted in to their wine.

“No thank you! If she does I’m gonna have to move in with Clay permanently. I need my sleep!” Emma said, not thinking twice about what she’d just implied.

The silence that followed was deafening and a lot of eyebrows rose upwards.

“Did you just say…?” Annie asked, looking from Emma to the men of Bravo standing outside.

Emma stopped dead at what she was doing as her own words caught up with her. Oops…

Naima put her own wine glass down on the countertop and really looked at her niece as the others asked her questions about what she’d meant by that.

Seeing the blush rise up Emma’s neck and then reach her face, Naima smirked as her attempts at covering something up on her neck became obvious.

As Lisa, Annie, Lauren and Mandy stopped asking questions and waited for Emma to answer, Naima rounded the island to stand beside the youngest girl.

Emma turned her head towards her aunt who just smiled at her.

“So, tell us Em. How did you get all these hickeys?”

If possible the young blond turned even redder and covered her face with her hands.

“Do we really need to talk about this?” she mumbled from behind her hands.

“YES!” five eager voices answered and Naima wrapped an arm around Emma’s shoulders.

“Come on girlie, tell us what’s going on with you and the kid.”

Pulling her hands away and placing them back down on the kitchen island Emma glanced at the five women gathered around, the five women she knew she could count on for anything and who would always be there for her.

Sweeping her gaze over each and every one of them she tried to figure out what to say. Should she try and play it off or should she just shock them…?

“We had sex.” she finally said, making the rest of the women occupying the kitchen drop their jaws in shock.

* * *

Mandy, never one to be taken aback by anything was the first on to recover but instead of saying something she simply grabbed the open wine bottle and filled her almost empty glass up.

When her glass was filled she handed the bottle over to Lisa who did the same and took a big sip.

“Why do I feel like I was just told about my brother’s sex life?” she asked no one in particular but it made everyone burst out in laugher, breaking the weird silence.

“Probably because all of the guys out there are you brothers in a way.” Mandy said, pointing at the men manning the grill before muttering under her breath so that only Lisa could hear her. “Well, almost all of them anyway…”

Lisa elbowed her friend at her last comment but realized that Mandy had a point. The men on Bravo, or most of them anyway, treated her as a sister and she saw them as her brothers. And that made Emma’s revelation even weirder.

Shaking her head at the two women closes to the guys in their working capacity; Naima turned her head back to her niece.

“I take it that’s a new development?” she asked carefully, not wanting to overstep but also wanting to know enough to know that Emma was ok. Since Alana was no longer with them she felt that it was her duty to make sure Emma knew that she had someone she could turn to if she had any questions, especially about this.

Emma nodded, still blushing but not quite as much.

“…and you made that decision? Or did he? Have the two of you talked about what happened before he left?”

Emma nodded again. “It was my decision and he made sure I was sure. Multiple times. If he’d asked one more time I would’ve punched him.” she said, making Lisa snicker while Annie toasted her from where she stood.

“And the fight?” Naima prompted, feeling the need to know they’d actually talked and not just jumped in to bed.

“We talked everything through aunt Naima, don’t worry. I think all of you would’ve been proud of him.”

“How so?” Lauren asked, looking at the man in question through the window.

“Because when I tried to just gloss it over he made me talk everything through. And I mean everything. Stella, the fight and the strip club.”

Lisa, Naima and Mandy nodded their heads in approval while Annie and Lauren looked confused.

“…what strip club?” they asked as one making the other four laugh.

“Jason sent Sonny and Clay in to a strip club during one of the ops in Mexico.” Lisa explained and both Annie and Lauren nodded in understanding, getting that Emma somehow found out and wasn’t happy about it at the time.

“So, how do you feel about it now?” Naima asked Emma, turning the conversation back to the topic at hand.

“…about what part?” Emma asked, blushing once again.

Naima chuckled and the other four women grinned at her.

“I meant the fight but now I want to know how you feel about the sex also.”

“We settled everything last night and it seems as if everything about Stella has finally been put to bed. If she shows up again?” Emma shrugged. “We’ll deal with it but he’s convinced me that she’s a non-issue.”

They all nodded and Naima made a continue motion at Emma, who was once again scarlet.

“And about the other thing…”

“If you can’t talk about it you probably shouldn’t be doing it.” Mandy chimed in with a smirk, making Emma stick her tongue out at the CIA agent.

“I can talk about it just fine with Clay. It’s awkward doing it with you guys.”

Naima hugged Emma to her side again and gently pushed some hair behind her ear.

“You don’t have to tell us, sweetheart.” she said gently. “But know that we are all here to listen if you need it.”

Emma blew out a deep breath and shook her head as if to clear it.

“It was… not like I thought it would be like.” she finally said in a low voice.

“I don’t think sex ever is.” Lauren said with a soft smile.

“What was it like then, Em?” Annie asked, making Emma smile at her. Annie was around Clay’s age which made her the youngest of the five women surrounding her but still a decade older than her. But out of the five women, Annie was probably the one who understood her the best.

“It was… I don’t know how to describe it. I thought it would hurt more than it did, which surprised me. And I wasn’t aware of how… I guess connected, is the best word for it? To him I would feel. And it was good. Like… really good.” she finished, her blush now going from the tips of her toes to the top of her head.

Naima placed a soft kiss on Emma’s forehead.

“Sounds to me like your first time was pretty much as good as it can get. And that connection? It’s not a sex this, it’s a relationship thing. There needs to be feelings involved and judging from where I stand I’d say yours and Clay’s are pretty damn obvious.”

Emma looked at her favorite aunt before looking at each of the women standing by the island in turn. Lisa smiled at her, Mandy toaster her before taking another sip, Lauren nodded her agreement and Annie winked at her. Taking all that in, and letting Naima’s words settle, she realized something she had probably known for a while but still hadn’t said out loud.

Looking out through the window she finally said the words out loud, once again stunning the other women to silence.

“I love him.”


	57. There's nothing to fear here

“So…” Ray said to Jason while handing him a beer, “what’s with all the staring at the kid?”

“Hmm?” Jason asked, snapping out of wherever his head had taken him.

Ray sighed and shook his head at his best friend.

“I said, what’s with you and staring at Spenser? Kid do something wrong?”

“Not sure… but something’s up with him, just look.” Jason answered, nodding his head towards their youngest teammate who was currently tossing the kids in to the pool, over and over and over again.

“All I see is him tossing Mikey, Jameelah, James and Arabella in to the pool…” Ray said slowly, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Not that, it’s how he keeps glancing over at me.” Jason paused and then Clay did just that before promptly turning his focus back towards James who was waiting his turn on being tossed in to the water.

“See?” Jason said, turning towards Ray.

“So, the kid looked at you?”

“He’s been doing it since they got here. And Emma said something about me not needing to know something…”

Ray sighed.

“Which means you now really need to know what that something is, right?”

Jason nodded and Ray ran a hand over his face. How was this his life?

“You could always just ask him what’s up?”

Instead of answering Jason just shrugged and turned his focus towards Emma who was by the table, talking with Annie and Brock, RJ on her lap. His daughter looked incredibly happy with everything, and he hadn’t seen her smiling like she was since before Alana’s accident, so did he really want to question the kid about anything? If Emma was this happy, did anything else really matter?

“Come on brother, tell me what’s going on in the head of yours.” Ray said after a while, nudging his friend with his elbow.

Jason glanced at Ray and sighed.

“I’m just wondering if I should just accept that Em is happy and just let everything else just… land where it may. Isn’t that all we want for our kids?”

“It is… but I know it can’t be easy, trying to balance where you and Spenser stand – when he’s your daughter’s boyfriend and when he’s our rookie.”

“It’s not easy, but so far it’s been pretty straight forward. The one thing was Em’s reaction to the strip club but that had little to do with me and Spenser and more with her having to separate work and private.”

“So, what’s got you worried?” Ray asked, confused as to where Jason was going with this because it felt like he was talking in circles

“I’m not worried per say… I just… she’s my little girl. And he’s our rookie…”

“…and you’re not ready for her to grow up.” Ray summed up.

Jason shrugged again.

“I know she’s grown up… or growing up, whatever. I’m not ready to lose her.”

“You’ll never lose her, Jay. She’ll never not be your daughter. She’s just becoming the woman Alana and you raised her to be. And from where I’m standing, she could’ve made a worse choice in boyfriend… this one we always have an eye on!”

Jason snorted but held his beer bottle out for Ray to clink his own against.

“Cheers to that!”

* * *

“My turn, uncle Clay!”

Clay smiled down at little Arabella Blackburn who in her bright turquoise bathing suit and pigtails looked adorable and there was no way he could say no to those big brown eyes of hers.

“Sure, Bella.” he said and then he swung her up in the air and after a few fake throws he tossed he back in to the pool where her twin brother and Mikey already where after being thrown in for the umpteenth time already.

Turning to glance once more at Jason, he really needed to get the conversation he wanted to have with his boss out of the way, he then focused on Jameelah who was making her way over to him, this time holding hands with Emma.

“One more time, ‘Meelah?” he asked as they joined him by the pool ledge.

Jameelah nodded her head and eagerly held her arms up so that Clay could hoist her in to the air. She screeched as she was airborne and when she surfaced in the pool she was laughing, just like the other 3 kids in the pool.

“Ok, I think uncle Clay needs a rest now.” Emma said as the kids made their way towards the ladder. “And you guys need to dry off if you want any ice cream.” she added as they started to moan about her interrupting their fun.

That made the 4 kids, aged 5 to 10, stop their complaints and hurry over to the towels laid out for them.

“I need a rest?” Clay asked his girlfriend, one eyebrow raised in question.

“Not so much a rest, but you need to actually talk to my dad because he’s noticed your glances and he’s getting antsy.” Emma answered leaning up to place a quick kiss on his lips.

Clay groaned and wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close.

“Do I have to?”

“Well… if you want us to be able to go abroad without dad losing his shit and putting us on the no fly list…” Emma said with a snort.

“Ugh…” Clay groaned again and let his head rest on top of Emma’s, taking a few deep breath and letting her sent calm his nerves.

“What’s worrying you? Seriously, he can’t actually stop us from going on a vacation.” she asked after minute, pulling out of his hold so that she could look him in the eyes.

Clay blew out a breath.

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t know how to balance this.”

“Meaning…?” Emma asked when he didn’t continue.

“Meaning my girlfriend’s dad is also my boss. How do I talk to him as your boyfriend and not have it bleed in to my work life? I don’t want this,” he gestured between them, “to effect how Jace see me at work. I love my job, Em, and I love Bravo. If we have a disagreement about my relationship with you, will that show up at work too?”

It was Emma’s turn to blow out a deep breath.

“I’d hope dad would do as he’s asked us to do – separate what belongs at work and what belongs at home. He doesn’t want to have to factor my reactions to his orders in when he assigns ops or whatever so he’ll have to do the same – he can’t let how he sees my boyfriend reflect on how he looks at his rookie.”

“You make it sound so easy…”

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t be.” Emma told him, squeezing his arm. “But we’ll all have to do our best and when shit happens we’ll have to talk it out. If you want this, us, me, dad is another thing we’ll just have to deal with.”

“I do. Want you, that is.” Clay said, once more wrapping her up in his arms. “There’s nothing I want more on this earth than you.”

Emma smiled up at him and rose up on her toes to give him another kiss. When he tried to deepen it she pulled her head away and shook a finger at him.

“Nope. No more kisses until you’ve sorted this with dad. And while you’re at it you might want to discuss what we just talked about too.”

With that Emma once more moved out of his hold and with a wink she left him standing there alone, making her way over to the bench where 4 kids where eagerly waiting on their ice cream.

* * *

Clay looked after his girl with a smile and then shook his head. That girl was more mature than most females he’d met his own age… and she was still under 20.

Righting himself he looked over to where Jason stood, still talking with Ray and now joined by Trent.

Knowing that the longer he procrastinated the more anxious he would feel, Clay made himself walk over to his brothers. As he joined them Ray took one glance at him before handing him a beer and then excusing himself to go over to his wife. Trent quickly made the same decision and suddenly there he was – alone with Jason.

The stood in silence for a second and then Jason sighed.

“Out with it kid, what’s going on?”

Clay fiddled with the label on his bottle for a moment but then straightened up. Emma was right, whatever Jason said he couldn’t actually stop them because Emma was and adult and they were both about to have some free time.

“So Em and I had an idea and I kinda need to run it by you…” he said slowly, trying to figure out how to put it to Jason.

“Ok…” Jason answered hesitantly.

“It’s actually more of a statement than a question but still…”

“Just out with it Clay.” Jason said, quickly running out of patient. He hated when people talked around what actually mattered.

“Em and I are going on a vacation as soon as we’re given the official time off and will be gone for two weeks.” Clay burst out in one breath and then he waited for Jason’s reaction, and he wasn’t sure how bad it would be.

“…and?” Jason asked with a raised eyebrow.

“…that’s it.” Clay answered, unsure of what Jason meant.

“You’ve been weird all afternoon and all because you want to go on a vacation? What is going on in that head of yours?”

“I thought for sure you would flip. I mean…”

“What? You thought I would protest and lock her up in her room and put you guys on the no fly list?” Jason asked humorously and grinned at the younger man.

“Uhm… yeah?”

Jason shook his head.

“I’ve let her stay at your place, multiple times at that, and encouraged you guys to talk it out yesterday, but you thought I would flip because you want to go on vacation? Seriously?”

Clay just stared at his friend, brother, boss and girlfriend’s father, wondering what parallel world he’d landed in because this wasn’t anywhere near how he’d been sure Jason would react.

“So, where are you guys going? LA? New York?” Jason asked when Clay didn’t say anything else.

“Uhm.. we talked about the Bahamas… she said something about the Olsen Twins…” Clay mumbled, still mulling over the fact that Jason still hadn’t flipped out.

“Oh god, she watched that movie over and over when she was like…10. She was obsessed with the Olsen Twins at that point. Made us all sit through every season of Full House and every damn movie they’d ever made. Let me tell you, most of them made zero sense.”

Clay gaped at the man standing in front of him.

“So… you’re ok with this?”

“Yes Clay, I’m fine with you and Emma going on a vacation when we’re officially off the clock. I’m guessing we’ll have about 3 or 4 weeks of down time when we’re done with all the rapports and shit on Monday.”

“So us going away for two weeks…?”

“Will work perfectly because I’ll get to spend some man time with Mikey after mom goes back home.” Jason concluded and slapped Clay on the shoulder. “You just keep making Emma happy and I won’t have a reason to flip out, ok?”

Clay nodded his head dumbly and then watched Jason leave, shaking his head as he did. Well… that went way better than he thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a mental picture of James and Arabella Blackburn, just imagine two cute as a button 5y/o's who have blond hair and brown eyes with a mischievous smile.


	58. Agree to disagree

Emma was practically bouncing in her airplane seat as she watched through the small window as the plane approached Lynden Pindling International Airport and Clay couldn’t stop watching her.

He hadn’t seen her excited about anything since… ever. They’d booked the trip as soon as they’d gotten the official word from the higher ups that Bravo had three weeks of vacation but even before they got to that point Emma had made him watch the Holiday In The Sun movie. Twice.

He wasn’t sure what to make of the movie the first time, and even less after the second run through, but the backdrop, the Atlantis Paradise Island and the other parts of Nassau, was beautiful and he couldn’t wait to experience it with his girl.

The original plan had been for them to spend two weeks in the Bahamas but when Brock had asked them all to be available for the second Friday of their vacation (and didn’t that just confuse and intrigue the shit out of all of the members of Bravo and their respective families?!) they’d decided that 10 days was going to be more than enough.

And now, just a few days later, here they were; about to land in the Bahamas for 10 days of fun in the sun…

Reaching over Clay turned Emma to face him and gently pulled her close enough to give her a soft kiss.

“Excited, Birdie?” he asked as he pulled back so that he could see her eyes.

“Yes!” Emma squealed and there was no doubt to the happiness in her beautiful blue eyes.

Just then the plan touched ground and before they knew it they were taxiing towards the terminal. It took them just a few minutes and then they where off the plane and making their way through immigration and customs.

It took them almost an hour from landing to leaving the airport but Emma was still all smiles as they excited the airport and finally got their first taste of the Bahamas.

The sky was blue, the sun was shining, the palm trees where gently swaying in a soothing breeze and Emma loved it all!

Clay stood a few feet behind his girl, watched her take everything in and then couldn’t stop himself from stepping up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her close to his own body.

“You happy?” he whispered in to her ear before placing small kisses down her neck, making her groan softly.

“More than you know.” Emma said and turned her head so that she could catch his mouth with her own.

A quick meeting of their lips was all Emma allowed though because no sooner had their lips touched Emma pulled away and stepped out of his embrace.

“Come on, let’s get a taxi to the resort and get this vacation started!” she said to Clay with a smile and then, without waiting on his reply, she grabbed her suitcase and headed over to where a line of cabs were waiting for passengers to arrive.

* * *

Emma couldn’t stop herself from staring as Clay opened the door to their home for the next 10 days. The view was amazing! The room looked like a normal hotel room more or less, but the view from their balcony was something she wouldn’t soon forget.

Letting go of her suitcase and tossing her bag down next to it Emma headed straight for the balcony door and opened it so that she could step out in to the sunshine and take in the view up front.

The turquoise ocean was staring back at her, and if she didn’t lower her gaze the Atlantic Ocean, the blue sky, the warm sun and a few white fluffy clouds where all she could see.

“This. Is. Beautiful.” she breathed out softly, eyes wide and a huge smile on her lips.

“It sure is…” Clay’s voice said behind her and when she turned her face to look at him she snorted because he wasn’t looking at the view, he was looking at her.

“That’s such a cliché, Bear. And this view clearly wins over me any day of the week, month or year.” she said, slapping him gently on his chest, only to have him capture her hand and turning her to face him.

“Agree to disagree.” he murmured and then he covered her mouth with his before she could utter another word.

As Clay gently tugged on her bottom lip Emma let out a soft moan and then let her mouth open and deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck.

The soft kisses soon turned in to desperate ones and then Emma found herself backed up against the wall that separated the balcony from the room.

Clay’s mouth suddenly left hers and started to work its way down her throat, over her collarbone and towards the edge of her top. Just as his hands traveled under the hem of it and started to push it up Emma realized where they where and how exposed they where to anyone looking their way.

“Clay,” she panted out, feeling like she’d ran a marathon, “we’re in full view if anyone looks over here.”

His hands froze mid way up her torso and his head pulled back, his lust filled eyes meeting hers.

“Sorry, babe.” he said, taking in a few deep breaths as he got his libido back under control.

“Don’t be sorry,” Emma said, shaking her head, “I’m not complaining about this, I just don’t think we should be doing it out on the balcony.”

Clay snorted. “No, probably not.”

Taking a step back, letting them both calm down, Clay pressed his lips to Emma’s hair and sighed as he glanced toward their room and the suitcases.

“Come on, let’s change in to our bathing suits and check out a pool or one of the beaches before dinner.”

“You just want to see me in a bikini.” Emma told him with a wink as she slipped out from her place between him and the hotel wall.

“Yes, yes I do.” Clay muttered to himself, but it came out loud enough for Emma to hear and she giggled as she grabbed her suitcase so that she could locate her bathing suits.

* * *

“Well?”

Emma’s voice pulled Clay out of his thought’s and back to the present and he turned his head to look over at her as she was standing in the now open doorway to the bathroom.

As he took in what she was wearing his mouth ran dry and he wondered how it was possible that this bikini was even hotter than the one she’d worn at the Bravo get together after Adam’s funeral.

“Clay?” Emma asked when he didn’t utter a word and just stared at her with rapidly darkening eyes.

Standing up from where he’d been sitting on the bed Clay stalked over to her, eyes scanning her body before coming to rest on her deep blue eyes that always made him feel like the only man in the world.

He stopped a few inches from her and let his right arm wrap around Emma and his left hand landed on her right shoulder, touching the ruffle detail of her bikini top.

“How is it that this is both extremely sexy and still so cute on you?” he asked in a husky tone as his fingers followed the ruffles down to the middle of her chest where the top was tied together.

Emma grinned up at him and a shiver went down his spine as he saw that look in her eyes again, that wicked glint that had appeared every time she’d made a sexual move towards him.

“Because I bought it with you in mind.” she whispered in his ear while one of her hands made their way up his back, under his t-shirt.

“Em…” Clay said with a groan as she used her nails when her hand went up and down his spine.

“Yes, babe?” she answered, placing open mouthed kisses on his jaw line.

Clay grunted in reply and pulled her in as close as he could, letting her feel how much her kisses and touches where turning him on.

Emma’s grin widened and she used the hand on Clay’s back to push her body even closer to his. Her grin then turned in to a smirk as she felt him harden further in his shorts.

“You’re killing me here, Birdie.” he muttered and soon both of his hands went from her waist down to her hips where the ties of her bikini bottoms instantly grabbed his attention.

When his fingers started to tangle in them Emma let her own hands join his hand to stopped the motion before he manage to untie them.

“Nope.” she said and shook her head as Clay’s eyes met hers.

“But…” he started but Emma shook her head again.

“No way, Bear. You said we were going to the pool or the ocean and I want to get wet before we have dinner.”

Clay’s eyes widen at her wording and his hands once again started for the ties on her hips but Emma laughed and took a step back.

“Come on, let’s go check the temperature in the ocean.” she said with a smirk and then she grabbed the cover up she’d left on the bed and headed towards the door.

As she opened it up she looked over her shoulder to find that Clay was still standing like a statue by the bathroom.

“You coming, babe?” she asked and smiled at her boyfriend as he looked back at her with a bewildered look on his face.

Clay let out a shaky breath and shook his head. He’d get her back for that one, just she wait.

“Yeah. Let’s go see if this place lives up to its reputation.”

* * *

“This was a great idea.”

Clay smiled at his girl who was sitting across from him at the table, a burning candle on it making her eyes sparkle in the dim light.

“What, dinner at this fancy restaurant?” he asked with a smile as his eyes traveled from her eyes down to her mouth and then to the amazing cleavage her dress was giving her.

“I meant the vacation but yes, dinner here was also a good idea.” Emma said with a smirk as she saw where his gaze had landed.

Clay let his eyes raise back up to meet Emma’s and smiled at her again.

“Why thank you. I’m quite proud of both ideas.” he said with a wink.

“You would be. What gave you the idea? You said you got it while you were in Mexico?” she asked, taking a sip from her wine glass. She wasn’t actually supposed to drink wine since she was underage but Clay had ordered it and no one had questioned it so she was going to enjoy ever last drop.

“We ended up at a town square during one of our outings in Mexico and I had to take a couple of really cheesy selfie’s with all these buildings as a back drop and all I could think about was how bad I wanted you to be in them with me.”

“Aw, you thought of me in the middle of all the chaos?” she asked, feeling touched that even though they’d been in limbo he’d thought of her. “Just so you know you’ll now have to take all the pictures with me while we’re here!” she then added.

“Oh, have no doubt babe, we’re gonna take all the pictures. I need more of you in my apartment.” he said, squeezing her hand that he was holding on top of the table.

They continued to chat about various things and then the conversation turned to Emma’s school and her upcoming senior year.

“So, what are your plans after that?” Clay asked gently, curious if she’d given it some thought already or if it had just been put on the backburner with everything that had happened.

“After graduation?” she asked and Clay nodded in answer.

“Well, I was planning on Tisch,” Emma started only to be interrupted by Clay.

“Tisch? That’s the art school in New York right?” he asked, wanting to make sure he knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah. My guidance counselor said I had a good chance of getting in. She also wants me to apply to Harvard.”

Clay’s eyes widen. He knew his girl was brilliant, but Ivy League? That was a really impressive.

“You’re gonna apply right?” 

Emma shrugged her shoulders and sighed. Clay lifted her hand that he was already holding and pressed a kiss to it.

“What’s troubling you, sweets?” he asked, seeing clearly that there were a lot of things about her future school choices that was troubling her.

“I always thought Tisch was the one thing I wanted; to get out of Virginia Beach, live in New York and study music, you know?”

Clay nodded slowly. Yeah, that sounded very much like something Em would love.

“…but?”

“After everything that has happened this year? What with Echo and mom and Adam and _you_? I’m not sure I can leave.” Clay opened his mouth to protest but Emma held her hand up to stop him.

“I’m not sure I WANT to leave. I don’t know where we will be a year from now but even beyond that? I don’t want to leave dad and Mikey.”

Clay listened as she spoke and could hear the sincerity in her voice.

“So? What’s your new plan?” he asked and then smiled as she raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on, I know you well enough to know that you do have another plan”

Emma squeezed his hand this time.

“I do. I think I’m gonna stay local and, depending on where this next year takes me, either go for a major in music or in early childhood education.”

“Ok, but can you do me a favor?” he asked gently.

“Sure, what?”

“At least apply to both Tisch and Harvard? Even if you choose to still stay local you’ll at least know that you have what it takes.”

Emma nodded her head slowly as she took in what he said.

“Yeah. Sure. I can do that.”

“Good.” Clay said and gave her hand another kiss before returning to his food.

* * *

It was almost midnight by the time they made it back to their room. After they had wrapped up their dinner they took a stroll around the lagoon and just enjoyed the warm night and each other’s company.

“I’m sooo tired.” Emma mumbled as she leaned back against the wall while she waited for Clay to unlock the door. “I can’t wait to curl up in bed. With you.”

“Well, your wish is my command.” Clay said and pushed the door wide open.

“My hero.” Emma replied and placed a small kiss on his cheek as she walked passed him in to the dark room.

Clay followed her in and couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he watched her walk straight to her suitcase, grab her pj’s and then disappear in to the bathroom – all without lighting any of the many lamps in the room.

Closing the door behind him and making sure it was locked, Clay placed the keycard, his wallet and phone on the table before toeing off his shoes and unbuttoning his shirt.

By the time that Emma was finished in the bathroom Clay was ready for bed as well and only needed to visit said bathroom.

“Are you even going to be awake when I get out?” Clay asked Emma with a smile as she bypassed him and headed for the bed without stopping.

Emma collapsed head first in to the pillows, making Clay shake his head with a wry smile. His girl was a huge fan of sleeping and it was more than likely that she would be dead to the world when he was done.

“Em?” he tried and only got a mumble in return. “Ok…” he chuckled and then left her where she was to brush his teeth.

When he returned from the bathroom he was surprised to see that Emma was still somewhat awake, waiting for him to join here.

“I was sure you would be sleeping.” he said as he joined her on the bed and pulled the covers over them.

“Didn’t want to sleep without you.” Emma murmured as she cuddled up next to him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder and her arm wrapping around his waist.

Clay pressed a kiss to her hair and wrapped his own arm around her as well. This, right here? Laying in bed with Emma in his arms and with nothing that could interrupt them? His idea of heaven.

It didn’t take long before he felt Emma’s breathing evened out and as he glanced down at her he could see that she was indeed asleep. For a long while he just lay there, watching her sleep and tried to really take in that this was real, she was his and they were here, in this magical place, just the two of them.

When a piece of hair fell down over her face he gently removed it and placed it back behind her ear. Emma moved slightly and mumbled something but didn’t wake up and as the silence once more settled in the room Clay uttered the words he had still to tell her to her face.

“I love you, Emma.”


	59. Three words, eight letters

“I can’t believe we’re going home tomorrow. I swear it feels as if we just got here!” Emma said, pouting when Clay looked over his shoulder at her as they made their way up to their room to change out of their bathing suits before their last dinner.

Opening the door, Clay held it open as Emma walked in past him and then let the door close behind them with a click.

“I know, sweets, but admit it; a part of you is extremely anxious to go home so that we can find out as to why Brock wanted us back.”

“Yes!” Emma said, excitement clearly showing in her voice.

“The only thing I can come up with is that he’s going to propose to Annie but it doesn’t sound like him to ask us all to be there for that? He’d do that in private, wouldn’t he?” she asked, turning to look at her boyfriend who was now leaning against the closed hotel room door.

Clay nodded. “I had the same exact thoughts…” he said, tilting his head to the side and just looked at Emma as his mind whirled.

“What?” she asked curiously. “I can actually see the cogwheels moving in there.”

“The only other thing I can come up with is that they’re having a baby and are going to share the news with us.”

Emma stopped reaching for the dress she had left on a hanger and stared at him.

“You think?”

“I have no clue. Do you have any other ideas?” he asked with a shrug.

“No…” she trailed off, trying to think if Annie had said or done anything out of character when they last saw each other. “But I also don’t think she’s pregnant because she for sure had a couple of glasses of wine when we had that bbq at dad’s.”

“Well… then I’m out of ideas. Guess we’ll just have to wait until Friday and see what Broccoli’s got up his sleeve.”

Emma shuddered. “I hate it when you call him that. Uncle Brock is not a vegetable.”

“You try coming up with a good nickname for the guy – Broccoli is the only one that has stuck.”

Emma shook her head and then glanced over at the open door to the bathroom.

“If you want to shower before dinner you should head in there before me because once I lock myself in there I’m not coming out until I’m ready to leave.”

“So demanding.” Clay said with a smile but he walked over to the bed and picked up the clothes he’d left out there this morning and, after placing a quick kiss on Emma’s bare shoulder, headed in to the bathroom to wash away the sand from their last day at the beach.

Emma grinned at the closed bathroom door. She really did love that man and if she didn’t tell him that soon she was sure she’d just blurt it out at any given moment.

* * *

Emma looked around as Clay guided her through the impressive and elegant hotel lobby.

“Uhm…Bear? This isn’t the way to any of the restaurants…” she said, looking over her shoulder in the direction where all the restaurants where located.

Clay squeezed her hip with the hand he had wrapped around her waist.

“No, it’s not.” he answered but continued walking and Emma, hesitantly, followed suit.

“So… where are we going? Because I’m hungry and you need to feed me. You wouldn’t like me when I’m starved.”

A snort escaped him.

“I will feed you sweetheart, but since it’s our last night here I thought we should do something special.”

Emma glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Ok… and that something special is… what? Share the important information.”

“You’ll see…” Clay said and then turned them to the left as they excited the hotel, leading them towards the most private of the resorts beaches.

Emma kept looking around as Clay lead the way down to the beach and as they reached the part where the walkway gave way to the sand they both stepped out of their sandals and continued barefoot further down.

“Come on, Bear. What are we doing down here? It’s already darkening and when the sun goes down it’ll be pitch black.”

Clay didn’t say anything; instead he gently turned her around a little to her left and there, next to the palm tree located closest to the ocean, was a classic red and white checkered picnic blanket surrounded by glowing candles.

Emma looked at it with wide eyes; speechless for a moment. She really hadn’t expected this and while she knew her man was a romantic at heart, this was something you only saw in movies. Right?

“Did you…?” she finally asked softly, turning to look at the man next to her.

“I thought we would do something private for our last evening of our vacation. I wanted you all to myself – no other people around – tonight.” Clay said before leading her the rest of the way over to the blanket where Emma realized a picnic basket were also waiting for them.

As they settled down next to each other on the blanket, Clay pulled the basket closer to him and started pulling out various plates and bowls, as well as two glasses and a bottle of wine.

Emma took in each object he sat down between them and shook her head as a soft smile spread across her lips.

“You do know that this is corny, right? And yet another cliché? You’re close to reaching you max quota for the month, babe.”

Clay pulled back the wine glass he’d been about to hand her.

“Hey, if you don’t like it you are free to walk back to the hotel and order room service.” he said with a grin and winked at her. “I can have this picnic all by my lonesome if necessary.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I love it. But I was just making sure you were aware that if the team finds out…” Emma trailed off, getting to her knees only to situate herself in Clay’s lap and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

Clay’s hands immediately let go of the glasses he’d been holding, thankful that they where plastic ones, and grabbed on to her hips.

“And how exactly would they find out, Birdie?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her as she grinned mischievously at him.

“I don’t know…” she said with a shrug as she tried to look innocent.

“Oh, really? So if I ask you not to tell your dad or your uncles about this little outing, you won’t?”

“Of course not!” Emma replied, pretending to be slightly offended. “My aunts however…” she continued as a wicked glint showed in her eyes.

Clay groaned. “Like there’s any way Davis, Naima, Lauren and Annie wouldn’t tell the guys…” he said, leaning his head back in faked annoyance.

Emma giggled and gently pulled his head back up so that she could kiss him again.

“You know it’s just because they love you that they tease you. That’s why you all tease each other about every stupid thing. I would be worried if you didn’t tease each other at this point!” she told him as she pulled back from the kiss, just as he tried to deepen it.

“I know…” Clay said, and then kissed Emma’s hair.

“Now, if you want to actually eat I suggest you get off my lap” he said, lifting her to the side, “or the only think you’ll have in your mouth anytime soon will be my tongue…” he finished, while wiggling his eyebrows.

Emma slapped him playfully on his chest before grabbing one of the glasses he’d dropped.

“I’d prefer food first, thank you. We can discuss the other option later.”

“I like the sound of that…” he said with a wink and then returned to getting out their dinner.

* * *

She was back in what was quickly becoming one of her favorite positions: straddling Clay.

They’d had dinner while talking about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time and then, just as soon as they’d put the leftovers and empty dishes back in the basket, Emma had pushed Clay down on to his back and quickly straddled his hips, letting out a soft sound as their lower bodies came together, separated only by his jeans and her dress.

Clay’s hands settled on her waist and Emma leaned down, bracing herself on her arms next to his head as her hair fell down and acted like a shield around them.

She started off with soft, gentle kisses on his collarbones, up his throat, along his rugged jaw to finally settle on his lips. As she let her mouth finally connect with his one of his hands crept up from her waist to the back of her head, holding her there so that he could deepen the kiss and take back what little control he still possessed.

Emma groaned as Clay took over the kiss, setting the pace, and moved her hips deliberately over his, making Clay groan as well.

The hand that had been left on Emma’s waist found its way down her back and under her dress, coming to rest on her bottom. As Clay gave it a squeeze, Emma pulled out of their kiss and moaned in his ear.

“You really can’t keep doing that, Birdie. We are not having sex on the beach.” he mumbled but as his mouth trailed behind her ear, leaving kisses in its wake, it was a very weak statement.

The giggle that filled the space between them made a warmth spread in Clay’s chest and when Emma moved her hips, making his hand slip down from her butt, he had to draw in a sharp breath because his girl had soaked her underwear.

“You’re killing me, Em!” he grunted and when Emma’s answer was to grind her hips down on his ever growing hardness he swore out loud and quickly flipped them over so that Emma was now pinned underneath him.

“No fair…” she whimpered out, only to moan again as his lips came down on hers again, silencing any complaint she wanted to lodge against his move.

Clay wasn’t about to have sex with Emma on the beach, for more than one reason (sand should just not be in certain places, ok?), but there were still things they could do to make both of them happy without either of them being arrested for indecent exposure…

* * *

Leaning back against the palm tree, Emma’s back pressed against his chest, Clay tried to keep his gaze on the sunset that was going on in front of them. The sky was a mix of red, yellow, orange and purple and while it was beautiful and a sight to be seen, his eyes preferred the view of the woman in his arms.

Emma’s blond hair was resting over one shoulder, her blue eyes were watching the horizon and her skin seemed to glow in the mix of the light from the sky and the candles that surrounded them. Clay wasn’t sure there was anything in the world that could beat that, not even the magical sunset of the Bahamas.

“You’re supposed to be watching the sunset…” Emma said, interrupting his thoughts.

“I am…”

Emma snorted. “No you’re not. You’re staring at me and honestly, it’s creeping me out a little bit.”

She tilted her head back so that she could see his face as well.

“What’s on your mind, Bear?”

Clay tilted his head forward and placed his lips against her forehead.

“You.” he answered when he pulled back, smiling at the blush that instantly rose in Emma’s cheeks.

“What about me? You’ll have to do better than that.” she said, winking at him.

Clay hugged her tighter against him and let out a soft sigh.

“I was just thinking about how beautiful you are and how this sunset doesn’t even come close to your beauty.”

Emma shook her head but Clay continued as if he hadn’t seen it.

“I was also thinking about how incredibly lucky to have you in my life. How grateful I am that you showed up just when I needed you the most and how you have made my life so much better since that day.”

She opened her mouth to say something but Clay stopped her from saying anything to dispute him by pressing a soft kiss to her lips. When he was certain she wasn’t going to try and make less of his words he pulled back from the kiss and smiled gently at her.

“You, Emma Marie Hayes, are beautiful inside and out. You are one of the most unselfish person’s I have ever met and they way you support everyone around you, me included, is astonishing. Seeing you handle the past 6 months, with all the hurt and sadness, just made me even more impressed and you are…”

Emma twisted around in his arms and shifted her legs so that she was once more straddling him on the blanket. She then cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, trying to put everything she was feeling in to one single kiss.

Pulling back again she kept her hands on his face and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I love you, Clay Spenser.”

Clay looked stunned at her and for a moment Emma thought she’d misinterpreted the situation but then a soft smile slowly spread on his face.

“I love you too, Emma Hayes.” he answered, pulling her in to a hug as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him as close as she could.


	60. From this moment on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter of Crash and Burn was posted on September 8th. That's exactly 3 months ago. I can't believe that in the past 3 months this story, which was supposed to be around 10-ish chapters, has turned in to this monster which today get's it's 60th chapter!
> 
> Thank you all so, so, so, sooo much for reading, commenting and reviewing! I so appreciate it!  
Much love, LaserFocus<3

It was Friday and everyone was gathered in Brock and Annie’s living room. The room wasn’t made to house fourteen adults, five children and one dog but here they all where, at 10.00am on a sunny Friday morning and curiosity was filling the already full room to the brim.

“Ok. There’s way too many people on way to small a surface so out with it Brock, what’s up?” Jason asked from his place on the crowded couch. He was squeezed in to one of the corners, Mikey on his lap, Sonny next to him with Lisa on his other side and with Mandy sitting on one of the armrests, Lauren on the other.

Brock cleared his throat and looked around at the people gathered in his living room.

“Alright so, as you all know, neither Annie nor I have any family still alive so you guys, the people gathered in this room, are what we see as our family and that is why we asked you to be here today.” he said slowly, trying to figure out how to get what he wanted to say out without them all making fun of him for it afterwards. He loved his brothers but they never let embarrassing speeches go.

Annie, who had been standing a few steps behind Brock, stepped up next to him and grabbed his hand.

“You guy’s have been so supportive of us and our relationship since day one and you ladies,” she said, looking at Naima, Lauren, Lisa, Mandy and then Emma, “are really my best friends and confidants.”

“Ok, we get it, you guys love us. What’s the catch?” Sonny interrupted which was promptly followed by a groan of pain as Lisa elbowed him in the side – hard.

“Shut up, Sonny.” she hissed before smiling encouragingly at Annie and Brock. “Don’t mind him, go on.”

Blowing out a deep breath Brock looked down at his girlfriend and then faced his friend, brothers – family, again.

“Annie and I… well… we’re getting married…” he said and after a second or two of stunned silence the room was filled by congratulations and questions and all the random noises of 15+ people talking at the same time.

Ray, who was sitting in one of the two armchairs with Jameelah on his lap and Naima on one of the armrests, saw how overwhelmed their most demur brother was by the explosion of sound and sighed. Why was it always him who had to be the voice of reason?

Just as he was about to call out for silence a loud whistle came from his right and instantly you could’ve heard a nail fall because everyone froze.

“Good,” Naima said with a smile, “now, let them finish because I don’t think they where, right Brock? Annie?” she said with a wink.

Ray smiled over at his stunning wife before focusing back on the couple in front of them.

“Right, so, as Brock said, we’re getting married. Today. So if you all could be at the church at 1pm…”

The silence in the room was deafening following Annie’s words and everyone, except Naima, looked at the pair with wide eyes.

Emma, sitting on Clay’s lap in the other armchair with RJ in her arms, leapt up and handed the baby over as she practically bounced over to Brock and Annie.

“How can we help?” she asked once she’d hugged the both.

Brock smiled at the blond whirlwind that was his boss’s daughter (and Clay’s girlfriend) and placed a fond kiss on her head.

“Annie and I, well, mostly Annie, have almost everything handled. But if you want to grace us with a song for our first dance…”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Emma burst out before he even finished and she started to make a mental list of possible songs for the occasion.

The rest of the Bravo contingent unfroze from their positions and made their way over, in smaller groups to congratulate the couple. Ray glanced as his wife and realized why she’d been so smug the whole way over here.

“You knew.” he said, and it wasn’t a question.

“Of course I did. Lauren and I have been helping Annie out and answering any questions since we, and Vivi, are the married ones.”

Emma, having rejoined Clay and RJ on the chair next to Ray and Naima, looked at her favorite aunt.

“You and aunt Lauren both knew and didn’t tell me? How rude!” she said with a smile, using one of her favorite catchphrases from Full House. 

“Sorry, Em but you had enough on your plate what with keeping everything afloat at home with Mikey and then with this one.” Naima smirked and pointed at Clay.

“Well that’s just rude…” Clay mumbled but kissed Emma on the head, making the other three laugh.

* * *

Clay looked up from his phone as Emma cursed and muttered under her breath where she was standing in front of her open closet, dresses thrown all around. They’d stopped by his apartment so that he could shower and change before they’d made their over here so he was just relaxing on her bed while she got, as she put it, ‘pretty’.

“What’s up, buttercup?” he asked as another dress, a yellow one this time, almost hit him in the face as she flung it over her shoulder.

“Do not start with the cutesie nicknames right now, Clay. I’m not in the mood!” she said, not even looking at him as another dress, a purple one, landed on her bedside lamp.

“Ok…” Clay mumbled and watched her for a few minutes before finally having had enough so he got up from the bed and gently wrapped his arms around her, effectively trapping her arms along her sides.

“I don’t have time for this. Please let me go.”

“Nope.”

Emma tried to get out of his hold for a few seconds before a deep sigh left her and she relaxed back against his chest, head leaning back on his shoulder.

“See, was that so hard?” he asked before pressing his lips against her forehead.

“I have nothing to wear and I still have to shower and do my hair and my makeup and…”

“Hey, breathe!” Clay said and turned her so that she was facing him.

Emma took a few deep breaths and then looked up at Clay who smiled gently at her.

“Get your cute butt in to the shower, do what you have to do with your hair and face and I will pick out a dress.”

“But…” Emma started to say but Clay stopped her by pressing his lips against hers in a firm kiss.

Emma didn’t reciprocate at first but when one of Clay’s hands cupped her head and tilted it for better access, and the other one drifted down to the small of her back, a low moan left her and her arms wrapped around him as her lips parted to grant him entrance.

When he was sure he would get no more protests out of her, as she was relaxed and pliant in his arms, he pulled back and smirked at her as she panted.

“You. Shower. Now.” he said, and turned her towards her bathroom door.

Emma shook her head, trying to clear the kiss induced fog he’d placed her in, and fake glared at him over her shoulder as she made her way to the bathroom.

“That was mean.” she said but she couldn’t hide her smile as the satisfaction of a job well done so clearly showed in his face.

Clay shook his head too. “Just shower, babe and get yourself together because we have a wedding to attend. I promised I’ll find you a dress, ok?”

“Fine…” Emma muttered and then disappeared in to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

Clay smiled fondly in the direction of the bathroom before turning on his heel so that he was looking at the mess that once was Emma’s very organized closet. What did he just get himself in to?

* * *

Emma was in awe as she stepped in to the small church Brock and Annie was about to get married in. Each pew was decorated with small bouquets of Baby's-breath and tulle while a white aisle runner, with their initials printed at the start, went from the church entrance all the way to the altar. It was beautiful in its simplicity.

This was totally something she could picture herself wanting one day… only she would probably want and outdoor wedding. But the Baby’s-breath and tulle was right up her ally!

A hand on the small of her back made her look away from the decorations and she smiled as her eyes met Clay’s.

“What’s on your mind, Birdie?” he asked as he moved them to the side so that the Blackburn family as well as Lisa and Sonny could make their way past them and take their seats.

“Nothing…” she said but the blush that appeared on her cheeks told a different story.

“Why don’t I believe that?” Clay wondered out loud as he gently tapped her cheek with his index finger.

“Come on. Tell me, sweets.”

Emma glanced away from Clay and once more looked at the decorations.

“I was just… imagining what I would want for my own wedding.” she said in a low voice, almost like a whisper.

Clay drew in a deep breath as his eyes tried to catch hers again but she was locked in on the flowers.

“Is that something you want?” he asked slowly, “To get married?”

“Sure.” she said, and then snapped back to see the look on his face which made her giggle.

“Not any time soon, I’m way too young, Bear so don’t get any ideas. But yeah, in the future I want that.”

“I…” Clay started to reply but Ray, Naima and the kids halted next to them, efficiently putting an end to their conversation.

“We all need to get seated because I just saw Annie arrive.” Naima told them and they both knew better than to say no to her so Emma and Clay joined the Perry’s as they made their way down the aisle.

Almost as soon as they sat down, Emma and Clay next to Jason, Mikey and Mandy in the front pew, Ray, Naima and the kids in the one behind them, Brock appeared at the altar and was joined by Trent, his best man, and the priest.

Looking around Emma did her mental check of all her Bravo family and then turned in her seat.

“I’m guessing Lauren is Annie’s matron of honor?” she asked Naima who nodded.

Turning back to face the front Emma only had time to get situated before the church doors opened and the music started as Lauren walked down the aisle wearing a beautiful champagne colored dress and a bouquet of baby’s-breaths, slightly larger than the ones decorating the pews. 

When Lauren had taken her place at the altar Emma expected the music to change but instead the doors opened up again and Cerberus came walking down the aisle, wearing a bow tie and in his mouth – a pillow holding the rings. The kids all giggled and Emma shook her head, that was one of the cutest thing she’d seen in a long time.

As Cerb sat down next to his owner and Trent took the pillow with the rings, the music changed to the familiar sound of Canon in D, Emma’s personal favorite of the ‘usual’ songs used in wedding processionals.

They all rose up with the change of music and when Annie appeared at the opening Emma let out a gasp at the vision she made in her flowing white dress with her brown hair pulled back from her face and a small tiara situated on her head. A bouquet of white roses and baby’s-breath completed the look and Emma wasn’t sure how Annie possibly could’ve looked any better.

“Look at Brock.” Clay suddenly whispered in her ear and Emma tore her eyes away from her soon-to-be aunt and looked over at her uncle.

The look of pure awe on his face and the shine of tears in his eyes made Emma’s own eyes tear and when Annie joined her soon-to-be husband at the altar a tear escaped and made its way down Emma’s cheek, only to be wiped away before it dropped down her chin.

“That better be happy tears.” Clay whispered again and all Emma could do was nod. Yes, her tears this time was happy because the happiness the bride and groom was giving out was probably big enough to power the whole town.

* * *

“…by the power vested in me, and as witnessed by friends and family, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.”

As Brock did just that they all got to their feet and when Sonny started to wolf-whistle Clay joined in and soon the church was a mix of applauses, wolf-whistles and giggles.

The happy couple escaped down the aisle, followed by their best man and matron of honor and then, after giving them a few minutes, the rest of Bravo and their families did the same.

Standing outside, waiting for the couples exit, Clay found himself standing by himself as Emma was drawn in to a conversation with the “pink squadron” (as well as Lisa and Mandy) about Annie’s dress and what not.

Looking at his girl he flashed back to their conversation before the ceremony. He knew that they hadn’t been together long enough for him to even contemplate a proposal, marriage and children, especially since Emma was only 18 and still had so much to do before settling down, but honestly? If he’d thought for even a second that Emma was ready to settle down and marry him? He would’ve asked her in a heartbeat.

As far as he was concerned Emma was it. That was the woman he wanted to live with, get married to and have a family with. The woman he wanted a life with, now, tomorrow, a year from now and forever.

“What’s got you all smiley and lost in thoughts?”

Jason’s voice next to him snapped him back to reality and looking to his right he saw that not only had Jason joined him but so had Sonny and Ray. 

“Nothing you want to know about, boss.” he answered after a beat and after giving him a quick look Jason nodded his head in agreement. He knew better than to demand an answer from the man his daughter was dating. There were things a dad just wasn’t supposed to know.

The sound of the church doors opening had them all turning around and as the newlyweds stepped out they were greeted by bubbles (blown by the children) and handfuls of birdseeds. By the look of things Annie would be picking birdseeds out of her dress all night which only made Clay smirk and throw another handful at the couple, who scowled at the youngest Bravo member.

When all the congratulations were taken care of they all migrated towards the parking lot and 15 minutes later they all reconvened in Brock and Annie’s backyard which had been decorated and set up with tables and chairs and even a dance floor while they had been at the wedding.

While waiting for the happy couple to make their grand entrance, everyone started to find their assigned seats but when everyone had sat down Clay looked at the empty stool next to him and then scanned the area for his girlfriend because she was not where she was supposed to be – next to him.

The sound of tapping on a microphone called everyone’s attention towards the dance floor and there, next to Trent (who was the one with the microphone) were Emma.

“…and it’s my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Brock Reynolds!” Trent said in to the mic and as they all cat called and clapped their hands the pair made their way over to the dance floor.

“They couple will now share their first dance as man and wife.” Trent continued and then he handed the microphone over to Emma as music started playing in the background and Brock pulled Annie in to his arms.

“_From this moment, life has begun. _  
_From this moment, you are the one._  
_Right beside you is where I belong._  
_From this moment on._

_From this moment, I have been blessed. _  
_I live only for your happiness. _  
_And for your love, I'd give my last breath. _  
_From this moment on._”

Clay should be looking at Brock and Annie dancing. He knew he should. But no matter how many times he tried to look at the newlyweds his eyes kept moving back to the woman in the midnight blue dress (that he had picked) that was singing her big beautiful heart out.

“_I give my hand to you with all my heart. _  
_I can't wait to live my life with you, _  
_I can't wait to start._  
_You and I will never be apart._  
_My dreams came true because of you ._

_From this moment as long as I live,_  
_I will love you, I promise you this._  
_There is nothing I wouldn't give, _  
_From this moment on, oh._

_You're the reason I believe in love, _  
_And you're the answer to my prayers from up above. _  
_All we need is just the two of us. _  
_My dreams came true because of you._

_From this moment as long as I live._  
_I will love you, I promise you this._  
_There is nothing I wouldn't give, _  
_From this moment,_  
_I will love you as long as I live,_  
_From this moment on…_”

As the song ended and they once again applauded the couple Clay locked eyes with his girl and smiled at her, causing her to blush prettily while putting the mic back on its stand.

Yeah. He was going to marry that girl. Not today, not tomorrow, not in the next year. But one day, he was going to marry that girl. He was sure of it.


	61. Necessary separation

“What are you doing?” Emma asked her dad as she stepped in to the kitchen, intending to get some breakfast and coffee before heading to the mall with Hannah and Cathy.

“Cleaning this up for you.” Jason answered as he continued to clean the gun on the table before him.

Emma filled her travel mug up and then returned the coffee pot to the coffeemaker and walked over to her dad to see what he was apparently cleaning up for her. Seeing the gun he’d taken apart and was now cleaning Emma shook her head.

“No. Hard pass on that one.”

“There is no _pass_.” Jason said, looking up at his daughter. “I'm taking you to the range 'cause you need to learn how to shoot.”

“No, I don't. There’s absolutely no need for that and besides, I have plans and none of them includes a trip to the range.”

“Yes, you do. You do need to learn how to shoot.”

“Why? For what reason do I need to learn how to shoot and carry a gun?” Emma asked, hands on her hips.

Jason sighed. “What's gonna happen when Grandma's not here or I'm not here? Who do you think is in charge then?”

Emma opened her mouth to answer but Jason did that himself.

“You would be the one who's in charge and that is why you need to be able to handle a gun.”

“I know how to dial 911, dad. Just like you and mom thought me when I was three.” she said with a small smile and kissed him on the cheek as she walked over to the fridge.

“That's great. You know how to dial 911. All right, so what happens when you do dial 911? How long does it take for them to get here? How do you defend yourself in the mean time?”

Grabbing a yogurt, she shut the fridge again before looking back at her dad.

“The world's not full of bad guys, dad. You only see it that way because of your job. We’ve lived here for how long without a break in?”

“It’s not because of my job, all right? I'm not always gonna be around to look after you – we are going on deployment soon - so you need to be prepared.” Jason told her before he started to put the now cleaned gun back together.

“For what? This is Virginia Beach, not Yemen.” she said, trying to make light of the situation. She knew that if her dad had his way her and Mikey would be wrapped up in bubble wrap and placed in a secure location while he was away but that just wasn’t realistic.

“It's not a joke, Emma.”

She sighed and put her yogurt down on the kitchen island before walking back towards her dad at the dining table.

“I know. You want to keep me safe. But guess what, I am safe. And so is Mikey. I don't need a gun.” she said gently while wrapping her arms around him from behind in a slightly awkward hug.

Jason sighed and put one of his hand above Emma’s. Emma leaned back and placed her head on top of her dad’s.

“But if it makes you feel better, I'll take Krav Maga classes or something. Clay’s been bothering me about that because he thinks I need to know how to defend myself.”

With that Emma kissed her dad’s hair and, after grabbing her to-go mug with coffee, headed towards the garage.

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better...” Jason grumbled under his breath as Emma left the kitchen but as he found himself alone again he gave the idea another thought… It would actually make him feel a bit better if he knew that Emma at least knew something more than just the basic self-defense. He would have to talk to Clay about this and see what he’d had in mind.

* * *

The buzzing from his phone, signaling that he’d gotten a text, pulled Clay away from the movie he was watching.

**Birdie**  
**Wednesday** 19.34  
_Are you home? Can I stop by?_

**Bear  
Wednesday** 19.35  
_Yes and yes :)_

Clay waited a moment for a reply but none came so he put his phone back down on the table and just as he pressed play again a series of knocks, Emma’s signature, rapped on his door so he paused it again and headed over to the door.

As he opened it Emma practically fell in to his arms and wrapped herself around him, arms around his neck and legs around his waist.

“Well hello to you too, Em.” he laughed as he wrapped his own arms around her and kicked the apartment door closed.

“I’m sooo done with my dad.” she muttered in to his neck, squirming in to a comfier position as he sat the two of them down on the couch.

Clay chuckled and brushed some hair away from her cheeks.

“What he do this time? Another awkward inquiry in to your sex life?”

Emma shuddered in his arms and lifted her head up so that she could glare at him.

“No! And please don’t ever bring that up again because as far as I’m concerned it never happened. And both dad and Ray seem to agree with me on that.”

“So, what is it then?” he asked, pushing an errant hair strand behind her ear.

“He insists I need to learn how to shoot and I’ve found him cleaning out guns at the kitchen table three times this week! He want me to go to the range with him and I swear one of these days he’s just gonna hand me a concealed carry permit.”

“Ok, hang on. Are you telling me that in the 18 years you’ve been alive, Jay hasn’t already taken you to the range? Or at least taught you how to handle a gun?”

Emma groaned in frustration. “Of course he has. I can handle a gun if I need to but dad is on a mission and apparently won’t give it up.”

“I can see where he’s coming from,” Clay started and then had put a hand up to stop Emma from uttering how displeased she was with his words, “but, I think I’d prefer you unarmed, sweets.”

Emma instantly relaxed again and nodded in agreement before stopping to look at him.

“Why is that exactly?” she asked suspiciously.

“Because there is so many ways it could go wrong. I’m pretty sure you could handle a gun, and Jace wouldn’t let you carry if he didn’t believe that too, but there are ways that a gun could be disarmed from you and used against you. Or go of accidentally. That’s why.”

Seemingly satisfied with his answer Emma let her head fall back down to his shoulder and she let out a sigh.

“I just want him to let it go…” she mumbled.

They sat quiet for a while, with Emma wrapped around him and his hands making soothing patterns up and down her back.

“There are other ways for you to defend yourself that doesn’t include a gun…” Clay suddenly said, making Emma sit up again.

“I told him that. I said I’d take like Krav Maga or something if that’d make him feel better but I got no real response from him. Just found him two days later cleaning out another gun.”

“Hmm…” Clay muttered. “Do you want me to bring it up to him?”

Emma shrugged. “I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad idea to be honest, Bear. I mean… would he see it as my boyfriend bringing it up or his rookie?”

I don’t know, sweets. But you and I said we would keep work and home separate, but Jay has to do the same. The only way to do that is to actually have conversations where that separation is necessary”

“I guess…” she said slowly before seemingly coming to a conclusion of her own. “Alright, if you have the opportunity to talk to dad about it, give it a shoot. I do not want him to just hand me a concealed carry permit one of these days.”

“Well, we do go back to work tomorrow so I’ll see when and if I get the time to talk to him about it.”

“Thanks, Bear.” she said before pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss.

As they pulled back Clay pressed another kiss to her forehead.

“You are very welcome, babe.”

Finally letting go of Clay, Emma twisted around so that she could see the TV which was still on pause. Tilting her head she studied the frozen frame for a second and as a smile spread across her face she turned slightly so that she could see her boyfriends face.

“Are you watching the Vampire Academy movie?”

* * *

Returning to work was supposed to be calm and ‘easy’. They were supposed to have a few weeks of training and just… getting the team back in shape, but instead they found themselves tasked with a very rare and special op just a few hours of checking in on base and within 30 they were on the C-17 and had a 13 hour flight to Qatar ahead of them.

Clay glanced at Jason when their quick briefing wrapped up but decided that now wasn’t time to talk about Emma and instead he went to hang his hammock and chat with Sonny. Later on, as everyone settled down in their hammocks or the benches, Clay saw Jason sitting by himself but before he could make a decision on wither to approach him or not, Blackburn did just that so Clay took that as a sign to just let it go until the op was done and dusted.

The op itself, which Sonny called a Unicorn, was a hostage rescue from a hijacked plane and a joint one at that, with the British SAS in charge. When they got back on the C-17 to fly home they all felt as if they’d been at it for days when really they’d only been on the ground for a few hours – just enough time to lose 3 hostages and save the other 80.

The debrief wasn’t as extensive as they usually where – they weren’t the ones in charge after all – and when all the t’s where crossed and i’s dotted, the team scattered on the plane. Sonny to the corner where Davis was going through her usual lists, Trent and Brock sat down by one of the coolers, Ray climbed in to his hammock and Jason ended up on one of the boxes of gear strapped down at the far end.

Clay, having stayed by the debrief table, got an eyebrow raise from both Blackburn and Mandy when he didn’t immediately move off to his own space.

“Something on your mind?” Mandy asked with a wry smile, having seen the glances the youngest member kept throwing his boss’s way.

Clay blew out a breath as he considered his answer and then, realizing that Mandy was, well, Mandy, decided to check what and if Jace had told her.

“Jace say anything to you about giving Em shooting lessons, a gun and/or a concealed carry permit?”

Mandy’s eyebrows flew up.

“No, he hasn’t. Is that a thing?”

“Apparently. Em doesn’t want it but he’s really pushing for it. She’s open to take self defense classes but she doesn’t want a gun. And I agree with her.”

Mandy nodded in agreement and so did Blackburn, both knowing the risks and rewards of guns and civilians.

“So, you glancing over at Jay?” Blackburn asked, tilting his head towards the man on the box.

“Told Em I would bring up the self defense thing with him, see if I could talk him down from gun to Krav Maga. Just haven’t found the moment to do so yet.” Clay said with s shrug.

“Well, now’s as good a time as any.” Mandy told him and then gave him a friendly bump in the side to get him moving.

“God you’re bossy.” Clay mumbled with a humorous wink as he wandered off down the plane towards Jason and the conversation ahead.

* * *

Sitting alone on the couch, Mikey upstairs in his room, Emma stiffed when she heard and unfamiliar noise. Listening intently, waiting to see if she heard it again, she sat still for a good minute or two before letting it go and returning her focus to the TV.

“Just when you thought you were all alone, look who's back.”

The sound of a voice made her jump in her seat, a hand landing on her chest as she realized who it was.

“Do you really have to do that every time you return home?” she asked, pretending to be mad at him.

“Yes.” Jason said with a wide smile. ”You know how much I love surprising you. The look on your face is priceless!”

Emma shook her head but got up from the couch to give him a hug. She might not be a fan of his surprise returns but she did love it when he came home.

“Where's your brother?” he asked as they broke the hug.

“Playing video games in his room. Like a mole person.” Emma said with a grin

It was Jason’s turn to shake his head. “Of course he is. If he isn’t on the ice he’s on the console...”

Pulling a pamphlet out of his back pocket he held up so that Emma could see it.

“What is that?” She asked hesitantly. “A concealed carry permit?”

“No. Look at it.” Jason said, holding it out for her until she grabbed it and unfolded it.

“Krav Maga.”

“Right? At the Y. You start the week before I leave for deployment.”

“What's happening here?” Emma asked softly. “You where dead set on me having a gun and now you’re ok with Krav Maga?”

“I heard you, ok? This is me compromising.”

Emma looked at him skeptically.

“No, seriously. There’s no way you just decided to ‘hear’ me. What changed your mind?”

Jason sighed. “I talked to Clay. He made some good points and, while I still would prefer you carrying a gun, I will settle for self defense.” he was quiet for a second. “And shooting lessons. You can decide who you want to have them with – anyone on Bravo – but I want you to be up to date with your shooting and there will be a gun in this house. At all times.”

Emma just looked at her dad for a minute, mulling over his words, before nodding.

“I can live with that. And thank you. For listening to Clay.”

“Yeah, yeah… the kid does have his moments…” Jason muttered, making Emma chuckled.

“Is it ok if I head over to his place?” she asked, glancing at the clock.

Jason did the same and then sighed. “Yeah, go ahead.” Another pause. “But if it gets too late do the smart thing and stay there for the night, ok? I’ll live in happy ignorance of what goes on there but don’t drive tired, ok?”

“Thank you, daddy.” Emma said, standing up on her toes to place a kiss on his cheek before heading towards the door.

“Yeah…You’re sure you don't want a gun?” he called after her but all he got in return was a laugh as the front door closed behind her.

* * *

Emma didn’t bother to text ahead this time. She knew he was going to be home and he’d told her a while back to use the apartment if she ever wanted a place to go.

As she approached the door she pondered for a second if she should knock or not but then decided not to, just in case he’d gone straight to bed. He’d told her once that while he might nap in his hammock he never got any kind of quality sleep on the plane so it was very possible she would find him asleep.

Unlocking the door she pushed it open and as she stepped in she found the living area empty and so was the kitchen.

Kicking her shoes off next to Clay’s sneakers she tip toed over to the bedroom which door was slightly ajar. Opening it a little wider she saw that she had been right in her assumption and Clay was very much asleep.

Pushing the door open enough so that she could slip in, she then closed it softly behind her and continued to tip toe over to what was ‘her’ side of the bed.

Grabbing the tee Clay most likely had discarded before he fell into bed, she quickly change out of her own top and in to the soft grey tee and, after removing her skirt, climbed in next to the sleeping man.

Realizing that there was no pillow where one should be she looked at Clay and couldn’t stop the fond smile that settled on her face when she found the missing pillow being snuggled in Clay’s arms. Looked like she wasn’t the only one who’d gotten used to sleeping next to someone.

As she gently tried to remove the pillow from his gasp his eyes opened.

“Hey, Birdie. What are you doing here?” he asked with a voice raspy with sleep as his eyes focused in on her.

“Hi yourself. I came over to say thank you for whatever you told my dad because he has decided that Krav Maga and shooting lessons will suffice.” she told him while she removed the pillow from his hold and then situated herself against him.

Emma’s head ended up on his left arm, their legs tangled together naturally and Clay let out a soft sigh as his free arm wrapped around her and pulled her in as close as she could get without them actually becoming one entity.

“I’m just happy he listened.” Clay said softly before placing soft kisses on the top of her hair, on her forehead, down her nose and finally on her lips.

“Do you have to leave soon?” he asked sleepily as he laid his head back down on his pillow.

Emma shook her head. “No, I’m spending the night.”

“If I wasn’t so tired there is so much I would be willing to do with that…” Clay said while a huge yawn escaped him.

Emma giggled and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

“You can make it up to me in the morning.”

“I like the sound of that.” he mumbled, already halfway back to dream land.

Emma watched him for a few seconds, feeling her own eyes grew heavy with tiredness and then she closed them to let herself join her boyfriend in sleep.


	62. The Ashhole

Emma groaned as she stretched out her pleasantly sore body. Today was Sunday, the last day before school started up again, and she had spent the last 36 hours with Clay, locked away in his apartment.

Since the whole gun issue had settled, Emma had actually spent almost every night Bravo wasn’t spun up at Clay’s place. Her dad was still playing the ‘ignorance is bliss card’ and hey, if that worked for him then that was alright with her.

“You awake?”

Emma smiled as Clay’s husky voice broke through her thoughts.

“No, I’m just moving around in my sleep.” she answered with a smile.

Turning over, one of Clay’s arms wrapped around Emma’s waist and pulled her in close as he buried his face in her hair, breathing her in.

Emma shifted her body so that she was on her side and then snuggled into his chest to peppers tiny kisses over his bare skin while his hands ran up and down the length of her back.

“Good morning.” he mumbled.

She answered by continuing to place tiny kisses on his pecs, collarbones, in the hollow of his throat and up to his jaw.

“I love waking up next you.” Clay groaned before flipping them over so that he was hovering over her, one hand under her head, fingers tangled in her hair, and the other hand caressing her side.

Tilting her head up, asking for his lips to meet hers, Clay smiled down at her before obliging and let his mouth take hers.

They just kissed for a moment, enjoying the feeling of taking each other in and that connection between them that they so cherish. As the need for more surged, Clay pulled back so that he could look down at the girl underneath him.

“A part of me really want to continue this but I also think that maybe we’ve done enough for now?” he said, making it a question and, by doing so, gave her the power to decide if they were taking this further.

Emma smiled at him and lifted her head up to place a quick kiss on his well-kissed lips before falling back against the pillow behind her head.

“As much as I would love to, I think parts of my body are against that idea.”

Moving his body to the side of hers, Clay pressed a kiss to her temple.

“I thought as much.”

“How about you go take a shower and I will make us some breakfast?” Emma said, knowing that he most likely both wanted and needed a shower.

“Sounds great.” he said and gave her another soft kiss before rolling out of bed and heading straight for the bathroom.

Emma watched him go and as the door closed she stretched out on the bed again. Yup, pleasantly sore, indeed.

As she heard the shower turn on in the bathroom she made herself get up from the incredibly comfy bed and looking around for some clothes to put on she grabbed Clay’s discarded tee. When she’d tossed it over her shoulder the night before she had intended for it to land by the laundry basket but there was something to be said about wearing a shirt that smelled like your man.

Pulling it on she then located a pair of clean underwear and, after throwing her hair up in a bun, she headed out of the bedroom for the kitchen. If she was lucky there might be enough milk in the fridge for her to make pancakes.

* * *

Just as she was about to pour the batter in to the pan for the first pancake, a series of knocks on the door made her put the bowl of batter down and turn off the stove. Looking at the clock she’d made Clay put up she frowned. Who was coming by, unannounced, at 9am on a Sunday?

Walking over to the door she glanced out of the peephole and she immediately recognized the man on the other side. They had never met but she’d seen him on TV, heard a lot of stories (none of them good) and Clay had once told her that what really drove him in his work was the hope that he would one day erase the footsteps of this man.

Looking down at herself Emma wished for one second that she’d put on a pair of shorts or pants but then again, she had nothing to be embarrassed about here. The tee covered everything that needed to be covered and she wasn’t the one stopping by unannounced before noon on a Sunday.

Another round of knocking made her focus back in and, after letting out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding, she unlocked the door and pulled it open.

“Can I help you?” she asked the white haired man on the other side who looked back at her with wide eyes.

“Uhm…” he stumbled, glancing at the numbers on the apartment door. “Do I have the wrong address?”

“I don’t know, do you?” Emma said with a shrug.

“Right… uhm…I’m looking for my son? Clay?”

“Then no, you don’t have the wrong address. I’m guessing you’re Ashland?” Emma said, acting like she had no idea of who he was.

Opening the door up wider and stepping back, she allowed the man inside.

“Yeah…I’m Ash Spenser, Clay’s dad.” Ash answered, holding out a hand to Emma as she turned back towards him after closing the door.

“I’m Emma.” she told him as she shook his hand in greeting. There was no way she was going to inform him of her last name. Nothing good could come out of that.

“Emma. Huh.” Ash said as looked around the apartment. “What, what happened to my girl Stella?”

Emma frowned. What the hell kind of question was that? Who on earth asked their son’s apparently new girlfriend about his ex?

“They broke up.”

“Too bad. I liked her.” he said, not looking at Emma as he did because his eyes where focused on the big framed picture of Bravo Emma had hung up just last week.

Not knowing what to say to that Emma stared at the man for a moment before shaking her head. There was no good answer to that statement.

Ash suddenly turned back to her and crossed his arms as he took her in.

“So, who are you to my son?”

“His girlfriend.” Emma answered, crossing her own arms across her chest. There was no way he was going to intimidate her. She grew up with Jason Hayes as a father and spent all her childhood among SEAL’s. Ash Spenser did not even register on her intimidation scale.

Seemingly seeing that his stance and furrowed brow wasn’t going to do anything he let his arms fall back down and a smile replaced his frown.

“Have you been together long? Has he introduced you to the team?”

Emma frowned again. What kind of question was that? What was he fishing for?

“A while… and yeah, I’ve met them…” she answered slowly.

“Really? Do you know if they were in Saudi Arabia a while back? And India?” he asked, sounding way too eager.

That made her take a step back. Was the man really asking her for classified information? And did he really think she would know? And even if she did, that she would tell him? Ugh, she’d been in his presence for less than 10 minutes and already felt as if she needed a shower.

“I’m gonna go tell Clay you’re here…” she finally said and then turned on her heel and escaped from the room.

* * *

“Clay? You have a visitor and I really don’t want to be alone with him. He’s giving me icky vibes.”

Clay’s eyes widened at the shakiness in Emma’s voice and then frowned. Who the heck was visiting him on a Sunday morning? And giving Em a icky vibe?

Quickly shutting the water off, he dried himself with a towel and then hurriedly got dressed in a pair of sweats and a tee. As he opened the door to he found Emma sitting on his bed and the door to the living area closed.

Closing the distance between them he stepped in between her knees and used one of his hands to tilt her head up so that her eyes met his.

“Who’s here and why the icky vibes?” he asked.

“Your dad’s here.” Emma said, knowing that it would be enough of an answer to both questions.

Clay swore under his breath and ran a hand through his still wet hair.

“What did he say to you?”

“Well he asked for, and I quote, ‘his girl, Stella’ and then, after sort of implying that Stella was a better choice than I, he started asking questions about Bravo and if I knew of place’s you’d been...”

A low growl escaped from Clay’s throat and his hands clutched into fists.

“Breath, Bear.” Emma said after a moment and placed feathery kiss on his throat.

Clay let out a big whoosh of air and let his head down to rest on top of Emma’s. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening them again.

“I’m gonna go out there before he comes in here but can you please do me a favor?”

“What?” she asked softly, following it up with another kiss, this time on top of his tee, over his heart.

“Stay in here? I don’t want him around you if I can help it.”

“That’s fine. As I said, he gives me icky vibes. Also, I didn’t tell him my last name because I figured that he would put two and two together.”

“Good thinking.” Clay said and then he pressed his lips to her hair before stepping out of her reach. “I’ll get rid of him.”

Emma nodded and Clay smiled at her softly before turning to the door to the rest of the apartment. He let out another big breath and then he opened the door and slipped out, closing it behind him again so that there was an actual barrier between Emma and his father.

* * *

Clay found Ash sitting in the armchair as he stepped in to the living area. Flipping through the photo book Emma had put together of their Bahamas vacation.

“Ash?” he said questioningly, making the man in question look up from the book currently open on a page with a photo of him and Emma kissing while parasailing.

“Son.” Ash answered and then he pointed at the book. “So, what happened to Stella?”

Clay stared at his father. That’s what he wanted to know?

“We split up.”

“And this girl? Emma, was it? How long you’ve been with her?”

“We’ve been dating for about 4 months but I’ve known her for over a year.” Clay said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Huh.” Ash said, glancing back down at the still open book before closing it and placing it down on the table. “So, you cheated on Stella?”

“No. I didn’t.” Clay snarled. “She did all the cheating in that relationship.”

Clay caught the small smirk that appeared on Ash’s face before he promptly covered it up and tried to look miffed for his son.

“Oh, wow, SHE cheated on you? Well… them’s the breaks I guess…”

“What are you doing here, Ash?” Clay asked between clenched teeth, having had enough of this. He wanted his father out of his space so that he could go back to his calm Sunday with his girl.

“I just wanted to see you.”

Clay snorted. “Well, that would be a first. And I don’t buy it. Try again.”

Ash got up from the couch, looking both indignant and affronted, but tried hard to cover his emotions.

“Clay. You're my son. I'm proud of you. I keep tabs on everything you do. All right? And I wanted to see you and check that you where ok.”

As Ash took a step towards him, Clay walked in to the kitchen, effectively putting the kitchen divider wall between them.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Come on. Don't think I don't know that it was you, okay. It was Bravo Team who handled that mess over at Saudi a couple months ago and Adam was leading Bravo when he got killed.”

Clay stared at his father but showed no emotions. They’d been down this road before. Ash stating things, trying to make Clay slip up and show his hand but this time he was prepared.

“What, no comments?” Ash pushed on while slowly approaching the divider wall.

“None what so ever.” Clay stated, arms once again crossed in front of his chest. “And I guess that answers why you’re here, huh, dad? Trying to figure out if whatever source you have is right?”

Ash, seemingly realizing that Clay wouldn’t budge or clue him in decided to change the topic.

“So, this new girl… how did you meet her? Can’t imagine it was in a bar like with Stella… she looks way to young for that.”

Clay sighed. “Her name is Emma.”

“Fine. How did you meet Emma? And who old is she? Please tell me she’s at least legal!”

After counting to ten in his head while consciously uncurling his hands which had formed into fists again, Clay let out another sigh. He wouldn’t lie, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Ash that Em was Jason’s daughter.

“I met Emma through her uncles. And yes, of course she’s freaking legal. Who do you take me for?!”

Ash shrugged. “You never know.” he said and then his eyes narrowed. “Through her uncles, huh? She got family on the teams?”

Clay hesitated for a moment. How much could he say here without digging himself in to a deep hole?

“Uncles as in family friends, not blood relatives.” he finally answered. “What’s with the 20 questions, dad?”

“You're my son, okay? Now, I know that I wasn't the world's greatest dad, but I'd like us to be closer and for that to happen I need to know what’s going on in your life.”

Another snort escaped from Clay as he listened to the BS coming out of his father’s mouth.

“Yeah, well, you know, it doesn't really happen that way, Ash and honestly? I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth.”

Clay could actually see the restrained fury flame up in Ash’s eyes and as a result he straightened up into his full height and moved out from the kitchen, unconsciously placing himself between Ash and then closed bedroom door.

“I think it’s time for you to leave now, Ash.”

“Yeah.” the older man said before turning on his heal, heading for the door.

“You know, I realize that we might never have a great relationship, Clay, but I'm just looking for a chance to work this out.”

Clay shook his head because one; Ash was trying to come out as the one wronged, two; he could see through Ash’s false smile and pretty words and three; the man was still after something.

“Goodbye Ash.” he said and as the door slammed shut Clay had to force himself not to flinch.

* * *

He didn’t know how long he stood there but sometime later the door behind him opened and Emma stepped out of the room and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her front against his back.

“I’m guessing he’s gone?” she murmured in to his shoulder before pressing a kiss on the base of his neck.

Clay let out a shudder before relaxing in to Emma’s embrace.

“Yeah. Hopefully he won’t be back anytime soon.”

“Hm..” Emma mumbled before pressing another kiss to his shirt covered shoulder.

“What do you say we get dressed for the day and go out for breakfast? Or, brunch, whatever?”

“Sure.” Clay said softly, placing one of his hands on top of her two and giving it a squeeze.

“Good. And then we need to do something fun because we are not letting the Ashhole’s visit ruin my last day of summer.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Clay asked with a laugh.

“What?” Emma asked innocently.

“The Ashhole?” Clay asked, still laughing silently.

“Well, he’s an ass and his name is Ash… pretty much makes it obvious to me.”

Clay shook his head and pulled her around so that they where face to face. One of his hands immediately found its way to the back of her head, gently fisting her hair while tilting her head up so that her head was where he wanted it to be, and then he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

This gentle kiss lasted for only a few seconds, just long enough for Emma to press back and try and deepen it, and then he pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers.

“I love you so much, Emma Hayes.” he said softly.

“That’s good,” she whispered, “because I love you very much too, Clay Spenser.”


	63. A childhood mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo sorry for the long wait guys! Nearly a week between chapters is not how I do things but with Christmas around the corner and so much going on I just haven't had the time. But here it is and I hope to have the next one up before Christmas Eve.
> 
> So, I'm sorry for the delay but here it finally is!

It had been 2 days and all Emma wanted was to go back in time a week or two so that she could spend her days (and nights) with Clay and not here, in class, pretending to actually pay attention to whatever her teachers are saying.

Well, that’s not all true. Emma does pay attention - she’s not going to get bad grades her final year of high school thank you very much - but she still wishes she was with Clay instead of in school.

As she feels her phone buzz from an incoming text she’s grateful that she remembered to put it on silent. Just a few moments later it buzzes again with a second text and that - well that makes her anxious.

Glancing over at the clock she saw that she only had about 7 minute until the class was over so she curbed her anxiety and need to check her phone and pretended to pay attention for the last few minutes.

The second the class was over Emma shot out of her seat and as she walked out of the room she pulled out her phone and found 2 unread messages, one from her dad and one from Clay.

**Dad  
Tuesday**, 10.22  
_Caught a spin, hopefully back in a few days.  
Mikey has hockey at 4.30, Cindy is taking him but pick up at 6.  
Love you, Emmi-star_

**Bear  
Tuesday**, 10.21  
_We’re getting spun up. Wheels up in less than 4 so won’t get to see you before we leave.  
I’ll see you when we get back.  
Miss you already. _

Letting out a sigh of relief – spin ups and hockey practice she could navigate with her eyes closed.

**Emmi-Star  
Tuesday**, 10.33  
_I’ll pick him up in time.  
Come home safe.  
Love you more._

**Birdie  
Tuesday**, 10.34  
_Take care and be safe.  
Miss you too.  
ILY <3_

“Did something happen?”

Emma looked up from her phone as she pressed send on her reply to Clay and found both Cathy and Hannah looking at her with a hint of worry in their eyes.

“Nothing bad or out of the ordinary. The team just caught a spin.”

Both girls nodded in understanding, being navy brats themselves they knew the implications of that and also how much more responsibility Emma had to shoulder when it happened.

“Is Grandma Linda in town?” Cathy asked.

Emma shook her head. “No, and she won’t be back for 3 weeks so until then when dad is away it’s just gonna be me and Mikey.”

Cathy grimaced at that. “I can’t imagine being responsible for not only me but Robby as well… let us know if we can help out, yeah? I’m sure mom would help too if you need it.”

“Thanks, babe but it’s not that bad. Mikey makes it easy most of the time. And your mom already is because she’s taking the boys to practice this afternoon.” Emma answered, putting her phone back in her pocket and shouldering her backpack.

“Well, we’re still here if you need help.” Hannah said before linking arms with both of her friends. “But now we need to go to class because we are about to be late.”

Just as Hannah finished her sentence the bell, signaling that classes were about to start, rang and they all took off in a hurry towards the classroom they were supposed to be in.

* * *

“Bravo 6, this is 1. I need you to run external security.”

Clay looked over at Trent as he reached up to answer Jason.

“Check. External security. We're on it.” he said in to the com before nodding at Trent and they split up to cover more ground.

Setting up his rifle, Clay scanned the area while he let out a mental groan. They were in the middle of no-man’s-land, a full-blown war zone actually, with zero governing authority and to top it all off? They were working with limited assets, intel and overwatch. All to rescue a 21 year old female who, according to the CIA, made a ‘childhood misstake’ when she joined ISIS 2 years prior and married one of their leaders.

‘Childhood mistake’, his ass. Jenna had been a year older than Emma was now when she made her choice and no matter how you twisted and turned it Clay couldn’t get over that the higher ups wanted to turn a blind eye to the fact that she had put herself in this position all on her own.

Sweeping his gaze over the ruins of a building his eyes caught a man all dressed in black with a rifle in his hand and with his face fully covered. Yay, the enemy had arrived.

“Bravo 4, I got one fighter moving from the south to our southeast coming toward us.” he informed Trent and just moment’s later Trent informed them all that the man was down.

From then on, things got moving. Clay asked Havoc for an ISR report and next thing he knew Havoc informed them that enemy cavalry was inbound. That was followed by the arrival of an up-armored VBIED which ended with Trent blowing it to the high heavens and a cloud of smoke which made it impossible for Clay to see anything of value.

“Negative. Uhm, I can’t see anything up here for all the smoke.” Clay informed Jason when Jason asked them to hold security.

“All right. Check. Get back to the first deck. I'll meet you at the main entrance.” Jason replied so Clay retreated back inside and headed for the long corridor that would take him to the staircase.

He had his head on a swivel, he’d been on too many ops not to, but he still found himself surprised with hands wrapped around his throat by a man that came out of nowhere.

It took him a few moments longer than he would’ve liked to get his gun out and dispose of his attacker but he did it and then he hurried back down to the team while trying to put himself back together because everything, even the NOD’s on his helmet, was slightly askew.

As he approached the front entrance he was met by Jason, Brock and Full Metal. Jason glanced over him and frowned.

“Spenser, you good?” he asked, mostly because Clay’s gear was still somewhat out of place.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm solid. Got contacted on my way down here. They're coming through the south entrance, must've been when we were shooting that VBIED.”

“Yeah, they're coming through like rats.” Full Metal agreed, keeping his eyes on the opening behind them.

“All right, look, we'll stronghold our position here until Kairos finishes nerfing those bombs, and then we'll go home.” Jason said and then they all took up positions, ready to wait for their friends, their HVT and the QRF.

* * *

The C-17 was back in the air just minutes after they all got onboard. The whole team was in need of a shower (or at least some clean up) and a change but with the state of everything it was best to just get air born and deal with everything in-flight.

Jason was the first to de-jock and after a quick change of shirts he did a quick headcount of his guys. Brock was feeding Cerb, Sonny was getting out of his vest while chatting with Davis, Trent and Ray were helping their medical team with the HVT, Full Metal was already in civvies and asleep and the kid… well the kid was still in full gear and looked a little out of it.

Something about the way Clay looked didn’t sit right with him but his attention turned to Mandy when she walked passed him with a look of fury on her face as she hissed in to the sat phone.

“Walking my team into a setup with a half-baked intel package just so you could put a notch on your belt? I don't give a damn about seniority, Jeff. Someone is gonna answer for this.”

“Okay…well, I hope whoever that was deserved it.” Jason said to Mandy as he walked over to her, one eyebrow raised in question.

“More than deserved. Jason, I'm sorry. CIA, We…we missed something on this.” she said, looking frazzled and apologetic.

“Well, the intel wasn't totally wrong. I mean, Jenna was there, so…” he said with a shrug. Sure, the whole this hadn’t been smooth sailing but on the scale of things? They wrapped it up with a win.

“Yeah, sitting on a bomb.” Mandy muttered and crossed her arms in front of her.

“Well, you can never really know what's around every corner, now, can you?”

Mandy sighed. “Well, look, I'm-I'm sorry.” she said, making Jason frown again. Mandy didn’t susally apologize. Certainly not for something like this when she really hadn’t done anything wrong.

“This isn't like you. I know that you were shaky before this whole mission started and all, but look got the job done, right? Everybody's alive. It was a good day. Easy day.”

A small smile appeared on Mandy’s lips and Jason returned it.

“CLAY!”

Sonny’s shout interrupted everyone’s actions and Jason turned on his heels to find that Clay had keeled over where he was sitting, looking pale as a sheet.

Rushing over there Jason was immediately joined by Trent and they soon had him lying down on the floor. The kid was still in full gear.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asked their medic as he took Clay’s pulse and then checked his airways.

“Not sure.” Trent muttered. “Help me get this off so we can check him over.”

It was a team effort to get Clay out of his tactical vest and shirt but as soon as they had removed them they all knew why the kid was currently passed out.

“What did he do now? Where did he even get that?” Sonny asked as he looked down on Clay over Jason’s shoulder, seeing a stab wound on the upper right side of the kid’s chest.

“He said he got contact on the way down…” Jason said slowly. “But he looked fine and said he was fine!”

“Yeah well, the kid did clearly get stabbed by something and from the looks of things there’s still something in there.” Trent replied and then looked up.

“Can someone grab my…” he trailed off when Brock, always one step ahead in time of need, offered him his medical bag.

Trent nodded his thanks and then got to work. He pulled out the essentials (gauze – so much gauze – clamps, blood bags, scalpel, forceps…) and then got himself ready. Gloves, mask, headlamp. Check, check and check. Time to get this show on the road.

Jason stood back and watched as Trent cleaned around the wound and then got to it. It took him a while to extract the object lodged inside but when he pulled it out they all grimaced. Clay had been shivved and whatever his attacker had used, a part of it had gotten stuck in the wound and was now looking like a messed up meat screw.

“Why is he passed out? It can’t be blood loss, right?” Ray asked, looking from Trent to Jason and back again.

Trent shook his head. “My guess is an adrenaline crash mixed with the sudden pain. And since he told none of us that he was stabbed I’m gonna guess that he might not have known he was. Or, if he did, how bad.”

The others nodded slowly but Jason’s eyes narrowed. He’d known something was off and if he had _seen_ it, what were the odds the kid hadn’t felt anything? He was going to have a talk with him as soon as he could because hiding an injury was not ok.

“Someone put pressure on here while I get ready to close him up.” Trent finally said and Brock was instantly next to him, gloves already on and gauze at the ready.

When Trent pulled back Brock covered the wound with gauze and then put weight on it as to keep pressure to it.

Clay’s eyes suddenly flew open wide and he tried to sit up.

“MOTHERF…” he shouted as he did, the pain from Brock putting pressure on the wound pulling him out from his state of passed out.

“Jay, hold him down. If he starts flapping around he’ll likely open the wound further. Just give me a second and I’ll give him something for the pain.”

Jason followed Trent’s orders, knowing that in this instant Trent was the one in charge of the situation, Bravo 1 be damned.

As he pushed Clay back down he searched for the younger mans wild eyes and when they finally connected, Clay stilled and let himself be held in place.

“That’s right, kid. Nice and easy. Trent will give you something for the pain and then he’ll fix your wound.”

Clay let out a deep sigh and nodded before closing his eyes. His eyes stayed closed for less than 5 seconds though because they flew back open and he starred back up at Jason again.

“What is it, Spenser?”

“Emma…” Clay said and Jason felt a chill run down his spine. Damn it. Clay was most likely going to spend a night or two in the infirmary and Jason, well he would have to inform Emma of what happened.

“I know kid. I’ll call her as soon as we land. You’ll see her in no time.”

Clay nodded slowly and a moment later Trent gave him a shot of something and soon Clay was as relaxed as can be, ready to get stitched up.

Jason pulled back a little, giving Trent room to work since the need to hold Clay down was lowered, and mentally started to run through what he was going to tell his daughter. Why did she have to fall for a team guy? And one of his at that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Lauren2381 for helping me figure the injury and wound in this chapter out because damn it was driving me nuts. SO many hugs and kisses, babe!


	64. Let me hold you

“_Wherever you go, I will follow.  
Whenever you're low, just let me hold you,  
Let me hold you.  
Don't be afraid, I will show you.  
I'll make it okay, just let me hold you,  
Let me hold you…_”

Singing along to the music she was streaming through the car’s speaker on her way home from dropping Mikey off at practice, Emma couldn’t help herself from hoping that Bravo would be back soon because with school starting back up and her own activities with that, driving Mikey to and from practice 4 days a week was going to get real old, real fast. Not to mention that he had games coming up almost every weekend too.

“_Baby, don't let me down.  
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down.  
Without you, I'm…”_

The music cut out and Emma frowned for a second before it was replaced by her ringtone.

“This is Emma.” she said after pressing the answer button on the steering wheel.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, dad! Are you on your way home?” she asked cheerfully and crossed her fingers while she waited for his answer.

“We actually just landed on base.”

“You’re home? Do you want me to come pick you up?” she asked, excited at the prospect of seeing Clay. And her dad. And the rest of Bravo. But mostly Clay.

“Yeah, about that…” Jason said slowly, making Emma’s eyes widen and her spine straighten.

“What’s going on?”

Jason was silent for a short moment. “Are you driving right now?” he then asked, knowing the background noise coming through the phone.

“Yes… why?”

“Can you pull over please?”

“Dad, what’s going on?” she asked, desperation filling her voice.

“Pull over, Em.”

Seeing the almost empty parking lot ahead of her, Emma pulled in there and parked.

“I’ve stopped. What’s happened to Clay, dad?”

Jason sighed. He should’ve known she would figure it out before he got to it.

“He got hurt during our op. Trent has patched him up but he’s being taken to the infirmary as we speak and he’ll probably have to stay there for a day or two.”

Brushing away the tear that had managed to escape and was now rolling down her cheek, Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“How and where?”

“What do you mean, sweetheart? You know I can’t tell you where we where…”

Emma let out a sound of frustration. “I meant, how was he hurt and where is the injury? Was he shot? Blown up? Is it his head, his arm, his legs? Details dad, they matter.”

“Oh.” Jason said slowly. “He was stabbed. In his upper right chest.”

“Upper right?” Emma asked, running through the human anatomy in her head. “There’s never a good place to get stabbed, especially in the chest but… that’s probably one of the better ones at least.”

Jason let out a chuckle. “Trent said the same thing. He’d be proud to know you know your things, Emmi-star.”

“Yeah… when can I see him?”

“How soon can you get here?”

* * *

Clay looked up with a smile on his face as the door to the room was pushed opened, only to have said smile fade a bit when it wasn’t Emma but Sonny who stepped in.

Sonny snorted at the disappointment he could clearly see in his brother’s eyes.

“Not who you wanted to see, huh Bam-Bam?”

“Well, duh. Who in their right mind would be happy to see you?” Clay said with a smirk.

“Uhm, everybody?” Sonny answered as he sat down in the visitors chair next to the bed. “I am a fucking delight to be around.”

They looked at each other for a moment before both of them burst out laughing, only to stop when Clay winced as his laughing jostled him enough to tug on his wound.

“Careful there, Princess. Don’t hurt yourself anymore than you already have.”

Clay scowled at the Texan. “It’s not like I stabbed myself.”

“No, but you did forget to mention the fact that you where injured to anyone! And if you think you’re getting out of a 3 hour long lecture lead by Trent about that, you are sorely mistaken my friend.”

“I didn’t even know I was hurt, so how was I supposed to tell anyone else about it?!” Clay asked, frustration written all over his face because it wasn’t like he hadn’t told them on purpose.

Sonny looked skeptically at the blond.

“So you’re telling me that not once in the 2, almost 3, hour span from getting shivved to collapsing on the plane did you notice that there was a gaping wound in your chest? I call bullshit.”

“…I didn’t.” Clay said shortly but Sonny caught on to the small hesitation before the answer.

“Mhm, sure buddy. Jason said he thought something was up but before he could get to that you were out. And if Jay noticed from across the plane, you sure as hell knew something was up. So spill, Tinkerbell.”

“I second that.”

Clay’s head snapped up and turned towards the door as Jason’s voice cut in to their conversation.

“Boss…”

“Em will be here in about half an hour so you have than long to convince me you didn’t hide an injury. Go.” Jason said, waving his hand at Clay as he sat down at the foot of the bed and stared the younger man down.

Letting out a deep sigh, Clay accepted that this conversation was going to happen no and that he wouldn’t get out of it unless he passed out. And he’d done that enough for today.

“I didn’t know I was stabbed.” he said, looking from Jason to Sonny. “I swear I didn’t.”

Sonny still looked skeptical but Jason inclined his head.

“But…” Jason prompted.

“But, I knew something was off when we got on the plane.”

“Off how?” Sonny asked, leaning forward in his seat while keeping his eyes firmly on his best friend.

“Like achy and just… drained. I knew the guy hit me during the fight but I didn’t know he had stabbed me. I figured I’d gotten a bruise or maybe pulled a muscle as I fought him off.”

“And you didn’t tell me or Trent because…?”

“…because I figured it wasn’t a real injury?” Clay answered hesitantly, knowing it would backfire but it was the truth. He hated attention if it had anything to do with injuries or medical things and a pulled muscle wasn’t something he would ever draw attention too.

Jason and Sonny both let out a pained groan.

“How many times do we have to tell you this shit, Goldilocks?” Sonny asked exasperatedly. “You tell us about everything. Doesn’t matter if it’s a hangnail, a headache or a broken bone. You tell us so we know and can freaking help!”

Clay’s eyes drifted from his best friend to his boss (and girlfriend’s dad) who was nodding in agreement with his 3IC.

“You tell us. We get it fixed. No one ends up in a panic attack because you collapsed.” Jason said pointedly and Clay nodded reluctantly.

“Fine. I’ll try and remember that.”

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

Clay turned back to Sonny with a snicker.

“Seriously, man? You are not Yoda.”

“No he really isn’t…. he’s more like Jar Jar Binks.” Jason said, fist bumping Clay when he held his fist out.

“Ok, now you’re just being rude!” Sonny exclaimed before getting to his feet. “And since I can tell when I’m not wanted, I am going to leave you two to your fun and go find myself some better company.”

Before either of them could say anything Sonny gave them a two-finger salute and disappeared out the door, leaving Clay and Jason snickering at the over-the-top reaction from their beloved teammate.

* * *

Emma took a deep breath and slowly let it out. And then another one. Followed by a third. And then she squared her shoulders and opened the door that would take her in to the infirmary.

As she stepped inside she looked around as she slowly made her way down the long and bare corridor. She’d been her more times than she (or her dad for that matter) would like to acknowledge. There had been that time when her dad was shot. And that time when he was stabbed. And when he got a concussion. And that other time he was shot. And stabbed. And almost blown in to pieces. So yeah, Emma was very familiar with the infirmary. She just hadn’t taken this part in to account when she’d gotten together with Clay.

She knew she should’ve and she had no idea how she hadn’t thought of this when he’d come back shot from the op that had cost Hannah her dad. But somehow she had looked past the injured part – too focused on the alive part - and that was one of the reasons why she had no idea how she was supposed to act or feel right now.

Reaching the double doors which lead to the room Clay was supposedly in, she glanced through the window and couldn’t stop the small smile that settled on her face as she found her dad sitting in the visitors chair next to her boyfriend’s bed. The two of them was talking easily and neither one looked tense (which was always a good sign) so Emma gently tapped on door.

Both men looked up at the sound and both smiled and waved at her to enter so Emma blew out a deep breath and then pushed the door open so that she could step inside.

Jason got to his feet as Emma approached them and pulled her in to a hug as she reached him. Holding her close he felt her wrap her own arms tight around him as she buried her head against his shoulder.

“It’s ok sweetheart. He’s just fine and this is just a precaution.” he whispered in her ear before he placed a kiss on top of her head and then let go of her.

“I’m gonna go pick up Mikey from practice. I’ll talk to both of you later.” Jason said, looking from his daughter to his rookie and after squeezing Emma’s arm he moved towards the door and left the two alone.

Emma watched her dad leave before turning to face the man on the bed. As her eyes traveled over his bare chest her eyes caught on the bandage that covered the upper part of his right chest. Feeling the tears pricking in the back of her eyes she bit down on her lip to stop them from breaking free.

“Em?” Clay asked when she didn’t say or do anything and just stared at his chest. “Birdie?”

When her eyes finally left the bandage to meet his eyes, Clay felt as if someone had punched him in the gut. The look in her eyes – a mix of desperation, sadness, fear and anger – made him want to jump out of the bed and wrap her up in his arms and convince her with both words and actions that he was ok and that he was right here.

Since getting out of bed wasn’t an option (to many wires and tubes), Clay held his arms out towards his girl.

“Come here, sweets.”

Emma swallowed hard and then closed the distance between them to sit down on the very edge of his bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a low voice.

“I’m ok babe, promise.”

Emma raised an eyebrow at that and looked skeptically at him.

“You’re not ok and that wasn’t what I asked.”

Clay rolled his eyes at his girlfriend and took her hand in his, giving it a firm squeeze before moving it to his chest, letting it rest on top of his heart.

“I’m a bit tired, my chest hurts a little and my head feels stuffed with cotton. But I’m going to be just fine, Birdie and I’ll be out of here in the morning.”

Emma nodded slowly and glanced down at her hand, that was resting right beside the bandage that covered his wound, before looking back up at Clay.

“How did you get hurt? Dad said you where stabbed?” she asked gently, fingers now trailing the skin around the bandage.

“I was. A bad guy managed to surprise me and apparently he managed to stab me in our short fight.” Clay answered, letting one of his own hands move up to her face and stroke her cheek.

“Apparently? What do you mean ‘apparently’? You have stab wound – you where stabbed.”

“Yeah… I just didn’t know it at the time. I found out about it when I came to on the plane after Trent had preformed minor surgery to remove a piece that got lodged in there.”

Emma stared at her boyfriend.

“What do you mean you didn’t know? How do one not know they’ve been stabbed?” she asked incredulously.

“Adrenaline, mostly. We were in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of an op and there were no obvious blood flow. I only realized something was off when we were back in the air.”

“That’s crazy.” Emma said as she shook her head. “I hope you know how crazy that sounds.”

“Maybe, but adrenaline is a powerful hormone and it can make people capable of many a things.”

“Hmm…” Emma mumbled and then she leaned down and pressed her lips against his.

Clay wrapped his left arm around her and tried to pull her closer but Emma fought back and sat back up again.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” she said softly when she saw the frown on his face.

“You wouldn’t.” Clay said and tried to pull her mouth back to his but Emma shook her head.

“Not gonna risk it, Bear. You’ll just have to wait at least until we get you back home.”

Clay groaned at that before closing his eyes with a sigh.

“Fine.” he finally said and opened his eyes again so that he could look at her. “But if you won’t kiss me, will you at least lie down with me?”

Emma started to shake her head again but stopped herself. She wanted nothing more than curl up against him and feel his heartbeat against her ear, but she also didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already was.

As if seeing the thoughts running through her head Clay shifted as far to right as the bed would allow.

“Come here, sweets. The only thing hurt is where the bandage is so if you lie down here on my left side there’s no way you can hurt me.”

Emma still hesitated.

“Please?”

Letting out a small sigh Emma finally nodded her head. Kicking off her shoes she lifted her feet up on to the bed and then gently lowered her upper body down next to Clay who immediately wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

The bed wasn’t big to begin with and with the two of them in it, it was even smaller, but as she let her head rest on Clay’s shoulder and her arm wrap itself around his waist Emma knew that there was no other place in the world where she would rather be. 


	65. A bad 24 hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!
> 
> I can't believe I haven't updated since last year! It's been 22 days since I last posted a chapter! I'm soooo sorry for making you guys wait this long but life just went crazy as we entered 2020! So much went down that I didn't find much time to sit down and write and on top of that we had SEAL Team week about to happen so C&B just got sidelined even more.
> 
> Unfortunatly a hard drive crash made me loose 5 out of 7 stories for SEAL Team week so I had to pull out but on the bright side I had Crash and Burn saved in the cloud so that is why I'm able to post this chapter today!
> 
> So, I hope you forgive me for the long wait and... I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Emma had a new appreciation for single moms. Or rather; her appreciation for military moms had increased by like a million. She had no idea how her mom, aunt Naima, aunt Victoria and aunt Cindy managed to stay sane when their significant others were totally incommunicado because honestly? All Emma wanted to do was to curl up in bed and maybe even cry a little.

Clay had recovered from his stabbing faster than anyone had thought he would and he had been back at work in full capacity in just under a week and for the last 3 weeks the team had been spun up on different ops 5 times. With deployment on the horizon Emma knew that this was about to become the new normal for a couple of months – her alone with all the responsibilities that came with it - , but at least Clay and her dad would be in contact on somewhat regular intervals while on deployment, which wasn’t the case at the moment.

Two days ago her dad, Clay and her two favorite uncles had been spun up just the four of them and all they had told her was that they would be going totally dark and if she needed anything uncle Trent and uncle Brock would still be around and so would aunt Lisa.

Since everything had been going well during the past few ops and with grandma Linda scheduled to come down in a few days, Emma hadn’t really thought twice about the four of them going off the grid. Naturally that’s when and why shit went FUBAR.

First grandma Linda called and said she wouldn’t be coming because she had the flu. Then the thermostat broke, the kitchen faucet sprang a leak, her car decided it didn’t want to run anymore, all the teachers seemingly decided to put all their deadlines on the SAME DAY and now, now she was sitting next to Mikey who was on a hospital bed waiting to get a cast on his arm.

“Emmy?” Mikey asked, voice still a bit gravely from the tears he’d spilled earlier.

“Yeah, Bug?” she answered, looking up from the phone she was using to distract herself with while they waited.

“I wish dad was here.”

Emma blew out a deep breath.

“Me too. And I wish I could call him so that you at least could talk to him right now, but unfortunately dad, Clay, uncle Ray and uncle Sonny are off the grid.”

Mikey suddenly giggled, which made Emma look at her brother with a grin.

“What’s so funny Mikey Mouse?”

Mikey snorted. “All the Y’s!” he burst out, still giggling.

“All the Y’s…?” Emma asked slowly, wondering just how much of the ‘good stuff’ the nurse had given him.

“ClaY, RaY, SonnY and they call dad JaY. And I’m MikeY! All the Y’s!”

Emma covered her mouth to hold back her laugh. That was actually way funnier than it had any reason to be.

As Mikey stopped his giggling the door to the room opened and the doctor stepped back in to the room together with a nurse.

“Alright, let’s get your arm plastered so that you can get out of here, you man. How does that sound?” the doctor asked with a smile.

Mikey nodded his head eagerly and Emma smiled as she looked down to her phone again and finally finished the text she’d been typing up.

**Emma Hayes  
**Thursday, 19.43  
_Mikey broke his arm during hockey practice. Apparently it’s a hairline fracture of the distal head of the radius(?). He’s mostly fine and is getting a cast right this moment. I know dad said he would be incommunicado but if you do get the chance, will you inform him? _

**Lisa Davis  
**Thursday, 19.47  
_Oh, no! Hug him for me, ok? And consider it done. Blackburn will tell him when he can. Do you guys need anything?_

Emma smiled at the answer. It was nice to know that their aunts and uncles always had their backs.

**Emma Hayes  
**Thursday, 19.48  
_Thank you! And I will! And no, we’re fine. As soon as the doc is done with the cast we’re gonna go home, eat and then go to bed. TTYL!_

After pressing send, Emma put her phone back in the pocket of her (well, Clay’s) hoodie and focused back on her baby (well…) brother who looked on with fascination as the doctor put the cast on his broken arm. Hopefully this wouldn’t take long because Emma really wanted to go home, have dinner and go to bed because she was exhausted and life had been kicking her butt lately.

* * *

“Ah.” Jason groaned as he heaved himself out of the torpedo tube. “Remind me to never do this again, huh?”

Blackburn snorted. “I'll let Captain Edwards know you don't approve of his damage lock-out chamber. I'm sure all the COs of nuclear submarines have complaint boxes posted outside their staterooms.”

“Yeah. A lock-out chamber it's like a five-star hotel compared to being in that thing, that's for sure.” Jason said as he checked his weapon over before putting it down next to the rest of his discarded gear.

“Yeah…How'd it go out there?” Blackburn asked, glancing up at Jason while still continuing to pack up his things.

“It went swimmingly. Iranian cargo ship exactly where Mandy said it was supposed to be.”

“Ah, a successful special reconnaissance in North Korea.” the Lieutenant Commander said with a smirk which died as he got ready to tell Jason about what Lisa had informed him off a few hours earlier.

Before he could get to it, he was interrupted.

“Sir, tube four is depressurized and ready to unlock.”

“Very well, Petty Officer Takahashi. Let's get Senior Chief Perry the hell out of there.”

“Aye, sir. Stand by.” the Petty Officer answered and turned towards the tube.

Eric got to his feet next to Jason and turned to face him.

“So, Davis contacted me while you guys were out there. Emma texted her.”

Jason’s head snapped around to look at his commanding officer.

“What happened?”

Blackburn sighed.

“Michael broke his arm during hockey practice. He’s ok!” he hurriedly said when Jason looked as if he was about to interrupt. “But he’ll be in a cast for a few weeks.”

“But he’s ok?”

“He’s fine. Davis said that Emma texted her while Mikey was getting the cast and that they were fine and was going to head home to eat and sleep once the doctor was done.”

Jason blew out a breath and ran a hand through his wet hair. He really wanted to call his kids and hear that they were ok first hand but they would still be incommunicado until they left the sub and if Emma had told Davis that they were fine, he just had to believe that they were.

“Thanks for telling me, Eric.” Jason said, clapping the shorter man on the shoulder before greeting Ray who had just finished climbing out of the tube.

“Hi, Ray.”

“That was unpleasant.” Bravo 2 said as he picked up his gear from the ground.

“I don't know about that. I mean, swimming against current? That was unpleasant. How you holding up?”

“I burned up my air consumption. Was down to 35 bar of O2 before I locked back in.” Ray said, as Jason whistled.

“Lucky for us,” Blackburn put in, “this sub's gonna give us a lift back to our exfil boat.”

“Can't be soon enough.” Jason answered. “Being in a sub's cramped quarters, too many dudes, it's like living in an underwater Y.”

Both Blackburn and Ray snorted.

“Yeah…I'm gonna leave you in the capable hands of Petty Officer Takahashi here while I transfer these photos over to Havoc.” Blackburn said, pointing to the Petty Officer. “How long till we get our last man out?”

“Five minutes, sir”

“All right. Let's get Quinn and Spenser out and stand by.” he said and then he left to head on up to the control room.

* * *

Five minutes later Ray opened the hatch to let their youngest brother out of his confined quarters.

“Let's go, Ponyboy. Get on out of there.” Jason said with a smirk as he grabbed the pack Clay handed out.

A rifle and fins followed next and then Clay heaved himself out.

“Oh, boy. I feel like I just relived my own birth. That was really just awful.” he said, as he ruffled his extremely slicked back hair into a more natural state.

“Yeah.” Jason answered as his smirk widened. “I bet Sonny's miserable.”

“Oh, he's got to be losing his claustrophobic mind right about now.” Ray added, a smirk appearing on his face as well.

“Right?”

“How much longer until he comes out?” Clay asked as he made his way over to the towels.

“Uh, two minutes.” Petty Officer Takahashi answered with a glance on his watch.

“Two minutes?” Jason asked before turning to Clay. “Give him a call, Clay. See how he's holding up.”

Clay tossed the towel to the side and pushed the button on his com.

“Bravo 3, this is Bravo 6, uh, we're requesting an update of your current position.” he said, trying to cover the smile that wanted to make an appearance.

All three of them waited for Sonny’s (probably) snarky answer but as none came, Ray grabbed the radio that was lying next to the towels.

“Bravo 3, this is Bravo 2. Radio check. Over.” he said and paused before continuing. “You change locations?”

When Bravo 3 still didn’t answer Jason stole the radio form Ray.

“Hey, Sonny, this is Jason. I bet right about now you're regretting doing all those squats, huh? All, uh, snug as a bug in there?” he asked while smirking as he looked at the rest of his team.

“Kiss my waterlogged Texas ass.” Sonny finally replied, making them all chuckle. 

“There it is.” Ray said, turning back to his gear with a smile.

Clay shook his head and pushed the button on his com again.

“Hey, at least there’s no sharks in there, brother, right?”

“I'll tell you what, man,” Sonny said, sounding fed up with the world. “I'd rather take a swim with the man in the gray suit any day over sitting in here. I feel like I'm on the business end of a clogged toilet.”

Clay looked from Ray to Jason before pushing the button again.

“Hey, maybe you should've let Trent take your place.” Clay said, before once again looking at his teammates, waiting for the answer they all knew was coming. Jason held up the radio as Sonny started his diatribe.

“This op wins the Sonny Quinn nightmare mission award. Swimming? Check. Freezing? Check. Climbing over sharp volcanic rock? That's a check. Didn't get shot at? Check. Now, last but not least, sitting in a tube that's tighter than Shamu's keister? Check.”

Ray shook his head as they all chuckled again.

“You got to give it to him, man. He's a world-class complainer.” Jason said with a grin.

“Nobody does it better.” Ray agreed.

Before anyone could say anything else, Petty Officer Takahashi spoke up.

“Master Chief, we're ready here.”

“We're ready?” Jason said before picking up the radio again. “Hey, Sonny, we're ready. But before we open you up, you sure you don't want to spend a little bit more time in there and do a little bit of self-reflecting?”

“I will self-reflect all over your damn face, you don't pull me out of this damn thing.” Sonny answered and then… then the sub started to shake and tilt, the light flickered and an alarm started going off.

“What's happening?” Jason asked the Petty Officer as he grabbed hold of a set of chains to keep his balance.

“I don't know, Master Chief.”

“What do you mean you don't know? Hey, I got a guy in here!” he said, pointing at the hatch that was still unopened.

“The locking mechanism isn't working.” Takahashi said as he tried to open the hatch.

“What do you mean the locking mechanism isn't working? I got a guy stuck in there.”

Takahashi pulled and pulled but the lock wouldn’t budge.

“What the hell's going on out there?” Sonny asked on the radio.

Jason looked from Takahashi to Clay and then to Ray before lifting up the radio again.

“…Hey, Sonny, I got some bad news. You're stuck.”

* * *

It was late when they boarded their exfil boat (which was actually a ship but who cared), and Jason looked at the two members of his team that were still standing. Ray was chomping at the bit to go down to the sick bay and check up on Sonny again after his transfer from the sub to the ship and Clay… well Clay looked as if he wasn’t even aware of where he was or why he was there.

Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The past few hours had taken years off his life and all he wanted was to crash until they made it back home but he still had things to do, a team to check up on and people he needed to contact.

“Clay, bring our bags down to our cabin, change clothes and then sit tight until I get down there, ok?” he said to the young blonde who simply nodded and grabbed said bags before making his way below deck.

Jason and Ray both looked as their youngest teammate disappeared out of their sight.

“Is he ok?” Ray asked with a furrowed brow as the door closed behind Clay. “He hasn’t really said a word since… well since we pulled Sonny out of that tube.”

Jason frowned.

“I honestly have no idea.” he said with a sigh. “Why don’t you locate Blackburn, a sat phone and then meet me in the sick bay?” he asked his 2IC.

Ray looked like he was about to object for a moment before he nodded.

“Yeah.” he finally said and turned towards the stern, which was the direction Blackburn had taken as they boarded. “I’ll meet you down there.” Ray finished before walking away and then Jason was the only Bravo member left on deck.

Jason sighed for the umpteenth time during the past hours. He was going to check up on Sonny, get the sat phone from Ray and then head down to the cabin to check on the kid. After that all he had left was to tie up the loose ends. Would this day ever end?

* * *

They had almost lost Sonny. No, scratch that. They HAD lost Sonny. Sonny had died in that torpedo tube and it had taken multiple shocks to bring him back.

Clay leaned his head against the bed behind him and tried to regulate his breathing. He knew he was breathing way to fast and taking way to short breaths but he couldn’t stop. He’d almost lost his best friend. He’d almost had to bury another best friend. He’d almost been made best friend-less for the second time in just over a year.

Still breathing hard and fast, Clay didn’t notice when the door to the cabin opened and Jason stepped in.

“Clay? Hey, Clay…”

Jason stopped dead inside the door as he found Clay sitting on the floor with his head resting against the bottom bunk, eyes closed and breathing way to fast. The kid was close to hyperventilating.

Getting down on his knees in front of the kid, Jason gently placed his hands on Clay’s shoulders.

“Clay. Open your eyes, bud.” he said, squeezing his hands as he did.

Clay shook his head but Jason insisted and after a little coxing Clay did as Jason asked.

“Good. That’s good. Now try and take a deep breath… that it, good and slowly let it out.”

Jason kept talking Clay through his breathing and when he after about five minutes was some-what back to normal, Jason finally let go of the younger man’s shoulders and sat down beside him.

“Want to tell me what that was about, kid?” he asked, tilting his head to the side so that he could look at Clay.

Clay shook his head.

“No, not really.”

“I figured…” Jason sighed and then grabbed the sat phone that had ended up a few feet away on the floor.

He had called Emma on the walk from the sick bay to the cabin and had, as gently and with as little details as he could, informed her of what had happened to her beloved uncle. Emma had been horrified but knowing that Sonny would be ok had softened the blow of his drowning and she had then told him about Mikey’s broken arm. It had been a bad 24 hours for everyone it seemed but hopefully things would feel better once they all where back home in Virginia Beach.

Punching in the number he knew by heart he held the phone to his ear as I started to ring while still glancing at Clay who seemed totally oblivious to what Jason was doing.

“Dad?”

Jason smiled as his daughter’s voice filled his ear again.

“Hi again princess. I didn’t interrupt you at anything, right?”

“Nope, I’m just making breakfast before I have to wake Mikey up. What’s happened in the… oh half an hour since we talked?” she asked, knowing that there was no way her dad would call that soon again unless something had happened. “Did something happen with uncle Sonny?!”

“No, no, no, baby girl. He’s still as good as he was half an hour ago. I’m calling because I need you to do me a favor.”

“Anything.” Emma said hastily.

“Do that thing you always do to calm your boyfriend? He needs it.”

“Is he ok? Did something happen to him as well?” she asked, her worry clearly noticeable in her voice. 

“I think the fact that his friend almost died freaked him out more than a little. He was hyperventilating when I found him.”

“Oh…give him the phone dad, I need to hear his voice.”

“Will do. Love you, Emmi-star.” Jason said and then he held the phone out to Clay who looked at it as if it was a foreign object.

Jason sighed. “It’s for you. I’m gonna step out for a moment and give you two time to talk.” he said before pressing the phone into the other man’s hand and leaving him too it.

Clay looked at Jason as he slipped out of their cabin and then he looked at the sat phone in his hand.

“Hello?” he asked as he pressed it to his ear.

“Hi, Bear.”

“Emma!”

“Yeah. I heard you’ve had a rough day, babe?”

Clay nodded before his mind caught up and he realized she couldn’t see him.

“He died, Em…” he whispered brokenly.

“I know… but they brought him back and he’s gonna be just fine, ok? There’s no way we’ll get rid of Sonny Quinn that easily.” she said, trying to make him laugh.

A small chuckle left Clay and he took a shaky breath.

“Clay?” Emma asked gently.

“Hmm?”

“Go lay down on a bed. Close your eyes. Try to relax. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah…” Clay said and then he heaved himself up from the floor and promptly collapsed on the bunk behind him, head instantly finding the pillow and his eyes closing promptly.

“Done…” he mumbled s he silently wished she was about to do what he wanted her to do.

He could hear Emma steady he voice on the other side of the phone and then her sweet voice filled his ear.

“_Call me, baby, if you need a friend. _  
_I just wanna give you love, _  
_Come on, come on, come on. _  
_Reaching out to you, so take a chance. _

_No matter where you go, _   
_You know you're not alone. _

_I'm only one call away. _   
_I'll be there to save the day. _   
_Superman got nothing on me. _   
_I'm only one call away. _

_Come along with me and don't be scared, _  
_I just wanna set you free. _  
_Come on, come on, come on. _  
_You and me can make it anywhere. _  
_For now, we can stay here for a while, _  
_'Cause you know, I just wanna see you smile…_”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is Charlie Puth - One Call Away


	66. How to fix the kitchen sink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry! Life is kicking my ass and I just never seem to have the time to actually write?! And as if that wasn't enough my muse appearantly took an hiatus the same time show did? So I hope you guys will excuse my poor updates and just... I swear I'm working on it! Hopefully the next chapter won't take almost a month!
> 
> So again; sorry, sorry, sorry! I love you all and I hope you're still reading this!  
xoxo LaserFocus

Jason glanced around at his team as the C-17 touched down in Virginia Beach. It had been a somber flight back home, what with Sonny strapped down on what was basically a backboard and hooked up to different things, but at least they had all been going home together, alive and none of them in a box.

When the back end opened, more medical personal came onboard and within a few minutes Jason, Clay and Ray watched as Sonny was wheeled out of the plane, towards the waiting ambulance.

As the doors to the ambulance closed and it disappeared off the tarmac Jason glanced at his two standing teammates again. Ray was shouldering his backpack, probably anxious to get home to his family, so Jason gave him the go-ahead and then turned all of his attention to their youngest brother.

Clay was staring out the opening of the plane, eyes still locked on where the ambulance had last seen, and his face was a blank canvas, giving Jason no hints as to where his daughter’s boyfriends head was at.

Shouldering his own backpack he stepped up next to Clay and put his hand on his slumped shoulder.

“Come on, kid. Let’s go home, get some sleep and then we can visit Sonny in the morning.”

Clay finally looked away from the empty space his gaze had been locked on and turned his head just enough so that he could meet Jason’s eyes.

“He shouldn’t be alone… what if he wakes up all alone in the hospital?”

Jason smiled gently.

“He won’t be. Trent and Davis are both already at the hospital, awaiting his arrival. We all need to sleep and get our head on straight so we’ll let them take care of our boy tonight and we’ll see him tomorrow.”

A sigh left the younger man before he nodded slowly and grabbed his backpack form the ground.

“Drop me off?” he asked his boss, because Jason had been the one driving the both of them to the base before they left.

“Yeah, no, that’s not happening, kid. You’re coming home with me.” Jason said with a snort before he headed down the ramp, leaving Clay staring after him.

“But…” Clay said to the empty space where Jason had just stood before he shouldered his bag with a shake of his head. He really wanted to sleep, preferably in his own bed and with his girl, but if going home with his boss meant he at least got to do the second part? Clay wasn’t going to protest all that much.

As he made his way down the ramp and out to the parking lot, Clay ran through what had happened in the last 72 hours for the umpteenth time and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how they could’ve made the situation different and that bothered him. If there wasn’t any way they could’ve prevented it from happening, how did they stop it, or a similar thing, from happening again?

“Stop that mind of yours from running in circles, Spenser, and get in the car. I want to see my kids and get some sleep so let’s go.”

Clay’s head snapped up and meet Jason’s eyes.

“How did you know?” he asked as he joined his boss by the truck and tossed his backpack up on the flatbed.

“That you’re trying to make sense of the madness and bring order to the chaos?”

“Yeah…” Clay mumbled as they both climbed in to the truck and buckled themselves in.

“Because I used to do the same. Hell, I still do from time to time. But somehow you have to let it go when it’s not possible to make it make sense, Clay. If not, it’s gonna drive you crazy.” Jason said as he started up the truck and pulled out from the parking lot.

“Yeah… It’s just…”

“What?” Jason asked, turning his head to look at the man next to him as they stopped at a red light.

“How do we stop it from happening again if there was nothing we could’ve done different?”

Jason sighed.

“We have to accept that what happened was a fluke and if we did the same mission a thousand times over it most likely wouldn’t happen again.”

“Yeah…” Clay said, looking out through the side window. “But the fact still remains that it did happen and for a while there Sonny was dead. We were probably only seconds away from having to make a death notification to his family… and Davis.”

Jason glanced over at Clay as the last part registered. He’d know that Davis and Sonny were close but did Clay know something he didn’t? Was he going to have to do something he really didn’t want to do?

Shaking his head he decided to let it go. Sonny needed them all right now and Jason really didn’t want to poke around in his brothers’ personal life. He’d had enough of that what with Clay getting together with Emma.

They stayed quiet for the remaining part of the drive to Jason’s house, both lost in their own thoughts as they tried to put the mission away and leave their work at work.

* * *

Jason parked his truck in the driveway and frowned when he found Clay’s Nova parked where Emma’s car normally resided and said car was nowhere to be seen.

“Do you know why your car is here and Em’s is not?” he asked his passenger as they jumped out of the truck and closed the doors behind them.

“She didn’t tell you?” Clay asked with a raised eyebrow as he grabbed his bag.

“Tell me what?”

“That shit hit the fan almost the moment we left? Her car decided to break down in the school parking lot, Linda got sick and couldn’t get here, there’s a problem with the kitchen sink, the thermostat broke and that’s not taking in to account Mikey’s broken arm and probably some other stuff as well.”

Jason stared at the blonde. “What?”

“Yeah… Emma’s had a lot on her plate the past few days.” Clay said with a nod as the two of them made their way to the front door.

Jason sighed and shook his head as he unlocked the door and let Clay enter before he followed him in and locked the door behind them.

Tossing his keys on to the side table he ran a hand through his hair before he glanced over at Clay who stood looking at the stairs to the upper floor.

“Go on, go up there and get some sleep. We’ll deal with everything else at a more human time.”

Clay nodded and took a step towards the stair case before stopping to look at his boss again.

“You gonna go up and check on Mikey?”

“Not tonight. If I go up there odds are he’ll wake up and he’ll need all the sleep he can get. Now go on, I know you’re dying to check up on Em.”

Clay nodded again and then hurried over to the stair case where he took the steps two-at-a-time and was out of Jason’s sight in mere seconds.

Jason watched the now empty staircase for a moment before letting out a deep sigh. He had so many thoughts running through his head he highly doubted that he’d get any sleep but at least he was at home and in a few hours he’d get the chance to hug and talk to both of his children, hopefully find out why Emma hadn’t filled him in on what had been going on at home when they had talked and then, then he really needed to see with his own two eyes that Sonny was actually back home with them, even if it was in the hospital.

* * *

Clay paused as he reached the door that separated Emma’s room from the upstairs landing. The door wasn’t closed all the way – it never was when she was the alone adult in the house with Mikey – and as he stood there just listening he could hear her calm, deep, even breaths coming from inside the room, confirming that she was safe, at home, in her bed, sleeping.

His shoulders dropped as he listened to her breaths and some of the tension he’d carried since the clock had run out on Sonny in the tube eased and for the first time in over 24 hours Clay felt like he could actually breathe again.

Shaking his head at himself he straightened up and pushed the door opened just enough so that he could step in and then he closed it as he stepped in to the room. As his eyes landed on his girl he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face and really, why would he?

Emma was lying on “her” side of the bed, hair spread out across her pillow and the covers pulled up to her chin, which only made the picture she was presenting even more precious.

Clay kicked off his shoes next to the dresser and his jeans flowed suit while he pulled his tee over his head and tossed it to the chair in the corner. Left in only his underwear he crossed the room and gently lifted the covers up on the empty side of the bed and let himself slide down next to Emma.

The shift of the mattress roused the sleeping girl and Clay gently brushed some hair out of her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Shhh, babe. It’s just me.”

Emma turned on to her back and opened one of her eyes.

“Clay?”

“Yeah.”

Realizing that she really did have company on the bed she lifted herself up on her elbow.

“You’re home? When? Are you ok?” she asked, her eyes traveling over him and taking in every sign of distress, tiredness and just plain exhaustion that she could see.

Clay pressed a kiss to her nose and then her lips but kept it light before pulling back.

“Plane landed about 90 minutes ago. Jace insisted I come over here.”

“Good.” Emma said as she wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes as his did the same around her.

“Yeah…” he said softly in to the quite room. “Go back to sleep, babe. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Hmm…” Emma mumbled before squinting up at him again. “Are uncle Sonny ok?”

Clay nodded. “He’s at the hospital and Davis and Trent are with him. We’ll visit in the morning.” He pressed his lips to her hair. “Now go to sleep.”

Emma let herself be rearranged to that the both of them were comfortable and then cuddled in as close as she could to the warm man next to her.

“Love you.” she mumbled and pressed a kiss to his chest, over his heart, before promptly falling back asleep.

Clay smiled in to the darkness and pressed another kiss to her hair.

“I love you too, Emma Marie Hayes, so much.”

* * *

The weight of an arm across her waist and the soft puffs of air that moved her hair on the back of her head had her smiling before she even opened her eyes. Clay was home.

Shifting gently as to not wake him up she managed to turn from her position as the little spoon so that she was facing him and then she opened her eyes for the visual confirmation that Clay was indeed laying next to her on the bed. And he was.

She just watched him for a few moments, happy to just have him back and to have the time to enjoy it without the outside world butting in, but then the urge to touch took over so she lifted her hand up and let her fingers gently trace his cheekbones, his nose and his cupid bow.

“What are you doing?”

Emma pulled her hand back with a smile.

“Making sure you’re real?” she answered, making it sound both like a statement and a question.

Clay snorted and opened his eyes.

“I’m real all right.” he muttered and then he closed the small distance between them and captured her lips with his.

The kiss started out slow and soft but when Clay ran his tongue across her lips, gently separating them, the kiss turned frantic and their hand started roaming over every piece of skin they could find.

Just as Clay’s hands started to wander inside of Emma’s panties a loud crash made them both flinch back and stare at each other.

Before either of them got their bearings back another crash sounded from the bottom floor which had both Emma and Clay out of bed and in to their clothes in mere seconds. Emma threw her bedroom door opened and was met by Mikey doing the same with his.

“What is happening Emma?” he asked, looking sleep rumpled and also a bit scared.

“Not sure, Bug, but it’s probably just dad.” she said as she pressed a kiss to his hair before rushing down the stairs, followed by both Clay and Mikey.

As they entered the kitchen they all stopped at the sight that greeted them; Jason surrounded by tools from his toolbox as he was bent over the kitchen sink with a large wrench in one hand and a hammer in the other.

“Uhm… dad?” Emma said slowly as she looked from the wrench to the hammer and back again.

Jason’s head flew up at the sound of his daughter’s voice and he looked surprised to see all three of them as he turned to face them. 

“What are you guys doing up already?” he asked as he glanced at the clock. “It’s not even 7am.”

Emma raised an eyebrow at him.

“And just how did you think we would manage to sleep through the noise you’re making?”

Jason glanced down at the tools and then back at the kids.

“Oh. Sorry.” he said and then he placed to tools down on the counter.

Mikey, seemingly realizing that Jason was actually standing in their kitchen, rushed him as soon as the tools were put down.

“Daddy!” he said with a sob as he threw himself in to Jason’s arms and Jason immediately pulled him close, gently maneuvering around the boy’s broken arm.

“Hey, bud.” he whispered and gently rocked them side-to-side.

It took quite a few minutes for Mikey to calm down but while he did Jason looked over at his daughter and found Clay wrapped around her as they both watched him and Mikey.

Pulling back slightly from his son Jason looked down at the cast.

“How did you managed this then, bud?” he asked, gently taking the broken arm in his hand.

“Me and Oliver crashed in to the boards when we were chasing after the puck and my arm got stuck between Oliver and he boards.” Mikey answered with a small smile.

“Well that was unfortunate. Guess you’ll spend some weeks working on just your skating now, huh?”

Mikey nodded before looking around at the mess Jason had managed to make in the kitchen.

“How are we gonna eat breakfast in here?”

Jason glanced around and then at the other three occupants before making a decision.

“How about this, we all get ourselves ready and then we’ll head over to Bayville coffee for breakfast?”

Emma and Mikey nodded eagerly and the young boy headed upstairs to change out of his pj’s before anyone could say anything else.

Clay stepped back and untwined his arms from where he’d had them wrapped around Emma and sighed.

“I think I’ll skip breakfast and head on over to the hospital, Jay. I want to check in on Sonny.”

Emma immediately grabbed hold of his arms while shaking her head at him and Jason did the same.

“You can’t see him until visiting hours, kid and they don’t start until 10 so you are coming to breakfast and if you can managed to get Emma here dressed and ready in less than half an hour? I’ll even pay for it.”

“HEY!” Emma said, placing both her hands on her hips. She could be dressed and ready in 5 minutes if she had to, damn it!

Both men smiled at her and Clay nodded his head at Jason while he turned Emma around and started maneuvering her towards the staircase.

“Got it, Jace. We’ll be back down in 30.” Clay called over his shoulder and then he lifted Emma up and carried her up to her room.


	67. The alternate story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOOOO SORRY! It's been almost 2 months since I last updated and my only excuse is that I've had the writers block of all writers block! Like I knew exactly what i wanted to write but when I sat down to write I had no words. Nothing came out. But today I finally managed to get it together enough so that I have a new chapter to give you all!
> 
> Thank you all so much for staying with me and hopefully it doesn't take me another 2 month to get the next one together! By my calculations we have less than 10, but probably more than 5, chapter left of this story so I hope you stick it out with me because I will finish it. I' just not sure how long it will take me...
> 
> Lots of love, LaserFocus

Bayville coffee was almost empty when Emma, Clay, Jason and Mikey entered the coffee shop shortly after 8am. Since it was a Sunday none of them had expected a crowd but looking around Emma could count the other patrons on one hand.

“Well, guess we don’t have to fight to get a table…” Clay mumbled under his breath, making Emma snort as she squeezed his hand.

Jason looked over his shoulder at them and shook his head at the pair.

“Order and then go sit down, would you? Mikey and I will wait for it to be done and bring it over.”

The pair nodded and rattled off their order to the barista who was waiting to take their orders before making their way over to one of the corner tables.

“So…” Emma said as they sat down next to each other, leaving the seats opposite them for Jason and Mikey. “How are you feeling about everything now that you’re all back home?”

Clay shrugged. “I think seeing Sonny on the ship and also watching him like a hawk as we flew home helped. Made it feel real you know? And assured me he was alive...”

Emma nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. “That’s good. You all had me worried and even more so when dad called me back just minutes after hanging up the first time.”

“Sorry about that one…”

“Hey, no. Don’t ever apologize for needing me. I love that I can help you in some way even if I’m half a world away.”

Clay lifted their clasped hands to his lips, pressed a small kiss to her knuckles and then did the same to her nose before pressing their lips together.

“Okaaay. None of that in my presence ever, ok?”

Clay pulled back and grinned sheepishly at his boss while Emma blushed.

“Sorry, dad.”

“Uh huh, sure you are.” Jason answered with a half grin as he placed the tray he was carrying down on the table before sitting down in the chair opposite Emma.

Emma winked and then she accepted the second tray from Mikey, so that he could take the fourth chair and they could all begin eating their breakfast.

* * *

“That was great.” Jason said as he tossed his used napkin down on top of the empty dishes. “There really isn’t a better place for breakfast.”

The other three nodded their heads in agreement.

“What time is it?” Mikey asked. “Can we go visit uncle Sonny now?”

Clay and Jason both glanced down at their watches and nodded their heads in unison.

“Yes we can, bud.” Jason said and they all rose from the table and started filing out, Emma leading Clay by his hand with Mikey following behind them while Jason brought up the rear.

“Are we sure he’s up for visitors?” Emma wondered as she pushed the door opened.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see all of us.” Clay said and gave her hand a squeeze as he grabbed the door and held it open for Mikey.

“I hope so, I really want to… whoa!”

Emma stumbled as she bumped in to someone heading in to the coffee shop but Clay’s quick reflexes stopped her from hitting the ground. Her counterpart wasn’t so lucky and ended hitting the ground.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Emma said as Clay righted her. “Here, let me help you…”

Emma started to stretch her hand out but stopped dead before even getting close to the brunette on the ground.

Clay, seeing Emma freeze up, frowned.

“What’s up, Birdie?”

She ignored him and let her hand fall back to her side as she kept her eyes on the woman in front of her.

“Stella?”

The brunette, having been in the middle of righting herself stopped her movements, brushed her hair out of her eyes and then looked from Emma to Clay to Emma and then landed firmly back on Clay.

“Clay! Fancy running in to you here!”

Clay, Emma, Jason and Mikey all stared at Stella, not believing the words coming from the woman still sitting on the ground.

“Yeah, such a coincidence to run in to him at his favorite coffee place…” Emma said, sarcasm dripping from every word, as Stella rose to her feet.

“So, how have you been?” the brunette asked, brushing her hair behind her ear and paying no attention to Emma, her dad or brother. “Missing me?”

Jason snorted and then coughed in a try to cover it up. Emma and Clay both looked over at him, Emma with a glare and Clay, well Clay looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Hi Stella…” Clay muttered, moving Emma in closer as the last time the three of them were all in the same place came flashing back in his head. They were in a totally different place as a couple now but still, Clay couldn’t get the image of Emma walking off out of his head.

“Yeah, hi! So? How have you been?”

“Good… good. How about you?” he asked, glancing down at Emma and then over to Jason, desperately looking for a quick way out of this conversation.

“Oh I’m good. You wanna grab a coffee? Catch up?” she asked, smiling sweetly.

Emma, having had enough of the mess that was her boyfriends ex, took a deep breath and broke out of Clay’s grasp.

“Ok, just stop, please because this is getting embarrassing.”

Stella’s eyes moved, seeming reluctantly, from Clay to Emma.

“Oh, Ella… didn’t see you there.”

“It’s Emma, not Ella, and of course you didn’t, you were busy ogling my boyfriend. You know, the guy you cheated on? So why don’t you do what you were about to do and leave us to go on with our lives?”

Stella took a step closer to Emma.

“Listen little girl, I don’t…” she started saying, only to stop abruptly as Jason stepped in between his daughter and… his daughter’s boyfriend’s ex.

“Em, why don’t you and Clay bring Mikey with you over to the hospital and I’ll meet you guys there in a few, ok?” he said, keeping his eyes locked on the woman in front of him who was quickly going from confrontational to timid.

“But…” Emma said but Clay wrapped his arm around her waist again and moved them around his boss and his ex.

“Come on, Mikey. Let’s go see if Sonny is being a baby about being in the hospital. I’ll bet that you acted more mature when you had your arm casted than he is at the moment.”

“I’m not taking that bet!” Mikey said as he too stepped around his dad and the brunette and the trio headed towards the parked cars. “We all know uncle Sonny is a bad patient!”

* * *

“…and then we both skidded in to the boards and my arm got stuck.”

Emma couldn’t help but smile as she watched Mikey tell Sonny, who was looking better than he had any right to be while still sitting in a hospital bed, and Trent about how he ended up with a cast.

Clay was watching them too, happy to see that the people he loved was safe and on the mend, but his eyes kept drifting towards the window on the hospital room door. Jason had said he’d be right behind them but they’d been at the hospital for nearly 45 minutes now and his boss still hadn’t showed up.

“You ok?”

Clay jumped slightly as Emma’s concerned voice broke through his thoughts but nodded his head and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“I’m fine, Birdie.”

Emma looked searchingly at him for a few seconds but then shrugged her shoulders and turned back to the conversation happening between the other three, happily adding her commentary about how brave Mikey had been in the hospital.

Looking back over to the door Clay blinked as he met Jason’s eyes though the small window. Jason gestured with his head for Clay to join him outside so he nodded in agreement and go to his feet.

As Clay stood up the conversation in the room stopped and all eyes turned towards him.

“Where are you going, Princess Peach?” Sonny asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“I need another coffee if I’m gonna spend the morning listening to you rewrite history, buddy.” Clay said with a smirk. “Anyone else want something?”

They all shook their heads and Clay made his way over to the door, feeling Emma’s gaze on him the whole way and he knew she hadn’t bought his poor excuse for even a second but she was going to let him get away with it. For now.

Closing the door behind him as he stepped outside, Clay glanced around and found Jason leaning against the wall a few feet away.

“Walk and talk?” he asked as he approached the older man. “I need another coffee.”

“Sure. I could use one too.” Jason said with a smirk and they both headed towards the coffee machine at the other end of the corridor.

Clay looked over at Jason when he didn’t immediately start talking but he wasn’t sure what or how to ask what this was about. Or rather, what the conversation with Stella had been about.

“So.” Jason finally said as they reached the coffee machine. “You’re ex.”

“Yeah.”

“She’s quite the story teller. Did you know that?”

Clay’s head snapped up. “What? What do you mean?”

“Oh she painted quite the picture for me about how in reality you were the one that cheated on her. With Emma.”

Clay’s mouth fell open in disbelief.

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah. It’s a good thing I know both you and my daughter really damn well. And that I know for a fact that you’d barely talked, let alone had spent time together, before we got back from J-bad. But she did her best with what little she had, I’ll tell you that.”

Clay ran his hands though his hair in frustration. Why was Stella still trying to mess with his life? He had done nothing to her but be the best boyfriend he could be while still doing what he loved – his job.

“Hey.” Jason said, putting down his freshly filled coffee cup on top of the machine so that he could grab both of Clay’s shoulders. “Relax.”

“I just… I can’t believe she’s still trying to make me in to the bad guy and mess things up for me.”

Jason squeezed the younger mans shoulders in a comforting gesture before letting go to pick his coffee up again.

“Well, to be honest with you, I don’t think she’ll try anything like that again. Actually I would be surprised if she even looked your way if you ran in to each other on the street again.”

“…Why is that?” Clay asked slowly, not sure if he really wanted, and needed to know what Jason meant by that.

“Let’s just say I sat her straight on a few things, gave her a few honest truths and then made real sure she knew exactly who she would be dealing with if she tried to do anything that would break my baby’s heart.” Jason stated calmly.

Clay gaped at his boss, and not for the first time did he wonder if even HE knew who he would be facing if he ever let Emma down in any way, shape or form.

“Come on, let’s get back to the room and find out how many lies Sonny has made up while we were out here.”

Jason slapped Clay on the back and then started to walk back down the corridor again while Clay stood frozen with his still empty coffee cup, trying to decide if not knowing what Jason had really said to Stella was a good thing or not.

* * *

The rain was pouring down outside as Clay drove them back to the house as visiting hours had ended. Sonny would be released the next day and, if nothing unexpected happen, would be back at work the following week. A little thing like drowning wasn’t going to keep Sonny down for long.

Emma shifted in her seat and turned her gaze from the side window to Clay.

“So, want to tell me what dad had to tell you?”

Clay glanced over at her before turning his eyes back to the road.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Clay. You know that I know that you left the room to talk with my dad, not to get coffee. So, spill.”

Clay sighed. He didn’t want to spend another minute, or even a second, on Stella Baxter but maybe this would finally be the end of her in their life.

“Your dad told me that Stella tried to sell him on an alternate story of how we broke up.”

“What do you mean ‘alternate story’? There’s only one story to it and it’s the one where she slept with the professor. In your apartment.” Emma said tersely.

“I know that and you know that and thankfully your dad know that but Stella tried to make me the bad guy.”

“How? Because in what world is that even possible?”

“In the fantasy world where I apparently cheated on her first. With you.”

Emma stared at her boyfriend for a quiet moment before laughter started to bubbled out of her, making her shake in her seat.

“I’m sorry, but WHAT?!” she said between snorts of laughter. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard!”

Clay nodded his head in agreement. It truly was ridiculous, but if Jason hadn’t know better, it could’ve gotten ugly.

As Emma calmed herself down she had to wipe a few tears of laughter out of her eyes. She’d needed a good laugh and while this might not have been what she’d wanted to laugh about, she felt lighter after having done it.

“So, now what? Are we going to have to deal with her popping up and trying to start trouble every so often?”

“I don’t think so. Jace was pretty convinced he’d made her back down for good.”

Emma’s eyes narrowed.

“Do I even want to know how he’s so sure about that?”

Clay shrugged.

“I didn’t ask for the details so if you do want them you’ll have to ask him but his word is good enough for me and I really, really, really hope that this is the last time you and I ever have to talk about her.”

“Me too.” she said softy and moved her left hand over to his right, weaving their fingers together.

Clay smiled over at his girl and squeezed her hand before turning his attention back to the road.

The rest of the drive back to the Hayes house was spent in comfortable silence, only broken by Emma as Clay parked his car on the driveway.

“How do you feel about babysitting?”


	68. Adventures in babysitting pt.1

“Stop reading there, numb nuts.”

Clay jerked in his hammock as Jason’s voice, combined with the cold from a couple of beer cans, made him leave his book and return to the back of the C-17, en route back home.

Their first spin-up since almost losing Sonny had been a weird one, and had ended with Jason putting a hold to the missile about to be fired at the house they’d been watching, and now Clay just wanted to get home, sleep and then spend the next day with his girl… and all of the Bravo kids. Emma had convinced him to give all the parents connected to Bravo a day (and night) off while they entertained the kids at Jason’s and that was supposed to take place the next day. It wasn’t exactly how Clay would’ve wanted to spend his now limited time before deployment with Emma, but if she wanted him to babysit with her, he would.

“There’s not much to celebrate…” Clay said as he glanced over at his boss while he tugged a can free before placing the remaining three cans next to him on the seats. 

“Look, if you were in charge, you wouldn’t have argued against that strike?” Jason asked, taking a drink of his own beer.

Clay sighed and closed his book.

“I don’t know boss. You know, by my math even with 80% certainty he’s in that house, we likely save a lot of lives taking that shot.”

“You’re right. I would’ve said the same thing if I was in your shoes but if I drop that bomb and I’m wrong?” Jason blew out a low whistle. “There are bigger long-term ramifications. I mean, making a call of off incomplete intelligence? Not worth it. Not worth it at all.”

Clay nodded slowly as he listened; he knew that Jason had a point and it wasn’t one that he himself had considered when they were on the ground.

“Besides,” Jason continued, “Kondé - he’s on the CIA list and if I know Mandy, and I know Mandy, she’s definitely gonna get him.”

“Solid point.” Clay agreed with another nod as he tapped his fingers against his beer can. “Guess it’s easy for me to call the shots when it’s theoretical.”

“Yeah, well, one day, when you’re running your own team, you’ll think of it differently.” Jason answered, glancing over at the young man next to him, knowing that his words would have an impact.

“You think I can handle my own team?” Clay asked after a moment and turned his head to look at his boss.

Jason smirked to himself. He knew that that would be the part that Clay picked up on.

“Yeah…you’re good. But you’re not that good.” He paused for the effect. “Yet. Gotta earn it. You don’t have the experience.”

“Thanks boss.” Clay said, a small smirk appearing on his face. Knowing that Jason had confidence in him and believed that he had what it would take? One of the best feelings he’d ever felt.

“Yeah. One other thing.” Jason leaned closer. “If you tell anybody I said that you’re good? I’m gonna have to kill you.”

Before Clay could say anything else Jason stood up and crossed to the other side of the plane, taking his normal seat next to Ray again.

Clay snorted a little and chuckled to himself as he cracked open his beer and took big gulp. Jason might _want_ to hurt him if he did tell, but they both knew Jason wouldn’t do anything to cause Clay pain as long as his daughter’s happiness was tied to him and Clay really didn’t see that changing.

“What’s so funny, Cinderella?”

Looking up, Clay met Sonny’s gaze.

“Nothing you need to worry about Sonny. Did you want something?”

“Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to hit the Bulkhead for some friendly – yet not so friendly - Dart and Pool competition tomorrow but now I’m not sure I want to.”

Clay snorted. Leave it to Sonny to be melodramatic for no good reason.

“I’d love too, man, but I have plans tomorrow.”

“You have plans? What, with Pebbles? You gonna take her out on an all-day date or something?” the Texan asked with more than a little teasing in his voice and a raised eyebrow.

“Well, you’re half right. I do have plans with Em but we’re not going on a date. Unless you think it’s romantic spending the day with 5 kids ages 0 to 10?”

The older man’s eyes widen and his mouth dropped open for a moment before it turned in to a smirk again.

“Moonbeam’s making you babysit?”

Clay lifted the cap from his head and ran a hand through his hair before readjusting the cap again.

“With deployment around the corner and with everything that has happened in the past few months Em thought that the parents all needed a date night so she volunteered to take Mikey, Jameelah, RJ and the twins for a full 24 hours, starting tomorrow at noon.”

“…and you managed to get roped in to it? Amature.” Sonny said with a snort as he drained the last of his beer and reached for a new can.

Clay sighed.

“She asked how I felt about it and next thing I know she’s turned the puppy eyes on me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love the kids and always have fun with them but being in charge of all of them? For 24 hours?” Clay shook his head and took a swig from his own beer.

“Yeah, I’m not the least bit jealous. But tell you what, I’ll think of you when I’m crushing Davis at Dart, ok?”

“Thank’s bud. Really appreciate it.” Clay mumbled before he drained his beer and tossed the empty can aside as he settled back down in his hammock. Tomorrow would be interesting.

* * *

Emma smiled as she opened the door to greet her last two charges for the next 24 hours.

“Hey, guys! Come on in.” she said and gladly accepted RJ in to her arms when Naima handed him over because RJ was already reaching for his favorite blonde.

“Hi, Emma.” Ray answered as Jameelah rushed passed all of them in to the living room where Mikey, James and Arabella was already watching a movie with Clay.

“Are you sure about this?” Bravo’s 2IC asked, glancing over Emma’s shoulder after his daughter. “Because we know full well that just Jameelah and RJ can be a handful and with the other three as well…”

“Don’t worry, uncle Ray. I’ve got this. Jam has never been a problem for me, Mikey knows what’s expected from and of him and the twins are just excited to spend time away from their parents. I promise it will be ok. I’ve got this.” she repeated and bounced RJ in her arms until he squealed.

“Ok… but promise me you’ll call one of us if you need us to pick them up?” Ray asked, glancing yet again in to the living room which was surprisingly quiet seeing as there were four kids in there. Five if you counted Bravo Team’s own kid.

Naima and Emma shared a look before Emma shook her head and smiled at her uncle.

“I promise I will call if I need you. But I won’t. I’ve got this. And I’ve also got Clay and they all adore him so we’re gonna be just fine. We’re gonna watch movies, we’re gonna go to the park and we’re gonna eat. A lot. We might even jump in the pool. So the kids are gonna have a great time and so will you. So please don’t worry, ok?”

Ray opened his mouth to say something more but Naima put her hand over his mouth and silenced him.

“That’s enough, Ray.” she said and gave him a look before she removed her hand and turned back to Emma.

“Thank you so much for this, honey. I really appreciate it, even if my husband over here is totally oblivious.” Naima continued, elbowing Ray gently in his side.

“Like I’ve said, I wanted to do this and I’ve got Clay to help so it will be fun for both the kids and us, I’m sure.”

“Good.” Naima said and pointed to the two backpacks that were sitting on the ground before her. “Everything they need should be in there and if it’s not? They probably don’t _really_ need it. And we left RJ’s new stroller outside. Do you want me to show you how it works?”

Emma nodded and turned her head towards the living room.

“Clay?”

Clay instantly looked up from where he’d been lost in the movie that the kids were watching and seeing Emma with his teammate and his wife, Clay lifted Arabella off his lap and sat her down next to her brother, got to his feet and made his way over to the entry way.

“What’s up, Birdie?” he asked as he joined them and placed a quick kiss on her cheek, making her blush.

“I’m gonna go check out how RJ’s new stroller works so…” Emma said as she held the small boy out towards her boyfriend, who immediately took him from her.

“Can I take the baby and finish watching the movie with the kids? You bet.” Clay finished with a wink before he turned his attention to the couple standing beside them.

“You guys looking forward to some childless hours?”

Naima smiled widely and nodded her head yes while Ray narrowed his eyes at the youngest of his brothers.

“Let’s be clear here, Spenser. I want my kids in one piece and Emma to not have had a mental breakdown when we come back tomorrow, ok?”

Clay smirked at his friend and blew a raspberry on to RJ’s neck which made the baby squeal in pure joy as he wiggled both his arms and legs in excitement.

“Spenser…”

“Oh, Ray, lay off it. Clay and Emma will be just fine and you’re failing miserably at being intimidating. So say goodbye to your kids while I show Em how to work the stroller.” Naima said and then grabbed Emma and lead her outside, not wanting to deal with her husband’s antics any more. She had a date night to get to – with or without her husband at this point.

Clay and Ray both watched as their better halves walked out of the house and then looked at each other, Clay with a raised eyebrow and Ray with a sheepish look on his face.

“Look, brother. I know you’ll keep my kids, and Blackburn’s for that matter, completely safe, it’s just… it’s the first time both of them are having a sleepover and I’m…” Ray didn’t finish his sentence but Clay nodded his head in understanding.

“I get it, man, but I swear nothing will happen to Jameelah or RJ except them having fun with the other three and Em and I.”

“Thanks brother. I’ll let you get back to the movie but, please, call if you need us.”

“We will.” Clay said and Ray nodded his head, accepting that that was the best conciliation he was going to get.

“Ok, I’m gonna go.” Ray said and turned towards the living room. “Bye Jameelah. See you tomorrow baby girl.”

Jameelah waved her hand in their general direction but didn’t tear her eyes away from the movie, making Ray shake his head as he faced his son, still in Clay’s arms.

“And you little man,” he said as he leaned in closer to his son, “better be nice to Emma. It’s ok if you’re mean to this guy, but behave with Em, ok?” he finished and kissed the little boy’s cheek before standing up again.

“Now that’s just rude.” Clay said but as Ray stepped outside Clay used RJ’s hand to wave goodbye to his father before he closed the door and turned towards the living room and the gang watching the TV.

“Ok, how much have I missed?” he asked as he joined them on the couch, adjusting RJ in his lap so that he was facing the TV as well. “Have they regained consciousness yet?”

* * *

Emma glanced out of the kitchen window as she closed the oven door after checking on the chicken casserole she’d prepared for dinner. She was exhausted after having spent most of the afternoon in the nearby park and when they’d arrived back at the house Clay had graciously taken the five kids out in to the backyard so that she could get their food ready. The view that greeted her as she looked outside made her heart melt.

Jameelah was pushing James on one of the swings while Clay somehow managed to push Arabella on the other one with RJ on his hip while he also kicked the soccer ball back to Mikey every time he passed it over. It really was a heartwarming picture and it really made her yearn for what she could have one day in the future. The _very_ _distant_ future but still, Clay would make a wonderful dad when that day came and she had never been more sure of anything than that she wanted to be the mother of those children.

Tearing her eyes away from the appealing picture outside Emma walked over to the cabinets and started gathering together plates, cutlery and glasses so that she could set the table. RJ’s travel high chair was set up at the head of the table so Emma figured that if she sat next to him on one side with Arabella on her other side, Clay could sit between James and Jameelah opposite her while Mikey sat at the end because, well, Mikey was 10, almost 11, and didn’t need help or anyone to act as a buffer at the table, despite his broken arm.

“Emmy!”

Emma’s head flew up from her table setting as the door to the backyard flew up and Jameelah came running in.

“Meelah!” Emma said with a smile, putting the finale fork down next to the plate. “No running inside, please.”

“Sorry.” the young girl said and stopped next to the portable high chair.

Emma ruffled her hair as she passed the girl on her way back into the kitchen area.

“No worries, girlie. Now, what was it that you wanted?”

“Uncle Clay wanted to know if we could come inside now. We’re hungry!” the dark haired girl exclaimed with a wide grin.

Emma glanced at the dish in the oven again.

“Yeah, go tell uncle Clay and the others to go wash their hands because dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.”

Jameelah nodded her head with a smile and then took off running out to the backyard again. Emma shook her head at Jameelah’s actions but decided to let it go because nagging her about running inside just didn’t feel like a battle she wanted to deal with right now.

Grabbing the bowl of salad she’d prepared earlier from the fridge, Emma almost got run over as she made her way back over to the table to set it down because Mikey, Jameelah, James and Arabella all came running in from the backyard, paying no attention to who or what was in the kitchen.

“Hey!” Emma burst out, as she just about managed to not drop the salad bowl all over the floor. “No running inside! The next person who runs inside this house will be having kale for dessert!”

“Sorry!” all four kids said as they continued to make their way towards the bathroom to wash up.

Emma once again shook her head and placed the bowl down safely on the table with a sigh. 4 kids between the ages of 5 and 10 together with a baby? It was a lot of work and she wasn’t even the one who had spent the last hour entertaining them in the backyard!

“…and up and around and…. Woooop!”

Emma closed her eyes and counted to three as the backdoor once gain flew up and Clay rushed in, playing airplane with RJ. As RJ “crash-landed” in his high chair with a giggle, Emma couldn’t stop the smile that appeared on her face.

“Bear?” she said, hands firmly planted on her hips.

“Yeah, Birdie?” Clay asked as he looked up from his place kneeling next to the giggling boy.

“You’re getting kale for dessert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie the kids are watching? I loved The adventures of Tintin as a child and Clay is my age so in my head he's educating them in the world of Tintin and are watching Destination Moon/Explorers of the Moon


	69. Adventures in babysitting pt.2

As Arabella jumped from the armchair, over to the sofa, climbed on to the backrest and then threw herself on to Clay’s back, Emma just watched from the floor and continued to play Guess Who? with Jameelah. She knew that she needed to get the twins and Jameelah in to bed sometime soon but she didn’t have the heart to put a stop to James and Arabella using Clay as their very own jungle gym just yet.

“Does your person… have long hair?” Jameelah asked as she looked up from the tiles in front of her.

“Yes, they do.” Emma answered with a nod and watched as Jameelah flipped down three out of her five remaining tiles.

Emma glanced down at her own tiles and realized that she most likely would lose this round because she had eight tiles left and there was no way for her to narrow it down fast enough to catch up to Jameelah.

“Does your person have a beard?”

Jameelah shook her head vigorously and almost jiggled where she sat as Emma only got to flip down two of her tiles. Emma smiled at the younger girl and laughed at her excitement.

“You ready to guess who it is?” she asked the dark haired girl.

“Yes! Is your person Anita?!”

“Why yes it is.” Emma answered and Jameelah’s arms shot up in the air in a gesture of victory.

“Good job, Jam!” Clay said from the other side of the living room as he tossed both Arabella and James back down on the couch, both landing with a giggle and wide grins.

“Can we play again?” Jameelah asked, eyes almost begging as they locked on Emma’s.

Emma looked at the wall clock and then her eyes drifted over to Clay who glanced down at his wrist watch. As their eyes meet they both knew that it was time for the kids to start to wind down and get ready for bed.

“Sorry, girlie, but it’s time for you guys to get ready for bed.”

“But Emmy…” the girl wined as her smile immediately turned into a pout.

“Nope. It’s time for all of you to get ready for bed because since you’re all sleeping the same room it’ll probably take forever for all of you to fall asleep.”

Jameelah, Arabella and James all pouted at that but didn’t protest further when they saw the stern look on Clay’s face, clearly backing Emma’s decision.

Clay sneaked his arms around Jameelah and turned her upside down, making her pout turn in to a shriek of joy.

“Come on, little. Let’s get you upstairs and in to Em’s shower while Emma takes care of the twins down here.” He said, turned Jameelah the right way up and then trudged towards the stairs with her over his shoulder.

“If you guy’s wake RJ up I’ll make sure you’ll regret it!” Emma shouted after them as they disappeared.

She didn’t get an answer but the silence that followed as they got upstairs was good enough for her so she turned to face the two blond haired trouble makers that were James and Arabella.

“Shower or bath?” she asked, already knowing the answer but giving them the choice anyway.

“Bath!” they both said with wide grins and Emma smiled hesitantly back at them as she ushered them towards the master bathroom. The last time she supervised the twins’ bath time she had ended up looking like a drowned rat…

* * *

“What happened to you?” Clay asked as his girlfriend appeared in the doorway to Mikey’s room, following behind the freshly bathed Blackburn twins wearing matching Paw Patrol pajamas. The twins headed straight for the mattress that was set up for them and started whispering with Jameelah who was sitting on the lower bunk.

“Oh you mean this?” Emma asked, wringing her soaked hair out before tugging on her shirt that was clinging to her, also soaked. “James and Arabella turned bath time into a water war. I was apparently the targeted enemy.”

Clay turned his head towards the twins who used their big brown eyes in an attempt to look innocent but they couldn’t hide the smile tugging at the corners of their mouths.

“You got her good, huh?”

The look of innocence disappeared and wide grins once again took over their faces as they nodded their heads eagerly and started to tell Clay all about it. Emma shook her head and gestured to Clay that she was going to change while he listened to their story.

Clay nodded his head and waved her away so Emma quickly crossed the hall and eased the door to her room opened. RJ was asleep in his travel cot and while he probably wouldn’t wake up from her getting changed, he’d clearly slept through Jameelah showering after all, but she didn’t want to take any unnecessary chances.

As she stepped inside she made her way over to the cot and found that RJ was indeed sleeping soundly so she grabbed a pair of leggings, a tank and then stole one of Clay’s hoodies from the bag he’d tossed into her room earlier that day. With new clothes in hand she walked over to her bathroom and finally removed her wet clothes and dried herself off as best she could before changing in to the dry clothes.

Before leaving her bathroom Emma located a hair tie and then quickly braided her still wet hair in to a dutch braid so that it wasn’t in her face. She stepped back in to Mikey’s room a short while later and found that Clay had managed to get all four settled in to their beds for the night; Mikey in his regular spot in the top bunk, Jameelah in the bottom bunk and the twins on the queen sized mattress laid out on the floor.

All four kids were silent and eagerly listening to Clay as he read from a very familiar book; Seacrow Island. It had been one of her own favorite books growing up and while Mikey preferred Harry Potter these days he seemed to be as in to the book as the other three were.

“The old man laughed again. ‘Well, either you like it when it rains in through the roof or you don’t.’  
‘Or you don’t,’ came as a sort of echo from the little girl. ‘I don’t.’” Clay read and then he paused as he noticed Emma in the doorway.

“Time to call it a night?” he asked, but Emma shook her head.

“Finish the chapter first, I love this book.” she answered and took a seat at the edge of the mattress, ready to listen as Clay read to them.

* * *

“…And that’s all for tonight.” Clay said as he closed the book with a snap after finishing the second chapter.

“But I want to hear more…” Jameelah said and Arabella nodded her head in agreement.

“More, please, uncle Clay!” she said, tilting her head to the side.

Clay was pretty much ready to give in when Emma stepped in.

“Nope. He’s already read one more chapter than he was supposed to. It’s time for you all to get some sleep. If you still want to hear more in the morning, we can read after breakfast. And by ‘we’ I mean Clay” she said with a wink at her boyfriend.

Clay snorted and stood up from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk and put the book down on Mikey’s desk.

“Emmy?” Jameelah asked as Emma rose up from the mattress, ready to join Clay at the door.

“Yeah, ‘Meelah?”

“A bedtime song first?” she asked tiredly.

Emma smiled gently at her favorite girl in the world. A bedtime song was their tradition, something that had started back when 13 year old Emma had first babysat 2 year old Jameelah, and Emma was happy that the younger girl wanted to share that with the other Bravo kids.

“Sure, Jam. Do you want to pick one or should I?”

Jameelah put her head back down on her pillow and seemed to think it over.

“You pick.” she said after a moment and closed her eyes, ready for sleep.

Emma thought for a moment and then smiled as she picked the song.

“_There was a time when I was alone  
Nowhere to go and no place to call home  
My only friend was the man in the moon  
And even sometimes he would go away, too_

_Then one night, as I closed my eyes  
I saw a shadow flying high  
He came to me with the sweetest smile  
Told me he wanted to talk for awhile  
He said, "Peter Pan, that's what they call me  
I promise that you'll never be lonely, " and ever since that day…_”

Emma smiled as she watched the kids settle down and when James linked his pinky with his twin sister she felt as if her heart was too big for her chest. How damn cute were they allowed to be?

“_I am a lost boy from Neverland  
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan  
And when we're bored we play in the woods  
Always on the run from Captain Hook  
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me  
Away from all of reality_

_Neverland is home to lost boys like me  
And lost boys like me are free  
Neverland is home to lost boys like me  
And lost boys like me are free._”

Lost boys was one of her personal favorites to sing and one of the best things about it when used as a bedtime song was that it was both calming and told a story. As she wrapped it up the twins were asleep and Jameelah didn’t open her here eyes which told Emma that she was well on her way to sleep as well.

“Goodnight Jam, Mikey.” she said gently when the song was finished and then she turned to the door where Clay were waiting.

“Night, kiddos.” Clay echoed and then the left the room together, closed the door so that it was only slightly ajar and then they headed downstairs.

* * *

Emma let out a sigh as she let her head fall down on Clays shoulder.

“Remind me to never do this again.”

Clay snorted as he leaned his own head again Emma’s and blew out a deep breath.

“Which part, Birdie?” he asked tiredly.

“The babysitting 5 kids at the same time part. Never. Again.” she answered with a huff. “It was a bad idea because it’s only just after 8.30pm and I feel like I’m ready for bed.”

Clay turned his head slightly and pressed his lips to her hair.

“Ok, I’ll stop you if you ever have that idea again. Or rather, I’ll remind you of this moment right here.”

They sat in silence for a while and then Clay grabbed the remote from the armrest.

“Want to watch a movie?” he asked as he woke to TV up from its standby mode.

Emma nodded and then slowly got up from the couch, making Clay raise his eyebrow in question.

“You pick a movie, I’ll get us something to drink and snack on.” she said in answer and then she headed in to the kitchen.

Clay browsed through movie after movie before settling on an oldie but a goodie. When Emma returned with a tray she glanced at the TV as she set it down on the living room table.

“Really? Again?” she asked Clay when she saw the frozen frame.

“I feel the need, the need for speed.” he simply answered with a grin. “And don’t front, babe. You like this movie too.”

Emma didn’t confirm or deny that statement which only made Clay’s grin widen further.

As Emma curled up next to him again Clay wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. He felt as if they hadn’t spent any real time together just the two of them in forever. And come to think of it he couldn’t actually remember the last time the two of them had been able to just have a quiet night at his place.

“You know, we’re deploying soon…”

Emma stiffened next to him for a second and then she let out a deep breath.

“I know.” she answered after a few moments. “And we probably need to talk and stuff but… let’s deal with that when we’re not exhausted, ok?” she finished and turned her head so that they could see each other.

Clay scanned her eyes for a moment and then nodded.

“Ok. But we will talk. And come hell or high water we are spending the night alone tomorrow, ok? I want you all to myself with no parents, siblings, teammates or kids around.”

“I’m down for that!” Emma said with a wink and then she settled back into his side. “Now, let’s start this movie.”

Clay reached for the remote again and had only just pushed play as a sob followed by cries sounded from the baby monitor Emma had placed on the side table.

Emma groaned and got to her feet. Again.

“I’ll be right back. Do not touch my chocolate bar!” she said and waggled her finger as she headed towards the stairs. The baby needed her attention but then she wanted her chocolate and Clay better not have stolen it!

* * *

RJ was a crying mess as Emma pushed the door to her room open so she hurried across the floor to pick him up.

“Hey, buddy, what’s wrong, huh?” she mumbled as she swayed side to side.

RJ curled his fingers into Emma’s (well, Clay’s) hoodie and his cries gentled into sobs as she continued to sway and talk softly to him. With RJ slightly calmer Emma placed his bottle in the bottle warmer Naima had brought and then quickly changed the boy’s diaper as the bottle warmed to the right temperature.

When RJ was dry and the bottle was ready Emma sat down on her bed and started feeding him as she continued to talk nonsense to him. When the bottle was empty she sat it down on her nightstand and placed a cloth over her shoulder before she lifted the boy up to burp him.

It took a few minutes before a big burp left his small body but as it did Emma could feel how his whole body relaxed and when she brought him back down to her arms he was looking sleepy again.

“You gonna go right back to sleep, bub?” she said softly but when RJ’s eyes focused on hers they filled with tears and he started sobbing again.

“Oh, buddy…”

Emma shifted the boy so that she was holding him against her chest and then she rocked him gently. RJ’s sobbing calmed down but didn’t stop so she did what she usually did when the men in her life needed comfort; she started to sing.

“_Come stop your crying, it will be alright.  
Just take my hand and hold it tight.  
I will protect you from all around you.  
I will be here, don't you cry._

_For one so small, you seem so strong.  
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm.  
This bond between us can't be broken.  
I will be here don't you cry._”

Clay had been scrolling through his phone and only paying slight attention to Emma’s voice over the baby monitor while he waited for her to rejoin him but when she started singing he instantly pocketed his phone and, without really thinking it over, headed towards the stairs – baby monitor in hand.

“_'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Yes, you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on,  
Now and forever more.  
You'll be in my heart.  
No matter what they say,  
You'll be here in my heart,  
Always…_”

As he reached the landing he no longer needed to listen to the monitor to hear Emma sing so he turned the volume down and headed towards her room. The door was open and as he got closer he could see her seated against her headboard with eyes closed as she sang with RJ resting against her.

“_Why can't they understand the way we feel?  
They just don't trust what they can't explain.  
I know we're different, but deep inside us,  
We're not that different at all._

_And you'll be in my heart.  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more._”

Clay leaned back against the doorway as he watched the woman he loved sing to the small boy in her arms. This was it. This was what he wanted for his future. This was what he wanted to come home to when he returned from a spin.

“_Don't listen to them  
'Cause what do they know?  
We need each other, to have, to hold.  
They'll see in time, I know…_

_When destiny calls you, you must be strong.  
I may not be with you but you got to hold on.  
They'll see in time, I know.  
We'll show them together._”

He knew that them starting a family wasn’t in their foreseeable future, Emma had so much she wanted and needed to do before they did that, but he could see it as clear as day. Emma with his ring on her finger. Jason walking her down the aisle. Them buy a house. Emma and a blond haired girl waving as he left for deployment. That was what he wanted and he would wait however long it took for his Birdie to get to the same place.

“_'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Believe me you'll be in my heart.  
I'll be there from this day on,  
Now and forever more._

_You'll be in my heart.  
No matter what they say.  
You'll be here in my heart,  
Always…_”

* * *

Jason rolled his shoulders as he climbed out of his truck in an attempt to lose some tension. His dinner with Victoria had felt way to much as a date and he really wasn’t ready to date and especially not one of his closest friend’s widows. It was just way too weird. No matter what she was still Adam’s wife to him and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

The reality was that he had only said yes to the dinner because Emma had wanted to do the babysitting thing with all of the Bravo kids. He’d loved the idea of giving his friends some time without their kids but when Emma had told him that she wanted him to go out and have some “adult time” too he’d been left with no choice but to figure something out. Victoria’s invite had came at seemingly the perfect time but now he wished he’d just said no and had gone to the Bulkhead with Sonny instead.

As he walked up to the door he started to wonder how Emma and Clay’s day had gone. Emma had had so many plans when he’d left earlier but he knew how much energy Emma and Mikey had taken out of him when they were younger and with five kids? He couldn’t imagine how they had made that work.

When he reached the door he fiddled with his keys to find the right one and when he finally did he quickly unlocked his front door and stepped in.

He was greeted by the end credits of Top Gun as he closed the door behind him and after tossing his keys down on its usual resting table he made his way over to the couch where he found both his daughter and his teammate sound asleep. Clay was lying down with Emma draped over him like a blanket and neither of them seemed to have heard him come in.

With a shake of his head Jason grabbed the remote, turned off the TV and tossed the remote back on the table. Neither one flinched at the sound that made.

He pondered for a moment if he should wake them up so that they could go upstairs and sleep in a bed instead of the couch but seeing as they were both pretty much dead to the world he decided against it.

Looking around Jason located the blanket that usually was draped over the couch so he grabbed it and spread it out over the sleeping couple. Stepping back he surveyed the room again and then snorted. Someone would have to do some cleaning in the morning and it sure wasn’t going to be him.

He looked at the sleeping pair once more and then he turned off the light and headed to the kitchen. He needed a sandwich before he went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter is Lost boy by Ruth B. and You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins


	70. Five reasons why this is different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe it?!?! It actually happend. I finished chapter 70!! Only 3 more to go! 
> 
> This chapter has taken me waaaay to long to write and I'm so sorry you guys have been kept waiting but life has been nuts and I'm only now getting some time to relax and find my writing mojo again. I'm hoping to finish this story in the next 3 weeks so hang on - it' gonna be a ride!
> 
> So again; thank you all soooo much for sticking with me and here's chapter 70! (holy crap - my story has 70 chapters!)

Clay held the door to his apartment open to let Emma enter first and as he closed the door behind the two of them and locked it, he couldn’t help but laugh at the very extra way that Emma threw herself down on the couch, limbs going every what way.

“Tired?” he asked with a smirk, already knowing the answer.

“Yes. Never. Again. I love those kids but I’m never babysitting them all at the same time again. I should’ve just done Jam and RJ first and then the twins on another night.”

Clay joined her on the couch and moved her slightly so that her head was resting on his lap.

“Look at it this way; at least Trent and Brock doesn’t have kids yet. We could’ve been stuck with like 10 kids last night.”

Emma shuddered and then turned her face up to look at her boyfriend.

“What about uncle Sonny?”

“What about him?” Clay asked, eyebrows crinkled.

“No imaginary kids for him?”

A snort left Clay.

“Can’t really have kids if you don’t have a girl. Or adopt, I guess, but that doesn’t sound like something an active, single, door kicker would do.”

“You don’t think…” Emma snapped her mouth shut before she finished her sentence. If Clay really hadn’t see what was going on she wasn’t about to spell it out for him.

“What?” Clay asked with a frown. “Am I missing something?”

“I don’t know, are you?” Emma asked with a smile, trying to redirect the conversation.

Clay’s eyes narrowed as he scanned his girls face for clues as to what she had been about to say.

“Em…?”

“Clay…?”

“You’re not gonna tell me what you were about to say, are you?”

Emma shook her head. “Nope.”

Clay let out a sigh but decided to let it go. The two of them were silent for a while, just enjoying the silence after the past 24 hours of chaos. Emma’s eyes wandered around the apartment’s open floor plan, taking in all the changes that she’d made to it, not just during the renovation but since they became a couple. The place actually looked lived in now - there were art work, pictures, blankets and pillows. Her shoes next to his by the door, her physics book next to his latest Tolstoy brick and her earrings on the side table next to his shades.

Tilting her head back she saw that Clay had leaned his head back against the backrest and was staring in to space.

“Bear?”

“Yeah, Birdie?” he asked, turning his gaze down on her.

“You mentioned deployment last night…” she answered, trailing off because while she knew they needed to talk about it, she didn’t know how to go about it.

Clay sighed and pushed some errant strands of hair from her face.

“Yeah. We leave in little over a week and I realize we haven’t really talked about that at all.”

“What is there to talk about, though? It’s not like I’m not aware of what deployment entails and how it’s gonna affect me.” Emma said as she sat up so that she could be face to face with her boyfriend.

Clay took her hands in his and gave them a squeeze.

“That’s true. You know what deployment is about because you’ve grown up with it, just like I did. But how is it gonna affect us? Because Mexico was miserable and that wasn’t a three month thing – this will be.”

“You’re not planning on us fighting before you deploy, right?” she asked with a wry smile. “Because Mexico was miserable because of the mess with Stella and her stupid letter, not because I couldn’t handle you being deployed.”

They grinned at each other for a moment before Clay got serious again.

“No, no fighting. But 3 months is a long time, Em – almost as long as we’ve been a couple – and after what happened last time I deployed for the same amount of time that I had been dating…”

“Ok, stop.” Emma said as she put a finger over his mouth and moved so that she was now sitting on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs. Clay’s arms immediately wrapped themselves around her and held her tight.

“Number one.” Emma started, holding up a finger. “I’m not you’re ex who had never been around military before. Number two.” she continued, adding a second finger. “I do not need someone else around to ‘complete’ me. I am my own person. I have things I need to do and I won’t fall apart because my boyfriend isn’t around every day.”

Clay opened his mouth but Emma shook her head and held up a third finger.

“Number three. I can handle the sporadic contact. I know you won’t be able to call me or FaceTime me everyday. Hell, maybe not even every week. I actually remember the times when dad could only call home a few time during every deployment. I’m not gonna be waiting by the phone for your call – but that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you and it doesn’t mean I won’t check my phone more than usual.”

Again Clay tried to add something but Emma put her hand up as she added another finger.

“Number four. I won’t be alone. This is not my first deployment. It’s not even my 15th. I have a safety net. I have knowledgeable people around me. Aunt Naima, Lauren and Annie will be around constantly. Mrs. Seaver is only one call away and so is Mrs. Porter. I. Will. Be. Fine. And finally…” Emma said, raising the fifth and final finger on her raised hand.

“I won’t cheat.”

* * *

Silence followed Emma’s final statement as Clay pulled her even tighter to him and pressed his lips against hers hungrily. His tongue swept between her lips as his hand slid up her body, cradling her face between his hands as they both got lost in the feeling of each other. Teeth pulled at bottom lips, tongues battled for dominance and their breathing got heavier by the minute as time slipped away.

When Emma’s hands landed on his belt buckle, Clay put one of his owns hand down on top of hers and stilled her movements as he pulled back from their heated kisses, pressing his lips only gently against hers before pulling back completely and exhaling deeply.

“Sorry. That wasn’t supposed to happen, Birdie.”

Emma looked at him questionably, hands still resting on his belt.

“What? Us kissing or you stopping me from moving this thing along?”

“…both?” he said, before shaking his head to clear it. “No, but we have to have this conversation all the way because time is running out for it.”

“Hm… yeah. But my last point still stands, babe. I won’t cheat. I don’t have that in me – I would never be able to betray you, us, ME, like that.”

Clay scanned her face again, as if looking for something and then he locked his eyes on hers.

“Thank you for saying that out loud. I guess I really needed to hear it. I’m not sure why I’m doubting you…”

“You’re not.” Emma said with a shake of her head. “You’re doubting yourself. Or rather, you still think that she cheated on you because of you.”

“…what do you mean?”

Emma moved her hands up to his face, cradling it between her palms the same way he’d done with hers just a few minutes earlier.

“I think that you still believe that Stella cheated on you because of you. Because you weren’t here and because she couldn’t talk to you, call you, touch you, when she wanted to.”

“…because she did.” Clay said as his eyes looked everywhere but at his girlfriend.

“No, Clay, she didn’t.”

Clay’s eyes flashed back to Emma’s and she could see the confusion in them.

“Cheating is never the other persons fault. Never.”

“Then what?” he asked, doubt clearly present in his gaze.

Emma pressed her lips against his for a second to reestablish the slight smile on his face, before pulling back to look him in the eyes again.

“Stella, and everyone else who cheats, cheated because of her. I can’t tell you exactly what made her cross that line, to risk your trust and your relationship for someone else, but her excuses to you are bullshit. She can complain all she want about how she felt abandoned or whatever but if that is really how she felt then she should’ve told you that and you could’ve ended things. Sure, it might not have been a good time to do so with you in Afghanistan but from where I stand that’s what you do – you end what isn’t working before moving on. You don’t cheat and then try and pretend like nothing is wrong.”

Emma’s words hung in the air as Clay let them whirl around in his head.

“Maybe…” he finally said, nodding his head slowly.

“Definitely. So, can we just decide that we keep talking to each other, Bear? Because as long as we keep talking about things that bother us, things that doesn’t feel right and about us, we can keep this,” she said and waved a hand between them, “from going sour without both of us knowing so. Deal?”

Clay leaned his head forward until their foreheads touched and pressed a sweet kiss against her nose.

“Deal.”

“Good.”

They sat quiet for a little while, just enjoying each other’s company, until Clay leaned back again so that he could catch her eyes.

“Where do see us in say… a year or two, maybe three?”

Emma furrowed her brow, confused by the new topic.

“Hopefully still together…”

“Yeah, that’s a foregone conclusion, babe. But what are we doing with our lives?”

“Well, I’ll be in college, probably somewhere close by and you’re still with Bravo, saving the world one spin after another.”

Clay smiled at her before prompting her again.

“And as a couple?”

“I think maybe we live together? Either here or somewhere else and… yeah.” she trailed off, not knowing what else he wanted her to say.

“I was hoping you would say that because I have something I want to show you.” Clay said and gently moved Emma off his lap and got to his feet, helping her up from the couch at the same time.

“Uh, okay…. Where are we going?” Emma asked as Clay tugged on her hands.

Clay just smirked at her and moved her in to the bedroom.

As they stepped in to the bedroom Emma paused which made Clay stop and turn towards her again.

“Ok, if you just moved me in here to have sex? I’m gonna be disappointed.”

Clay raised an eyebrow at her which made the younger girl blush slightly.

“Clay, come on. You know what I mean.” she said and crossed her arms in front of her.

Clay winked at his girl and then moved to stand behind her as he turned her to face the closet.

“Why don’t you do me a favor and open that door, Birdie.”

Emma raised her eyebrow at him as she approached the closet doors but turned around to face it as she reached it. As she pulled the doors open she found that half the closet, which previously had been full almost to the brim, was now empty.

“Bear, what happened to all your clothes?”

* * *

“Well, some are still in there.” Clay said with a nod at the opened closet. “And the rest has been either thrown away, donated or moved to the dresser.” he continued and pointed at his dresser that was standing against the other wall.

Emma frowned as she looked from the half-empty closet to the dresser and then back to her boyfriend.

“Why?” she finally asked and turned so that they were face-to-face.

Clay closed the distance between them and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her in so that their bodies were toughing.

“Because, Birdie, I was hoping that you wanted to move some of your stuff over here so that you didn’t have to bring a bag every time you decide to come over for the night. And so that you could stay over whenever you wanted to without being stuck without your own things.”

Emma stared up at her boyfriend, stunned at his admission.

When she didn’t say anything, Clay’s smile started to slip and he felt his stomach turn into a knot.

“Em?” he asked gently as his eyes searched hers for an answer as to why she was just staring at him with her beautiful blue eyes wide open.

Emma blinked a few time as a smile slowly spread across her lips, making her face light up.

“You want me to leave things here?” she asked softly, still not sure that she’d heard him right. “Like, permanently?”

A chuckle left him as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

“That was the general idea, yeah. Do you like it?”

“Like it? I love it.” Emma said and lifted herself up on her toes, wrapped her arms around his neck and captured his lips with hers.

Clay accepted her kiss without hesitation and wrapped his own arms securely around her mid-section. As their lips parted and tongues met eagerly, Clay lifted Emma from the floor and turned them around so that he could push her up against the wall. Emma’s legs immediately wrapped themselves around his hips and they both panted as Clay moved his mouth from hers and trailed his lips down her neck.

“Clay…” Emma moaned as his teeth gently brushed over her pulse point, making her feel like her whole body was on fire.

Just as Clay was about to move the two of them over to the bed, Emma started vibrating – and not from anything he was doing.

“Birdie, I think you’re butt is vibrating…”

Emma groaned as leaned her body away from the wall and reached into her back pocket where her phone was making a whole lot of movement.

As she pulled it out and looked at the screen she blew out a breath as she saw Lisa’s face smiling back at her.

“It’s aunt Lisa.” she said and Clay let out a sigh as he gently unwrapped her legs from his waist and let her back down on the ground.

After pressing the green answer button, Emma lifted the phone to her ear.

“Hello? Aunt Lisa?”

* * *

Lisa looked up as the door to the restaurant opened again and smiled as she saw Emma walk in. As Emma scanned the tables to find her, Lisa took the moment to really look at the younger girl and she couldn’t believe how grown up she looked, and how happy. Emma had grown up so much in the months since Alana had died and now with her and Clay in a good place, it just seemed as if the teenager had moved into a young adult ready to take on the world for real.

As their gazes locked Emma smiled back at her aunt and made her way over to their table.

“Well, look at you, girlie!” Lisa said as she pulled the blond into a hug when she reached the table. “You seem unusually happy, something going on?” she asked as she pulled back.

Emma chuckled at her favorite aunt as they took their seats across from each other.

“No, nothing special is going on.” she said with a smirk. “Unless of course you’re talking about the fact that my boyfriend just gave me half his closet.” she continued as she tried to hold back her giggles. So she was happy, so what?

Lisa stared at her niece.

“Clay what now?!” she said, her voice going up into a falsetto at the end.

Emma nodded her head as her smile grew as wide as it could possibly get.

“Gave me half his closet. He said that he didn’t want me to have to pack a bag every time.”

“Oh, he’s good.” Lisa said with a grin.

Before they could say anything more the waiter stopped at the tables, ready to take their orders. As they ordered their dinners Emma couldn’t help herself from wondering what this was really about. Aunt Lisa rarely called her out of the blue - they both preferred to text - and while they would get coffee once in a while they had never been out to dinner like this before, just the two of them.

As the waiter walked away with their orders, Emma fixed her aunt with her eyes.

“So, we can talk more about Clay and me later because I’m really curious as to why you wanted to do dinner.”

“What? I can’t ask my favorite person to dinner?” Lisa asked innocently as she played with her water glass.

Emma raised an eyebrow at the brunette across from her.

“Ok, first off all that’s a lie, because we both know who’s your favorite person and it’s not me. And second of all, we usually do coffee, so that tells me something is going on. So, what’s up, aunt Lisa?”

Lisa let out a sigh and took a sip of her water before meeting Emma’s eye again.

“I got accepted into OCS.”

Emma frowned.

“OCS? What’s that?”

“OCS stands for Officer Candidate School.”

“Oh. Well, congratulations! I know you’ve been thinking about doing that before.” Emma said with a smile, which faded as she took in the look on the other woman’s face. “Why aren’t you happy about this? You applied, didn’t you?”

Lisa let out another sigh.

“Yeah, I did. And I am happy. It’s just… OCS means leaving Bravo. And Virginia Beach.”

Emma straightened up in her chair and leaned forward on the table.

“Wait, what? Leave? Where are you going?” she asked as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

“OCS is based at the Naval Station Newport. On Rhode Island.”

“Rhode Island?!”

“Yeah… I’ll be there for 12 weeks and then commissioned in the rank of Ensign.”

“Will you return to Bravo afterwards?” Emma asked in a small voice. She did not want to lose her aunt, especially now. She needed all her female role models to stay in her life and if Lisa left…

The brunette shook her head slowly.

“Unless Blackburn can work his magic? Probably not. I’ll probably get stationed out west.”

The words hung between them and they sat in silence as their food was brought out. Emma picked at her food for a moment before she looked back up at Lisa.

“Have you told the team yet?”

Lisa shook her head.

“Not even uncle Sonny?”

“No, uhm… your uncle Sonny found out by mistake. He found my intro folder and figured it out. So he knows and so does Eric. I still have to tell the rest.”

“When do you leave?”

“The day after Bravo deploys.”

Emma blew out a deep breath and took a few bites of her food as she tried to find the right words.

“You ok, Em?” Lisa asked, seeing the furrowed brow on the younger woman.

“Yeah. I’m happy for you – I am – but I also selfishly want you to stay on Bravo and in town. So much has changed lately and this is just another thing, I guess…”

“Oh, honey. I might be leaving for OCS and I might get stationed somewhere else afterwards but this place, you, Mikey, Bravo and the girl? You guys are home. I’ll be back when school is done and after that… we’ll just have to see where I end up but I promise I’ll always be there ok? I’ll only be one call away.”

Emma smiled weakly at that, her mind quickly flashing back to when she sang the song to Clay after Sonny’s near death by drowning.

They finished their meal with more talk about OCS and Bravo but as their desserts were brought in Lisa flashed a smirk at her companion.

“So, tell me more about this closet space…”


	71. Ninety one days

“…and then he spilled his milkshake all over himself!”

Emma snorted at Hannah’s recap of her date the other night before glancing up at clock. 8.37pm. Just 3 minutes since she’d last checked.

“Emma, for god sake, stop looking at that damn clock!” Cathy said as she threw a pillow at Emma, hitting her straight in the face.

Emma caught the offending pillow before it fell to the ground and glared a mock glare at her friend who was sitting on the other side of the couch and raised it to toss it back.

“Hey, no hitting each other with pillows!” Hannah said before Emma could retaliate. “And Cath is right, stop checking the time every other minute, Em. I’m trying to tell you about my date and Bravo won’t get back any faster just because you constantly check the time.”

Emma sighed but she also knew the girls were right. Bravo were leaving for deployment in 2 days and they were currently on their way back from their last spin before they deployed. They were landing any minute now and she knew that aunt Lisa were going to tell the team about OCS when they returned because… well, this was pretty much her last chance unless she wanted to surprise them with her news at the deployment BBQ the next day. For as long as Emma could remember the team and their families had always had a BBQ before Bravo left for – wait for it – deployment and this year was no different, except they would also be saying goodbye to Lisa for a totally different reason.

Emma knew that Clay would figure out that she’d already known about Lisa’s news for over a week now and that he would have questions which were why, since grandma Linda was in town and looking after Mikey, she was having a girl’s night at Clay’s place.

“I know. Sorry. It’s just…”

“It’s just that they are deploying in two days.” Hannah and Cathy said as one which made Emma laugh.

“Ok so maybe I have been obsessing a little…”

“A little?” Hannah asked, one eyebrow almost meeting her hairline. “Try a lot. But it’s ok. If anyone gets it, it’s us. And I guess it’s even more so now that you’re together with Clay, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m used to them going off for a few days and I know we’ve already gone through one deployment of sorts when they were in Mexico but… I don’t know, things were just up in the air that time and now we’re in a different place.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Cathy asked, looking a bit confused.

Emma nodded her head.

“It is and I know we talked about Stella and stuff but Clay is still… not worried but… something, because of the cheating and I don’t know what more I can say, you know? I guess all we can do is stay in contact as much as possible and try and calm his fears once they’re over there.”

Both girls nodded their heads in agreement and then Hannah tilted her head, as if she was trying to figure something out.

“What about you though? I feel like there’s something you’re worried about too?”

Emma fiddled with the pillow in her lap as she tried to figure out how to answer her best friend’s question.

“Em?” Cathy asked, tilting her head the same way Hannah had.

“I just… Mexico was one thing, because while they were away for some time I knew it wouldn’t be months? But now I know they won’t be back until just before Christmas and I will essentially be a single parent for that duration. To a 10 year old. Who turns 11 while dad’s gone?! I’m gonna have to figure out a birthday party for him and presents and…”

“Wow, wow, wow. Slow down!” Cathy said as Hannah placed her hands over Emma’s to stop her hand waving. “You do know you aren’t alone, right? Because our mom’s will be there and they will help out. And I know Mrs. Perry, Mrs. Sawyer and Mrs. Reynolds will do the same. And isn’t your grandma gonna be here for a while too?”

Emma blew out a deep breath and nodded her head slowly.

“Grandma leaves tomorrow but she’ll be back the week of Mikey’s birthday.”

“See?” Hannah said with a smile. “You won’t even have to plan his birthday alone, grandma Linda will probably take charge of that. So can you please, for me, try and take it easy? Because yes, you will essentially be a single parent but you have all the back-up in the world and you know it. Between us, our moms and your aunts? There’s nothing for you to get bent out of sorts for.”

Emma smiled at her friends as she felt the familiar pricking of tears in her eyes. She closed her eyes to keep them away and opened her arms.

“Come on, group hug!”

Hannah and Cathy giggled and then they both threw themselves over their best friend. Emma fell on to her back as they knocked her over and then they all ended up in a pile on the floor, arms wrapped around each other as they laughed.

* * *

As he opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside Clay couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as his eyes met Emma’s as she looked up from the book she was reading while laying down on the couch.

“Hi! You’re home!” she said with a wide grin as she tossed her book on to the table and leapt from the couch into his waiting arms.

Clay grunted lightly as he caught his girl in his arms and then he tugged her as close as he could, his head finding it’s spot on her shoulder, nose buried in her neck while her legs wrapped themselves around his waist.

“God, that spin was just… ugh.” Clay muttered as he moved them back over to the couch and then fell back on it with Emma still wrapped around him. “How am I supposed to go three months without you, huh?”

Emma shrugged as she moved her arms from around his neck down to his back, stroking the firm muscles under his shirt.

“Same way I’m gonna go without you – with as much communication as we can!”

Clay hmmed into her neck before pulling back to press a kiss to her lips. Leaning back, he brushed some air away from her face and then narrowed his eyes at her.

“So, how long have you known?”

For a split second Emma thought about playing dumb but then she sighed and smiled gently at him.

“Since she asked me out to dinner the day you gave me half the closet. She made me promise that I would let her tell you guys.”

Clay nodded his head in understanding, that made sense but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Davis and him had had a good connection since that first mission he had with Bravo, before he joined the team and basically was somewhat of a little shit to her, and she was the one who, even if she hadn’t exactly told him the truth about the professor, had kept him sane on their last deployment.

“How did it go? I hope you guys weren’t mean to her? Because we will kick your asses if you were.” Emma said; ready to call up her aunts and organize a hit if the rest of Bravo had been jerks to her favorite aunt because of her OCS news.

“Us?” Clay asked, confused for a second.

“Aunt Naima, aunt Lauren and aunt Annie. I’m sure we could recruit Cathy and Hannah too.”

“Right… well, we were all a bit shocked but after your dad called her a cake-eater and…” 

Emma pushed herself away from Clay to see him better.

“HE WHAT?!”

“Easy, killer.” Clay said with a snort and pulled her back into his arms. “He followed it up with telling her she was gonna make it and that he wasn’t gonna salute her. It was all good. We did some hugs and I’m pretty sure the BBQ tomorrow will be more of a ‘farewell Davis’ party.”

Emma relaxed again and her smile returned.

“So, everyone was surprised but happy for her?”

“Pretty much.” Clay said with a nod. “Except…”

“Except?”

“Sonny didn’t seem surprised. Like, at all.”

A snort left Emma and this time it was Clay who pushed her back so that he could get a better lock at her.

“Ok, what am I missing?”

“Seriously? You’re surprised that uncle Sonny wasn’t surprised about aunt Lisa’s news? You can’t be that unaware, right? Because that would mean you pay as little attention as dad does.”

“…Still not getting it.”

Emma sighed and shook her head. Why were men so oblivious?

“I’m talking about the fact that they spend more time together than apart. That they are each others In Case of Emergency contact. I’m talking about the fact that they are each other’s most important person.”

“So… She told him ahead of time?”

Emma just stared at her boyfriend, wondering how someone who’s usually so aware of his surroundings and the people he spends his time with have totally missed that her aunt and uncle was totally head over heels. She didn’t know if they’d done anything about it and she wasn’t about to spell it out for her man but still, she was amazed at the oblivion.

“Yes, Bear. Sonny has known for weeks.”

“Huh…” Clay muttered, still feeling like there was more to it but he really didn’t have the energy to pounder his teammate’s relationship.

Leaning back against couch again, Clay pulled Emma back into him and wrapped himself around her again, his head once more finding her shoulder, nose buried in her neck, making her giggle as his breathe ghosted over her skin.

“So, do we think dad will manage to take over the grill tomorrow or will uncle Sonny claim ownership because of his dry rub recipe?”

* * *

Looking around the open area that the Bravo Deployment/Farewell Davis BBQ was taking place at, Emma smiled as she saw almost all of her favorite people in the world in the same space. Aunt Naima, with RJ on her hip, was talking to Mrs. Blackburn while they kept an eye on their kiddos playing tag, aunt Annie and aunt Lauren was chatting on a bench, her brother was throwing a football around with some guys from one of the other teams and aunt Lisa was talking to Eric and Mandy over by the grill.

Having everyone not on the actually team accounted for, Emma turned around to locate her dad, her boyfriend and the rest of her uncle’s. Seeing them all standing around the buffet table she started to make her way over there.

“…when I had to go back and get it, I had two dozen Jihad Johnny’s trying to light me up.”

Emma snorted as she caught the tail end of uncle Sonny’s story and wrapped her arms around Clay from behind. Clay jumped slightly at the sudden gesture but quickly recognized who was behind him so he pulled her around so that she was leaning back against him instead.

Emma smiled up at her boyfriend as his arms settled around her shoulders and then looked at the men standing around the table.

“You aren't gonna be getting shot at on this deployment, right?” she asked, feeling that familiar feeling of dread show up for the first time in connection to this deployment.

“Unfortunately, probably not.” Clay mumbled and then he groaned as Emma shoved her elbow into his stomach. The rest of the team burst out in laughter as their youngest teammate almost doubled over.

“That’s not even a little bit funny, Clay.” Emma said and then shook the one arm he still had wrapped around her shoulders off.

Clay caught his breath and then pulled her back into his arms again, holding her firmly against his front.

“Sorry, Birdie.” he whispered in her ear and then he pressed a soft kiss to her hair.

Jason shook his head at his rookie and then looked at his daughter with a softness he rarely showed anyone besides his kids.

“Listen to me, Em. Everything's gonna be fine, ok? All we're gonna be doing is training some Filipino SEALs. Your boyfriend is just a little bit trigger happy right now.” he said, knowing that Clay was still a bit unhappy about their latest spin and not getting to take the shot.

Ray nodded his head on the other side of the couple.

“Yeah. Don't worry about it, sweetheart.” He said as he held out a plate to her, which she accepted. “The Philippines is not Afghanistan, not even a little bit.” he continued with a wink.

Emma let out a sigh of relief at their calming words, even though her boyfriend had done his best to rile her up.

“Dirt, dirt, Gucci.” she said with a smile. “You've been in the dirt twice, now you get Gucci.”

“And it’s about damn time!” Sonny cut in as he finished slicing the meat. “And now, it’s about damn time we all eat!”

The team all nodded their heads and Jason whistled loud enough to get everyone in attendance attention. As all heads turned towards the Master Chief he gestured towards the tables filled with food.

“Food is now ready so everyone who wants to eat better hurry up or you just might get left without.”

Before Jason even had finished people started to line up so Emma hurried to assemble her plate and then made her way over to the picnic tables. Clay wasn’t far behind her and soon the table was filled as Jason, Ray, Naima and RJ joined them, while Mikey and Jameelah decided they would rather eat with the twins and their parents.

“So,” Naima said as they had all finished off their plates and RJ had been put down in his stroller for a nap. “how are you boys gonna survive without Lisa Davis?”

Emma snorted into her red cup and promptly got shoved in the side by Clay.

“What? You can’t say she’s wrong? Without aunt Lisa you guys would’ve been up the creek without a paddle multiple times, and that’s just from stories I’ve heard you guys tell.”

“Ok, hey now little missy, we can all take care of ourselves, ok? Davis is good but she’s not irreplaceable.” Jason said, staring his daughter down.

“Oh, really? So how about that time when you guys were lost in that snowstorm?” she asked, raising one eyebrow in both question and challenge.

“We do not talk about that.” Jason said and then he got to his feet’s. “I need another beer. Ray?”

“Right behind you, brother.” the 2IC said and got up from his seat, following Jason towards the coolers.

Naima shook her head as they left in a hurry.

“Men, so predictable.” she said with a wink at her niece.

Emma giggled and Clay just rolled his eyes as he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend again.

“Ok, stop with all the cute, ok?” Naima said as Clay brushed a kiss to Emma’s hair. “I do not need any more cavities.”

“Sorry, Naima, I’m just trying to get in as many touches as possible before we leave.” Clay answered with a smile at the older woman.

“Yeah, how are you two feeling about that?” she asked looking from one to the other. “You guys have everything sorted?”

They looked at each other for a moment and then nodded in unison.

“We have. And after what happened before and during the Mexico op I feel like we have at least some reference and this time, even though it will be longer, will be a million times better.”

Naima nodded at the younger woman’s explanation.

“And you do know that if you ever need anything…”

“You and the rest of the girls are just one phone call away, I know.” Emma finished and blew a kiss to her aunt.

“Good. Now, I’m gonna see if Jam have finished her food, talk to you two later.” Naima said, got up from the table and walked away with the stroller.

Emma let out a sigh and let her head down to rest on Clay’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe you guys leave in the morning.”

Clay rested his head on top of hers and closed his eyes for a moment before answering.

“I know. And three months? Feels like forever.”

They sat in silence for quite some time and only separated and got up as Blackburn walked over to them and stepped up on the table.

“All right. Everybody, settle in. Listen up. Today, we say our goodbyes…”

* * *

People were staring to say their goodbyes, wanting to get those finale precious moments with their loved ones at home, and Clay could see that Emma was torn between wanting to go back to the apartment with him and going back to her own house with her dad and brother. Knowing that she’d spent last night with him and hadn’t really spent any significant time with her dad in over a week, Clay decided to help her with her decision.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the air strip, ok?” he said as he kissed her softly.

Emma looked hesitantly at him as they pulled away.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to go with you?” she asked, pressing the palm of her hand against his cheek, her thumb brushing gently back and forth.

“Yes, Birdie. You need to see your dad more than you need to spend time with me before we disappear for a few months so please, go home with him and your brother. As long as you promise to actually step out of the car tomorrow so that I can kiss you goodbye, I’m more than sure that you should go home.”

Emma locked her eyes on his, almost as if she was trying to solve a riddle, before she nodded her head in agreement.

“Ok, I’ll go back home with dad and Mikey. And I swear I will step out of the car in the morning. No repeats of Mexico, I swear.”

“Good.” Clay said and then he buried his hands in her hair and pulled their mouth back together. The kiss had a slightly desperate edge to it but they both knew that this wasn’t their finale moment, so they gentled their actions and then slowly stepped away so that they were only connected by their foreheads as they breathed each other in.

“Em?”

Jason’s voice broke their moment and Emma took a step back and looked over her shoulder.

“You coming back home or are you going with Clay?” Jason asked when he had her attention.

“I’m coming with you, just give me a second, ok?”

Jason nodded and opened the door to his truck while Emma turned back to her boyfriend.

“Ok, so I gotta go because you know as well as I do that he’s got little to no patience.”

Clay chuckled and nodded.

“Go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes you will.” Emma said and stepped up on her toes to give him a soft peck on his lips. Not wanting to drag it out anymore she simply squeezed his hand one more time and then rushed off towards the black truck and climbed in next to her dad.

Jason looked over at her as she shut the door but he didn’t say anything as he pulled away from the parking lot and Emma sighed as she watched Clay watch them drive away.

When she could no longer see her boyfriend, Emma turned her head towards the backseat, only to find it empty.

“Wait, where’s Mikey?”

“Your brother is getting ice cream with Ray and Jameelah, he’ll be home in an hour or so.” Jason answered as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music.

Emma watched her father for a moment and then she turned her attention back to the world passing by outside the window.

“So,” Jason suddenly said, making her turn her back around to face him. “we have a few things to go over.”

“Ok… like what?”

“Like how you are gonna have to stay on top of Mikey’s schedule. His cast gets removed on Friday and that means he’ll be returning to hockey full out. That means practice 3 times a week and games on the weekend.”

“Dad, I know. I have hockey under control and I know both of our school schedules like I know the back of my hand.”

“Well, how about the sprinklers then?”

Emma rolled her eyes.

“Sprinklers fall under Mikey’s watch.”

Jason opened his mouth to say something else but Emma held her hand up, stopping him.

“Dad, Mikey and I are gonna be parentless for three months - are you seriously worried about the lawn?”

“I’m worried about a lot of things.” he answered with a sigh. He hated that they found themselves in this position and that Emma was having to act way older than she actually was, to act like a parent to her brother, but with the way things were, that was simply the way it was gonna be.

“I know. And as nice as it is to hear you say it? We handled Mexico. Mikey and I will be okay while you're in the Philippines. As long as you come home safe, we we’ll be just fine.”

Jason nodded his head and slowed the car down as he pulled in to their driveway. He turned the truck off and then shifted in his seat to face his daughter.

“We're gonna make up for lost time when I'm back, I promise.”

“Well, you’ll be back like the week before Christmas so you better!” Emma said with a wide grin than then softened into a smile.

“Come on. Let’s go inside and get the living room ready for move night when Mikey gets back. Just like we used to do the night before you deployed.”

Jason looked at his daughter for a moment and then nodded his head. He was going to enjoy his last night with his kids and not think about what was happening in just over 18 hours.

* * *

18 hours, 32 minutes and 17 seconds later, Emma stood with her back against her dad’s truck with Mikey on one side and aunt Lisa on the other as they watched the tail end of the C17 close with Bravo onboard.

Tears that she had managed to keep back as she hugged her dad and then exchanged 91 kisses with Clay (one for each day they would be gone), were slowly escaping down her face as the plane closed and then started to move towards the runway for takeoff.

“Hey, everything will be just fine, ok? They’ll be back before you know it.” Lisa said and wrapped an arm the younger girl’s shoulders. “And hey, they’re staying in a fancy hotel so they’ll have WiFi and be able to both call and FaceTime. You might not even have time to miss them.”

Emma chuckled weakly at her aunt’s attempt to cheer her up but she felt like a part of her heart were leaving her on the plane that was about to take flight and she was pretty sure she would feel like a part of her was missing until Clay, and the rest of Bravo, returned back to this very same air strip in 3 months time.

Her only wish for Christmas this year was going to be that she would get to celebrate it with those she loved and that they were returned to her in the same condition as they just left her.

Blowing out a deep and shaky breath, Emma wiped her eyes as the C17 left the ground and headed for the clouds.

“91 days.” she said out loud and then looked around at the other people that made up Bravo’s loved ones. 91 days until their dads, husbands and boyfriends returned. 91 days until they could finally breathe easy again. 91 days.


	72. I need you to listen to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this has been a long time coming... I have no excuses for this taking so long, I just got stuck and didn't know how to get to the ending I had planned. Thankfully though I had a break through a few days ago and it all came to me, exactly how the last two chapters would come together. 
> 
> So, without further ado, here's chapter 72.   
(The next on will be the last one!)

Clay chuckled as he looked after Sonny as he left the bar to answer his phone. AirBnB tenant? Really? Who exactly did he think he was trying to fool? Almost two weeks into deployment, Clay had long since figured out that Sonny’s many and frequent calls? All came from a number with area code 401.

With a shake of his head, Clay poured himself another beer and turned his attention back to the group of men they were there to train and, for the moment, was having a drink with.

“You talk to Emma recently?”

Clay turned his head to the right and found that Jason had rejoined them, now leaning against the backrest of the couch their new friends was sitting on.

“Yeah, we texted early this morning. Or late last night her time. I gotta tell you, Jace, it wasn’t like this last time.”

“Like what?” the older man asked with a frown.

“Deployment. Mexico was one thing and it sucked, but last year in J-bad? I could always keep the job front and center, I never had thoughts of home showing up unless I was talking to Stella.”

“And you have now?”

Clay sighed and took a big gulp out of his glass.

“I spend more time thinking about calling or texting Em then I do focusing on what we’re here to do.”

Jason smiled at his rookie’s words before he frowned again.

“As her dad? I’m happy to hear that. I want the man in her life to put her first. As you boss though?” Jason paused for effect. “I need your head in the game. I know we’re not exactly getting busy down here but we are here to do a job and we are going to do it to the best of our abilities – no matter what the upper brass thinks.”

“Yeah, but that's it, man… this isn't just a job, this is a...it's a life. And now with Emma…”

“Ok, stop. I’m gonna tell you what she told me after Alana died, ok?” Jason said and then waited until Clay nodded his head before he continued. “This life? The military life with all of its worrying, the uncertainty and the not knowing? It’s been Emma’s whole life. I told her that I never wanted this for her, that I wanted her to find a guy who wasn’t in the service, and she straight up told me that this life is all she has ever known and if anything? She’s better equipped to handle being with a team guy then most people.”

The words hung between them for a moment, and Jason watched as Clay took them in. This probably was a conversation they should’ve had way before now but better now than never, right?

“I guess I’ve never looked at it that way.” Clay mumbled and then he took another mouth full of beer.

“I hadn’t either but she told it like it is and that is also why I was able to continue on Bravo, because I knew Emma would be able to handle it.” Jason watched once again as Clay took his words in and then he smiled at the younger man.

“Why don’t you give her a call? I’m pretty sure she’s up by now.”

Jason hadn’t even finished his sentence before Clay had reached for his phone and stood from the table to find a quieter area in the bar, his phone already at his ear.

* * *

Having grown up with Jason Hayes as a father, Emma knew that deployment hits differently than most people though. Most people thought that the first few days were the worst and then it got easier. They couldn’t be more wrong. The first few days usually weren’t _that_ bad because her dad, and now also her boyfriend, would be gone on a spin for a few days/a week on the regular. No, the first few days of deployment might actually be the easiest because even though you _know_ that they’re gonna be away for a few months, your brain is still in “they’re on a spin” mode.

No, the worst was about two, three weeks in. That was when realization that Bravo was deployed, as in not in a spin and could return home at any moment, sat in. As week one turned into week two, Emma was starting to feel less like she was living and more like she was simply surviving.

Between her own school, choir and friends she also had to make sure Mikey did his homework, got to and from hockey and anything else that came along. Oh, and that wasn’t even taking into account keeping the house somewhat clean, making sure they had food on the table and clean clothes to wear. Emma was starting to understand why her mom had been a stay-at-home mom for so long.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Emma turned off her alarm before it had the chance to ring and then made herself get out of bed and into the shower so that she could start to get ready for another day.

After showering, getting dressed, brushing out her hair and putting on mascara, Emma glanced at her mirror before she simply shrugged and left her room. She crossed the upstairs landing and gently knocked on her brother’s bedroom door.

“Mikey? Time to get up buddy.”

She waited for a moment and then knocked again before she opened the door only to find that Mikey hadn’t even registered her knocks.

“Mikey?” she called out again, smiling when she saw the younger boy twist around on his bed as her voice had broken through his sleep. “Time to get up.”

Mikey waved his hand in acknowledgment and Emma shook her head. Her brother reminded her so much of her dad.

“Breakfast in 20 minutes, bud. Chop, chop.” she said and then she closed the door again and headed down to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. And coffee. She needed coffee.

As she watched the coffee pot slowly get filled with black gold, her mind drifted back to the people missing in her life at the moment. The good thing about this deployment was that Bravo was in a nice hotel and had been able to stay in contact pretty much daily. The bad thing? The Philippines was 12 hours ahead which meant they had trouble actually catching one another.

A low buzzing pulled Emma back out of her head again and as she looked around the kitchen, trying to find the source of the sound, she realized that she somehow had put her phone on silence and it was now moving itself around on the kitchen table.

As she grabbed the buzzing object from the table a smile spread across her face at the sight of Clay’s smiling face on the screen.

“Hello?” she said as she pressed the phone to her ear after accepting the call.

“Morning, Birdie.”

“Clay!”

“Good morning, beautiful. What are you…”

A loud explosion cut off his words, followed by screams and then, all she could hear was silence.

* * *

Jason groaned as he pushed his upper body up from the floor. His ears were ringing, people were screaming and everything was covered in dust. He instantly knew that a bomb had exploded on him and his team. His team!

“Clay?!” He asked loudly, knowing that his youngest team member – and his daughter’s boyfriend at that – had been the one closest to him. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good” Clay answered from just a few feet away. “You good, Jace?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

They both got to their feet and looked around the room, taking in the damaged and the people they would not be able to help.

“Mandy? Trent? Brock? You good?” Jason asked, seeing the three of them in one corner.

They all confirmed that they were indeed good and Jason’s eyes then swept the room, looking for his 2IC.

“Ray?” he shouted, not immediately locking eyes on his best friend.

“Over here.” Ray answered as he helped a woman sit up and then he moved over to join the rest of the team.

Trent, being the one with the most medical training, started to dish out orders and Mandy was instantly on her phone, making all the calls that needed to be done.

“Sonny? Where’s Sonny?” Clay asked as the team prepared to split up to take care of the wounded people around them.

“Right here.” The Texan joined them and they all blew out a breath neither had realized they were holding. “It’s mayhem out there.”

Looking over his team Jason blew out a deep breath. Time to be the team leader.

“Trent, you’re in charge in here. Get this place under control,” he said and then he pointed at Clay and Sonny. “You two, with me.”

Without any further instructions Trent, Brock and Ray got to work while Clay and Sonny followed their boss out into the street.

“Wow, this is a warzone.” Clay said as the three of them looked at each other and then they too got to work.

Clay helped a young woman with a large gash in her leg in to the bar where Ray took over, Jason helped an older man with what looked like a broken arm while Sonny made sure the young couple he’d found under what used to be a stand was ok.

As Clay returned to the street the shouting of a young boy had him rushing down the street.

“Sinto! Sinto!”

Bending down next to the boy Clay scanned him for any obvious injuries.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked and the boy nodded but continued to shout.

“Sinto!”

“Sinto? Is that the bear?” Clay asked and gestured to the teddy bear the boy was holding, but as he continued to scan the street and shout out the name, Clay realized it was probably his brother.

Moving along the chaos on the street, Clay joined the boy in his shouting for Sinto. As he passed by an abandoned truck the sound of sobbing stopped him in his tracks.

As he pulled the door opened a young boy appeared lying down on the bench seat.

“Sinto?” he asked, pretty sure this was who the other boy had been shouting after.

“Yes.” A small voice answered and a face covered with tears greeted him when the boy looked up.

“Come on, come with me.” Clay said and held his arms out for the boy who went to him without another word. 

He quickly pulled the boy out of the car and into his arms and then he rushed over to the older brother who still stood in the middle of the street with the teddy bear hanging from one of his hands. As Clay reached him he grabbed the boy’s free hand and pulled him with them as the three of them headed in the direction of the bar.

As they approached the building they were met by Bravo 1 and 3 and Clay promptly handed the boys over to Sonny.

“My friend Sonny’s gonna take you guys inside, ok?” he told them as he handed Sinto over to the Texan and gently nudged the older brother in the same direction.

Before anyone could say anything else Sonny was moving the boys indoors and Clay turned around to head back they way he had come.

“Clay, hey, hang on a second.”

Jason’s words made the blonde pause and turn his head towards his boss.

“I know you want to help everyone. Save everyone. But please keep in mind that we have no intel here. We don’t know who’s behind this, why and how. So just… don’t do anything stupid.”

Jason scanned the other man’s face to see if his words had registered and the quick nod he got in return wasn’t what he’d wanted but at least Clay had acknowledged what he had said.

As Clay once again sat off down the street, Jason let out a deep sigh. He could see by the way Clay was moving that he was a man on a mission and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why that had him on edge. There was something in his gut that didn’t like this situation and the sooner they could all return to…

The sound of a ringing phone stopped any and all thoughts that were running through the team leader’s head and then, as if he was watching it happen in slow motion, from one second to the next Jason watched as Clay located the sound and then was thrown up into the air as a second bomb blew up.

“CLAY!!!”

* * *

Emma didn’t know what to do. After her call with Clay had died she’d tried to call him back multiple times but he never answered. Then she had tried her dad, again multiple times, only to be met by the same non-answer. She had then tried the rest of Bravo but neither one had answered and at that point she was as close to a breakdown as she had been since her mom’s death.

When she heard Mikey make his way down the stairs, Emma took a deep breath to steady herself and then plastered a small smile on her face. It probably looked as fake as it was, but she didn’t want to worry her little brother in case there was nothing to worry about.

“Morning, Bug. Mrs. Porter is picking you up in 15 so you are gonna have to eat in a hurry.” she said as Mikey grabbed his bowl of cornflakes from the island.

Mikey nodded his head and sat down at the table without so much as a look to his sister and for once, Emma didn’t mind.

With Mikey occupied with his food, Emma made her way down the hall to the bathroom, only to duck into her dad’s room and then outside to the backyard. If she stayed over on the patio by the grill she couldn’t be seen from the kitchen windows.

As she pulled out her phone from her back pocket she bit her lip as she ran through her options in her mind. Should she call aunt Lisa? No, she was in Rhode Island and wouldn’t know anything. Mandy? Aunt Naima? Uncle Eric?

Making her decision, Emma pulled up the right contact, pressed call and lifted the phone to her ear.

“Emma? Is everything ok?”

A sob left her as Naima’s voice rang out over the line and once more she wished so bad that her mother was here right now so that she wasn’t alone in her worry.

“Emma? Sweetheart? You’re making me worry here. What’s going on?”

“I was on the phone with Clay and then something, it sounded like a bomb, went off and now I can’t get anyone on Bravo on the phone and I don’t know what to do.”

The words left her in one long breath and when she was done she crouched down on the ground in an attempt not to fall down because her legs were shaking.

“You’ve tried all of them?” Naima asked, sounding calm and collected but there was an edge to her voice that Emma had never heard before.

She nodded her head for a moment before she realized that her aunt couldn’t actually see her.

“Yeah. Some went to voicemail, others just rang out.”

The line was silent for a moment and then Naima took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“Ok, Em. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to take Mikey to school as usual…”

“He’s getting a ride with the Porter’s because my classes start late today.” Emma broke in.

“Well good. Make sure he gets off to school with them then and after that I want you to try and stay calm until I get to you, ok? I’m gonna drop the kids off at daycare and make a few calls and then I’ll be right over, ok? Can you do that?”

“Yeah…” Emma said in a small voice, her worry growing by the minute.

“Good. And please, try not to make yourself sick with worry because nothing good will come of it. I know you have all the worst case scenarios running around in your head but Em? Deep breaths and calm thoughts. I’ll be there soon.”

“Ok, aunt Naima, see you soon.”

The two hung up and Emma then took a few moments to get herself together before she returned inside and promptly made sure Mikey had everything with him as the Porter’s car pulled up outside.

With Mikey gone the silent house felt like her own personal prison and that made Emma’s thoughts run even crazier than they already were. Were Clay hurt? What about her dad? Why didn’t anyone answer their phones? What if they all…

Before that thought could take hold the doorbell chimed and Emma was on her feet and opening the door before it could ring a second time. A breath she hadn’t known she was holding left her as it was Naima standing on the other side and not someone from the navy.

Naima, seeing the look on her nieces face, opened her arms for a hug and Emma almost fell into them.

“Hey, sweet girl, it’s ok. You are not alone.” the older woman whispered into Emma’s hair as they rocked gently from side to side.

After letting out shuddering breath Emma pulled back and wiped at her eyes to get rid of the wetness that had escaped.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” Naima said and Emma nodded and stepped back to let her aunt inside.

As she closed the door behind them, Emma’s phone started ringing in her back pocket and as she quickly pulled it out her hand started to shake as her dad’s face appeared on the caller id.

“Dad?” she asked in a small voice, tears threatening to fall.

“Yeah, Emmi star, it’s me.” Jason answered and Emma almost whimpered as his voice reached her ears. Maybe nothing was wrong?

“What happened, daddy? Is everyone ok?”

There was a moment of silence before Jason cleared his voice.

“There was a bomb… and then a second one.” he said slowly and then he paused.

“Dad… is everyone ok?” Emma asked, desperate for confirmation that everyone she loved was safe and sound.

“Em…”

“Just say it!” she screeched, as Naima pulled her down next to her on the couch and wrapped her arms around her. 

“Clay was hurt by the second blast. He’s in critical condition.”

“Oh god…” tears were now running in steady streams down her face and her voice quivered. “How bad is it?”

“He’s got traumatic injuries to both legs and he suffered severe blood loss.”

A big sob left Emma at that and for a second she felt as if she was watching her life from the outside. She couldn’t handle losing another loved one. She couldn’t do it again. She wasn’t sure she would survive another funeral…

“Em? Emma? Are you listening to me?”

Her dad’s voice pulled her back to the present and after another shuddering breath she turned back to the phone call.

“Yeah, I’m here. Is he… is he gonna die?”

It was Jason’s turn to let out a shuddering breath.

“Listen to me baby. Clay is strong, ok? And he’s getting the best help possible. But I need you to listen to me now, ok?”

“Ok…”

“Clay’s condition was too complex to treat here in the Philippines so they’ve airlifted him out and he’s on his way back to the States. Blackburn and Mandy have made a few calls and someone will be at the house tonight to take you to him and you will be allowed to stay with him.”

“Where are they taking him?” Emma asked as she used the arm of her sweater to wipe away the tears that continued to run down her cheeks.

“Bethesda. It’s just over three hours away, which is why someone will drive you. I don’t want you driving all that way on your own. And grandma Linda will be at the house later today to take care of your brother.”

A small chuckle left her as she listened as her dad told her the plan.

“What? What’s funny right now, Em?” Jason asked confused as to what had his daughter chuckling.

“You having a plan already put together. Is there anything left for me to figure out or am I just supposed to spend my day here waiting and worrying?”

“No, you are going to school to talk to your teachers and your guidance councilor. I’m gonna call them in a little bit to explain why you need some time off but you need to go down there and figure out how to keep up with your classes while you’re in Maryland.”

“Ok, dad. And thank you.”

“For what, Emmi star?

“For being the one to tell me. For having a plan in place. For being my dad.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. And Emma?”

“Yeah, dad?”

“Take care of our boy and make sure he knows we’ll find the one who did this.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The making up for lost time part of the evening](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923056) by [LaserFocus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaserFocus/pseuds/LaserFocus)


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